• Member Since 29th Jul, 2012
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Sunset Shimmer is in her apartment, alone, because it’s for the best. That’s why it’s good that she didn’t go to that party. It’s good that no-one knows what she does to herself.

But it’s fine. She knows what she’s doing.

She knows that she deserves this.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 30 )

Hey, do you want to hear a piece of shit project for three thousand words? TOO BAD I’VE GONE AND DONE IT ANYWAY.

(I guess this comment can serve as the author’s notes since it seems… thematically inconsistent to put something like this immediately following the story itself)

So full disclosure: I haven’t actually seen any of the “canon” appearances of Sunset Shimmer. This whole story, as well as her interpretation here is shamelessly ripped off of heavily inspired by the works of Scampy, so many thanks to her and go check her stories out if you haven’t already. Add to that a spoonful of Inky Shades’ intrusive inner voice from It’s Not Fine, and you end up with a one-shot that combines story aspects from two great authors while being significantly worse than anything either have produced.

I’m not a writer by any stretch of the imagination. So take this thinly-veiled vent piece for what it’s worth, and thanks for stopping by.


This whole story, as well as her interpretation here is shamelessly ripped off of heavily inspired by the works of Scampy

Not even a little, my dude. Every bit of this story is laced with a steady, unique insight that's entirely your own. I really, truly appreciate that I've had an influence on you, and, you've taken the ideas and themes of my stories and used your own experiences and feelings to create something truly breathtaking and new. Thank you so much for writing this story, honestly. The way you write Sunset's inner voice, inner wishes, outward actions and teetering emotional state is painfully true to life. This is everything I was hoping it would be and more.

I’m not a writer by any stretch of the imagination.

Yes you are! I know this because I just read something, and someone had to write it, and that someone is you! You're not an "aspiring" writer or a hobbyist or anything of the sort--you're a writer. Own it! Be proud of it! Cuz I'm sure as heck proud of you!

sriracha cupcakes

Eugh, I'd cut myself too if I was subjected to shit like that on a regular basis.
In all seriousness though, this was a good story. I've seen many which try to convey the philosophy behind self-harm, and the clinical approach was not only unique, but I personally think that it's a good representation of how those who have suffered depression over a very long period of time view themselves and the world around them. The emotions are there, but there's another layer too - this grainy film that sucks the color out of everything and leads to a detachment from both worldly and personal issues, and it neatly wraps back to the clinical overtone at the beginning of the story.

I also really like how you didn't romanticize the... eugh... experience of self-harm, which is something I've seen way too much of on this site. Your Sunset only really does it out of habit, with little more meaning to it, and that wraps back to what I mentioned about chronic depression - it's a habit, and however it started, she only does it now because it's become her routine. Another meaningless experience out of all the seemingly meaningless experiences viewed from behind the grey film.

All that being said, there's one glaring technical error that I can't in good conscience ignore. That huge, monolothic wall of text right in the latter third of the story doesn't need to be there. In dialogue/monologue, if someone is saying something (I know Sunset didn't really say it, but it still applies), and that something is taking a lot of space, you should break it into paragraphs like you would anywhere else. The proper format for this is:
"First paragraph
"Middle paragraphs
"Last paragraph"

Back to the story: While I'm not too much a fan of self-harm stories (namely due to gross over-saturation of the "genre") I liked this well enough to, well, give it a like! You took a disgustingly overused concept and freshened it up to the point where a discerning reader can extrapolate meaning from it, which is something that not just anyone can accomplish.

Ohhh heck, this is really good! Sunset and Twilight have so much personality to them, even if we're only seeing things from Sunset's perspective. Also, you wrote Sunset (and the whole story) really darn well. Not just her character, but also the stuff she does, her inner thoughts (intrusive or otherwise), and everything else, really. This work gave the self-harm topic a lot of respect, and I appreciate and respect you for that.

Also also

is shamelessly ripped off of heavily inspired by

What hecc you're darn tootin this story is not a rip-off! Sure, the subject has been done, but you wrote it in your way with your voice. You made it your own! I hope you keep on making stuff your own.

Wow, this turned long. Or maybe it just looks long on my phone?

I think what I'm trying to say is "well done!" If you weren't a writer before, then you are one now! Congrats!

Oh I almost forgot.

sriracha cupcakes

Oh my god you monster

Bloody hell, I wasn't expecting anything at all from this, let alone a comment this detailed. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

Interesting that you linked the detatchment that depression can cause to the scientific, clinical "justification" at the start - I was honestly worried that the beginning would've felt out-of-place considering where the latter half of the story went.

One of my few goals when writing this was to absolutely not romanticise self-harm, because frankly there's nothing romantic about it, and there's nothing romantic about depression. Rather, I hoped to convey the uncomfortable truth that there are reasons behind it beyond your cliché "cry for help" or "attention-seeking" answers, even if that reason is fabricated for the sake of convenience.

Honestly, thanks for the criticism there. I was torn between wanting to format the story in the way you'd described for the sake of readability, and keeping it as a monolithic text dump to try and convey that "runaway train of consciousness" feeling. And while I hope it does do that... good god it's hideous to read.

sriracha cupcakes

Hey, apparently there are recipes for it and they don't look half bad. Other than that... I'll just say "because Pinkie Pie".

When the actual authors start leaving comments, things have officially gone too far.

Honestly, I've got no clue what Sunset's/Sci-Twi's character even is canonically - this is really just the amalgamation of several other fanfic interpretations (of which Rise Again contributed to, so thanks there). Really, all I hoped to do was give the topic of self-harm the respect that, in the opinion of this petty, melodramatic individual, it deserves. So it's really good to hear that I... haven't quite failed there.

Genuinely though, thanks so much for the comment.

Oh my god you monster

And now I'm half-tempted to go on a tirade about how chocolate and chilli is a well-known combination in baking and if you haven't gorged yourself on a tray of white chocolate and chilli brownies until regret and butter permeate your very arteries then you haven't lived yet.

Man, this is just...painful.

This hurt. Particularly the wall of monologue. Because I've been in that headspace - not to the point of self harm, just that I've heard myself saying that to myself before. And you just reminded me that even with everything else going on in my life, I'm in a better place today.

Thank you.

Haven't gotten around to reading yet, but in the meantime, given the topic, I'll say this much.

To anyone reading this who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know that you can be helped. Your life matters, and the world will be emptier and darker if you are gone. Even if by some twist of fate no one noticed (and it's almost certain someone would know and care), there would still be a phantom pain - an absence that no one would know the source of, but would be felt all the same. We would be diminished by the loss of you. If that wasn't true, then why is it that people willingly choose to spend their days professionally helping complete strangers to realize their own self worth? You matter. Please talk to someone who can remind you of that.

Suicide Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
List of International Suicide Hotlines: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

Wow, that was an intense story. Here I go thinking things for Sunset will get better, but in the end they remain the same. She’s holding herself back, but for what reason she doesn’t understand. It’s like she’s forcing herself into her unhealthy routine rather than actually needing to do it, sort of like how an actual addiction would be like (I’m not a big expert on that, though).

There are a lot of similar plots with Sunset like this out there, but few of them capture that “vicious cycle” emotion like this one. Well done!

That was kind of my goal with the ending, to subvert the "pulled back from the edge" trope that we all really want in these types of stories. That oftentimes, a single heart-to-heart talk isn't enough to miraculously fix everything. It's why I tried to characterise Twilight as wanting to understand instead of fix - as you mentioned, there are a fair few stories where such a kind of depression is a problem to be solved as a plot point, rather than an all-encompassing theme. And to your credit, "addiction" is a pretty appropriate word for it.

I mean, that and I just love stories with a depressing ending. Guess I'm kinda weird like that. Thanks for the comment!

You’re welcome!

(And don’t worry, I’m weird in the sense that I like those kinds of stories, too! :raritywink:)

Saw this story pop up in the 'also liked' section of mine. Good job. I can really feel Twilight's concern and total lack of certainty over whether she's making the right choices to help. That "maybe you do understand" is really distressingly not helpful.

Thanks - I guessed that a character like Twilight would want to understand but wasn't quite sure how she'd react. I've seen that confusion is pretty common when it's not a knee-jerk reaction, so I went with that.

I'm curious about your thoughts on Sunset being really unhelpful by saying "[...] you really do understand", would you mind expanding on that? It certainly wasn't my intention, more to show appreciation that Twilight wasn't forcing things, taking agency away from Sunset even when she's been put in a vulnerable position.

Ah, I was like 95% sure that was what she meant. Just an appreciation for giving her space and not jumping down her throat and trying to force her to miraculously turn everything around on the spot.

But then I started wondering if it could also be interpreted as "thanks for being cool and looking the other way on this". With Twilight wondering if this is being seen as tacit approval to continue or even escalate, and whether she just screwed up big time and this is the last conversation she'll have with Sunset. Granted, from what we know of Sunset from the rest of the story, she's likely not about to go slit her wrists open after this conversation, but Twilight doesn't have access to the same look inside her head that we do. To her, it's not exactly clear what that "you understand" is supposed to mean.

Or it could just be I'm drastically overthinking it because my fic involved Twilight overshooting nonconfrontational support straight into enabling and reinforcing. I do think such second guessing would be right in Twilight's character though.

I, er, intended for the line to mean the first option. Though to be fair, I do see what you mean about your second interpretation. With a character style that might jump to conclusions, especially with how Sunset does not want to talk about things right now, there's a fine line between not wanting to push the issue and make things worse, and being complicit by pretending the conversation never happened.

And hey, isn't drastically overthinking things, like, the whole point of fanfics? I mean, now I'm trying to figure out how to headcanon together this, Just Thoughts and probably something like The Time We Have Left. Hell, why not finish it off with Last Light and woop woop everyone's dead.

Everyone being dead is truly the hallmark of a great expanded universe.

So what I'm hearing is that the three of us need to collaborate on an Extreme Angst story

I mean she can’t get upset that she found the book. Also, I was really hoping she would tell her everything.

Please I've had suicidal thoughts before and I imagine you have too.

Choosing to open with such clinical descriptions and information was an interesting choice. I think it really served the story well though, supporting the atmosphere of detached, almost depersonalized habit throughout. The journal was another facet of this, truly illustrating both how little (and how much) Sunset thinks of herself and her addiction.

Great work on the character interactions. The tension between Sunset and Sci-Twi was palpable, but not overdone. Sci-Twi's measured reactions are both true to her character, and realistically helpful. Like Sunset says, she understands more than she thinks she does, as contradictory as that can seem.

By ending the story like you did, you neither romanticize the subject, nor trivialize it, which is a delicate balance with these type of stories. It leaves the door open for the possibility of a better conversation (and day), but doesn't shy away from the truth of how difficult process is/can/will be.

Great job on this.

Thanks so much for the insightful comment! It's really interesting that you're the second to point out the analytical tone at the start: I originally feared that it would come across as cold or even jarring, particularly since this is ultimately a story of (repressed) emotion. But you make a great point - I suppose there's a thread of "logic" that runs through the whole thing, as flawed as it is.

I'm intrigued about how you felt Sci-Twi's approach to the topic was "realistically helpful"? That was definitely the goal, and it's great to hear you think I pulled it off. Dunno, I guess I figured Twilight would be the "learn, don't judge" type, and that a topic as delicate as self-harm could test that to its limits.

you neither romanticize the subject, nor trivialize it

That was really my main concern for the whole story. Ultimately, I went for brutal reality, and damn how callous it might seem. But you're right - support and recovery can come through these moments, not just in spite of them.

Thanks again.

“You didn’t read that.” It wasn’t a question.

I would immediately remove her from my residence. Absolutely not. Nosey. Bad.

I've never known anybody who cuts in real life, but from what I heard, it seems like you hit the nail on the head.

Thanks for your comment. It's genuinely nice to hear that what I've tried to convey makes sense from the perspective of someone who specifically doesn't have any personal experience.

Hah, thanks. In a way, I see what you mean - perhaps making it something as secretive and personal as a diary was a poor choice. There are plenty of things through which someone attentive might suspect what's going on: Long sleeves in strange circumstances, unexplained bloodstains, defensive self-consciousness. I suppose I only intended the diary to be a stand-in for any one of those.

When is this suppoaed to take place?
At first it made like it was just after the first movie but then Twilight can't be there. If it is after the second movie it does not fit because of the resolution of the movie was Sunny moving past these feellings....
It would have worked well enough if it was Applejack/Fluttershy instead of Twilight in the scene I guess but nice narrative anyways.

For some reason reading this made me think of this interaction:
Alucard: Listen to me Draculina! You are so much stronger than you let yourself be.
Seras: How do you know?!
Alucard: Because behind those eyes, I saw something I lost long ago...The will to live.

I am so sorry, I completely missed your comment! Honestly, it's a good question, and the simple answer is that I have no idea when it's supposed to take place.

When I wrote this, I'd never seen anything to do with Equestria Girls - my interpretation of Sunset was based entirely off the excellent fics available here. As a result, you're right, this story is absolutely full of plot holes and inconsistencies (and in a few ways, I kinda wrote myself into a corner regarding Sunset's accommodation when I wrote Cortisol a few years later).

Maybe it's possible to work it into some kind of semi-alternative-universe, or possibly an alternative interpretation where Sunset's angst is just better hidden now, and only comes back to haunt her in solitude? Or maybe it's just a silly foray into angsty bollocks.

Gosh, Tamiya, I'd forgotten how real and how powerful this was. I came back to it after like, 2 weeks of pausing it (bc im a lazy bitch) and good god I was thrown right back at Sunset's state of mind. And the tension, the way Twilight reacts. The way Sunset reacts, it's just-- I don't know how to describe it except that it settled down in my stomach with this uncomfortable familarity that aaagghh its way too powerful!
Gosh I need to keep reading the rest. Thank you for making me hold back tears (this is 100% not sarcasm, I mean it)

Wow... after all this time, I never thought I'd see another comment on this, let alone one so meaningful. I always struggle to find my place back at a story I've paused for a while, so to hear that it still hit you even with the break in the middle... genuinely, I'm not sure I can get across how much of a compliment that is.

And, naturally, you're very, very welcome - thank you for making me choke up over a four-year-old thinly-veiled vent piece.

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