• Member Since 4th May, 2013
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On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


Twilight hasn't been living in the tree for very long. She's still trying to figure out how to be both a good friend and a decent librarian. So if there's something going on where the local pegasi have to stay in the air as much as possible and Rainbow just needs her to bring a book up to the balcony, where everypony can see Twilight turn it over... that's really not so much to ask, is it?

A minor act done for one mare is a friendly favor.
Two is a trend.
When you reach the third, herd mentality is already out of the starting gate and galloping.
Four through fifty inclusive is 'Welcome to Ponyville'.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 33 )

The newest hovering pegasus mare took a long, rather careful look at Twilight's tiny, half-crooked smile. Then she read the hanging sign again. Pay Late Fees Here The unicorn held the smile, and waited for the mare to flee. "I only have smidgens," the mare announced. "But payment in hundredth-bits still counts, right? Can you open my saddlebags for me? Just keep them coming out until you've got enough."

Dang, that's savvy for Twi. Good effort

"FINE!" Twilight announced as she stood within the newest gap, horn shimmering and shining and placing so many of her features within near-blinding white. "It's just too INCONVENIENT to come inside? Then let's make this official! Who cares about regulations? Nopony here! So inside no longer exists! The library is coming OUT!"

If Twilight had to work fast-food she'd kill everyone

It would ultimately take years to work all of the math: time, hundreds of theory-bearing pages filled with extremely small corona writing, and multiple bale-tons of debris.

I'm kind of curious to see the end results of that study. I'm sure actuaries across Menajeria feel the same way.

Her central acquaintance with the slightly-alien nature of pegasus biology was in presuming they had some and, since they weren't dead, it was functioning properly. (Later in the day, this would start to feel like something of a pity.)

Later in her life, she would start to feel something like resentment. Also inventing a religion just so she could send the complaints and suggested improvements to someone who could actually do something about them.

The absence of a very small dragon made a fairly large tree feel that much emptier, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe that needed to be a scroll.

It's equal parts heartwarming and heartbreaking to watch Twilight relearn how to be a person and not just something that consumes books and produces spells.

"You'll hear when I'm finished," the baker promised. "You'll hear everything!"

Well. That's deeply concerning.

A foal's plaything, and it still suggested that wider implications were available -- but with magic around, nopony was really looking into any of them.

More's the pity. Though that's just ponies. Other species may have more interest in applying those implications.

Her victims had very little reason to compare notes, and so each thought the tendency for a fully-imaginary word to flash into their minds was theirs alone. None of them knew what the nonsense term actually meant, and all had decided that the brain's perfectly understandable query of Why Is Murder Considered To Be Bad? had somehow been rendered in shorthoof as 'Karen'.

Inspiration particles are curious things, aren't they? And that goes for the archetype that Twilight managed to stumble into with a large number 7 and a diet Coca-Coleridge.

Fascinating idea with the gossamer wings going to the target's head. One does not simple apply magic to a working brain. Or Brindle's.

#2 on the Dressaging Down Twilight Sparkle menu

Which is like dressing down, but with fancier steps. :raritywink:

Dash's utter lack of self-awareness at both her best and her worst in that last scene is truly something behold. As is the whole debacle. Hilarious stuff from start to finish. And yeah, do not taunt Happy Fun Librarian. It never ends well. (Though comparing the floorboards to the Spackle Incident... Well, it's definitely progress of some kind.)

You also had to become very good at tracking a fast-fleeing object, but Twilight was working on that.

Depth perception really is an incredible thing. Not only do our brains invert the incoming image produced by our silly, curved lenses, they cross-reference the parallax and focal distance and whatnot to give us an intuitive impression of how far away things are. It's even more incredible when you realize that unicorns have that same system built into their horns, plus a *third dimension* of tracking layered on top of the horn-brain-eye linkage that lets them propel tiny, dense objects at ne'er-do-wells.

"Argle bargle fargle?" said the can.

somehow this reminded me of a Diskworld story where Vimes was trying to use a recently-installed "speaking tube" system...
"are you SURE you got it separated from the message tube system?"

.....if Rainbow had been involved in any part of the solution, there was probably going to be a lot of cleanup. But when it came to the town's distribution of sheer dumb, she was a force .

"Only 2 things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity and I'm not completely sure about the universe."
Albert Einstein :twilightoops:

Ripping off everything and throwing it outside, INCLUDING all the floorboards is such a power move. I would respect any librarian who could do that. Frankly, one of the best "Twilight loose it" moment on this site. That cemented Twilight as Ponyville strongest Unicorn in town for sure. She is scary when she get angry.

And I an curious on how the future newly transformed Alicorn will handle 'the floor is lava' season. 🤔

I was expecting someone to ask about 'Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying' at some point.

had somehow been rendered in shorthoof as 'Karen'.


And the townsfolk call Dulcinea stupid......she ain't got nothing on Rainbow Bash. If the latter ever wises up to the fact that she has to meet the world half-way if she doesn't want to be called a thoughtless dingdong, the former will have nothing to be sardonic about.

"But I want a sample."

"...sorry?" drifted up on a slow-rising tide of exhaustion.

"A sample," the mare said. "Try before I buy. Read me some of it, so I don't have to turn around again."

Eventually, Twilight stumbled back. Reading commenced.

"You're not doing the voices," the mare observed. "It's better with voices."

Never have I laughed so hard and wanted to punch somepony in the face with EVERYTHING I'VE GOT at the same time...

That was ONLY after asking about Rarnaby Budge by Dickkens with two 'k's', the well-known Dutch author.

People (ponies) do love the novelty of something new, especially if there is a line to try it. In hindsight in the very far future, Twilight could take some solace from just how much she encouraged reading and library usage. Assuming this was ever something that she wanted to look back on.

In any event, I loved the slow build to the fast food order.



I was expecting someone to ask about 'Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying' at some point.

Remember it has to be the expurgated version!

Brindle... How much did the ramps cost her? And this is only the start-ish of the Continuum... Is her "wealthiest pony in Ponyville" status gonna go down?

Heh, I just read https://www.fimfiction.net/story/488665/karen-in-equestria-for-about-ten-minutes


And Wing Spell Science learned!


(She really wasn't sure about just how much of it had been Rainbow's fault.)

Would it have happened even if Rainbow hadn't gotten involved? The Great Rainbow theory of disasters... Hmm.

Might Twilight be the first Ponyville resident to realize how intelligent Rainbow can be? Probably not, since there have been people that knew her longer?

And this probably inspired Twilight to field-wield a hammer or something instead of using the shoes...

In the Librarian's Desk, locked Cubby #2 marked "Duplicate copies of frequently sent letters"

Dear Princess Celestia.
It’s Rainbow’s fault. Details later.
Your faithful student.
Twilight Sparkle.

Several weeks later, Twilight had nearly managed to put the whole episode behind her when she bumped into the fire-red mare in the market. She was carrying a large parcel across her back, and natural curiosity practically dictated Twilight's response. "Oh, is that the Art you were talking about?"

"This?" The mare gave a proud glance backward at her burden before starting to unwrap it. "No, you misunderstood. The pegasus down I picked up was for Art. He's a good friend of mine, and after I made one for him, he had a number of friends request one also. It proved quite profitable, and I can hardly wait for lava season again. What do you think of it, Twilight?"

Twilight looked at the pillow. The pillow looked back, much like she was looking into a mirror. She blamed Rarity for her first thought being how all the fabric painting and colors made pillow-Twilight look as good or better than mirror-Twilight she looked at in her home. Then the implications of the body-sized pillow soaked in---

Brindle felt that nearly everypony was beneath having her put any effort towards making eye contact. She had a rather odd talent for speaking directly to somepony's hooves while maintaining a fully-upturned snout. Her victims had very little reason to compare notes, and so each thought the tendency for a fully-imaginary word to flash into their minds was theirs alone. None of them knew what the nonsense term actually meant, and all had decided that the brain's perfectly understandable query of Why Is Murder Considered To Be Bad? had somehow been rendered in shorthoof as 'Karen'.

Sadly we have all encountered this type.

The difference, Twilight considered, was that on the prior occasion, Rarity had been falling away from her. Increasing distance made it harder to get a good line of corona projection, plus there had been a number of Wonderbolts in the way. In this case, Brindle had been plummeting towards her, into sight. When it came to catching somepony with magic, that was a distinct improvement.

I'd have let her pull an Ikaris

… that or BurgerNinja Missions.

by the time of glimmer, she’s probably got the aim down pat and at least some of the necessary speed to make the kicking spell last a good bit longer, it would probably be “local entertainment”


If Twilight had to work fast-food she'd kill everyone

Only most people. She'd get stopped before she got everyone.

I'm holding off final judgement until we see the results of the wing spell cast on something that doesn't have a magically sensitive resonator resting directly against the surface of its brain.

Would have expected negotiations for the rental of the ramps began with Brindle discussing how much she expected to be paid for making use of the clearly unwanted inventory (it was available, after all) to advertise the business. And ended with the owner mentally putting some of the never-to-materialize rental fee under a "personal entertainment" fund - after all, what were the odds that Brindle could set two very long ramps up, use them, and not get hurt at some point?

I doubt field-wielding a hammer will work out that well. We've seen enough examples of fields moving objects outside of a unicorn's peripheral vision to imply there has to be some kind of prioperceptive feedback. I doubt Twilight would be feeling individual impacts as badly as if she was pounding the nails in with her forehead, but that's an awful lot of hammering and hits over which a cumulative effect can sink in. (While the fact that pony fields seem to pull, lift and cradle but pretty much never strike is probably an artifact of it being after all a children's show, it's possible to justify it in-universe.)

Twilight definitely needs a hug after that adventure... my goodness

I believe you're referring to Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds, Volume 1, minus the ganet. And the robin.


You could be correct... it would be around 25 years since I last heard that sketch and I have probably muddled the two books...... maybe they will have a copy of One Hundred and One Ways to Start a Fight? (I may start one if I remembered that one wrong as well):twilightsheepish:

"Eventually, Twilight would learn that in the aftermath for any Ponyville outbreak of mass stupidity, the first priority was to find out how deeply Rainbow had been involved."

And. Here. We. Go......


Would you mind writing one with Brindle, just after Twilight got the wings...???

This story really made me miss the tree library.



I'm sorry, and I know this is late to the party, I am going to have to speak to note how uncomfortable using the name "Karen" as a perjoritive (even as innoculously as it is used here) makes me (regardless of the character steriotype), given the occasions I've hiterto had the misfortune to hear people using it unironically and the type and the clear predjudices of said people voicing said word.

Because this is how we get [cause slight but persistent annoyance, discomfort, or anxiety] ("niggles"), a word about as inoffensive as possible (as something I find now that I actually have to be aware about using it, how frequently I use it in its correct definition), turned into a racial slur by bigots and now subject to filtering on Steam.

Yes, I'm aware that the idea of someone's name been taken and weaponised is the sort of thing that could be the core concept of an Estee story (if it hasn't already), but if that it is the result, then I might have, at least, achieved something.

Poor Twilight. At least Rainbow got that flank kicking she was asking for.

That was a really good story.

"that in the aftermath for any Ponyville outbreak of mass stupidity"
"that in the aftermath of any Ponyville outbreak of mass stupidity"?

"Like dusting the top of bookcases"
"Like dusting the tops of bookcases"?

Thank you for writing! :D

Dressaging Down Twilight Sparkle

Dressage? Nice pun.

Of course, one of Rainbow's earliest offered lessons was that a friend could also be somepony whom, strictly speaking, you probably wanted to kick a few times.

oh, this made me think of a silly fan-comic:

The little mare suddenly became aware that she was on the verge of potentially making a friend. Also that she didn't want one.

The Sparkle Patented Stumbling-Into-Success, irony and all, strikes once again. From “bonding” with Karens to somehow turning a library into faux-retail is amazing. :rainbowlaugh:

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