• Member Since 19th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

ArDee


24 M | one sharky boi | Discord Server if you wanna chat | Carrd to find me in places | Ask me about commissions!

Comments ( 32 )

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PONID-19

What the literal fuck

10799790
Ooh! Are you giving out hand jobs!? :pinkiehappy:

Oh nice some Miss Mash

I have found a comrade🥲

I would like to state for the record, That this is the first incest story I've read that I actually liked. It only makes sense that it would be Button and Cream. The writing in this story was well done. And the multicolored gamer-tags helped me understand the chats better. I'd actually like to see more about these two :twilightsmile:

10800479

That this is the first incest story I've read that I actually liked.

Thank you! I did my absolute best to write it in a way that was believable and not too over-the-top, and I'm glad it worked. As good as some incest fics I've read in the past have been, they definitely push the envelope on believability.

The writing in this story was well done.

:heart:

And the multicolored gamer-tags helped me understand the chats better.

Yeah, I considered this pretty much essential because otherwise the chat sections just look boring and indistinct. Again, glad this choice worked. :twilightsmile:

wow, I'm not into incest at all but this is pretty good! Very comedic when the two found out each other's true identity.

Well i read it and I didn't stop my self I knew what was going to happen and I keep reading so here we are good job writer to fucking Shay

...I...I like it...but...now I feel dirty. 🤣

I liked the story, but like StormHoof put it, I feel dirty.

Wait, so is she playing in virtual reality or on keyboard?

Comment posted by Pete100 deleted May 5th

10802128
Then, why does it talk about virtual reality?

Wow, that worked out well.

Well, looks like that’s the end.

Just finished reading through, and I thought it was okay. It wasn't amazing, just okay. Admittedly, I have pet peeves about inserting modern technology, such as the internet, into Equestria, and also about using chatroom-style text in prose. I get that this story was built around that, but it took me out of it a bit. I did like the lewd banter itself, even if I didn't like the format it was presented in. The sex scene was good, but I felt that it got started way too quickly and didn't last as long as it should have. You should take this with a grain of salt though, since I normally write my sex scenes very long with a lot of buildup. Altogether, it was enjoyable, but I don't think I liked it enough to ever re-read it.

10802193
Appreciate the feedback! Fancy seeing you in my comments section...

I normally write my sex scenes very long with a lot of buildup

I've actually started reading Apple-Bottom Dreams recently (even though humanized isn't typically my thing) and I've liked the writing style quite a bit from the 6 chapters I've read so far. I've definitely noticed this as a trait of yours already, the coercion and flip-flopping and Applejack's "easing in" to the idea is portrayed quite realistically.

Unfortunately with an upper limit of 20k words for this contest, there's only so much I can do. I didn't want to risk taking things too slowly, running out of room to finish things off without totally shifting around the pacing, and then having to pare things down at the end to scrape below the cap...even though, yes, I ended up being far below it. I'm strong in some areas and weak in others, this much I know quite clearly, but I'm always striving to improve.

Glad you gave it a read and at least seemed to enjoy it if nothing else. I'm flattered, given your obvious aptitude for this sort of thing. :twilightsheepish:

10802146
VR comes up in conversation, but the game the story focuses on is more of a traditional MMORPG.
Though I did just find the reason for your confusion...so lemme just fix that real quick...

This was really great. I liked all the in game interaction beforehand, gives it a fun set up for the story that you don’t see too often. Really liked the bit at the end.
Nice work

10802265
I understand having to deal with time and wordcount limitations, and I understand your decisions to work around that. Believe me, I can sympathize with the fear of writing too much. Personally, I just really like the slow burn when it comes to incest, but I can appreciate shorter stuff like your story as well. If you ever decide to write more incest in the future, I'll gladly give it a go. Also, thanks for the compliments; I'm glad to hear you enjoy my work.

Kudos on the text-chat dialogue, felt real and made me laugh.

"Damn dude, you're really having a bad time today, huh?" singerbelle said, mirth audible in her voice as she only partially withheld her giggling. That humor was cut short as she, too, was squashed flat by the boss the very next moment. " Ugh ! Who the hell balanced this fight?! This is bullshit!" She swore, any trace of laughter swiftly replaced by aggravation.

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