• Member Since 29th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

TamiyaGuy


T

This story is a sequel to Noradrenaline


Sunset Shimmer is not a good person. She knows this.

She may be better than she was, she may have learned how to help rather than hurt, but she’s far from perfect. The scars lining her arms? She’s earned them. She deserves them.

But that doesn’t mean that someone else deserves the same.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 28 )

Stress raises Cortisol. Cortisol increases body-fat. Relacore helps reduce belly-fat. You NEED Relacore!'

There's more than one chapter??????? wtffffffff GIVE IT TO ME

Anyway this is great. I can see you took a few cues from Dave re: describing outfits, which is a really nice touch. Beyond that, there's so much that goes unspoken in this chapter, but it's all still clearly there between the lines. Like the words alone have more than enough meaning, but if the reader really thinks about what's going on, it's like piecing together a puzzle in story form, and it all comes together in the best possible way. Love it.

ok but for real GIMME

11440935
You'd better believe it! I aim to try something at least slightly different with each story. This time it's multiple chapters, and that means everyone's favourite: Cliffhangers.

Oh my word. You're absolutely spot-on, spotting Dave's influence there. I wanted to include that bit of foreshadowing somehow, and well, what better way than stealing someone else's narrative techniques?

It's really uplifting to hear that what's been omitted plot-wise still makes sense when pieced together - one of my concerns was how to tie it into the first two stories while now understanding more of the canon material. Good to hear it hasn't come across as a mess, honestly.

And fear not, if all goes well you won't be waiting too long...

If this story doesn't have them at the very least hold hands in a homosexual manner, I am going to destroy the UK. I'm half Irish, don't fuck with me on this.

On another note, I love the slow burn of this. It feels so genuine, and more than a little familiar. I guess it can be pretty liberating to be around someone who makes one's greatest source of shame and self-loathing into a casual, even ironically humorous topic. I think I'm starting to understand where this story comes from now.

11443545
One of the things i really enjoyed about a multi-chapter format was exactly the ability to have that slow burn, to be able to call back to past scenes and let the themes of dwelling and rumination show through, perhaps a bit more than the prequels since they only focused on a single scene.

And, as always, it's great to hear that it comes across as genuine. For such a sensitive topic, and especially where both characters sometimes do the 'wrong' thing (Sunset's outburst, Wallflower's assumptions in the first chapter), it's always a fine line to walk to have them make those mistakes and come out of it stronger, without either coming across as preachy or doing a disservice to the topic itself.

I am going to destroy the UK.

Welp we had a great good okay mediocre run, eh.

Having read the other two previous stories just for understanding this one, it makes me happy that this is the first truly positive ending they have.

Sunset's right. It's a start. A very important start. And even if she falls back at some moment or other, she has to remember this first start. That first moment when she saw a bit of clarity through the fog of depression and self-loathing. That she recognized the lies she had told herself over and over.

Great job here.

And if anyone else tried to say that to her? I think I’d kick their teeth in.

“Hm.”

This is excellent lesbian foreshadowing and if you deny it I will send an army of cats to poop on your pillow.

AHEM.

I remember the first time I had the urge to hurt myself, put the razor to my skin, then pulled it away minutes later without doing anything. This chapter perfectly captures the intensely confusing and self-contradictory feelings I had that night.

I wasn't proud. I wasn't happy. I didn't feel good about myself or feel like I was better or that I ever would be. But I felt something, something small and fragile and precious that I knew, even if I couldn't identify it, that I had to acknowledge it was real. That little seed of self-worth took years to finally bloom into something sturdy, and even then I cut it down to size more than a few times. But the seed was always there, and as long as I acknowledged that, I never felt like I'd given up on myself.

That's what this story is about, more than anything, I think. Learning not to give up on yourself, because you can't bring yourself to give up on someone else. Caring about someone else is so much easier than caring about yourself, but the two don't have to be mutually exclusive. After all, we're all just someone else to someone else. Caring about someone else is still caring for someone, and that's enough to start.

Being strong enough to care about yourself doesn't always feel like strong. It's a not towering, immutable sense of self-worth, but it's not the opposite of that either. It's something in the middle, something that takes nurturing and resilience to see it grow, but it has so much potential to change Sunset's life, and Wally's life after that, and then they are going to wind up together and get married or you will suffer the monumental consequences of your sins.

Anyway. Good story. It reminds me of where I've been and makes me all the more grateful and proud of where I am now.
media.discordapp.net/attachments/692239896773001217/1050948367582248990/Screenshot_20221209-173329_I_Am_Sober.jpg
🙏💞

It's kinda interesting how the thing that finally helped Sunset break through the fog was the fact that she met someone who has similar problems, the fact that she isn't the only one like this, rather than somebody empathizing.

"But I've learned so much! I can feel the Force something outside of self-inflicted Clarity*!"
"But you cannot control it. This is a delicate time for you."
* - 'Clarity' as a euphemism, naturally

This is a solid installment in your series -- it shows us the beginning to moving forward and some reasons why and how. Good work.

I never thought this series would get another sequel but I love that it did

11445383
Wow. Thanks so much for reading the previous entries to get the whole story, that's really thoughtful. I tried to make this at least accessible to those who haven't, but naturally, there'll be a lot of finer detail and context missing in that case.

"Positive" ending is a nice way of putting it, because one of my goals for Cortisol was specifically "don't give it a happy ending". And I hope you didn't find it happy in the traditional sense, but... yeah, you're right - positive. Hopeful.

Thanks for the comment.

11445544
It's nice to hear that you picked up on that. One of the things I find myself doing a lot in fanfics is breaking down a cliché I've seen all too often - that dramatically (and often forcibly) confronting someone about self-harm is a fantastic way of helping and then everyone was friends and everything was better.

I guess this time, I tried to break apart that cliché in a positive way, by potentially showing that 'help' can come from, as you mentioned, true empathy instead of confrontation or surface-level sympathy. Thanks.

11445597
Okay, welp I think I'm gonna have to steal "clarity" for my own degenerate uses, thanks for that!

And thanks for your comment as well, particularly that it's as much about the why as it is the fact that Sunset, as you mentioned, is beginning to move forward.

11469217
Honestly, that's really sweet to hear, thanks very much. Man, I never would've thought that people would actually be wanting a sequel to some vain projection piece from two years ago.

11445404

This is excellent lesbian foreshadowing

Hahaaa, man, trust you to take the one part of the story that could possibly be interpreted in that way and bring it to its insane fanatic natural and logical conclusion, bloody fantastic :rainbowlaugh:

…I think I need an ‘ahem’ of my own now.

So first off, I must apologise for taking so long to reply. I actually had to build myself up to respond because this is honestly one of the most meaningful things that anyone’s ever commented on something of mine. Beyond just the thoughtful and thought-provoking comment, it means a lot because I see a lot of myself in those first two (serious) paragraphs, and it means a lot to hear it from someone else’s perspective. Kudos for having the bravery to confront and share it.

This chapter perfectly captures the intensely confusing and self-contradictory feelings I had that night.

It’s a pretty thin veil that the section you’re talking about is basically me projecting hard enough to show off PowerPoint slides. So on that note, even through the self-imposed stigma, the discomfort, the feeling that I ‘should’ve’ felt like overcoming the urge was a victory, the sense of shame and failure that I would still go to bed stressed and worn out… your reassurance that I wasn’t alone in those feelings – and that somehow I managed to put them into words that you could relate to – is genuinely, deeply uplifting in a way that surface-level positivity can’t reach.

And I think ‘not giving up on yourself’ is a great interpretation, a great way of summing up the series. Of (slowly, and with great difficulty) learning to embrace and work with the often conflicting and self-demeaning feelings that come with struggles of self-worth and self-harm. Of recognising that progress is still progress, even and especially when it doesn’t feel like it.

Of course, because this is me, I had to throw a few curveballs in there as well, try to smack down some of the clichés when a story includes someone who, sarcastic quotes, ‘helps’. It was honestly pretty fun, and at times almost felt like a reversal of the standard Sad Sunset/Sad Wallflower interaction.

That’s a hard-hitting thought, about caring about someone else. Because you’re spot-on about it being easier, and you’re spot-on about how it can boost one’s own self-esteem in turn, when managed well with adequate self-care. You nailed it in your own comment: It’s enough to start.

Thanks again for the comments throughout this, and you should be damn proud of where you are now. I’m proud of you as well.

11470847
Yeah, I didn't want to say a 'happy ending' because I know this isn't the happy ending, but the first step on the long road to one.

Mine was secluding myself for a week and painfully convincing that voice in my head that I shouldn't be angry for failing to live up to others' expectations of me. And that was after a full year of mental health care.

There's never an easy solution to things like this, and that's what makes these first steps so important. Even if they don't seem like it. Even if they feel like the opposite.

And I'm glad you're showing it with these stories.

Thank you.

11470878

I know this isn't the happy ending, but the first step on the long road to one.

What a wonderful way of putting it, that is just poetry. I might have to steal that for myself, actually.

You're bang-on about there not being an easy solution, and honestly I appreciate you mentioning it - basically the main reason I even started this series was in an attempt to convey that message (as well as the shameless projection, of course).

So thank you, and it's good to hear that you were able to convince that little niggling voice of your inherent self-worth; I've no doubt it was achieved through your own grit and determination. I've no doubt that there have been times when it's tried its damndest to pull you back down again, too, but... well, you put it perfectly.

You took the first step.

I keep rereading the stories before this in this series because of how damn relatable they are. AND I JUST FOUND OUT TODAY U MADE ANOTHER ONE. YOU CANT DO THIS TO MY HEARTTTTT. I got pulled out of my depressed slump IMMEDIATELY when I saw this. Life Goal. Achieved. *slurps this story like coffee* I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE

11502137
Welp, what more than I say but "thank you for the lovely comment"! It's genuinely uplifting to hear that this little triptych of angst resonated with you, albeit tinged with the sympathy that comes from the fact that, well, the angst resonated with you. The Sad Sunny genre must be kept alive, one projecting vent piece at a time :pinkiehappy:

11505779
Yes, thank you so much for this absolutely necessary thing in my life. Despite it, of course, being not the positive topic one would expect is necessary to feel better, this 3 fic trio ended up ending on a happy note, unlike having a worse ending. So, that’s good!

Preamble: long note with tw about suicidal ideation and starving.
I just came back to this story (this newer one, the ending of the 3 story series). It’s only been a few months, but a lot has changed and stayed the same. And although I’m sure no one cares cuz I’m just self-projecting (makes me think of Sunset here), I just want to give my thoughts now that I’m in a….slightly better mindset? Last year I was in the worst suicidal situation I had ever experienced. I kept delaying eating and starving myself as a form of self harm because, what I am at least grateful for, is I was too grossed out at cutting to have that be my outlet. This feels weird, like a weight has left my shoulders and I can breathe easier now that I’ve said this to someone other than my aunt (can’t get a therapist, parents, is all I need to say. not that that always helps.) My thoughts are still the same, if a little less and different, but I’m just grateful I got over that period. Who knows, I might relapse in my self-hate once school starts again, but maybe it’ll be better. Thank you, TamiyaGuy for these stories, they’ve been very important to me. And I love how this ended.

11652811
Hey, just wanted to respond to this a bit more meaningfully than normal because I think it's a massive step to take to be able to put thoughts like this into words - good on you and thank you for sharing. I'm sorry that things were really crappy for you those few months ago, and it's good to hear you're doing slightly better now.

And honestly? Thank you for your comments, both this one and the ones from earlier. I don't know if it's a desire for petty validation, but comments like yours carry a whole lot more weight when they come from someone who's experienced that kind of depressive mindset. It sucks that it's happened, but there's a weird kind of unity-through-suffering going on. Maybe, I don't know.

I won't offer fake platitudes that it'll always get better and everything will be sunshine and rainbows all the time. I mean, not only has that not been my personal experience, but it'd kind of go against the message of these stories as well, huh? :P But I would like to say that the steps you took to work through your suicidal thoughts is something to be proud of, and I hope that you are proud of it.

So thanks again for your comment. It's amazing to hear that these little vent-pieces-disguised-as-stories have been important to you over this time, and I hope you don't forget that it was you who put in the work to get where you are now. Take care, and be well.

11654480
Thank you so so much for responding. You didn’t even have to go this in-depth as a response. But I’m constantly reminded of how everything isn’t complete shit because the people on this site that I’ve talked with care so much. I know how crappy it is when ppl fake these comments, but, and I know you’re not doubting me, I genuinely felt, and somewhat still feel this way. I’ve always seeked emotional and existential validation too much (because I’ve never really been allowed to express my emotions, stifled when everyone around you does the same and you learned that. Why I relate to Rainbow in kinda an unhealthy way because she didn’t publicly show her emotions. Maybe I imprinted on that,) when really I need to get that from myself and my own belief in my abilities….I’m working on that. It’s kinda scary to see how the next year will be (junior year is supposedly to be hell anyway, I just made it worse b/c I’m going through the most pre-inflicted time-consuming stress ball of SAT practice) cuz this summer is already filled with so much work that’s making we wonder why I did this to myself, cuz half of this is me being the masochist I am with self-hate I still harbor, hopefully less so, and the other half is people-pleasing (with the tiniest smidgen that I want to do.) But I’d like to think that now that I’m out of a toxic environment from previous years, after going through what I am right now, the never-ending stress and fear things will rebound, the fact that I completely jumped back to how I used to be means I have changed for the better. Somewhat. Maybe it’ll get better and I’ll have better experiences in the future. But, like I’m wayyy too used to doing, I’m rambling. I want to get to a point that I don’t ramble meaninglessly to strangers on the internet and my friends, but when they’re the only people you can talk to cuz family doesn’t understand…it’s become a habit I need to fix. And I’m sorry to whomever I’ve subjected it to, because it isn’t fair to them. You didn’t even have to come back to comment, but it means so much. :heart: Yeah, thanks for acknowledging that sometimes everything isn’t always gonna turn out fine, because that’s something the well-meaning people in my life have too high standards for.

A full length-essay response with confusing grammar and paranetheses later: Ok, gonna cut off my train wreck of venting 2.0. What I’m really trying to say (for the 3rd time :facehoof:) is that thanks for caring (laughs self-deprecatingly) and I hope all of us, through whatever the cosmos decides to throw at us, can pick ourselves back up, even if we fall more than we’d like to. I wish you the best, especially because you ALSO decided to dedicate time in your life to process thoughts and turn them into words, as you said I did, for a random stranger on the internet. If people online can care (I wonder how many times I’ve said that), I think I have more belief in myself than I started out with.

Edit: revisited this fic and will revisit IF (I hope it’s an if and never a when) I start spiraling again. Almost 2 months later and I have thankfully gotten better significantly. My feelings of self-worth still shouldn’t be tied to my productivity, but in the society we live in currently….easier said than done. I did better on my SAT, so at least I’m not dying there. School workload is in full swing, but I’m not….drowning like I was the past two years in all senses of the word. So, thanks for these fics, on a genuinely “feeling slightly better” note than before. Life will always be difficult, but if I look at it just a little less cynically, I think I’ll be able to deal with it just a little easier.

It's funny, how reading words can feel like gazing into a mirror.

Thank you for this series, that I randomly stumbled upon tonight because I have a terrible sense of when I should sleep. Wish this had more views.

11739246
Thank you for your comment - for what it's worth, comments like these are worth a million views on a counter to me, so genuinely thanks.

It's nice to hear that that the story resonates. By the same token, I guess I'm sorry that it resonates, and I'm sorry that you've been through experiences that make this kind of shameless projectey angst depressive inner narrative hit.

Gotta say as well that I'm absolutely a fan of your work. Give Me Anything But Blue was a fantastic, melancholic slow-burn while Cooling Embers has cemented itself in my "get off your arse and read this" list after reading its prequel. Keep up the good stuff!

11740579
Oh, wow, haha. Thank you so much. <3

I actually haven't worked on Embers since mid-July, but between reading this and another recent comment on the story, you've sparked me to finally pick it back up again. So thanks for that as well~ You'll certainly have to let me know what you think when you get the chance to read it.

Just finished reading this little trilogy and honestly... wow. I don't know, it just felt so real. Probably the best depiction I've ever read of how it really feels. I couldn't help but get sucked into Sunset, it was all too familiar. Especially hits home how it feels like nopony else 'gets it' - which is why it's so nice to have stories like this. When Sunset tells Wallflower she isn't alone, I felt that... Like she's telling the reader, too. Overall excellent. I'd love to see more from you.

11804652
Dreadfully sorry it took me so long to get to this! And wow, that really is high praise, and it means a hell of a lot to hear. Thank you.

People not 'getting it', or being willfully blind to it, is an interesting kind of juxtaposition to me. Because SH has a heavy stigma behind it, as does depression in general, but it's almost as though it's earned its stigma. Parts of any mental health condition, after all, can be uncomfortable to acknowledge.

It's one of the reasons (aside from shameless projection) that I wrote this, to be honest - just to try and get across that these topics, beyond being uncomfortable and hidden, are complicated, even messy to actually approach.

And if you enjoyed this little trilogy, I'd highly recommend Scampy's Untitled Angst series that inspired a lot of the narrative here. Thanks again.

Login or register to comment