• Member Since 6th Feb, 2015
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Ice Star


🖤 i eat kids 🖤

T
Source

Luna is many things: a goddess, princess, and wife. What happens when she has a secret that threatens to unravel every one of those things? Her secret weighs heavily upon her, but can she bear to tell it, knowing it is the only thing that will set her free?

Sombra is caught up in all that reformation entails. His wife's turmoil isn't lost on him, but he has yet to piece together just what it is that has her waning.


My entry for the Right Back At It Again contest. Also a submission for the Pride and Positivity charity event.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 60 )

Oh, I love this already.

Thank you for your wonderful trans horses. I owe you my life.

10272155
Thank you! I like seeing you around; you leave nice comments. I was wondering if I should hold off on releasing this until I had a chapter to go with this one. Buuuut I love these two far too much and it's been so long since I've written sappy stuff with the goth bfs! With Enemy of Mine being the demanding child that it is and all.

Writing trans guys makes me too dysphoric since I'm also a trans guy so this is my first go with writing them because of that. Hence why I normally stick to trans girls. Sombra is Sombra though, so he's never been a problem.

10272191
Aw, thank you! :twilightsmile: Honestly, you're the one who got me hooked on this ship. You write these two SO well.

And I get that. I'm excited to see where this goes, but take care of yourself, too! Dysphoria is a bitch.

10272480
Hearing that anyone has started to give these two a chance because of me is a huge reason why I started writing at all! Thank you so much! 🖤

Yeah, I’m almost a year on HRT but it still gets super bad when I really dive into trans stuff from the ftm angle, so I’ve had very pride-y trans-centered projects go completely untouched beyond a few notes because looking back into that kind of thing is really rough. I’m very much a dudebro-type offline and I just wanna be chill instead of stir shit like that up.

Yay trans horsies! Shall have to recommend to my FtM husband too :D

10272606
I hope both of y’all like the rest of it!

I'd say no Sex tag is needed. It's for actual sexual situations, I think.

10273978
Alright, though I do usually tag it when things like innuendo and implicit situations do come up. Hopefully the actual content of the story is alright thus far too!

This is really good so far! It's interesting to see a story about a trans character learning about the existence of gender dysphoria, and it's especially rare to see a story about a trans male character. You did a wonderful job getting the reader into Luna's head, and his doctor is a good OC.

10274126
Thank you so much! This fandom is filled with so many trans gals that a dude peddling trans dude words like myself is pretty rare.

Though, I write NB and trans gals too.

I’m glad you like Sound Mind! I wanted him to stand out and be a window towards positive treatment. Not many stories have positive but realistic therapies in their stories!

In all that time when Luna could only offer calls for help, Celestia never asked her why Orion was slain by Scorpio or why Orpheus was longing for his love. Instead, her elder sister asked Luna why the star-creatures were always male.

well ok celestia thanks but not really

Why could she not have that mercy? What was it about the words she mumbled out that made Celestia send her to a physician that only half-paid attention to her? She pleaded over and over with the parade of ponies her sister assigned to ‘treat’ her that she needed no tonics to get her humors balanced and that she did not hate her body so drastically that she was convinced she was the size of a whale or some other malady.

ok so "thanks but not really" was almost a joke before, it definitely isn't now
like at first it could be kinda excused because luna's speaking in metaphor and celestia's probably more of the direct kinda pony, but this is just actively not listening even when luna's being direct

All Luna had ever wanted was to rip away the curses that mares had. She wanted to watch herself wither away to ashes if only it meant that she could be pieced together again with all the things that hurt her less… a broad jaw to bring about recognition when she looked in the mirror… a voice that let her recognize her own words… a body that conveyed anything but the weak desire to crumple, except when it had too much Female lies to show her… and a mind that did everything but drown in all the worst parts of itself, whispering with all the terrible things Luna should do and all the ways she would never be able to shed her skin.

oof

Luna had told them she felt no physical stirrings for stallions and was promptly diagnosed with lesbianism . When she informed them she felt no such irrational cravings for mares either, the diagnosis was revised to lesbianism with frigidity as a result of internalized homophobia . At that time, Luna was advised to take different medicines and that her homosexuality was nothing to be ashamed of.

gargling on rocks as we drown in the incompetence of medieval doctors that are barely but not really queer educated
y'all ever heard of like... bi, pan, ace, or like *anything other than gay or straight*
no, cause they're celestia assigned doctors in The Before Times, but still

My appointments were draining for both of us. The chance to talk about anything I endured was not novel, but the idea that anypony truly listened to me was. My words were not heeded except by my dear husband, those I ruled, and the friends I had in Shining Armor, Cadance, and Sound Mind himself.

very glad for the cadence & luna friendship, 'tis a good one

I looked to his wall, wishing the landscape paintings hanging there held more vividness to them. He always called me by my title or my name, though I preferred the latter, even if it had always been slightly off . Never pronouns, thank my stars. Tia told me that she always had the curators of her health address her with the same professionalism she required of all other subjects. Such stiff formality never sat well with me, nor was I a ‘Just Twilight Sparkle, Please’ type like a certain demigod I shan’t name.

the twi anti-friendship makes me sad, but is extremely understandable with... that...

“Aye,” I murmur, “and everything else that comes from this nation so drenched uppitiness over the mere idea a creature is female. How it mourns the mere thought of a tomcolt, or any perceived loss of femininity! I shan’t cease to let everypony know what a busybody Equestrian culture is about gynocentrism until my sister’s sun burns out and we have found other stars to call home.”

gynocentrism
*gynocentrism*
omg

“I… I do not know…” My breathing has grown thinner and smaller, and more than ever I wish my voice would fade. At least the Divine Voice of high gods gave me the power to sound truer to the ghost of me in my head. “What does this ‘gender dysphoria’ even mean?”

:pinkiegasp:
royal canterlot voice

“Is dysphoria not merely another word for discomfort?” I ask, my wings itching for flight, though not out of any impatience. “Surely the discomfort with gender is normal? Who would want to be drowned in the world of mares when the surface lies above?”

hmmmmmmmm

I can immediately feel my brow furrow. “I beg your pardon? What is the explanation for your confusing answer? Is it not I who am supposed to be the one with words both clever and mysterious?”

i love the way you write luna goodness

“...Tail extensions?” I guess. “I’m quite fond of having longer hair, though I suppose I could always seek to re-style to something more appropriately masculine and less androgynous…”

:facehoof:

“Oh!” I gasp, bringing a forehoof close to my muzzle. “My apologies, I merely forget that is something ponies think about.”

heh, nice

Using my turquoise aura, I pulled my mane away just enough to expose my eyes. “...Just how shall I tell Sombra… that I… I might be transgender?”

good luck!

10274183

like at first it could be kinda excused because luna's speaking in metaphor and celestia's probably more of the direct kinda pony, but this is just actively not listening even when luna's being direct

Definitely going for a lot of miscommunication there, but also an inherent misunderstanding of what Luna is going through. There's nothing that Celestia would really think has a comparison to gender dysphoria except extreme self-loathing or possibly manic depression (bipolar disorder). To find out that it's none of those things and that only what's known at this point in history can be worked with is just... the biggest of all o o f s.

gargling on rocks as we drown in the incompetence of medieval doctors that are barely but not really queer educated
y'all ever heard of like... bi, pan, ace, or like *anything other than gay or straight*
no, cause they're celestia assigned doctors in The Before Times, but still

Ah, the days when you could be prescribed cocaine for the ghosts in your blood, amirite?
10274202

very glad for the cadence & luna friendship, 'tis a good one

I have soooo many stories about these two.

the twi anti-friendship makes me sad, but is extremely understandable with... that...

That's just me using Twi always enjoying being called Twilight. I'd say that they're more of acquaintances here than anything else, just like in canon. The main 'verse that I write is where they tend to get prickly.

gynocentrism
*gynocentrism*
omg

It's a surprisingly useful word. Plus, I don't have to worry about a pony version of it because it's already species neutral, same with its counterpart (androcentrism).

hmmmmmmmm

I actually used to think this. I was a fair deal younger than Luna, though. I can't claim to be thousands of years old and live as an immortal deity.

i love the way you write luna goodness

Thank you! Luna and Sombra are the two dear horses I can't part with. I'm not sure if it was edited out of this comment or in another comment section but I think I saw a part about "not liking straight pairs" or something when I read this last night but I just might be having a dumbass moment. Luna and Sombra are queer in the mane series too. There's one romance story where Sombra's orientation isn't stated, but that's because it was never relevant and isn't tied to any universe as of now.

good luck!

We shall see in the next chapter! :raritywink:

10274846
no that's not a problem on your end, we edited that sentence out 4hrs after posting :twilightblush: cause goodness was it way too rambly, and also realized "wait! ace + unknown != anything close to normal straight pair :facehoof:" and we should have realized that earlier, but also we haven't read the rest of the main 'verse yet so we didn't quite have context.

and yeah the anti-friendship was a reference to the few luna & twi stories (theoretically in the main 'verse?) we've read cause *oof*, damnit twi

10274873
All the stories in the main 'verse can be found here. It's not as heavy on queer content as, let's say, the works of Krickis. But it's there! It's usually an implicit/secondary theme in some of the major stories. Others have it as a primary focus.

Also, I don't mind rambles.

I like some elements here! I like having a transmasculine character, cause we need more! I also like how our protagonist had their earlier troubles dismissed with increasingly insistence in the past. It's accurate.


I do kind of wish the doctor had had a little more space for transition that doesn't immediately jump into medical intervention, because it actually isn't for everyone for a host of reasons, but I am also experienced enough at this point to know that that's how a doctor would likely talk about it. Looking forward to more.

10276623

I like some elements here! I like having a transmasculine character, cause we need more! I also like how our protagonist had their earlier troubles dismissed with increasingly insistence in the past. It's accurate.

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK! More masc more masc more masc!

I do kind of wish the doctor had had a little more space for transition that doesn't immediately jump into medical intervention, because it actually isn't for everyone for a host of reasons, but I am also experienced enough at this point to know that that's how a doctor would likely talk about it. Looking forward to more.

I felt it was important to bring it up in order to show that transitioning is a goal, and that even if Luna doesn't seek that route, it's one that's open. Plus, having been dysphoric since ~ literally ~ forever I imagine it's the thing Luna would want to hear most.

Thank you! I did base the therapist's conversations on those I've had in counseling/clinics because they're always very "Well if you're ready for it I can refer you/we can move the process along BUT..." with that 'but' being for those who don't go that route. To think that I was initially one of those people too!

Great chapter! Knowing you had previous Luna x Sombra stories, I assumed the references to past events were things that appeared in previous fics, so I was surprised to see them depicted in this chapter. It's nice to see Cadance is such a good friend, and Luna's and Sombra's interactions were good here.

10281043

Knowing you had previous Luna x Sombra stories, I assumed the references to past events were things that appeared in previous fics, so I was surprised to see them depicted in this chapter.

There's actually no references to the main series of my stuff in this one. The versions of Sombra that show up are fairly different, aside from general physical appearance - but even that has some major exceptions. The closest parallel between my main canon and this one is a) some vaguely similar personalities (mostly with Luna) and b) Cadance and Luna getting to know one another at season one's Grand Galloping Gala, and then ditching it. Everything else (aside from some location names) is completely new!

I'm really glad you like it though!

Even the clothes were transformed by the will of my mind. The faux wing trend I remembered being in style at the time of this particular Grand Galloping Gala was done away with. Instead, the sweeping gowns of mares were replaced with finely tailored suits, all in gay hues and with true, iridescent wings at their sides. The sound of all the flittering wove in wonderfully with the orchestra – which was playing something much more lively and intriguing than the plain ensembles Tia would hire.

hehe "gay hues" :twilightsmile:

I took to the air, following to where my heart and my memory of the waking dance beckoned me. When I spotted a topiary cut to look like Princess Cadance, I landed. There was such fun in letting my tailcoat flare out and fly with me. I wonder, if Tia would ever not insist on us matching in public, would they be just as fun in the waking realm? Sombra has a few, and he looks absolutely splendid in them – would he ever let me try one on if I asked? Or would he insist on knowing why I wished to borrow one?

hmm
probably worth a shot

Would that be worse than having to return it?

buy yourself one at some point

I averted my eyes as soon as I caught sight of the topiary’s face. Just like the one that had been on display that night, Cady’s jaw was too square in shape. I know now that if she had been visiting Canterlot with Sombra for that Grand Galloping Gala, she would have been mortified at the sight. As accidental as it may have been by the gardener Tia had hired, I was glad that Tia could not have seen that quiet envy bubbling up. She is poor at picking up on emotions – especially mine – but Cadance would have known right away the emotion I was suppressing if I had known about her what I know now. And over the physique carelessly displayed in ornamental shrubbery! The very physique that Cady did not need to be reminded she once had…

hangonamo
ooooooooooooooh
yes yes, good

I had no pink carnation friend waiting in a corner for me – and on the first Gala since my return, this was the corner where Cadance had uprooted me. Even she had sensed that I found no fun in parties, and I spent the whole night showing her how star-crafting worked from the castle balconies instead.

aww

Memory flooded my senses, and I went with the swirl of emotions growing in my chest. I let myself flow into my part just as easily as I had then. I remembered how I had focused on how his gray ears were oddly fluffy. Does banishing a stallion once and approving his chance for redemption later give me the permission to at least pat them? They did not look nearly as good upon his initial resurrection when I last saw him. With the anxiousness tickling me from my stomach outward, surely such a harmless gesture would be allowed?

fluffy!

Sombra rolled his eyes, every bit of him poised as the picture of cold pride. “Oh joy .”

still sassy

“Oh no,” Sombra scoffed, voice dripping with sarcasm. “They’re the best of friends .”

oh of course, see: crowley & aziraphale, homura & madoka, cocona & papika, hibiki & miku, and so forth
just the very best pals

I stared at my hooves, too frozen with embarrassment to even toy with my mane. Most of the time, I found that twirling with it and combing it could help me concentrate.

aww stim stim stim...

Sombra offered an indifferent frown, brushing some of his bangs aside. “In the saga, the two stallions are lovers. One is fairly typical – he’s strictly attracted to other stallions. The other is… less inclined to stick with only one option.”

aww :twilightsmile:

“I simply adore the sagas of legendary stallions, whether they find romance with the fair, noble gender or with mares. Or perhaps even none at all.” I shrug, passing it back to him. “Did you know that this modern age has such fun words for the deepest bond of male camaraderie? ‘Tis called the ‘bromance’ and it is such fun to say! Oh, were the world kinder to stallions I am sure such stories would be treasured all the more! Say, why did Cady suggest it?”

oh goodness :rainbowlaugh:

“She gives me various book recommendations to keep me from razing the Empire to nothing. As long as she continues to provide me with reading material that is within my range of interest, I will curb using her subjects for blood sacrifices.”

excellent

“How marvelous!”

see, luna agrees

“Whyever would you do that?” I ask, tilting my head so far to the side that Sombra stares at me peculiarly.

oh goodness gracious

“We should read it together,” he suggests.

oh thank goodness someone knows how to knock it off with the subtext when the subtext interpreter cache is broken (see: most of the time)

I would hate to be the one to destroy it all.

oh dear

Sombra's mane is meant to look like this but I know fuckall how to describe hair:

oh that art is lovely

10299816
Oh hello, you're back again! And with another lovely long comment. I figured you were gonna go for Favorable Alignment's sequels first but seeing comments here is a nice surprise too!

oh of course, see: crowley & aziraphale, homura & madoka, cocona & papika, hibiki & miku, and so forth
just the very best pals

I only get one of these references. :twilightblush:
And I didn't ship 'em after Rebellion because I don't like unhealthy pairings like that. Kyoko and Sayaka are where it's at.

aww stim stim stim...

I honestly just write Luna as loving to fidget! Since the gods are well, gods, I don't usually apply conditions to them, but I suppose Luna lines up a lot with autism (or in the main 'verse, an unspecified mood disorder). The only ponies I've ever had autistic headcanons for are Twi, some of the Pies, and Sweetie Belle. I've just never mentioned it in a story before, except for Twilight. I know that gets stated somewhere.

An affectionate prodding lured me from the lull of sleep, and that was how I knew that the world was ending. Sombra never woke up early. I was always the one up to enjoy the pre-dawn hours and stroking his mane. That was a sign of balance in the cosmos. To feel Sombra gently nudging me awake meant that it was he who was up and that every single one of us would be doomed. What reason did he have to wake?

balance is maintained purely by fluffy boy hair stroking
this seems perfectly reasonable, and should be continued posthaste :twilightsmile:

I gave a few blinks, letting the first blurs of the world filter through. Lamplight greeted me, and all the dark shadows of the pre-dawn hours lurked around it. The haze quickly left my eyes and out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of the long, silky gray feathers attached to his forehoof, the very one that was giving me a light shake into wakefulness.

feathers?

Sombra’s response was to have his eyes widen and paw at my forehooves, making a sputtering and gagging protest noise.

“Ah, stars!” I gasped, releasing him and rubbing his crest, ruffling his mane as I did so. “Forgive me, Som. Sometimes the awareness of my own strength still escapes me.”

oops

“Luna, do you want to tell me after dawn?”

oh good
insightful sombra is a good sombra

Sombra’s parlor desk (because he had to have the fragment of an office everywhere outside of his grand office sanctum) did not see his presence for long. He drifted over to where I was, slinging myself across one of our chairs with all the elegance of laundry thrown from the other side of the room. Cadance had always declared this to be the ‘gayest’ mode to seat oneself in, and I was never sure if she meant happy or queer by that usage until now. Perhaps she had been teasing me and I had never picked up on it, for Cadance teases and laughs like most ponies breathe.

i mean, definite fact that queer people just cannot sit straight

I was trying to give myself an air of distraction for my own sake, in order to make my thoughts that much easier to coalesce. I would only get one chance to tell him. Twilight Sparkle would be the one to turn to what I believe is called ‘overkill’ in times like this. I can easily imagine my sister’s former student dipping into time travel and redoing everything if she had to come out and something had not been absolutely perfect.

oh dear
that would actually probably increase anxiety really, cause now you can fail in multiple ways...

That arrangement couldn’t last. Thankfully, it hadn’t. The discretion that I got from Sombra was so different from the awkward writings of ‘You-Know-What’ or the stutters and sideways glances Cadance used to try and convey the subject whenever it came up.

she tries

I couldn’t bear for him to react like Celestia did when I told her of the intensity these feelings brought ages ago. Stars, may my own husband not show the same dismissal, downplaying, and disregard for the way I have always voiced my thoughts not fall upon me twice. I have accepted that my relationship with my sister will always be that of Sisyphus rolling his stone at its heart, even if it has softened some.

oh geez oh fuck

In response, Sombra narrows his eyes, not out of anger. Instead, I see something much closer to a sharp, unimpressed suspicion in his gaze. The very sight of it has my heart trying to force its way up my throat.

“How many do you want?” Sombra asks, and my chest does not lose any of the panicky feelings that were overflowing from it. He knows that I can sense the critical edge to his voice, the one he had never shown directly to me before, but I was always familiar with it.

hmm
i can only see this as a positive direction, even if it hasn't fully played out yet
not "why" not "no" but instead "how many"

...And with that, I am left feeling gray and worried all over again. My smile has vanished as if it never were and my mane does not burst with sparkles of excitement any longer. The singing of my heart has ended more abruptly than the breaking of glass.

oh dear oh no

If I am to go through with this modern transitioning or disclose what I really am, I am not sure what the extent of the ridicule would be - only that it shall be inevitable. What Cadance did is considered empowering, brave, and beautiful. Mares like her are given special celebrations and rivers of praise and gossip alike. Wishing to be a mare or the slightest shred of femininity and frills in a male is acceptable - even if it is feigned in an attempt to deter the passive-aggressive malice that mares have.

the combination of reality and inverse reality in these paragraphs is making my head spin

Was I to create my happiest self, the utter inverse of her, then a stallion I would be.

goodness these paragraphs were tough but good

“You’re like Candy Dance, aren’t you?”

even under these circumstances we can still have sombra and his amazingly ridiculous nicknames for everyone

Sombra’s brow furrows and his eyes are absolutely smoldering with confusion. I immediately recognize his baffled state as one Cadance told me was called ‘bisexual confusion’ and I knew just what it suggests he thinks I meant.

oh good gracious thank you cadance for being oh so delightfully queer

“Luna, I understand. I never told anypony about what I was before Cadance.” A faint scowl crossed his features. “You know how nosy many mares can be, and how they will stick their muzzles where they never belonged in order to find something that they could use as they pleased.”

the second sentence is difficult to parse, what was he? before what? did cadance do dark magic and split a part of herself off and send it back in time to be sombra?

“I take it that you’re going to want a new name?”

oooooooh
name choosing time!

“Would you let me come with you?”

“...To walk me there?” I ask, readjusting how I had folded my wings. We really ought to get better chairs for our parlor table; they’re positively awful if I lean back in them with my wings folded.

“I would like to be present at some of your appointments - I can’t pretend to understand this transsexuality instantly and if there is anything that would help me help you, I want to do it.”

and score again for sombra immediately clarifying without making a deal out of lack of understanding :twilightsmile:

Sombra blinks. “Who got the idea in their head to make it sound like a creature who is modifying their sex is changing their gender ? For Tartarus’ sake, I’m no expert on this, but I don’t think it takes one to realize that the thing that isn’t changing shouldn’t be in the name meant to describe the thing being changed .”

he's right
but transgender still sounds better
:twilightsheepish:

Sombra shot me a crooked smile that brought a comforting warmth to my chest. “Frankly, I should have probably suspected that you were my husband at some point.”

awwwww

“As soon as I realized Tartarus would freeze over before you could cook.”

well :facehoof:
i guess as long as the right conclusion is reached

It takes a rare form of love to allow someone you care about to let them grow and change into a different person. I'll give Sombra kudos for avoiding the most dangerous phrase in the entire English language: "I love you just the way you are - I wouldn't change a thing about you." Love, as I came to learn, is the acceptance of the idea that someone you love can and will develop different tastes, hobbies, even identities. Just as so long as those said ideas are not harmful to themselves or others.

To quote Louis Carrol: "I can't go back yesterday - I was a completely different person then."

10299825

I figured you were gonna go for Favorable Alignment's sequels first

i am a delicate individual and got a tad burned out on the heavy drama and dark history and took a bit of a break :twilightsheepish: but as soon as this one updated i decided to catch back up

And I didn't ship 'em after Rebellion because I don't like unhealthy pairings like that. Kyoko and Sayaka are where it's at.

while i very much agree with the second half of that, kyoko & sayaka are the greatest
i'm also just like
after rebellion: i just wish there was actual content after rebellion. like homura at the end feels very much like someone that made decisions that may work out well even if they were for the selfish reasons, but she's also chaining herself to the idea of a devil without actually being evil (like the worst thing she did after the new world was... break a cup? talk condescendingly at sayaka? give madoka her hair bands back and then walk away?)
i dunno. i can see why it can be read as unhealthy, and she definitely has issues, but i feel like that's one of those things where she just really needs rest and therapy. and i just love all the characters so much and they all deserve a rest, which funnily enough the final world seems to actually be feasible in that sense? it's conflicting. we just love rebellion a lot >_> and could definitely talk about it a bunch, but not in a comment
edit: we're also absolutely a homura apologist. she deserves a rest after 100 loops and change, a universe reboot, a kidnapping and alternate universe setup, and then a second universe reboot. not to say she did nothing wrong, but merely to say that she very much needs rest.

as for the other references:
crowley & aziraphale: good omens (book & recent tv show)
cocona & papika: flip flappers (anime, also this one is the least "very best friends" since the show is pretty explicitly about queer coming of age)
hibiki & miku: symphogear (also anime)

10299825

I honestly just write Luna as loving to fidget! Since the gods are well, gods, I don't usually apply conditions to them, but I suppose Luna lines up a lot with autism

yeah i'd say it lines up pretty well at least in this story
and hey, if the gods have anything like a baseline mental configuration, there are likely to be divergences. and since the baseline is close-but-not-quote to the baseline mortal state (in a large scale "close"), since they can converse and appear to think in similar ways (though their memory structure is likely vastly different to account for immortality), then the divergences could also manifest in similar ways to the mortal divergences. :twilightsmile:

also stim can be applied to adhd, which definitely lines up with 'fidget' but we were mostly referencing autism anyway, and by the end of the chapter & the next chapter it was pretty clear cut

10299842

feathers?

The technical term for these things.

the combination of reality and inverse reality in these paragraphs is making my head spin

It's not nearly as inverse as you might expect! I've found that trans circles are largely headed by trans women and populated with trans femme people or just other enbies. Trans men are rather uncommon and they're not expected to be masculine - or they're expected to have an unfavorable opinion of masculinity or cis men. Trans is generally presumed to be a trans woman. As a trans guy who is almost a year on HRT I have people assume that I'm either a trans woman early in her transition or an enby before they ever think I'm a trans guy if I tell them "I'm trans/transgender" and saying "I'm a trans man" makes most people think I'm saying that I'm an AMAB person who is trans. Queer spaces are pretty devoid of male experiences in that way. Trans women are given a lot of obsession (both positive and negative) when they transition, but FTM guys just... vanish when they do. Or, they're expected/asked about how they've 'woken up' to how 'men really are'. I've had that happen to me personally, and it's really shitty especially because I've found female and female-dominated social circles to tend towards more toxic behavior. Cis dudes are blessings. Other than the line about gender nonconformity tending towards the feminine side being more accepted here, everything else is a reference to the toxicity/abuse patterns of females since a female-dominated society would shelter that.

the second sentence is difficult to parse, what was he? before what? did cadance do dark magic and split a part of herself off and send it back in time to be sombra?

Nope, the unspecified mares are meant to reference how before his banishment Sombra had female abusers. Other points in this chapter have references to how the Sombra of this world was discriminated against for being a stallion (and one who was bi too). He's saying mares in the past have forcibly found out things about his private life against his wishes, so, like being outed.
Does it make more sense now or is there something about that sentence I should change to better reflect that?
10299843
I have had similar experiences to being told that as I've gone through my transition. I was told point-blank by someone in my amily that they didn't want me to change my obviously female name because they didn't like the one I picked.
10299850

i am a delicate individual and got a tad burned out on the heavy drama and dark history and took a bit of a break :twilightsheepish: but as soon as this one updated i decided to catch back up

That's super understandable! Though, The Care and Keeping of Hidden Castles (and its sequels) as well as Scrambled Serenity are both lots of romance with queer fluff and (light) family drama. Those might make for a better option!

like the worst thing she did after the new world was... break a cup? talk condescendingly at sayaka? give madoka her hair bands back and then walk away?)

Steal the divinity and memories of others and forcibly alter time. That's kind of a biggie.
I wouldn't object to more Madoka though. Never ever.
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I'm diagnosed with both, and TIL stim works for ADHD too. As for the gods, I do write them in a way that doesn't make it impossible to give them a mortal-based diagnosis, but I did want to make it a lot harder. Aside from the memory capacity being different, their magic-mind relationship, emotional capacity, and basic social needs are kind of tweaked. That would mean a lot of diagnostic criteria that is abnormal for mortals to be normal for them, and other criteria might not apply at all. Or be exclusive to them. Plus, the main 'verse hasn't had a Sound Mind try and step in and wrangle all the gods into therapy. Yet. Lmao.

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The technical term for these things.

oh neat

It's not nearly as inverse as you might expect!

yeah.
the inverse was entirely about the matriarchy and its amplifying effects, the non-inverse was about all the rest because *oof*
edit: and while we don't really take part in many in-person trans groups, it's definitely noticeable in online ones and *ugh*.

Nope, the unspecified mares are meant to reference how before his banishment Sombra had female abusers

oh geez
yeah the sentence does make a bit more sense

I never told anypony about what I was before Cadance.

the only part that's still getting me is the "before cadance" bit, since while it does parse properly once i understand what it's saying, before understanding, it was impossible to parse.
"before telling cadance" / "before i told cadance" maybe? it's mildly redundant but would fix parsing.

That's super understandable! Though, The Care and Keeping of Hidden Castles (and its sequels) as well as Scrambled Serenity are both lots of romance with queer fluff and (light) family drama. Those might make for a better option!

yeah those are definitely on the list :twilightsmile:

Plus, the main 'verse hasn't had a Sound Mind try and step in and wrangle all the gods into therapy. Yet. Lmao.

hah yeah fair

madoka rebellion spoilers:

Steal the divinity and memories of others and forcibly alter time. That's kind of a biggie.

yeah, the creation of the new world was a definite selfish move motivated by self perceived / rationalized as selfless reasons. (rebellion's garden scene, the end of the third timeline in the show)

and it's the sealing divinity & memories that's the big one (which it's implied she didn't even know she'd take over the entire universe, since she's surprised when sayaka remembers. "oh seems like you came along too somehow"), altering time isn't really a big one since madoka kinda already did the same thing, it's just what comes along with ascending past magical girl :twilightsheepish:
also the memories are fated to return, it's not like the block was very good :rainbowderp: only took 5 minutes for madoka to start to remember, and sayaka took extra work to block in the first place. although the divinity is stored within the earring so getting that back would likely be more difficult.

but yes, not saying she did nothing wrong in the slightest.

our original sentence was talking about *post* new world, where she sets herself up as the penultimate evil to mirror madoka, and then... condescendingly talks to sayaka before stopping her from activating combined witch form. she's traumatized and made a bad decision that may or may not have some positive outcomes, not really truly evil. (really though, the pre-credits end of the movie is all vignettes with happy music playing while people get settled into the new world. madoka's family unpacking while she's actually physically present, kyoko & sayaka going off and finally just getting to exist together without one or the other dying, and mami getting some responsibility to stop nagisa from her quest to eat all the cheese in the world. and then the post credits. oof. (1 chair! there's supposed to be 2! it's show timeline right before the timeline flashbacks all over again!))

what i'm saying is, homura redemption arc please

also if you haven't seen it, magia record is actually pretty good. it's only the first half of the season though, so don't expect an ending yet cause part 2 is still in development while on hiatus

edit: oh that turned out longer than expected :twilightoops: i really could talk about rebellion for pretty much forever

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also if you haven't seen it, magia record is actually pretty good. it's only the first half of the season though, so don't expect an ending yet cause part 2 is still in development while on hiatus

I've never heard of this! Is it on Crunchy Roll? Also, I fixed that sentence.

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yeah it is on crunchyroll, it's a spinoff based on the gacha game of the same name
it has some good characters
minor spoilers: and for once nobody dies. i love the constraints of a mobile game

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I guess I'll have to stick it on my ever-growing list of Things to Do!

This was a really nice chapter. It's nice to see how supportive Sombra is of his husband. Once again I was left wondering if there was something I was missing from a previous story regarding Sombra's backstory, but I suppose like the previous bits I was confused about, this is actually self contained. It makes sense that there would be some suspicion of stallion leaders in this setting, at least as defined in this fic.

I have to say this chapter and especially the comments opened my eyes about the struggles of trans men. Even in Samantha Bee's new episode with a lengthy segment about black trans people, she focused entirely on trans women and never even mentioned trans men.

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The stallion leader thing is actually just normalized sexism of “dudes can’t be leaders” rather than Sombra having set a bad standard.

His backstory in this verse has little bearing on this story, hence it being eased to just a bit and not exposition dumped. It’s something I’d want to get more in depth with and explore in future installments though.

In my main stuff, it’s actually Sombra who is trans, though he’s an enby/questioning/special case of sorts. Luna is GNC but not trans in my main stuff. There’s also like a bajillion other plot points that happen there so the amount of focus it gets varies per story, and in some it is absent. This is the first story where I’ve actually gotten to write a character during a transition towards the medical side of things. Sombra doesn’t do anything medical in the main ‘verse and all the other trans characters that I’ve written about are either really far into their transition/post-op cases or pre-op/magic fuckery involved.

Being a trans guy honestly suck. I’m not saying trans women don’t have struggles, they have tons of their own, but theirs are often given more voice. I’d rather deal with the asinine bullshit I had to put up with living as a chick then have the enormous shock of “Hey welcome to being a dude, enjoy this headfirst dive into misandry!” that I get now. Like, one thing is that trans women are 99% of the time the sweetest people out there and completely chill nerd gals whom no one could feel unsafe around. But now I’ve had women give me fearful looks or speed up walking as fast as they can away from me if we’re the only people on the street because I’ve dared to walk out in public in broad daylight on the same street as them as a dude. (The fact that I look like an early grade high school boy just makes the whole thing frustratingly stupid too.*) There’s just a bunch of things about it that suck, but I’ll spare you this comment becoming too long.

*HRT bringing about second puberty makes me come across as inconveniently young as in I come across as 15-17 at almost 21 and have to show my ID to Uber/Lyft drivers because they don’t believe me.

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Oh no, I understood that Sombra wasn't the source of the negative view of male leaders. That was a distinct thought from my confusion about Sombra's backstory. I meant it made sense in this version of the setting where there's mistrust of male leaders, in contrast to the show where that isn't necessarily an aspect of the setting.

And thanks for going more into your personal experiences. I actually do recall hearing about women suddenly giving trans men suspicious looks once they're far enough into their treatment in an article I read a while ago. Misandry is a real problem, and it's a shame discourse around it has been so thoroughly taken over by men angry that women won't date them.

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Misandry is a real problem, and it's a shame discourse around it has been so thoroughly taken over by men angry that women won't date them.

(Insert joke about trans men being able to sympathize with “heightism” here)

Great job with this story! When I saw the update, I was surprised to see the fic was over, but now I'm looking forward to the continuation.

The entire sequence of Lune and Sombra searching for a name was sweet and you captured the cramped and dark but still comforting environment well. It's good to see Lune starting to be satisfied with life now. Hopefully the others in his life accepts all this.

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I have to keep it under a certain word count for the other contest/event that this is for. Thank you so much for sticking with the story this far! I’m not sure when I’ll get around to the sequel, but until then, I do have a lot of other stories with LGBT ponies.

The sequel will definitely have Cady appearing and coming out to Celestia, though. Also, the medical aspects of transitioning.

Really enjoyed this story! I especially loved how the matriarchal nature of Equestria was folded into Lune's experience. Put an interesting spin on things!

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Thank you! I can’t wait to get to your story too!

I normally write the ponies as egalitarian with the prejudice slanting toward misandry, but for this story I switched it up.

I breathed in the crisp air of the Royal Archives. The whole tower was inlaid with layer after layer of preservation enchantments and climate-controlling spells, courtesy of Sombra and I. This way, the precious tomes and artifacts could all be stored with ease in perfect conditions. There was always a chill hanging over these halls as a result, one that I found most welcoming, but drove most others away, save for the archive division of the Royal Guard. However, that was only a reason to breathe easier - there was no great loss.

oh hey, this one hasn't been blown up! (yet? :duck:)

Sombra spotted a rendering of Orion on the fold-out that gave the monster-hunting stallion a crooked belt of five stars. His eye twitched, and I could only giggle at his disgust. Such things that the so-called ‘scholars’ did, and the fact that even I could not tell whether this was done for style or borne out of ignorance.

i like this moment
just a quiet bit of eye twitching annoyance at poorly done information recording

“A name!” I beamed, kicking up my forelegs in a small prance. “Here are all the most useless of texts on my domain. When Tia moved castles, she saw fit not to bring the ally scrawl of the peasants who thought themselves ‘astronomers’ in the day, but all that is make-believe in dealing with what I control.”

awwwww
this oughta be fun
also pff, "the most useless of texts on my domain" is a great sentence

He lowered the scroll to shoot me a flat look. “You were also the one who told there were consequences to trying to claim a name wrongly.”

uh oh
this might be more complicated than expected

Shifting himself, Sombra squinted more closely at the story. “He was a colt… that was turned into a filly in order to avoid being struck down by the wary idol.”

oops

Why, I can feel it lodged in my throat too. ‘Tis like a butterfly, all fuzzy and awkward as it crawls up, threatening to escape me too soon.

awww, did he find one?? :pinkiehappy:

“It’s Prancian ,” Sombra says, letting his aura tap upon the weathered pages for emphasis. “Other than that … I see no problem.”

:facehoof:

I can think of no better way to end the long chapter of Luna in my life an usher in a better one: that of Sombra and Lune .

awww, yay!

Dear Cadance,

oh hai cadance!

The warmth it gives my heart is worth dozens of letters of its own. To see those kinds of results on myself would make me feel completely alive instead of this sleepy half-state. I will begin taking the medicine that will make me whole in the coming year. To be able to tell you just how much hope things brings me is going to have to fit in my next few letters. Oh, I swear it to you on all my stars that before Sombra and this modern diagnosis, I could only hear how much I was told that happy eternity was something only for my sister. Now, I am taking the steps towards a breezie tale of a life and dear Som is already calling me his Prince Charming.

:pinkiehappy:

Though, I do ask, would an offer to a share of materials I will not have use for be of any interest you? You have fawned over motherhood as all mares are wont too, and you and your prince would make darling parents. I would desire nothing in return, and the ghastly procedure for harvesting eggs has a step where a spell can increase the yield. I would never need so many as either part of the procedure could produce! ‘Tis too many, and neither Sombra nor I see any issue with offering you, should you two also find a willing surrogate mare.

awwwwwwww yay!

P.S. Do you have any idea how I could ever tell Celestia this? I have kept the knowledge of this quiet as a grave, letting none but you or Sombra know.

Oof
Good luck

excellent story, very much enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

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>implying anything horse french would be good
>except Lune's name ofc
🤔
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Thank you so much for your wonderful comments on all my stuff! I hope you stick around for more.

Finally getting around to reading this and I don't know how or why but something about this chapter is just, really good visually. I can see it so clearly in my head, and Sombra and Luna's interaction is so cute? I want to draw it. I want to draw them reading together.

Really liked Cadance's revelations here too. Also obligatory for me to say but dang it you make Sombra sound so cuddly, I want to hug him. Also if I'm correct, he doesn't have a Cutie Mark in your main fics? I feel like he doesn't, but I might be misremembering. I gotta get back to reading those.

Of course, the focus of the story is on Luna but I think I'll hold back on saying anything in depth about her until I've finished the story. I am interested so far though.

I'm ashamed that this is the first Lunabra story of yours I've read. Not because it's bad, because it's not at all, but because they're so good & sweet? I love that Sombra's so supporting of Luna, though I really wouldn't have expected anything else, and the fact that they're just so affectionate. I would like more horse cuddles and nuzzles please. I guess that's a motivator to read and write more.

On that note, Bi Sombra? Good.

Also Luna is actually kinda relatable in a way. I might not be trans but I can agree that being a woman sucks. And so does being gifted a bunch of feminine stuff, no thanks please take your make up and dresses elsewhere. This story is making interesting points though, I've never seen things quite the same of course, so it's different to see, but it's got something about it since it's got some personal connections to it.

...I probably could've worded that better, but it's late.

And it ends on a rather heartwarming note! ...At least until the potential drama with Celestia. I'm sure she'll try to be a good sister/aunt though.

I love how Lune's transition is benefiting both him and Cadance too, that was sweet. Unfortunately, it's way too late for me to write a long comment, but I look forward to what the sequel holds!

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Finally getting around to reading this and I don't know how or why but something about this chapter is just, really good visually. I can see it so clearly in my head, and Sombra and Luna's interaction is so cute? I want to draw it. I want to draw them reading together.

I have zero problems with fan-art. Heck, I encourage it. Honestly, that scene would be the BEST cover for this story. I'm just trying to keep the cover art as guy Luna for obvious reasons. 👀

Really liked Cadance's revelations here too. Also obligatory for me to say but dang it you make Sombra sound so cuddly,

I mean, he's basically a cat. He hates everyone and everything, but who wouldn't cuddle one of those little fuzzballs?

I want to hug him. Also if I'm correct, he doesn't have a Cutie Mark in your main fics? I feel like he doesn't, but I might be misremembering. I gotta get back to reading those.

Sombra in the main 'verse doesn't have feathers or a cutie mark. Because he's not a pony. Here, he is. The Sombra of the main 'verse also doesn't usually wear his mane back like in the example/referenced art. Otherwise, they look similar. This one doesn't have fangs though.

You can always download them for remote reading. I've had people tell me that's easier for them. The updated/print-ready versions are a ways off right now.

Of course, the focus of the story is on Luna but I think I'll hold back on saying anything in-depth about her until I've finished the story. I am interested so far though.

In-depth comments are always appreciated! 👀

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I'm ashamed that this is the first Lunabra story of yours I've read. Not because it's bad, because it's not at all, but because they're so good & sweet? I love that Sombra's so supporting of Luna, though I really wouldn't have expected anything else, and the fact that they're just so affectionate. I would like more horse cuddles and nuzzles please. I guess that's a motivator to read and write more.

Since their dynamic is obviously similar to the two in the main 'verse, would you believe me if I said I turned down the sappiness of their relationship a bit in order not to have an extra 5k of horse snuggles, smooches, and the like?

And yesssss, read more Lunbra. They're good goth horses.

On that note, Bi Sombra? Good.

Mhm. That's another little difference I added here. He's an allo boi in this story, though it wasn't really a focus.

Also Luna is actually kinda relatable in a way. I might not be trans but I can agree that being a woman sucks. And so does being gifted a bunch of feminine stuff, no thanks please take your make up and dresses elsewhere.

I've still been gifted woman's clothes while I'm over a year into my transition.

This story is making interesting points though, I've never seen things quite the same of course, so it's different to see, but it's got something about it since it's got some personal connections to it.

Mind specifying 'things' a bit? It's a little hard to tell what this paragraph is referring to.

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And it ends on a rather heartwarming note!

Happy endings for goth horses are MANDATORY!

...At least until the potential drama with Celestia. I'm sure she'll try to be a good sister/aunt though.

She'd be aware of Cadance's status. Lune's? Not so much.

I love how Lune's transition is benefiting both him and Cadance too, that was sweet. Unfortunately, it's way too late for me to write a long comment, but I look forward to what the sequel holds!

I can write happy sappy horses too :V

I have zero problems with fan-art. Heck, I encourage it. Honestly, that scene would be the BEST cover for this story. I'm just trying to keep the cover art as guy Luna for obvious reasons.

Well lemme just put that on my already too long drawing to do list... Probably something that's gonna have to wait til after my trip though.

Sombra in the main 'verse doesn't have feathers or a cutie mark. Because he's not a pony. Here, he is. The Sombra of the main 'verse also doesn't usually wear his mane back like in the example/referenced art. Otherwise, they look similar. This one doesn't have fangs though.

Yeah I realized all those bits, but for some reason the cutie mark bit threw me off. And the feathers were something I just accepted, because Sombra with feathers is a concept I've always been fond of. I also just assumed him having his mane up was an event/formal thing for the occasion. Sounds like a good look for him though.

And I might try downloading a story or two, actually. It would make commenting a bit more inconvenient, but hey it'll give me something to do when I'm still awake at unholy hours of the night.

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Well lemme just put that on my already too long drawing to do list... Probably something that's gonna have to wait til after my trip though.

[heavy breathing]

Yeah I realized all those bits, but for some reason the cutie mark bit threw me off. And the feathers were something I just accepted, because Sombra with feathers is a concept I've always been fond of.

Nah just this one has 'em.

I also just assumed him having his mane up was an event/formal thing for the occasion. Sounds like a good look for him though.

It's because he needs to maintain that big bi energy.

And I might try downloading a story or two, actually. It would make commenting a bit more inconvenient, but hey it'll give me something to do when I'm still awake at unholy hours of the night.

Downloads still show the chapter names. You can just go back on FImFic and comment on the relevant chapter. Or leave a big one at the end. Whatever works for you!

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Since their dynamic is obviously similar to the two in the main 'verse, would you believe me if I said I turned down the sappiness of their relationship a bit in order not to have an extra 5k of horse snuggles, smooches, and the like?

Never been more excited to read about romance, everything really is better with ponies.

Mind specifying 'things' a bit? It's a little hard to tell what this paragraph is referring to.

I think I worded that badly, actually. I was mostly referring to the dislike of being gifted feminine things or looking feminine. I've never been fond of it, but I'm also saying Lune's problems aren't something I can fully relate to because I've never desired to be a man, or have any masculine features, if that makes sense?

Like I've said, I'm not trans and am pretty okay with being a woman, so I don't want to say I fully connect with a trans man. Because being a woman who dislikes make up and dresses is far different from someone who's got actual gender dysphoria.

I'm just picky and prefer to hide in a baggy hoodie and collect skulls over whatever else my family wanted me to do. So it's more of an annoyance on my end than anything.

She'd be aware of Cadance's status. Lune's? Not so much.

Ah right, the whole 'girls are better than boys' thing. That's going to be what the issue is I bet. Honestly I was wondering on how she wouldn't have known about Cadance, considering she'd have known her since she was a child.

Also writing this comment was hard because my family's starting to rush to go so apologies if I can't respond to anything else, or if it's confusing.

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