An affectionate prodding lured me from the lull of sleep, and that was how I knew that the world was ending. Sombra never woke up early. I was always the one up to enjoy the pre-dawn hours and stroking his mane. That was a sign of balance in the cosmos. To feel Sombra gently nudging me awake meant that it was he who was up and that every single one of us would be doomed. What reason did he have to wake?
I gave a few blinks, letting the first blurs of the world filter through. Lamplight greeted me, and all the dark shadows of the pre-dawn hours lurked around it. The haze quickly left my eyes and out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of the long, silky gray feathers attached to his forehoof, the very one that was giving me a light shake into wakefulness.
My vision finally cleared, its colors easing into something constant. Sombra sensed how I tensed up right before I rolled over, and he shifted to accommodate me. My smile was immediate as I stared up into his crimson eyes peering tiredly down at me. I traced his warm, crooked smile with my eyes because I never wanted to wake up to anything else.
Seeing an opening, I lit my horn and my magic darted up to Sombra’s face. I combed through his jet-black mane, toying with his bangs and giggling when he leaned down to nuzzle me with his delightful fuzzy face.
“Good morning, Sombra,” I managed between my giggles, placing a kiss on his cheek.
Sombra nuzzled back and nickered. “It will only be morning when you make way for it.”
My sweet husband felt like the only creature in the world who knew that sunrise could not happen without the movement of the moon preceding it.
“Mmm, perhaps,” I said, wrapping my forehooves around his neck and squeezing him in a hug. “What if I wished to keep the dawn away for just a while longer? Students everywhere shall thank me, shall they not?”
Sombra’s response was to have his eyes widen and paw at my forehooves, making a sputtering and gagging protest noise.
“Ah, stars!” I gasped, releasing him and rubbing his crest, ruffling his mane as I did so. “Forgive me, Som. Sometimes the awareness of my own strength still escapes me.”
He only lessens his grouchy glare when I give him a kiss. Although Sombra being Sombra still decides to give my closest ear a soft nip afterward.
“Som!” I protest, and I catch the gleam of pride in his eyes and how he is just about to say something. I take this as the prime moment to pout and watch with budding mischief as any stubborn reply absolutely melts from him.
I watched as Sombra levitated my forehooves off of him, folding them over my chest and slipping his own over them. I couldn’t refrain from smiling at the gesture.
“What were you dreaming about?” Sombra asks, flicking one of his ears inquisitively.
I bite my lip, knowing that even though I do not lie to anypony, I could not ever succeed in misleading him… or desire to. The feeling I could now name as dysphoria was already crawling up my spine and pouring outward from me. Never before had that happened when Sombra and I were just enjoying one another’s company or when I had corrected my figure by piling layers of blankets over myself.
The next look Sombra gives me is a careful, analytic one. I knew immediately that he was trying to puzzle out what motivated my reaction. Sombra was a stallion who sought such insight into things, in the best of ways and even some that were more sinister. He was drawn to higher magics like dark magic in the first place because they were a solitary study, one filled with that which could sate that sharpening insight and the hunger of ambition, producing results and forbidden knowledge no kind or gentle energies could ever provide. It was a confession he and I were quite alone in, and I think that the blend of solitary insight and scarring is something that dysphoria has inflicted on me as well.
Perhaps Sombra would understand that, if I could will myself to believe anything more than the rapid grip of fear crushing and clawing at my heart.
“I take it the dream was a good one, then?” Sombra never said that cursed word, finding the term derived from my mask to be just as hurtful as I did. “I saw you smiling and I thought…”
He looks at me, equally concerned and expectant of an answer. I breathe quietly, keeping my mouth closed tightly as if my jaw were wired shut, for I can feel my heart in my throat.
“Luna, do you want to tell me after dawn?”
“...Yes,” I whisper dryly, letting my eyes fall to the plain necklace hidden among the fluff of his neck.
Upon that silver chain was his wedding ring, shining brightly and beautifully. It hadn’t been able to fit upon the unusual curve of his horn, and the Equestrian custom of never wearing them past the honeymoon was one we had abandoned and Sombra scorned. We never stopped wanting to let the world know he and I were husband and…
...married. That we were married.
…
There was a parlor adjacent to our bed chamber and the room leading to our tower balcony where I raised and lowered the moon. It was there that Sombra and I settled into a ghost of our early routines. The palpable anxiousness brought by this particular brand of silence kept us from really doing anything, except to try and instill some ease in the other.
Sombra’s parlor desk (because he had to have the fragment of an office everywhere outside of his grand office sanctum) did not see his presence for long. He drifted over to where I was, slinging myself across one of our chairs with all the elegance of laundry thrown from the other side of the room. Cadance had always declared this to be the ‘gayest’ mode to seat oneself in, and I was never sure if she meant happy or queer by that usage until now. Perhaps she had been teasing me and I had never picked up on it, for Cadance teases and laughs like most ponies breathe.
I tried to give myself an air of distraction for my own sake, in order to make my thoughts that much easier to coalesce. I would only get one chance to tell him. Twilight Sparkle would be the one to turn to what I believe is called ‘overkill’ in times like this. I could easily imagine my sister’s former student dipping into time travel and redoing everything if she had to come out and something had not been absolutely perfect.
As cursed as my nervous mind can be, I think the mere thought that somepony would possibly do that is heartbreaking.
I spied an ever-welcome guest peer over the top of the chair to watch my distracted doodling. I toss aside my charcoal and sketch pad as soon as I see Sombra rest his chin curiously atop the back of the plush chair.
“Are you ready to talk yet?”
“Yes,” I offered, anxiety still lurking in my voice. “I think so.”
My hooves are shaky with nothing to occupy them, and I busy them by combing them through my thick cascading mane. There is a twitchy, hopeful flow to it right now.
“Were you having one of your foredreams?” Sombra asked immediately, his eyes shining with sparks of worry.
I hadn’t even thought about speaking, and here Sombra was, wanting to already be on top of whatever was wrong.
“Nay,” I mumbled, “what I had was a very pleasant dream… I was just reminded of…” I said as I brought one forehoof away from my mane, waving it around in a circle while I reached for the right words, “...a different situation.”
Sombra raised an eyebrow. “When did this come up? Should I still be concerned about the dream?”
He was the only one who took a genuine interest in my dreams. Some time ago, he had uncovered a product of my magic I was inflicting upon myself for a maelstrom of reasons. Sombra was the only one in my life who took any tact in approaching the matter. Celestia forever whispered about the Tantabus by name, even though that name made ill feelings seize my stomach instantly after it was spoken, and memories play at the edge of my mind. Originally, all Tantabus-related counseling sessions with Sound Mind had Sombra and Celestia there with me.
That arrangement couldn’t last. Thankfully, it hadn’t. The discretion that I got from Sombra was so different from the awkward writings of ‘You-Know-What’ or the stutters and sideways glances Cadance used to try and convey the subject whenever it came up.
“No, there is nothing to worry about in this dream… You needn’t look at me like that. I promise, Som. Recently, I have been discussing a… a new development has come up at therapy. One separate from all the talk of my Tantabus and banishment, and yet at the heart of everything that has truly gone wrong in my life.” I bit my lip, swallowing loudly as my throat tightens. The first hint of a damp feeling is already forming at the corner of my eye, and I look to Sombra pleadingly. “Som, you know I don’t exaggerate when I say things like this, do you not?”
I couldn’t bear for him to react like Celestia did when I told her of the intensity these feelings brought ages ago. Stars, may my own husband not show the same dismissal, downplaying, and disregard for the way I have always voiced my thoughts not fall upon me twice. I have accepted that my relationship with my sister will always be that of Sisyphus rolling his stone at its heart, even if it has softened some.
Having that horrible dynamic with my dear Sombra, who has always been able to understand me unlike anypony before him, would only rob me of the light of my life, one that exceeds the moon and stars. I have chosen him as my eternal companion and husband, and only wish that he will think of the same vows of fidelity, love, and loyalty we took.
“Sombra, could I have one of your suits?” My words leave me with the hesitance of a mouth trying to get on the good side of an ursa major. I sound more like a mare than ever, and the accursed femininity is now unmasked as nothing more than a sharp, grating evil in my mind. In a world that elevates mares beyond pedestals, how can I tell him that what damned, poisonous matriarchy falsely sees as g-good is naught but my prison?
In response, Sombra narrows his eyes, not out of anger. Instead, I see something much closer to a sharp, unimpressed suspicion in his gaze. The very sight of it has my heart trying to force its way up my throat.
Oh my stars…
“How many do you want?” Sombra asks, and my chest does not lose any of the panicky feelings that were overflowing from it. He knows that I can sense the critical edge to his voice, the one he had never shown directly to me before, but I was always familiar with it.
The dryness in my mouth will not permit me to breathe in any manner suggesting composure. I waste no second thought on forgoing whatever last bit of it I might have been clinging to. “Any of them. Whichever one you would be willing to part with.”
Sombra wouldn’t shift his gaze, but he no longer regarded me so critically. I watched him shrug, wishing the tension that has my head ready to explode and spill the torrent of secrets I’ve kept everywhere. I could feel the heat of sweat on the side of my face.
“Go pick out whichever one you want, then. Whatever makes you happy, Luna.”
In a second, I was utterly transformed by a wide grin stretching from ear to ear and brought my forehooves together in a great, joyous clap. “Splendid! I shall go grab—”
“On one condition,” Sombra added, a self-satisfied smirk settling snidely on his muzzle.
...And with that, I am left feeling gray and worried all over again. My smile has vanished as if it never were and my mane does not burst with sparkles of excitement any longer. The singing of my heart has ended more abruptly than the breaking of glass.
“Why?” I ask, immediately biting my tongue afterward when I knew I should have said ‘what’ in its place. Such a question would be less suspicious.
The smile that Sombra gave me was the kind that a snake might give a mouse, albeit he had it drained of all cruelty for me. “Tell me exactly why you want them.”
My expression crumpled, the dampness of my eyes finally breaking. A trickling start of what threatened to be a true trail of tears slid down my cheeks.
When Sombra saw that, all his pride vanished. “Luna, what’s wrong?”
“Som, do you think that there is anything wrong with me?”
I didn’t have to finish; Sombra was already shaking his head in a firm ‘no’ and keeping a careful eye on me. “Luna, what does any of this have to do with suits? If you want them so badly, you can have them. I don’t think any of them will fit you that well, but if spending the national budget on mare’s suits would solve this, then let’s sell the whole kingdom while we’re at it. I, for one, would enjoy having to do an ungodly amount of laundry instead of dealing with ponies who think that they know anything.”
“No, no, no!” I buried my face in my forehooves. “I don’t want mare’s suits! I don’t want to be a princess or a sister! I don’t want a mare’s ANYTHING! I knew something was wrong when Tia and I were small and I felt like a toy soldier among dolls! Something has been wrong my whole eternity and all that has ever happened was this horrible mare-drunk culture telling me that I could be as pretty, sweet, and perfect as my sister if I just tried.”
Sombra laid his ears back, watching my half-effort to shield my face with my forehooves. My words are like a chain that I have to pull out further with each awful sob, and every time I free myself of one, I feel another twist of pain from deep in my chest. Is that not where all these words are coming from?
“Marehood is a prison, and all mares are merely the invasive needles that demand everypony defective be sewn this way or that. Having to walk among them as this stranger hurts. Every day at court or outing with Tia is a stage I don’t want to be forced to play encores on any longer! You were the only male ruler in history!” I bring a tear-drenched hoof to point at Sombra, watching how startled and confused he looks. “As awful as that time may have been for you, do you not remember how you were tormented just for being a male who wished to lead? To have ambition instead of masks of smothering amity and disguised avarice that mares clutch so tightly? Or how they shamed you for your capacity to love all as improper and nothing more than a false caricature of male brutishness?”
I saw Sombra’s jaw tighten and knife-sharp anger come to his eyes. Neither gesture was for me; they were only a reflex at the mentioning of the awful memories prior to his discoveries of dark magic. Those who desired power were shown little resistance, so long as they were female in some capacity.
If I am to go through with this ‘modern transitioning’ or disclose what I really am, I am not sure what the extent of the ridicule would be — only that it shall be inevitable. What Cadance did is considered empowering, brave, and beautiful. Mares like her are given special celebrations and rivers of praise and gossip alike. Wishing to be a mare or the slightest shred of femininity and frills in a male is acceptable — even if it was feigned in an attempt to deter the passive-aggressive malice that mares have.
Stallions like me were seen as slugs, and the world was salt.
“I feel like as much of an outsider as I am sure you did in those times.”
Sombra approached me, not hesitating in nuzzling my tear-dampened cheeks. My post-sob breathing was rough and ragged. Stars, I just wanted him to hold me. I wanted to wrap myself in twelve cloaks until I no longer had to behold my own frustratingly female slenderness. Seeing it made me feel like the monster I had been, not because of her dark coat, her fangs, or the gloom and misery she was born out of…
...but because Nightmare Moon was crafted as a female in order both encapsulate and worsen all my misery in the only way I knew how to convey it, and I could think of nothing more miserable than a mare, and the most wildly feminine one possible at that!
Were I to create my happiest self, the utter inverse of her, then a stallion I would be.
“You’re like Candy Dance, aren’t you?”
Unable to keep from sniggling and shuddering, I nod and pull Sombra into a hug by his neck. There, I close my eyes and squeeze him into a divine-strength embrace until I can feel him pawing at me for air.
All was constant between us, I suppose.
...
I watch Sombra’s horn light with crimson aura. When he passes me my mug of mead I accept with a small smile, mouthing the ‘thank you’ my sore throat cannot manage right now. He was the one pony in the world who never made me feel like a monster, even accidentally, and I do not put an iota of exaggeration in that statement. I focused on keeping my breathing steady and watch Sombra sip his coffee.
Everypony in the royal family favored a different beverage. Cadance loves smoothies and Shining Armor likes new-fangled sports drinks. My sister stuck to her predictable choice of tea, tea, and more tea. Sombra has grown accustomed to black coffee. Blueblood will not touch anything that wasn’t a cocktail. Though they are closer to extended royal family than any that are direct, authoritative kin, I have it on good word from Cadance and Shining Armor that Spike and Twilight Sparkle both like root beer floats.
Of them all, I was the only one who refused to be tethered down to one favorite. I smiled as I took a long sip. I could be having anything else right now: wine, hot chocolate, milkshakes, or even a magical concoction unknown to mortals. As constant as all else was about me, there were little aspects that made for excellent mischief.
Once I set aside my drink, I found that my dear Som has been watching me the whole time.
I blink and see him flick his ears in response. “Som? Is there something wrong?”
“Is there any reason you didn’t tell me sooner?”
“Oh…” I murmured, ducking my gaze slightly so that it fell to his throat. “I… I was at a loss of knowing whether or not you would still love me.”
Sombra’s brow furrows and his eyes are absolutely smoldering with confusion. I immediately recognized his baffled state as one Cadance told me was called ‘bisexual confusion’ and I knew just what it suggests he thinks I meant.
“You know stallions have always been an option for me,” Sombra said, letting his eyes travel to my jaw, face, and the span of my withers. He was looking at me the way I have long looked at myself in mirrors, thinking about where real, masculine features could be instead of this false female haze. “In fact, I think you would be an excellent one if those hormones work as well as you say they do.”
Goodness, I can’t recall the last time Som has made me blush so.
I was unable to hide my reddening face or bite back the tiny smile that breaks across my muzzle. “Oh Som, I just wasn’t sure if you would even see me as a real stallion. For if I am not really a stallion, and if I am a defective mare, who would love me?”
Sombra frowned, and there was no malice in the gesture. I do think I spot a splinter of hurt in it, and that wounds me as well. “I love you, Luna. That will never change.”
Stars, I feel myself sniffling again.
“And I shall always love you, Sombra. Perhaps my worries were mare-monsters made bigger by smoke and mirrors in my thoughts. ‘Twas not that I had no trust for you… I just…”
What is it that I can say that would make sense?
“Luna, I understand. I never told anypony about what I was before telling Cadance.” A faint scowl crossed his features. “You know how nosy many mares can be, and how they will stick their muzzles where they never belonged in order to find something that they could use as they pleased. She's the only one who hasn't done that. In any other circumstances, I could have counted you and her together... I expect now I'll have to correct myself.”
I tried not to think of any specific faces of the thousands of mares I have known across my lifetime who could fit that description. One always had to be rather on guard around those types, ever-vigilant of what they sought to pry. The mere thought of them brings the familiar mantle of anxiety over me.
“There are far, far too many mares with that venom in them,” I whispered, shuddering.
Sombra made a small scoff in the back of his throat. “Many more acted like they had no poison in them at all. Gods, I’ll take a stallion’s show of toxicity if I could avoid the humiliation that a mare’s share can weave.”
I nodded, looking quietly at Som. In the past, I was either neglected or made into a monster long before I had crafted my own. His ordeal at the hooves of the Crystal Empire was a much more public affair, and one I think I would have snapped sooner dealing with. What hurts me more about that was when he admitted that I was the only one who had never blamed him for shattering under those circumstances — all that came afterward was a very different matter.
“I take it that you’re going to want a new name?”
I… I had not thought of that…
My eyes met Sombra’s and take in the unbothered understanding he has for me. “I would eventually. Unfortunately, I cannot say I have even the inkling of what I would want it to be. Switching pronouns is all I can say that I am ready for…” I bit my lip, staring into the depths of my mug again. “Even that can only be within the right company.”
“Not Celestia,” Sombra answered, nodding.
“Hush, Sombra. You must not say it like that. She won’t hate me. Tia could never hate me… I just don’t think that she shall suddenly begin to understand me, and certainly not through something as complex as modern sex-changes.”
“I have a better relationship with the plague that is philequinistic attempts at philosophy than you have with your sister.”
My innocent whistle was unconvincing as a refutation of Sombra’s statement.
“When is your next appointment?”
“Hm? Oh, with Sound Mind? ‘Tis this Thursday.”
“Would you let me come with you?”
“...To walk me there?” I asked, readjusting how I had folded my wings. We really ought to get better chairs for our parlor table; they’re positively awful if I lean back in them with my wings folded.
“I would like to be present at some of your appointments — I can’t pretend to understand this transsexuality instantly, and if there is anything that would help me help you, I want to do it.”
And he wants to do it best, or he is not Sombra, who is the uncrowned king of pride itself more than he’ll ever be the dethroned king of the Crystal Empire.
“I am told the term is ‘transgender’ only,” I correct gently.
Sombra blinks. “Who got the idea in their head to make it sound like a creature who is modifying their sex is changing their gender? For Tartarus’ sake, I’m no expert on this, but I don’t think it takes one to realize that the thing that isn’t changing shouldn’t be in the name meant to describe the thing being changed.”
“I haven’t the faintest idea why the name is so puzzling either — and yes, Som. I would love to have you with me.”
Sombra shot me a crooked smile that brought a comforting warmth to my chest. “Frankly, I should have probably suspected that you were my husband at some point.”
I cocked my head to the side, blinking curiously at him and ruffling my wings with the same owlish air. “What might have helped you know my condition before all this?”
“As soon as I realized Tartarus would freeze over before you could cook.”
10299816
Oh hello, you're back again! And with another lovely long comment. I figured you were gonna go for Favorable Alignment's sequels first but seeing comments here is a nice surprise too!
I only get one of these references.
And I didn't ship 'em after Rebellion because I don't like unhealthy pairings like that. Kyoko and Sayaka are where it's at.
I honestly just write Luna as loving to fidget! Since the gods are well, gods, I don't usually apply conditions to them, but I suppose Luna lines up a lot with autism (or in the main 'verse, an unspecified mood disorder). The only ponies I've ever had autistic headcanons for are Twi, some of the Pies, and Sweetie Belle. I've just never mentioned it in a story before, except for Twilight. I know that gets stated somewhere.
balance is maintained purely by fluffy boy hair stroking
this seems perfectly reasonable, and should be continued posthaste
feathers?
oops
oh good
insightful sombra is a good sombra
i mean, definite fact that queer people just cannot sit straight
oh dear
that would actually probably increase anxiety really, cause now you can fail in multiple ways...
she tries
oh geez oh fuck
hmm
i can only see this as a positive direction, even if it hasn't fully played out yet
not "why" not "no" but instead "how many"
oh dear oh no
the combination of reality and inverse reality in these paragraphs is making my head spin
goodness these paragraphs were tough but good
even under these circumstances we can still have sombra and his amazingly ridiculous nicknames for everyone
oh good gracious thank you cadance for being oh so delightfully queer
the second sentence is difficult to parse, what was he? before what? did cadance do dark magic and split a part of herself off and send it back in time to be sombra?
oooooooh
name choosing time!
and score again for sombra immediately clarifying without making a deal out of lack of understanding
he's right
but transgender still sounds better
awwwww
well
i guess as long as the right conclusion is reached
It takes a rare form of love to allow someone you care about to let them grow and change into a different person. I'll give Sombra kudos for avoiding the most dangerous phrase in the entire English language: "I love you just the way you are - I wouldn't change a thing about you." Love, as I came to learn, is the acceptance of the idea that someone you love can and will develop different tastes, hobbies, even identities. Just as so long as those said ideas are not harmful to themselves or others.
To quote Louis Carrol: "I can't go back yesterday - I was a completely different person then."
10299825
i am a delicate individual and got a tad burned out on the heavy drama and dark history and took a bit of a break but as soon as this one updated i decided to catch back up
while i very much agree with the second half of that, kyoko & sayaka are the greatest
i'm also just like
after rebellion: i just wish there was actual content after rebellion. like homura at the end feels very much like someone that made decisions that may work out well even if they were for the selfish reasons, but she's also chaining herself to the idea of a devil without actually being evil (like the worst thing she did after the new world was... break a cup? talk condescendingly at sayaka? give madoka her hair bands back and then walk away?)
i dunno. i can see why it can be read as unhealthy, and she definitely has issues, but i feel like that's one of those things where she just really needs rest and therapy. and i just love all the characters so much and they all deserve a rest, which funnily enough the final world seems to actually be feasible in that sense? it's conflicting. we just love rebellion a lot >_> and could definitely talk about it a bunch, but not in a comment
edit: we're also absolutely a homura apologist. she deserves a rest after 100 loops and change, a universe reboot, a kidnapping and alternate universe setup, and then a second universe reboot. not to say she did nothing wrong, but merely to say that she very much needs rest.
as for the other references:
crowley & aziraphale: good omens (book & recent tv show)
cocona & papika: flip flappers (anime, also this one is the least "very best friends" since the show is pretty explicitly about queer coming of age)
hibiki & miku: symphogear (also anime)
10299825
yeah i'd say it lines up pretty well at least in this story
and hey, if the gods have anything like a baseline mental configuration, there are likely to be divergences. and since the baseline is close-but-not-quote to the baseline mortal state (in a large scale "close"), since they can converse and appear to think in similar ways (though their memory structure is likely vastly different to account for immortality), then the divergences could also manifest in similar ways to the mortal divergences.
also stim can be applied to adhd, which definitely lines up with 'fidget' but we were mostly referencing autism anyway, and by the end of the chapter & the next chapter it was pretty clear cut
10299842
The technical term for these things.
It's not nearly as inverse as you might expect! I've found that trans circles are largely headed by trans women and populated with trans femme people or just other enbies. Trans men are rather uncommon and they're not expected to be masculine - or they're expected to have an unfavorable opinion of masculinity or cis men. Trans is generally presumed to be a trans woman. As a trans guy who is almost a year on HRT I have people assume that I'm either a trans woman early in her transition or an enby before they ever think I'm a trans guy if I tell them "I'm trans/transgender" and saying "I'm a trans man" makes most people think I'm saying that I'm an AMAB person who is trans. Queer spaces are pretty devoid of male experiences in that way. Trans women are given a lot of obsession (both positive and negative) when they transition, but FTM guys just... vanish when they do. Or, they're expected/asked about how they've 'woken up' to how 'men really are'. I've had that happen to me personally, and it's really shitty especially because I've found female and female-dominated social circles to tend towards more toxic behavior. Cis dudes are blessings. Other than the line about gender nonconformity tending towards the feminine side being more accepted here, everything else is a reference to the toxicity/abuse patterns of females since a female-dominated society would shelter that.
Nope, the unspecified mares are meant to reference how before his banishment Sombra had female abusers. Other points in this chapter have references to how the Sombra of this world was discriminated against for being a stallion (and one who was bi too). He's saying mares in the past have forcibly found out things about his private life against his wishes, so, like being outed.
Does it make more sense now or is there something about that sentence I should change to better reflect that?
10299843
I have had similar experiences to being told that as I've gone through my transition. I was told point-blank by someone in my amily that they didn't want me to change my obviously female name because they didn't like the one I picked.
10299850
That's super understandable! Though, The Care and Keeping of Hidden Castles (and its sequels) as well as Scrambled Serenity are both lots of romance with queer fluff and (light) family drama. Those might make for a better option!
Steal the divinity and memories of others and forcibly alter time. That's kind of a biggie.
I wouldn't object to more Madoka though. Never ever.
10299870
I'm diagnosed with both, and TIL stim works for ADHD too. As for the gods, I do write them in a way that doesn't make it impossible to give them a mortal-based diagnosis, but I did want to make it a lot harder. Aside from the memory capacity being different, their magic-mind relationship, emotional capacity, and basic social needs are kind of tweaked. That would mean a lot of diagnostic criteria that is abnormal for mortals to be normal for them, and other criteria might not apply at all. Or be exclusive to them. Plus, the main 'verse hasn't had a Sound Mind try and step in and wrangle all the gods into therapy. Yet. Lmao.
10300468
oh neat
yeah.
the inverse was entirely about the matriarchy and its amplifying effects, the non-inverse was about all the rest because *oof*
edit: and while we don't really take part in many in-person trans groups, it's definitely noticeable in online ones and *ugh*.
oh geez
yeah the sentence does make a bit more sense
the only part that's still getting me is the "before cadance" bit, since while it does parse properly once i understand what it's saying, before understanding, it was impossible to parse.
"before telling cadance" / "before i told cadance" maybe? it's mildly redundant but would fix parsing.
yeah those are definitely on the list
hah yeah fair
madoka rebellion spoilers:
yeah, the creation of the new world was a definite selfish move motivated by self perceived / rationalized as selfless reasons. (rebellion's garden scene, the end of the third timeline in the show)
and it's the sealing divinity & memories that's the big one (which it's implied she didn't even know she'd take over the entire universe, since she's surprised when sayaka remembers. "oh seems like you came along too somehow"), altering time isn't really a big one since madoka kinda already did the same thing, it's just what comes along with ascending past magical girl
also the memories are fated to return, it's not like the block was very good only took 5 minutes for madoka to start to remember, and sayaka took extra work to block in the first place. although the divinity is stored within the earring so getting that back would likely be more difficult.
but yes, not saying she did nothing wrong in the slightest.
our original sentence was talking about *post* new world, where she sets herself up as the penultimate evil to mirror madoka, and then... condescendingly talks to sayaka before stopping her from activating combined witch form. she's traumatized and made a bad decision that may or may not have some positive outcomes, not really truly evil. (really though, the pre-credits end of the movie is all vignettes with happy music playing while people get settled into the new world. madoka's family unpacking while she's actually physically present, kyoko & sayaka going off and finally just getting to exist together without one or the other dying, and mami getting some responsibility to stop nagisa from her quest to eat all the cheese in the world. and then the post credits. oof. (1 chair! there's supposed to be 2! it's show timeline right before the timeline flashbacks all over again!))
what i'm saying is, homura redemption arc please
also if you haven't seen it, magia record is actually pretty good. it's only the first half of the season though, so don't expect an ending yet cause part 2 is still in development while on hiatus
edit: oh that turned out longer than expected i really could talk about rebellion for pretty much forever
10300507
I've never heard of this! Is it on Crunchy Roll? Also, I fixed that sentence.
10300516
yeah it is on crunchyroll, it's a spinoff based on the gacha game of the same name
it has some good characters
minor spoilers: and for once nobody dies. i love the constraints of a mobile game
10300520
I guess I'll have to stick it on my ever-growing list of Things to Do!
This was a really nice chapter. It's nice to see how supportive Sombra is of his husband. Once again I was left wondering if there was something I was missing from a previous story regarding Sombra's backstory, but I suppose like the previous bits I was confused about, this is actually self contained. It makes sense that there would be some suspicion of stallion leaders in this setting, at least as defined in this fic.
I have to say this chapter and especially the comments opened my eyes about the struggles of trans men. Even in Samantha Bee's new episode with a lengthy segment about black trans people, she focused entirely on trans women and never even mentioned trans men.
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The stallion leader thing is actually just normalized sexism of “dudes can’t be leaders” rather than Sombra having set a bad standard.
His backstory in this verse has little bearing on this story, hence it being eased to just a bit and not exposition dumped. It’s something I’d want to get more in depth with and explore in future installments though.
In my main stuff, it’s actually Sombra who is trans, though he’s an enby/questioning/special case of sorts. Luna is GNC but not trans in my main stuff. There’s also like a bajillion other plot points that happen there so the amount of focus it gets varies per story, and in some it is absent. This is the first story where I’ve actually gotten to write a character during a transition towards the medical side of things. Sombra doesn’t do anything medical in the main ‘verse and all the other trans characters that I’ve written about are either really far into their transition/post-op cases or pre-op/magic fuckery involved.
Being a trans guy honestly suck. I’m not saying trans women don’t have struggles, they have tons of their own, but theirs are often given more voice. I’d rather deal with the asinine bullshit I had to put up with living as a chick then have the enormous shock of “Hey welcome to being a dude, enjoy this headfirst dive into misandry!” that I get now. Like, one thing is that trans women are 99% of the time the sweetest people out there and completely chill nerd gals whom no one could feel unsafe around. But now I’ve had women give me fearful looks or speed up walking as fast as they can away from me if we’re the only people on the street because I’ve dared to walk out in public in broad daylight on the same street as them as a dude. (The fact that I look like an early grade high school boy just makes the whole thing frustratingly stupid too.*) There’s just a bunch of things about it that suck, but I’ll spare you this comment becoming too long.
*HRT bringing about second puberty makes me come across as inconveniently young as in I come across as 15-17 at almost 21 and have to show my ID to Uber/Lyft drivers because they don’t believe me.
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Oh no, I understood that Sombra wasn't the source of the negative view of male leaders. That was a distinct thought from my confusion about Sombra's backstory. I meant it made sense in this version of the setting where there's mistrust of male leaders, in contrast to the show where that isn't necessarily an aspect of the setting.
And thanks for going more into your personal experiences. I actually do recall hearing about women suddenly giving trans men suspicious looks once they're far enough into their treatment in an article I read a while ago. Misandry is a real problem, and it's a shame discourse around it has been so thoroughly taken over by men angry that women won't date them.
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(Insert joke about trans men being able to sympathize with “heightism” here)
I'm ashamed that this is the first Lunabra story of yours I've read. Not because it's bad, because it's not at all, but because they're so good & sweet? I love that Sombra's so supporting of Luna, though I really wouldn't have expected anything else, and the fact that they're just so affectionate. I would like more horse cuddles and nuzzles please. I guess that's a motivator to read
and writemore.On that note, Bi Sombra? Good.
Also Luna is actually kinda relatable in a way. I might not be trans but I can agree that being a woman sucks.
And so does being gifted a bunch of feminine stuff, no thanks please take your make up and dresseselsewhere.This story is making interesting points though, I've never seen things quite the same of course, so it's different to see, but it's got something about it since it's got some personal connections to it....I probably could've worded that better, but it's late.
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Since their dynamic is obviously similar to the two in the main 'verse, would you believe me if I said I turned down the sappiness of their relationship a bit in order not to have an extra 5k of horse snuggles, smooches, and the like?
And yesssss, read more Lunbra. They're good goth horses.
Mhm. That's another little difference I added here. He's an allo boi in this story, though it wasn't really a focus.
I've still been gifted woman's clothes while I'm over a year into my transition.
Mind specifying 'things' a bit? It's a little hard to tell what this paragraph is referring to.
snrk
I want a man like Luna in my life.
10402072
Because he can’t cook?
Good thing Sombra's bi. :B
Also this? <:B
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What does :B mean when it’s wearing < as a hat?
I do find comfort in this fic. But also it hurts a lot to see Luna being so neglected by his own sister and even other creatures (at least, in past). And I do like that even thought Celestia aren't the perfect sister, being ignorant about her brother struggles and all other stuff, Luna still does recognise that his sister doesn't hate him. It's just so real. And so sad. Hopefully, he finds acceptance from her.
Reading about matriarchial stuff in Equestria is... Rather weird. I mean, it does make sense. And for Luna it might be exeptionally hard because he is both trans, a ruler and a divine being in such world. But it's hard to switch and very hard to relate sometimes. I am also transmasculine and even though I did have some unpleasant experiences with women and feminine (in terms of gender itself, not only expression) nonbinary people because of my identity, it didn't bother me as much as patriarchy and standarts of masculinity.
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I imagine that not everyone relates to it. The idea was something I hadn't written in such a pronounced way before, and I found it was a good way to have some world-building and a clear source of future conflicts, especially when/if I ever get around to any continuations for this little series. I do like each new 'verse to have some major distinguishing elements in it, especially if they're something I never got to use before. In terms of personal experience? I've definitely had the opposite experience that you shared, and since (medically) transitioning it only grew more severe in terms of how pronounced the experiences have been. I don't find it is something conveyed in fiction very often, or talked about outside of male social circles or male-targeted nonfiction media if it's ever brought up at all.