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Scampy


25/♀️ -- Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't. |Patreon!|Twitter!|

T

Unable to handle her anxiety without the memory stone, Wallflower Blush tries to end her life. The attempt leaves her too injured to recover, and with just hours left to live, she expects to die all alone—until Sunset Shimmer appears, asking, “Why?”

Crossover/Sequel with Wanderer D's Sunset's Isekai can be read here.

Wallflower drawing is by s-i-ren.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 51 )

Geez, you weren't wrong about it being gratuitous. The bathroom scene was especially hard to read.

But this was good. Overall, I enjoyed it.

You're pretty good at this sad fic thing. Who woulda thunk

This is the first fanfic that I've read that has actually made me cry. Well done.

Wow... that was tough for me to read; in a well-written way, of course.

Dark or self-harm stories aren't usually my thing, but this one was worth the read. Nice work.

Oh my goodness.

This story had me feeling helpless from beginning to end. One of your other stories (you know the one) had a way of keeping the naiive part of me hopeful (you know, until it died). This evoked a kind of dread reserved for the innevitable.

Well done, as always!

Wanderer D
Moderator

Wow. Really good job. And what a promise to ask/make.

Great story

9714845
Oh hey, it's you. You finally did read something of mine. I think C2 owes me money now.

Or... Maybe the other way around? 9714730 Which was it? Or was there even a bet or am I thinking of something else?

Wanderer D
Moderator

9714876 Well, I'm glad I did!

nys

You did it again, Scampy. Oh poor dear...

Round of applause; loved reading it. Even though, I teared up at that ending.

<3

Ya done hit the feature box! Congrats!

To anyone reading this who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know that you can be helped. Your life matters, and the world will be emptier and darker if you are gone. Even if by some twist of fate no one noticed (and it's almost certain someone would know and care), there would still be a phantom pain - an absence that no one would know the source of, but would be felt all the same. We would be diminished by the loss of you. If that wasn't true, then why is it that people willingly choose to spend their days professionally helping complete strangers to realize their own self worth? You matter. Please talk to someone who can remind you of that.

If you're not struggling, but you know people who might be, please share this, especially if you write stories dealing with this subject material - I have therapist friends, and they advised me long ago to pass this along in case the content is a trigger for people.

Suicide Hotline: Link
List of International Suicide Hotlines: Link

... damn did that ever Stab at the heart and gouge extra for good measure.

Well done. what... more can i say?

It was a very, very good story. I loved it. The only complaint I even have which doesn’t really matter is that they could just have induced coma and given blood transfusions.

9715139
If someone is in hemorrhagic shock for too long, hypoxia (lack of oxygen) sets in and cells around the body start to shut down. Different cells have different limits before they reach this point, but after how long Wallflower was bleeding for, a cascade of organ failures was inevitable. Once major systems have started to die, providing more blood just isn't enough.

Wow, that was really emotional. I should not have read it in a public place.

9715139
A blood transfusion won't do anything if your body's too weak to use it.

Wow....this is...really good.

OOF, depression 100, too real, big mood, can relate, much same such sad, hello darkness my old friend, Feels got mlg 360 no scope 420 blazed. But honestly too close to home why did I read this

It's strange reading suicide stories. I feel happy less alone seeing other people like me. But it feels sad that there's so many. I wouldn't wish chronic suicidal desires on anyone.

Very touching story. I'm glad you're in a safe enough space that you can write your thoughts out like this. :pinkiesad2:

9716269
Hey have a little empathy huh?

Well this was well written. Not often a story touches me at all. Gg author.

Best lessons i can share from my life to anyone feeling this way are these.

-Never isolate yourself. We all have a breaking point and we need someone there to catch us when we fall.
-Do not bury yourself in work. Life gets too monotonous if we work too hard without a break and it feeds depression. I know (3 years working 7 days a week with college on top of it)
-Find those people who REALLY care about us. They may not be relatives but, you know who they are because when you are really in trouble they end up there to help whenever they can.
-Do not focus on a distant goal too much. I am especially guilty of this. Focusing too much on long term goals with high standards can feed into low self esteem. Try to focus more on the small goals linking the big ones. It helps it feel more realistic and make you feel a lot better.

This story is great I love it

9716730
Sorry for dealing with being sad with humor I wasn't really trying to be insensitive, though looking at it now it looks hella cringe honestly :twilightblush:

I winced in phantom pain at each arm being cut and was shivering in discomfort at sinking into that hot water with the steam and blood curling around. This story was definitely and painfully evocative, And Wallflower and Sunset coming to terms with things was as sad as it was well-done.

I hadn't heard before that after losing that much blood the body can be stabilised enough to be conscious but can no longer make use of blood transfusions. It may have been helpful to have had the nurse make an off-hand comment about that in particular (assuming, that is, that hemorrhagic/hypovolemic shock isn't just common knowledge I'm only now learning :twilightblush:).

And it's unfortunate that Silver-Quill's concerns about Wallflower's character being forgiven but still ultimately forgotten in subsequent EqG releases appears to still be accurate. :pinkiesad2:

9717223

I hadn't heard before that after losing that much blood the body can be stabilised enough to be conscious but can no longer make use of blood transfusions.

So I did a heckload of searching for anything on this topic. The main issue I came across is that there are very few studies on patients whose suicide attempts end in a hospice situation. These are the studies I looked at before writing this, and I'll explain my conclusion below. Yes, I'm entirely aware this is unnecessary but I did all this dang research and now I have an excuse to talk about it so SIT DOWN Y'ALL.

A retrospective case series of suicide attempts leading to hospice admission

Palliative Care After Attempted Suicide in the Absence of Premorbid Terminal Disease

The summary of these articles is that a lack of research makes any definitive conclusions difficult, to say the least. That being said, a common trend with patients who awaken after suffering from hemorrhagic shock for any reason is the presence of anemic hypoxia and/or anoxia, which are an insufficient amount of and/or complete absence of oxygen in the brain, respectively.

Every minute the patient is in a state of hypoxia/anoxia, their chance of survival drops significantly. There does exist a "sweet spot" with these conditions where a patient can wake up, be cognizant and aware for a short time, and still be beyond recovery. Again, though, there is very limited documentation regarding this.

For the purposes of this story, I interpreted these studies to mean Wallflower could briefly regain consciousness long enough for her and Sunset to make their peace and say goodbye. It's within the realm of possibility according to the (again, very sparce) data I found, and this is a fictional story. Its purpose is to explore the emotional struggles forced upon the characters during Wallflower's slow, inevitable death at her own hand. The scenario—however uncommon it may be in real life—is really only a means to that end.

I hope this explains my thinking well enough. Also, don't you FRICKING dare say Wally won't have any more scenes in the show. She's a precious little angel and she will get all the Love, Respect And Character Development she deserves.

I literally cannot read this past the one-quarter mark, as it's making me more than a tad physically uncomfortable. Well done?

9717448
I understand. All the graphic scenes are contained within the first third of the story, with the rest being almost entirely dialogue. While going into so much macabre detail does enhance that dialogue, it is not necessary to understand the story, and I've heard from a few people who also chose to skip it entirely.

All that is to say, there's nothing wrong with deciding this story isn't for you. And, I'm sorry for making you so uncomfortable.

9717301

I wouldn't say that she won't, just that I'd sure like it if she did and that I'm still waiting. :ajsleepy: I didn't mean to sound defeatist.

9717454
I mean, I honestly want to read it, but I got too queasy. Eh, maybe I'll try again later.

EDIT: Got through it, was moved.

I wasn't expecting to tear up at this. I've read plenty of fics involving suicide but... ugh, damn tears. The whole thing at the end was sweet and really heartbreaking. Good job though, I guess that's probably what you meant to do. And uh... yup. I'm sad now. :fluttershysad:

This was horribly depressing. I mean that in the best way possible.

This is a story where, despite this being tagged as Tragedy and all, and sort of knowing the ultimate ending, there's hope to be found yet. It's a difficult thing to pull off without the narrative coming across as melodramatic/sappy/outright badly written, but it works well in this story because the characters sell it.

Yes, of course the cutting and the bathtub help it in that respect, but it's honestly the conversation that really did it, I think. You have a character so far removed and a character so thoroughly invested, but the roles are swapped from what you'd normally see in these sorts of things, and that interaction makes a world of difference.

Anyway. I liked this. I'm as excited as ever to read the next thing you publish.

I... Wow. I don't think I've ever been moved to tears by any sort of writing until now, so consider that a compliment.
And, if it's alright, I'd like to relate a personal story of my own:
A couple months back, I was not in a good place. I was stuck in a place I didn't want to be, chasing a job I didn't want, with an education that had been horribly derailed, with only enough friends to be counted on one hand, none of whom I'd met in real life and whom I couldn't even contact regularly due to the circumstances, and it didn't help that I sucked at making friends to begin with. Long story short, I felt like I'd hit rock bottom. I was, on all counts, a failure to my family, and trapped in the passenger seat of my own life. So I decided to take things into my own hands for once.
I chose to hurl myself out an 11th story window. I was this close to an escape. Mercifully, my acrophobia kicked in at the last possible second and forced me to back away. Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of it, and a month later I had a relapse involving a meat cleaver; I had to be physically restrained, and one other person was hurt in the struggle. And while I can't honestly say that things have gotten better, the knowledge that people actually give enough of a damn about me to stop me from making a premature exit is honestly quite a strong motivator to not give up, if only for them.
So, as you can imagine, this fic hit all the right buttons to get a strong emotional response out of me, which definitely means you succeeded as a writer. And speaking as someone who's been in Wallflower's position, everyone needs a Sunset in their lives. :scootangel:

Hopefully the Kevin can bring Wally and Sunny back together.

Isn't taking long for us to get to our money's worth.

I feel as though this fic is educational.

There's a casual stance to all of this evident in Wally, and I suspect that stands out for a reason.

>>Wallflower rose the blade to her wrist and took a deep, deep breath

Raised* ?

Hey, she "cried out." Must be hard to remain stoic, even if this is something that someone wants to do. The assumed mental image is of complete silence while slitting, but I suppose that's not how it works.

How much copper is there in the blood? I'm asking for a friend. I remember as a dumb kid putting pennies in my mouth and that it'd taste the same as putting my tongue to an open sore.

In a situation like this, I wonder to what extent Wally would endeavor to keep her head above the bathwater.

Would no feelings of anxiety cross her mind at this juncture? No thoughts of fear or regret at all? I suppose I simply cannot fathom the mind of such a person.

You're a smart cookie--is a throbbing headache true to experiencing terminal bloodloss? I wonder if research or experience has gone into this or both.

>>Terror gripped her slow-beating heart as she observed the thick bandages that were wrapped around her arms, going all the way up to her elbows.

*There's* the anxiety.

Clara Barton?

>>“Of course... It won’t make much difference either way.”

I wonder how many nurses would throw away etiquette with a line like this. Asking again for a friend.

This is an emotional nurse.

This fic is nicely condensed. We've only had two line breaks and the action doesn't feel too terribly rushed. Sign of good pacing.

```Wallflower had heard the ever-so-popular stories about jumpers changing their minds mid-fall, or some variation on the cliche. As she blinked—damn it—at the stained bandages again, she wondered why she was the exception. Perhaps those stories were just fiction espoused by people who had never struggled with wanting to die. Perhaps she was just more determined to end.```

I was wondering about that cliche this entire time reading. Good way to comment on it.

>>Wallflower glared at her. “You can’t be serious.”

Lulz.

>>“No you can’t,” Wallflower droned. “No one can help me anymore. You heard what she said.”

No offense to nurses, but I'm guessing there was a *doctor* who confirmed this off-screen.

I wonder if this is really happening, or if--instead--it's just a nihilistic fantasy in Wally's depressed mind in which she accomplishes something with 90% success and the only person she knows in life is so easily broken down by a one-sided argument in Wally's favor. I don't think Sunset has ever truly "thought of" what Wally have thought of. I suspect many people fantasize about suicide as a means of magically ending their pain, anxieties, burdens, etc. The Wally of this fic is cut from a different cloth: she simply wants to *end*. All symptoms of living be damned.

Sobering how they touch upon all the "what if" scenarios of Sunset and Wally meeting before the act was done or how Sunny is gonna live with the regrets of this whole shindig.

>>“I’ll do it,” Sunset said suddenly, her face lighting up with determination. “I promise you, Wallflower. I’ll get everyone’s memories back.”

Do I smell a sequel?

I'm starting to wonder if Wallflower's emotions for her parents are potentially undeserved.

>>“I-I’ve been ready for a long time. I j-just wish... I wish I'd never wanted to at all.”

Hmmm...

This would be an entirely different fic at all if Wally "goes to sleep," then wakes back up while Sunset's having a piss break, then dies in complete and utter bitterness.

>>The sounds of Sunset’s cries were softer now, and even the ringing in her ears was fading away.

I kinda feel like you could have introduced tinnitus way... waaaaaaay sooner. But--again--that's probably a different fanfic. Maybe a more personal one, if that can be believed.

I still feel that Sunset here is less of a Sunset and more of a fill-in so that we can draw out Wallflower's perspective on matters. The Sunset of canon EqG is a perfect Mary Sue angel who would fight tooth and nail to prevent something like this from befalling Wally. But reality isn't truly that idyllic. Thank Nietzsche for slash fanfiction. Er... you know what I mean.

Maybe I'm biased, but I feel that the bulk of your stuff (which I have read) doesn't come across as "waaaa-waaaaaa" angsty/edgy/emo sad-fests. There's a certain degree of cold, cerebral logic to the stuff you write. It takes an angle that is less emotional, more contemplative, and certifiably un-kaizo. You're not about using melodrama to extract empathy... but rather reflecting bleak circumstances for what they are. Bleak. Rather ironic that a story about wrist-slitting would be far less concerned with having an "edge." I suppose that marks the difference between thought experiments and Link Park songfics (I've no clue what the kids are listening to these days).

We used to be so hard. But in our heads we're still screamin' and runnin' through the yard.

Kudos to the author's note.

This actually reminded me of an overdose I had, where I was hospitalized and was afraid to fall asleep because I could feel how fucked up my body and head was from the, y’know, high. I was told that I was lucky to have arrived when I did even if I threw up in their bathroom.

Honestly, I really appreciate the research angles you took for this too.

You put a lot of work into this, and it definitely shows! Glad I got to read this. It makes me happy that people spread awareness about how bad it can get for a person.

Oh hell...it was almost painful just reading the description of what Wallflower did to herself. We all assumed, and hoped, that Walflower's story did have an ultimately happy ending, but you never really know for sure do you? Hard piece to read, and probably pretty hard to write. Good job.

:fluttercry::raritydespair:
O.m.g. I cried through this, not gonna lie. It actually struck very deep with me, for two reasons. One being my uncle was suicidal and eventually succeeded in it. And two, I've contemplated suicide in my life, but I was lucky enough to have a friend catch the signs before I actually acted on it. I feel Wallflower's pain, and also Sunset's as she watched all this stuff going on.

Hard story, very emotional, and very well written. Great job.

Dang, this was heavy.
I knew from the description it wouldn't end well, but still a bit surprised to see it end on such a downer, and that Wallflower never stopped wanting to die. I was afraid that it'd be sending the wrong message to readers, like 'maybe suicide really is the best option' which... god that hurts to think about.
But then after reading over the comments, I think this kind of story is important, just the way it is, so people don't feel so alone.
The descriptions were... intense, in the beginning, not in the sense of being melodramatic, but how casually it was presented, how real it all felt. It was an intense story all around.
Damn good fic

9878958
Glad you enjoyed it. The possibility of glorifying suicide is a big concern for me with all my stories, especially this one. That realism you lauded requires being in the mind of a character who wants to die, but in doing so there isn't a lot of room for that character to disagree with their own actions. It's up to the rest of the writing to show why suicide isn't worth it in the end.

I agree that stories like this need to exist. This and Best Left Forgotten are very much intended to be bleak, brutally realistic dives into subjects often treated as taboos. Just because something is uncomfortable doesn't mean it's any less real, or any less important to talk about.

This was quite an emotional story. Sunset being there made it really sad and really sweet at the same time.

How strange, she thought, that such a little thing could be used to let her feel nothing ever again.

I feel ambivalent about this line in ways I can't explain.

“If I had, you would have tried to stop me,” Wallflower said.

Good line for reasons I won't explain.

“But I’ve been over that for a long time.”

You made me go look up the statistics.

at least 50% of those who recover from a first episode of depression having one or more additional episodes in their lifetime, and approximately 80% of those with a history of two episodes having another recurrence...recurrent episodes will usually begin within five years of the initial episode

“I really wish you didn’t feel that way,” Sunset said.

“Y-yeah,” Wallflower sighed. “Me too.”

I tried, but I have no words.

“Then you know how important it is that they remember. E-even if it’s after I’m gone...” Wallflower looked up at Sunset, her eyes pleading and desperate. “Please, do whatever it takes to undo what I did. And not just them—everyone, if you can.”

I have problems with this. Not writing or characterization problems--you've done well. I have problems.
9715311
9717301
Thank you for providing links! I was looking for these in the author's when I finished, but this works too. I can accept things like this happening, but I wanted to know if this particular one was grounded in reality. Bully for you and doing your homework.

Thanks for writing!

Beautifully, horribly evocative, and emotionally gripping as all hell. The tone's dark and bleak, but there's a core of kindness and humanity from the characters (especially Sunset and her promise) throughout that gives it that beautiful spark. Nae bad at all.

reading this with the Prelude to Shadows (belgerum's one) was.. suffice to say, not a good idea :fluttercry:

As far as I’m concerned, this is the benchmark for FIMFic tragedy. Other stories inevitably get compared to this, and whenever I want to be hit with a freight train of sadness my first thought is always “well just re-read The Time We Have Left”. You pack a lot of meaning into a single chapter, you never pull your punches, and the ending is utterly heartbreaking because you know right from the start that it’s inevitable.

Even though the story starts off moments before Wallflower’s suicide attempt, it’s painfully clear that this isn’t being done on a whim. From the description of her room to the preparation she’s done by deciding on a method and even researching the blood-thinning effects of aspirin, this is a decision that’s been considered and carefully thought through, as horrible as it is to say.

Your actual description of her suicide was… really difficult to read. The detail to her cutting made me feel ill (and I mean that as a compliment), while her death being “like she always hoped it would be” is just awful to think about.

This was a hospital. She was in a hospital. It didn’t work.

Brilliant and horrifying at the same time. You don’t use repetition much in the story, which is what makes it so much more effective when it's used as Wallflower’s coming to. It’s not just realisation, it’s mounting dread.

You write Sunset brilliantly too – someone who, even though she’s been in a dark place herself, instinctively rejects the idea that it’s happened to someone else. Contrasted with Wallflower’s cold, brutal, but ultimately reasonable logic, it almost seems that Wallflower is helping Sunset come to terms with reality at times.

I’ve always hugely respected authors who do research into the stories they write. The fact that you’ve looked at medical journals to investigate the effects of anoxia and the plausibility of being conscious while having sustained lethal injuries deserves recognition.

“What’s your goal here, Sunset?”

Holy shit. What I said about you not pulling your punches? Yeah. This.

The only problem I have with the story isn’t even a complaint about the story. Sunset promising to fix things with the Memory Stone made me wince. Wallflower said it herself: They didn’t know if it was possible, and yet Sunset made a promise to a dying girl without knowing if it could even be kept. But it’s a fair thing to write – in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to make unreasonable promises in a desperate attempt to help.

And just to top off the tragedy, even though the two have reconciled, even though Wallflower’s arguably in a much better mental state, she’s still comfortable with the idea of dying. Again, it just hammers home that this wasn’t some stupid spur-of-the-moment thing, but an acceptance that yes, this was how her life was going to end.

So yeah. Wall of text later, this is great in so many ways that I want to go into, and so many more ways that I don’t. Thank you for writing it.

9715311
Basically the entire article you linked there doesn't really agree with your conclusion. Dropping the body temp, inducing coma, vent & VAD, pushing whole blood would have had a fairly reasonable rate of survival. They would not have given up that readily, nor would she have ever woken up if that was the case to begin with. If the blood pressure / oxygenation drops low enough for unconsciousness, that's it barring external circumstances like pushing whole blood and support drugs, which would have lead to a really fairly high rate of survival.


The aspirin is the real one here. Hemorrhagic shock has a fairly high resusc rate. Downing a whole bottle of aspirin though is less "blood thinning" and more "fail-deadly". Popping aspirin is a hell of a way to go. You will wake up in the hospital and think you survived, but no, your organs are actively failing and there's nothing they can do, and it's going to hurt the entire time you die.

10205054
yeah but you gotta understand that I'm a shitty writer with no idea what she's doing and I just wanted to project my stupid angst okay :v

also, for what it's worth:

this is a fictional story. Its purpose is to explore the emotional struggles forced upon the characters during Wallflower's slow, inevitable death at her own hand. The scenario—however uncommon it may be in real life—is really only a means to that end.

As she waited for the water to heat up, she tested the razor’s edge by drawing a few thin lines across her wrist. The cuts didn’t really hurt and were barely deep enough to draw blood, but the sight of redness bubbling up from her skin was satisfying as ever.

Isn’t it though?

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