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This story is a sequel to Hate Me, Hold Me

The only reason Wallflower made it this far is because Sunset was always there when she needed her. How can she possibly win a fight against herself when Sunset's away?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )
Posh #1 · Sep 28th, 2021 · · 4 ·

Because Wallflower couldn't be trusted to not slice herself open if she didn't have a lifeline to her girlfriend at any given hour of the day.

Can you imagine a deli where they serve self-slicing ham and other meats and cold cuts? Butchers would go out of business.

Wally should say eff-off to the plant bullshit and invent the world’s first automated black forest ham.

Somehow, quoting the whole thing and gibbering about it would seem to be in poor form, so how about...

Not the phone, she didn't hate the phone. It was a good phone, perfectly good! She'd never been one of those people who always had to have the newest release. So long as it could call, text and open Reddit, it was good enough for her.

She did sort of hate it, though.

How perfect is that for establishing? Like, perfect. Boom.

Powerful, painful stuff. Congratulations are in order for the timer didn't reset to zero.

I'm glad to have decided to read all the prequels along with this one, and seeing Wallflower's steady improvement in each one. And honestly, all I can say is that I hope there're more sequels in the future, and see that improvement continue to rise.

YES!!! Wallflower is getting better.

Every second more is another victory. Another ounce of worth granted to the self. Another wad of spit in death's eyeball. So you should take every one you can.

Birdhorse said it as well as I could. Every second is a victory.

Every extra day is another addition to your high score. If you've made it this far, who knows how much farther you can go.

Echoing the above: every second is definitely a victory.

Developing the above: it's excruciating when victory feels like error.

(Hang in there!)

One of the most poignant things about this series is how Wallflower's mind can twist even the good things happening to her (Sunset and her friends getting the phone, Sunset getting her out of her abusive home, etc.) into shame and self-loathing. It's really eye-opening for someone who hasn't personally experienced that kind of mindset, or who thinks that everything should be just fine once circumstances have changed for the better. You can feel Wallflower's logic, as flawed as it is, for how real it really is for her in these moments.

This bit in particular:

Sunset wouldn't get home from work for another five hours. And her phone was dead because she forgot to plug it in last night because they'd gone to bed way past their bedtime because…

Wallflower hugged the pillow and shivered.

Last night, when Sunset had looked down at her, smiling that perfect smile, she told Wallflower she was so, so pretty.

Shows how the bad thoughts can suddenly just spring out of nowhere, for no discernible reason, even after a wonderful, loving day/night prior.

Time kept ticking forward.

I love the repetition in this. It's one of my favorite literary devices, and it just makes this story seem just as visceral as it should.

She didn't bother to check her phone, or the timer. It didn't matter if she did or not. It kept ticking up all the same.

Damn... The usage of the clock in this story really drives the point home. Every moment is a victory. Every single one. Even when all you can do is just let time march on. That's brave and strong in and of itself, despite maybe not feeling that way at the time.

Whenever she finds out, Sunset will be very proud of Wallflower. Just as I am very proud of you. :heart:

I simply don’t understand how you keep doing it. The fifth in this little series of thousand-word one-shots, and you once again take us on a painful, unapologetic trip through some really dark places while at the same time making it mean something. But more than that, you say something different each time, and Safe From Myself’s message (IMO, of course) of ‘every second is a victory, even when it doesn’t feel like it’ is equal parts dire and uplifting.

The repetition of the clock is a fantastic theme, and helps to pace the story well through what could otherwise be a bit of a hodgepodge of intrusive thoughts. While ‘hodgepodge’ is true to life, the repetition helps ground it for an external viewer – good call.

The subtlety of the introduction is a fantastic start as well, now that I think about it. How one tiny spark of negativity can grow into this all-consuming fire that burns through Wallflower’s self-esteem. And, a very typical Scampy trademark by now, you say a lot through subtext – on the surface she’s monologuing about her phone, but we all know that isn’t really the theme here.

Finally, the ending just tops it all off. An interesting choice to have the tone remain unchanged compared to the rest of the story; it's still steeped in this tired, aching melancholy, even after Wallflower overcomes the urge to cut. There's no revelation, no magical spark of realisation that she's loved and should feel loved. Very in-keeping with your other works, it doesn't just get better.

That's real, and it hurts.

And yet, Safe From Myself differs from the rest of the Angy Series in that it does end on Wallflower overcoming the urge, which gives it... not an uplifting note exactly, but almost the feeling of reluctantly trudging on. For want of a better phrase, because I mean that in a good way. In fact…

It kept ticking up all the same.


Oh poor wall flower. I know it’s not easy battling addiction, but victory’s like this is always something to be proud of.

How do you keep hitting all these emotions perfectly? How?!

Stunning work. Sad, but also kinda victorious, you know? Wallfower has been free for half a year. Even if she still has the urge, she hasn’t acted on those urges at all. What’s more is that she resisted the urge to self-harm right now. Instead, have opted for self-care - a warm shower. And that’s a win.

On a related note. Scampy, that screenshot at the end. Is that a real app?

Yes, here it is on the Google Play store.

It's kinda simple, but concretely knowing how long I've been clean has been one of many things--this story included--that have helped me avoid a self-harm relapse for over 11 months now.

I'm glad you liked the story 🙏❤️

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