• Member Since 17th May, 2017
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Soaring


Controversially known for writing about an American Civil War slave in Equestria. Formerly 1234 and Freedom.

T
Source

Princess Luna recalled her life with the company of her favorite treat: coffee. She drank it whenever something bothered her, like the looming threat of day court in the morning.

Only, she wished it was just that.


Pre-read by Not Enough Coffee.

A rework of the 2014 fanfic, since the original account that the story was ported to was deleted by accident. Check this blog for more information.

Sad tag for the second chapter.

Chapters (2)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 15 )

I've been waiting for this bad boy.

Uneeded killing of Celestia aside, this was good. First chapter was better though. But that's just me.

I thought the Sad title was wrong when I read the first chapter. Then I read the second one... and... and... you murdered my feelings with a butter knife

10222719
The wait is finally over. :twilightsmile:

10222825
Thanks again for the pre-read, bud. :)

10222735
Thanks. Why'd you feel it was unneeded? I mean, Celestia wasn't killed by anyone. Instead, she passed away. Besides, the story did note that Luna was fine without her coffee because Celestia was alive, so what other motive could drive Luna to drink coffee again if she was perfectly content without it before Celestia's death? Just curious, it's always good to see different perspectives, especially from a reader's POV.

Spoilered my comment so other readers don't get spoiled.

Luna hated how it accrued a second meaning. She learnt of this when one of the royal servants approached her about a subject that she was studying. Luna realized that she was behind on the modern world, so she cracked open a dictionary and searched the archives on what this second definition meant. She learned that subjects were those specific categories you’d take when you were in school: Math, Reading, Science, Equestrian, Development of the Body, Spellcasting, History, Writing, Magic Engineering, Civil Engineering, Communications, Art, Nursing 101, Education, The Study of Wumbo, and the most important one of all that Luna wished she had: Recess.

Wait a minute...

categories you’d take when you were in school: Math, Reading, Science, Equestrian, Development of the Body, Spellcasting, History, Writing, Magic Engineering, Civil Engineering, Communications, Art, Nursing 101, Education, The Study of Wumbo, and the most important one of all that Luna wished she had: Recess.

wait a fucking minute.

Math, Reading, Science, Equestrian, Development of the Body, Spellcasting, History, Writing, Magic Engineering, Civil Engineering, Communications, Art, Nursing 101, Education, The Study of Wumbo, and the most important one of all that Luna wished she had: Recess.

Art, Nursing 101, Education, The Study of Wumbo, and the most important one of all that Luna wished she had: Recess.

Th study of Wumbo is a subject of schooling in Equestria. Wumbo. As in the He, she, me, kind of Wumbo? The same kind of Wumbology founded by a Mr. Patrick Star?

10223096
Yes.

I love my Spongebob references. ;)

Whoops, finals are a bitch so sorry I didn't get to preread this one.

Oh boy. The first chapter was just as good as I remember. However, the second part/original sequel now being incorporated to use the retirement, and now the death of Celestia feels a bit at odds with the rest of the feeling left by finishing the original, one where Luna's melancholy was (as I remember; so this may be incorrect) derived from something different, something more abstract and made sense to muse over coffee. Here, I feel like I'm left with distant fixfic vibes in this chapter because of what was incorporated and just a vague feeling of dread/puzzlement of if Luna is going to die too, and how the death felt unusual in how it actually would have had more benefit being explained, which at the same time doesn't really fit with the style or previous version. I think this would have been a neat kind of 'bonus' to include with the polished original two, but the story did benefit from only being grounded in the most basic of canon that detached it from falling into the weird feeling where I have to ask myself if this is some kind of fixfic (if I were a new reader). So, mixed feelings on the second one. Still an upvote and a good shelf.

10226259
Now this is spicy criticism. Thanks for this, first off. Hope your finals went well. :)

Now to address what you're saying. To start off, I'm glad that the first chapter, with its edits, was just as entertaining as the original.

the second part/original sequel now being incorporated to use the retirement, and now the death of Celestia feels a bit at odds with the rest of the feeling left by finishing the original, one where Luna's melancholy was (as I remember; so this may be incorrect) derived from something different, something more abstract and made sense to muse over coffee.

Fair point. Since the original was an exercise in analyzing a character in a creative way, there wasn't really a huge over-arching story other than Luna has a hard time dealing with stress, so she relies on coffee to stay sane for her duties during the day. Interesting that you view Luna's musings as her being sad, rather than her just being under duress and needing some time to think/reset herself, but I can see that perspective since she's basically considering if it's even worth it being a princess near the end of the first chapter. However, the story itself is grounded within the idea of Luna's stress being tied to her duty of being a princess, hence why the death of her sister at the beginning of chapter two wasn't jarring to me since Celestia was the only pony that was in the same situation as Luna, a former princess dealing with retirement. With Celestia's death being so sudden, it shocked Luna to the point of falling back on old habits.

That's just where my train of thought was when writing it. To be fair, I should've written a bit more to help establish it further. I even missed a perfect opportunity to add Luna seeing this coming (kinda did with the only thought in italics but it's kinda lazily put in [nice]).

Here, I feel like I'm left with distant fixfic vibes in this chapter because of what was incorporated and just a vague feeling of dread/puzzlement of if Luna is going to die too, and how the death felt unusual in how it actually would have had more benefit being explained, which at the same time doesn't really fit with the style or previous version.

I just learned what the hell fixfic meant. Thanks for that. Problem is if this was a fixfic, I would've done a shit job at 'fixing' what the show did. Warning, next spoiler is NSFW. I mean, come on, having Celestia die suddenly instead of having her live until she gets multiple yeast infections along with her naughty bits turning into a supernova in a SomethingEmoAndEdgy fic? Sounds like I didn't fix anything!

You're right, though. Explaining this whole death with vivid detail would've not even remotely fit the original's vibe, which is why I had to make the death just happen. The second chapter is not so much a sequel, but rather a view of how easy someone can fall back on something so unhealthy when a tragedy close-to-home triggers a drastic response. To be fair, a coffee addiction is a bit tame, but if you just replaced coffee with lots and lots of alcohol or any extremely addictive drug, then the effect would be there.

As for the whole Luna wondering if she was going to die too is more-so her being incredibly anxious since she didn't have anyone to fall back on. Here's to yet another missed opportunity of having this be a little bit more elaborate by having her completely outright rejecting the idea of going to Twilight or Cadance, since Luna felt she'd be burdening them with Celestia's death, which, in turn, would distract them from doing their duties, which is something she relates to heavily. Hindsight is 20-20. :)

I think this would have been a neat kind of 'bonus' to include with the polished original two, but the story did benefit from only being grounded in the most basic of canon that detached it from falling into the weird feeling where I have to ask myself if this is some kind of fixfic (if I were a new reader).

Ahh, the benefit of being based on basic canon. I wouldn't consider this a fixfic since I'm not really shooting for an AU here, since death will eventually happen to Celestia, but the show wouldn't do that, or they would've had several thousand angry viewers typing mean reviews for the show. I just have it happening in a fanfic sooner than later. Appreciate the ops heavily, Ice Star. Let me know if I misinterpreted what you're saying since fixfic is such a new term to me and maybe I'm misreading/misinterpreting your POV.

TL;DR: My writing is still a bit rusty; Celestia getting [REDACTED], and criticism like this helps me improve my writing. Thanks for the comment! :)

EDIT: Sorry I had to chop your comment apart. I have problems following comments, so doing it this way helps me formulate my response without looking like a complete and utter moron. Please, bear with me.

10226407
No need to apologize, thanks for the response. Also, I've had/have a coffee addiction before. It's not always so mild, unfortunately. Also, comments are ass because I can't seem to spoiler quoted material so here's a mandatory bit of bolded text saying there's unmarked spoilers here.

Luna's musings as her being sad, rather than her just being under duress and needing some time to think/reset herself.

The melancholy stems from the character, rather than just the tone. So it feels appropriate to say there is some sadness in acknowledgment of the mood.

As for the whole Luna wondering if she was going to die too is more-so her being incredibly anxious since she didn't have anyone to fall back on. Here's to yet another missed opportunity of having this be a little bit more elaborate by having her completely outright rejecting the idea of going to Twilight or Cadance, since Luna felt she'd be burdening them with Celestia's death, which, in turn, would distract them from doing their duties, which is something she relates to heavily. Hindsight is 20-20. :)

See, in a more elaborate story, I think that would have been more apparent because further dissection could have been given, yet that still wouldn't have been true to the tone. Here, it comes across as more immediately true because nothing exists to refute it or frame it any other way.

since death will eventually happen to Celestia

This is dependent on how your interpretation of their nature works, which I think is part of why there was a comment about the element of the death being needless. Because this element is always optional to touch upon, deviating from the concept of a character-focused piece to include it is kind of what added to that fixfic-y feel, or come across as forced drama from different writers. That sorta thing. Had you picked a duo where things were less ambiguous in nature, or it wasn't relevant in the story to spark that consideration, I don't think there would have been comments bringing it up. Say, for it being a story using Big Mac and AJ instead. Having the mourning plot point would have been more transparent. Might be the wrong word to pick but it's 4 AM and I can only make so much sense at that time.

10226438
Glad I don't drink coffee anymore. Don't have to deal with that addiction. ;)

All you have to do for spoiling quoted text is to put the spoilers inside the quote, not on the outside.

Like this (without spaces) [q u o t e] [s p o i l e r] [/s p o i l e r] [/q u o t e]

As for the replies, fair points as well. I mean, fanfiction is a bit dicey since it could be both tight and restrictive, while also being vague and open to interpretation. We totally need to chat in Discord about this sometime.

10226501
Heck yeah we do. Also, the formatting on here can be nuts.

A very bitter sweet story. Much like coffee.

This was an absolute delight to read. The pacing was phenomenal, and the repetition of Luna's likes and dislikes gave a musicality to the story that you just don't see often. Those tiny sentences made each paragraph expanding on her reasons for liking or disliking something feel that much more detailed, like we were truly seeing into the mind of Luna and getting to know her better.

~GjallarFox

one question: why does luna stay up at day? it mean she sleep at night, that is strange for luna and can't watch the dreams of the ponies

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!