• Published 6th Jun 2020
  • 1,541 Views, 117 Comments

Song of Myself - Ice Star



Luna is many things: a goddess, princess, and wife. What happens when she has a secret that threatens to unravel every one of those things?

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Epilogue: Restored Pride

Dear Cadance,

My apologies to not writing to you in some time. Though this city knows it not, much has been uncovered and admitted within the castle walls. I have told Sombra of my condition, and we are going to work together every day to banish the false female aspects of my form in all their foulness. Every day I still bask in his love and acceptance.

Together, we are making the first steps toward planning for hormones, spells, and surgeries. He attends my appointments with Sound Mind when dysphoria is the matter at hoof. Why, Sombra even brings a notebook! He is doing what he can to look into the science of dysphoria and has been reading many medical publishings that were stored in the castle’s archives. I know that helps him contextualize why I am this way and the knowledge contained within their pages aids him in being able to listen to me from a place of understanding. Personally, I like looking at all the diagrams of the before and after of masculinization.

The warmth it gives my heart is worth dozens of letters of its own. To see those kinds of results on myself would make me feel completely alive instead of this sleepy half-state. I will begin taking the medicine that will make me whole in the coming year. To be able to tell you just how much hope things brings me is going to have to fit in my next few letters. Oh, I swear it to you on all my stars that before Sombra and this modern diagnosis, I could only hear how much I was told that happy eternity was something only for my sister. Now, I am taking the steps towards a breezie tale of a life and dear Som is already calling me his Prince Charming.

Before the thoughts escape me, there was a matter I wished to discuss with you. Sombra and I learned that going through with these spells and procedures would render me infertile. We never had the foal talk before, and now we are looking into preservations for any necessary material on my part so that I may never carry one. In your previous letters, you have told me that your only regret in your transition was how the age you began at left you barren. I recall you alluded to other complications too, and I shan’t pry about them.

Though, I do ask, would an offer to a share of materials I will not have use for be of any interest you? You have fawned over motherhood as all mares are wont too, and you and your prince would make darling parents. I would desire nothing in return, and the ghastly procedure for harvesting eggs has a step where a spell can increase the yield. I would never need so many as either part of the procedure could produce! ‘Tis too many, and neither Sombra nor I see any issue with offering you, should you two also find a willing surrogate mare.

Give my regards to Shining Armor, and may your health be fair.

Sincerely,

Lune

P.S. Do you have any idea how I could ever tell Celestia this? I have kept the knowledge of this quiet as a grave, letting none but you or Sombra know.

Author's Note:

Only a fool would think that I don't have a sequel idea and plan for someday. Just remember that if you liked the characters in here and the LGBT themes, I do have the main 'verse which features even more of the same elements (and most importantly, the Lun*/Sombra). It gets updates more frequently due to its nature, and you can find the group for it here.

I'll have more of this world when I can, though.

Comments ( 65 )

Great job with this story! When I saw the update, I was surprised to see the fic was over, but now I'm looking forward to the continuation.

The entire sequence of Lune and Sombra searching for a name was sweet and you captured the cramped and dark but still comforting environment well. It's good to see Lune starting to be satisfied with life now. Hopefully the others in his life accepts all this.

10308901
I have to keep it under a certain word count for the other contest/event that this is for. Thank you so much for sticking with the story this far! I’m not sure when I’ll get around to the sequel, but until then, I do have a lot of other stories with LGBT ponies.

The sequel will definitely have Cady appearing and coming out to Celestia, though. Also, the medical aspects of transitioning.

Really enjoyed this story! I especially loved how the matriarchal nature of Equestria was folded into Lune's experience. Put an interesting spin on things!

10311100
Thank you! I can’t wait to get to your story too!

I normally write the ponies as egalitarian with the prejudice slanting toward misandry, but for this story I switched it up.

Dear Cadance,

oh hai cadance!

The warmth it gives my heart is worth dozens of letters of its own. To see those kinds of results on myself would make me feel completely alive instead of this sleepy half-state. I will begin taking the medicine that will make me whole in the coming year. To be able to tell you just how much hope things brings me is going to have to fit in my next few letters. Oh, I swear it to you on all my stars that before Sombra and this modern diagnosis, I could only hear how much I was told that happy eternity was something only for my sister. Now, I am taking the steps towards a breezie tale of a life and dear Som is already calling me his Prince Charming.

:pinkiehappy:

Though, I do ask, would an offer to a share of materials I will not have use for be of any interest you? You have fawned over motherhood as all mares are wont too, and you and your prince would make darling parents. I would desire nothing in return, and the ghastly procedure for harvesting eggs has a step where a spell can increase the yield. I would never need so many as either part of the procedure could produce! ‘Tis too many, and neither Sombra nor I see any issue with offering you, should you two also find a willing surrogate mare.

awwwwwwww yay!

P.S. Do you have any idea how I could ever tell Celestia this? I have kept the knowledge of this quiet as a grave, letting none but you or Sombra know.

Oof
Good luck

excellent story, very much enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

10311904
>implying anything horse french would be good
>except Lune's name ofc
🤔
10311912
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments on all my stuff! I hope you stick around for more.

And it ends on a rather heartwarming note! ...At least until the potential drama with Celestia. I'm sure she'll try to be a good sister/aunt though.

I love how Lune's transition is benefiting both him and Cadance too, that was sweet. Unfortunately, it's way too late for me to write a long comment, but I look forward to what the sequel holds!

10314278

And it ends on a rather heartwarming note!

Happy endings for goth horses are MANDATORY!

...At least until the potential drama with Celestia. I'm sure she'll try to be a good sister/aunt though.

She'd be aware of Cadance's status. Lune's? Not so much.

I love how Lune's transition is benefiting both him and Cadance too, that was sweet. Unfortunately, it's way too late for me to write a long comment, but I look forward to what the sequel holds!

I can write happy sappy horses too :V

I have zero problems with fan-art. Heck, I encourage it. Honestly, that scene would be the BEST cover for this story. I'm just trying to keep the cover art as guy Luna for obvious reasons.

Well lemme just put that on my already too long drawing to do list... Probably something that's gonna have to wait til after my trip though.

Sombra in the main 'verse doesn't have feathers or a cutie mark. Because he's not a pony. Here, he is. The Sombra of the main 'verse also doesn't usually wear his mane back like in the example/referenced art. Otherwise, they look similar. This one doesn't have fangs though.

Yeah I realized all those bits, but for some reason the cutie mark bit threw me off. And the feathers were something I just accepted, because Sombra with feathers is a concept I've always been fond of. I also just assumed him having his mane up was an event/formal thing for the occasion. Sounds like a good look for him though.

And I might try downloading a story or two, actually. It would make commenting a bit more inconvenient, but hey it'll give me something to do when I'm still awake at unholy hours of the night.

10315066

Well lemme just put that on my already too long drawing to do list... Probably something that's gonna have to wait til after my trip though.

[heavy breathing]

Yeah I realized all those bits, but for some reason the cutie mark bit threw me off. And the feathers were something I just accepted, because Sombra with feathers is a concept I've always been fond of.

Nah just this one has 'em.

I also just assumed him having his mane up was an event/formal thing for the occasion. Sounds like a good look for him though.

It's because he needs to maintain that big bi energy.

And I might try downloading a story or two, actually. It would make commenting a bit more inconvenient, but hey it'll give me something to do when I'm still awake at unholy hours of the night.

Downloads still show the chapter names. You can just go back on FImFic and comment on the relevant chapter. Or leave a big one at the end. Whatever works for you!

10315052

Since their dynamic is obviously similar to the two in the main 'verse, would you believe me if I said I turned down the sappiness of their relationship a bit in order not to have an extra 5k of horse snuggles, smooches, and the like?

Never been more excited to read about romance, everything really is better with ponies.

Mind specifying 'things' a bit? It's a little hard to tell what this paragraph is referring to.

I think I worded that badly, actually. I was mostly referring to the dislike of being gifted feminine things or looking feminine. I've never been fond of it, but I'm also saying Lune's problems aren't something I can fully relate to because I've never desired to be a man, or have any masculine features, if that makes sense?

Like I've said, I'm not trans and am pretty okay with being a woman, so I don't want to say I fully connect with a trans man. Because being a woman who dislikes make up and dresses is far different from someone who's got actual gender dysphoria.

I'm just picky and prefer to hide in a baggy hoodie and collect skulls over whatever else my family wanted me to do. So it's more of an annoyance on my end than anything.

She'd be aware of Cadance's status. Lune's? Not so much.

Ah right, the whole 'girls are better than boys' thing. That's going to be what the issue is I bet. Honestly I was wondering on how she wouldn't have known about Cadance, considering she'd have known her since she was a child.

Also writing this comment was hard because my family's starting to rush to go so apologies if I can't respond to anything else, or if it's confusing.

10315085

Never been more excited to read about romance, everything really is better with ponies.

Says the person who has a long-running romance story and oodles of shipping ideas.

I think I worded that badly, actually. I was mostly referring to the dislike of being gifted feminine things or looking feminine. I've never been fond of it, but I'm also saying Lune's problems aren't something I can fully relate to because I've never desired to be a man, or have any masculine features, if that makes sense?

Like I've said, I'm not trans and am pretty okay with being a woman, so I don't want to say I fully connect with a trans man. Because being a woman who dislikes make up and dresses is far different from someone who's got actual gender dysphoria.

I'm just picky and prefer to hide in a baggy hoodie and collect skulls over whatever else my family wanted me to do. So it's more of an annoyance on my end than anything.

You: "I'm not like other girls."
Me: "I'm not like other girls, I'm a guy."

Ah right, the whole 'girls are better than boys' thing. That's going to be what the issue is I bet. Honestly I was wondering on how she wouldn't have known about Cadance, considering she'd have known her since she was a child.

Yes and yes.

10315095

Says the person who has a long-running romance story and oodles of shipping ideas.

I'm a hypocrite

You: "I'm not like other girls."
Me: "I'm not like other girls, I'm a guy."

Yeah, pretty much.

And now I'm gone, see ya in like 10 days, I'm gonna be in the woods reading.

10315102
Better reading in the woods than being in a cabin in the woods.

>also mfw when getting a buncha comments and 0 faves from best doodle bug
(I kid, obviously.)

This is the first story I've read that tackles body dysphoria in such an eloquent, cute way. I love it!

10324446
Thank you, Seven! 🖤

Not a bad story, not one that I find overly interesting, but still not bad. Clair de Lune is one of my favorites though. Glad to see someone was able to draw inspiration from it.

10334763
That story only inspired the name. The rest was inspired by, uh, me being trans.

Also Luna/Sombra is a must.

10334792
Luna and Sombra is a pretty decent pairing but I'm a Lunashy fan myself. Fluttershy's my favorite character Luna is my favorite princess and that's my favorite pairing. :yay:

Note: I also like Luna and Octavia, Luna and Twilight, Luna and Rarity, and various other pairings involving Fluttershy.

10334878
LunaShy is a good rare pair.

Way to steal the third spot from me, jerk. Why did you write something good?

10377107
Bro you literally won the contest

10377109
And you could have, jerk.

10377109
I'm telling the police

10377117
Blame the judges!

10385533
When are you gonna leave a detailed comment frand ;~;

10385559
Hi, I went to the store today and bought a lot of soap. I had nothing to do with it, so I took all the excess soap and molded it into a soap monster. I was real proud. I left it alone for an entire night and the next morning it was gone. I was scared because that meant somebody stole my soap monster. I went to the police department and they just laughed at me, so I took matters into my own hands. I followed the sud trail that Soapy (my soap monster) left and tracked him into the forest. It turned out that not only was he not stolen, but he was alive! I am currently hiding Soapy in the house and cannot let him leave. If anybody knew I created life I would be arrested. Please keep this secret.

This is fantastic! Luna is written in a way here that I've never seen before. The way you execute the concept is exhilarating, and I was hooked all the way through. I also enjoyed the relationship between Somber and Luna. This was really well done. I hope you wrote more!

On a side note, I will read this eventually.

10387249
Wait, this is an Ice Star fic?

More gothic trans horse when.

10402626
When I get around to writing them. Though, my main stories have gothic trans horses. Sombra is the trans horse in that ‘verse though.

10402632
I'll bully you for more trans ponies.

10402636
I literally have so many trans words just waiting to be read.

10402641
I literally have so many trans words

10402643
Then write them.

I am curious if we are ever going to see this side of Lune in EoM.

10436148
This is a different story ‘verse so I’m afraid it’s not to be. Luna is cisgender in the main stories, but if you’ve been keeping up with all the stuff with Sombra I’m sure you’ll have noticed that he’s an enby.

Okay, review time as promised, only three months late! You can finally stop pointing that gun at my head.

Okay, so this story got third place in the contest out of very steep competition. We judges sat down and deliberated about the final three for a while, and we came to the agreement that your story was the best written of the three. Seriously. Your prose is outstanding, like the kind of prose I would sell a testicle to be able to come up with. Beautiful word choices and descriptive language like you were painting with words, but tastefully done so as not to delve into purple prose. Lovely. Teach me your ways.

The deliberations went on for a while and we also couldn't find any flaws in the characterizations or the concept. Lune and Sombra are a lovely couple. I want to just watch them eat a meal together so maybe some of that love and affection they share could rub off on me. In stories that deal with transgender subject matter, it seems like the significant other is always a point of conflict. It's usually a story of lack of acceptance, the partner feeling misled and lied to, blah blah blah. You know this genre far better than I do, and even I think that's generic and lazy. The fact that Sombra accepts Lune's transition without hesitation was satisfying to read. A happy outcome in a place I expected awkwardness and resentment. And he's bi? Hello, sweet representation! I also feel validated. Wow. What a concept!

I also really appreciated your characterization of dysphoria as a literal demon running around inside Lune's head. That he has to live his life with this little gremlin running around and making him feel physically repulsed by feminine things, I suddenly understood on some tiny, limited window what it's like to be trans. To feel like your body is a mistake and that everything about your existence is wrong. And fearing what others will say if you come clean about feeling that way. As a cis person, I really appreciated that bit of insight.

As for problems with the story, I only have two, and they were fairly minor. First of all, chapter one is a very big info dump. Necessary? Honestly I would say yes. This is a story about an issue that many people do not understand, and that first chapter serving as a sort of Trans People 101 was helpful. But as a storytelling device? It sort of throws the pacing off. If that info had been spaced out a little more, I think it would have been a bit better.

And for issue number two, I think the story sort of petered out toward the end. We're shown many hints throughout the story that Lune fears Celestia and her well-intentioned biases, and while yes that is Generic Conflict of Transgender-Focused Stories, I still think addressing that before the end would have been a good way to end the story. The scene in the library was a pretty good end point, but I feel there was more to wrap up. I would almost bet money that this was a side effect of you running up against the word limit and needing to cut things off. I can respect that, but it still does the damage that it does regardless of the reason.

Overall, I loved this story. I have always admired your work (what little of it I have actually read :P), and this one was no exception. This story was unique among its competitors and provided insight into an issue that I honestly didn't know I was missing. You did good on this one, Ice. Really good. :)

Now please give me my kids back.

10450549

Okay, so this story got third place in the contest out of very steep competition. We judges sat down and deliberated about the final three for a while, and we came to the agreement that your story was the best written of the three. Seriously. Your prose is outstanding, like the kind of prose I would sell a testicle to be able to come up with. Beautiful word choices and descriptive language like you were painting with words, but tastefully done so as not to delve into purple prose. Lovely. Teach me your ways.

You have to make an Ixuian bargain to unlock the secrets I hold.

The fact that Sombra accepts Lune's transition without hesitation was satisfying to read. A happy outcome in a place I expected awkwardness and resentment. And he's bi? Hello, sweet representation! I also feel validated. Wow. What a concept!

Fimfic does not have enough stories with bi guys and Sombra can be a big bi boi.

I also really appreciated your characterization of dysphoria as a literal demon running around inside Lune's head. That he has to live his life with this little gremlin running around and making him feel physically repulsed by feminine things, I suddenly understood on some tiny, limited window what it's like to be trans. To feel like your body is a mistake and that everything about your existence is wrong. And fearing what others will say if you come clean about feeling that way. As a cis person, I really appreciated that bit of insight.

I'm glad people picked up on Nightmare Moon being a deliberate exaggeration of femininity as a last masking mechanism on Lune's part, since the only way he could articulate evil was to make his own corrupted form female.

First of all, chapter one is a very big info dump. Necessary? Honestly I would say yes. This is a story about an issue that many people do not understand, and that first chapter serving as a sort of Trans People 101 was helpful. But as a storytelling device? It sort of throws the pacing off. If that info had been spaced out a little more, I think it would have been a bit better.

The reason Lune's latest therapy session dialogue in chapter one is not present is that the prologue is the content of what he's telling his therapist. The only reason is that it's in the third person is because that ended up being the best way I could plan it conceptually (and it makes the narration dive in chapter one a twist). If that didn't get picked up on, I could always make it more explicit whenever I use the technique again.

I think the story sort of petered out toward the end. We're shown many hints throughout the story that Lune fears Celestia and her well-intentioned biases, and while yes that is Generic Conflict of Transgender-Focused Stories, I still think addressing that before the end would have been a good way to end the story.

Sombra had greater proximity to be the first character Lune came out to (and also goth husbands is a valid reason). I thought it was too unrealistic to have Lune come out to more characters, especially someone with as complicated and big of a relationship as Lune as with Celestia. More importantly: what do you think the sequel is going to be about?

(When I get to it, that is.)

The scene in the library was a pretty good end point, but I feel there was more to wrap up. I would almost bet money that this was a side effect of you running up against the word limit and needing to cut things off. I can respect that, but it still does the damage that it does regardless of the reason.

Partly word limit, and partly what I mentioned above. Those aside, the biggest reasons I picked this scene to end it on was because it got to showcase more of Lune and Sombra (too many stories end with just the coming out) and because I wanted the main character to be able to have their own name by the time the story ended.

Overall, I loved this story. I have always admired your work (what little of it I have actually read :P), and this one was no exception. This story was unique among its competitors and provided insight into an issue that I honestly didn't know I was missing. You did good on this one, Ice. Really good. :)

thanks bby ❤

Now please give me my kids back.

Muggonny took them.

An aspect of this story I enjoyed greatly was the importance you put upon an immortal being. The world is shaped for them and not the other way around, such as language and the importance of such a name an immortal being bears. Lune had right reason to know, given his immortality, that a name would hold power within those who utter his.

I also felt for Lune's plight, as you did a wonderful job characterizing the pain he felt in his feminine prison. I can't say I have full understanding of gender dysphoria and the like, but reading this gave me a worldview I often do not see, and in a real well-written way. I guess in a way I relate a bit to Sombra, as when I had a transmale friend in high school, I had to really dig deep down and look into their issues to grow my first semblance of understanding of such an topic.

And yes, as others have stated, their relationship was wholesome and cute and I loved it. Their chemistry was divine.

10469015
Thank you for taking the time to read and leave such a poggers comment! 🖤

I got a chance to read this story and I had to say it was quite an enjoyable read! You seemed to capture the emotional state of Luna/Lune pretty well, plus her dialogue with her therapist definitely feels pretty legit.

I kinda feel like this story is within the window of a larger one you're telling, is that the case? Your comments seem to imply it's tied to other works you've written, but I wasn't 100% sure.

Lastly, this is me being biased as a cis male, I did overall find this story to tickle my fancy. Both bi Sombra (as a bi guy myself) and talking about the struggles of masculinity were nice to see, even if but for a moment.

10537775

I kinda feel like this story is within the window of a larger one you're telling, is that the case? Your comments seem to imply it's tied to other works you've written, but I wasn't 100% sure.

Not quite. I've written a larger continuity where the Luna/Sombra ship is very core to said continuity, and both the characters of that continuity are depicted with non-straight orientations (and in the case of the main-universe Sombra, they're not cisgender). Other than sharing a couple of similarities in general temperament, the characters and lore in this new 'verse are different. A lot of my readers did come from reading my main continuity, though, so it makes sense that they would have questions.

If you're suggesting that I'm going to expand this, the answer is yes. I do have plans for a sequel, and when I wrap up more of my current projects, you better believe that it'll drop eventually!

Lastly, this is me being biased as a cis male, I did overall find this story to tickle my fancy. Both bi Sombra (as a bi guy myself) and talking about the struggles of masculinity were nice to see, even if but for a moment.

A lot of the themes of masculinity being important and MLM-related themes came from my experience transitioning. They're things that I find important, and will continue to be important in these stories. I learned a lot about male experiences as I've gotten to immerse myself more in The Dude Life, and oh gods, is it hard. As a dude who also likes dudes, I've also noticed a lot of MLM-related stigmas, even in LGBT spaces. So I decided that I was going to use what I saw and do something creative about my concerns.

Thank you for reading! I'm glad you got so much out of this!

Well, don't know why it took me this long to read this, but here we are :raritywink:

First off, I love how you wrote Lune and Sombra here - I don't even ship the two of them, but they've got chemistry here, alright. You handled such a complex topic with grace and elegance, and I really empathised with Lune's plight, feelings and anxiety and all that.

Personally I enjoyed the banter between Lune and Sombra very much. I don't see much well-written Sombra too often so seeing him as this cheeky, yet sensitive fella who's there for his love through thick and thin was very much enjoyable.

If I have to name a favourite scene though, I gotta say it's the name-choosing. There's something very pleasant about it that I just can't put my finger on, but I suppose it's the feeling of completion Lune is feeling :twilightsmile:

My only complaint, as with most stories that I enjoyed, is that it ended a little too soon. I really wanted to see more afterwards, how Celestia might react and all. But all in all, this earned its place, alright, and then some.

Have a like and fav!

10564628

First off, I love how you wrote Lune and Sombra here - I don't even ship the two of them, but they've got chemistry here, alright.

You don't ship them yet.

Personally I enjoyed the banter between Lune and Sombra very much. I don't see much well-written Sombra too often so seeing him as this cheeky, yet sensitive fella who's there for his love through thick and thin was very much enjoyable.

Welcome to Ice Star's profile, I have much more Sombra to offer. All potential converts to the goth horse OTP are welcome.

Encouraged, even.

If I have to name a favourite scene though, I gotta say it's the name-choosing.

The name scene and the dream scene certainly seem to be the most popular! I'm really glad too, since they were my favorites to write.

My only complaint, as with most stories that I enjoyed, is that it ended a little too soon. I really wanted to see more afterwards, how Celestia might react and all. But all in all, this earned its place, alright, and then some.

Coming out to Celestia and the rest will follow in the (eventual) sequel! Also, Cadance!

Have a like and fav!

Thank you for the high praise, pogchamp.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

10597729
It's been 13 minutes since I wrote that comment and man, I don't even know. c.c;

I think it's the tossup between "good job with historical accuracy if historically accurate", "oh god, this is historically accurate if accurate, i.e., poor people back then", and "good job imitating historical X-phobia if not actually accurate". :B

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