• Member Since 4th May, 2013
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On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


With proper care, thought, and some attention given to what the recipient might actually want, just about anypony could purchase a well-planned Hearts & Hooves Day gift. But to make it work when you're down to the last few hours, after having indulged in none of the previous requirements to the point where ignorance has become its very own art...

...well, to find the perfect gift under those circumstances would take a very special pony indeed.

And if Rainbow's anything, she's special.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 26 )

Somehow I *knew* it was going to be Spitfire. But the bothers getting involved and the results were priceless and unexpected.

Something which probably centered around her rookie huffily insisting to the police that the position/maneuver she'd spontaneously invented during the act would have totally worked if the other pony hadn't been so inconsiderate as to just go and die.

Hey, that stallion survived the ball lightning just fine.

Brilliant bit of Dash at her most Dashing, for good and for ill. Thank you for it. (And I can only imagine how Rarity will react to the news of Rainbow having a special somepony. That'll be an interrogation for the record books...)

Classic Rainbow dash. Anything for her career. :rainbowlaugh:

Nice twist at the end with Flim and Flam.

And if there was anything Rainbow truly knew about herself, it was that she was very special indeed.

Is that "special" like in "Special Ed"?


Added to

The Triptych Continuum Rebooted
Unassigned Folder

Pretty sure that was the joke, yes.

Damned inconsiderate of him, surviving like that. Even worse, his insistence on telling HIS version of the truth. How rude is that?

Ask Twilight "Can you sue police reports for libel?".


Love this interpretation of Flim/Flam. They're usually depicted as slick con-men with more than a hint of the white collar criminal. Here though, they're grimy neer-do-wells, desperately flogging tat that 'fell off the back of a van'. More Del Boy than Deleware.

When IS
Hearts and Hooves Day?

Concensus is Hearts & Hooves Day = Valentines Day
Fair enough. Per the show, this seems to be sometime after Winter Wrap Up. There were picnics. Spring?

The Summer Sun Celebration is "the shortest night of the year. IRL, this is June 21, the first day of summer. In the song "Winter Wrap Up", it is specified that Winter lasts 90 days. (91 with artistic license?) This puts Winter Wrap Up a bit after March 21 (IRL, the first day of spring.)

Thus, if you assume it's in spring, IMO Hearts and Hooves Day is around Easter to Mother's Day.


Oh Rainbow.
Really love the progression from:

gotta make an impression, have to get this right, everypony says so

-oh? Rainbow actually found someone?

she's lonely. Everypony says so. That she doesn't have anypony, and this day..." She nearly looked away. "...when you don't have anypony, it can kind of hurt

- ah, less personal interest and more compassion, does fit with Rainbows brand of compassion

Then to:

"So you'll give me the formation lead at the next show?"

*groan* - of course, as Spitfire notes herself, this is so very very Rainbow, it also makes re-reading so much funnier

To Finally:

But she did like getting gifts. And there were rumors that she was lonely, which just showed how good she was at planting them.

- Alright Spitfire, gonna give you hats off for creating a way for both getting nice gifts and having a sort of formal way for ponies to brownnose

Hey, I sympathize with Dash… we know that Zap Apples are a thing (and they shocked Sweetie Belle), why shouldn’t there be storm flowers somewhere?

And who knew that they wouldn’t just explode in her saddlebag if they were dangerous? It’s not her fault that Zebra brews follow the Rule of Funny…

Fun stuff!

Depends on the measure of the seasons, and which Equestria follows. Even only looking at places that use the typical four seasons, you've got several options.
- Astronomical seasons refer to what you've said, with seasons beginning or ending on the solstices and equinoxes.
- Meteorological seasons, which are the seasons I'm most familiar with, start three weeks earlier than Astronomical seasons; always on the first of the month.
- Solar seasons, which start one month earlier than meteorological seasons and have the solstices and equinoxes very neat the middle of the season.

My vote goes to Equestria using solar seasons. The nation is usually represented as very solar themed for obvious reasons, and it allows for Hearts & Hooves Day to be in February and spring without contradiction, because spring would have begun on Feb 1st.
And there is nothing in the Summer Sun Celebration that says it must be the start of summer instead of the middle.

i just can't help but think of that "best gift ever" scene:

True, Summer Sun Celebration could be the middle not the start.

However, the S9 episode, The Point of No Return states that all months are 28 days. 13x28 = 364, so the Equestrian year is a little shorter than an Earth year.

It is cannon there is summer, winter, and fall (episode titles). So mid summer for the celebration, that puts the start in early May. This works to put Valentines Day early spring.

This puts the start of winter early November,

However, it means autumn starts early August. IMO it's implausible.


Literally unreadable, I agree.

That was a good story.

She probably reserves that meaning of special for somepony else.....

They started out as slick con men, but as they've gotten deeper and deeper into legal trouble, their efforts have increasingly gained an air of desperation.

In the end the one to blame? Spitfire. If she hadn't spread rumors then none of this would have happened.

Azure asters perhaps?

My GOD I luv me some "Estee-style" Rainbow Dash!

And I don't know how long the brothers had their...ahem..."shop" set up, but I'm guessing Rainbow was the only one that bought those flowers since they cut and ran as soon as she did!

(sigh) Rainbow, you know we love you, sweetie...but you're as dumb as a stick...

Yeah! What's more personal than a toy?


something which was being generated by a mare who'd just been forced to reconsider her previously-harmless gift policy.

Bearers causing positive social change everywhere they go! :rainbowlaugh:

Oooho, Zebra magic could replace weather magic in a pinch. Hmmmmmmmm... Good for Applejack's plans?



portmortem > postmortem

I’ve wondered whether or not Triptych Rainbow Dash could actually make it with the Wonderbolts, considering her need to work on instinct alone to pull off her tricks. You need to work off of memory to pull off a stunt routine, after all, and Spitfire of all ponies isn’t going to cut you any slack for making crazy shit up in the middle of a show because you completely forgot how the routine was supposed to go.

"Plus having a gift sent portmortem clearly"
"Plus having a gift sent postmortem clearly"?

"And a really surprisingly amount"
"And a really surprising amount"?

"obscured helpful information like expatriation dates"
"obscured helpful information like expiration dates"?

Thanks for writing. :D

Ok, I do want to see the timeline where rainbow gifted spitfire a used sex toy, though

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