Wallflower Blush has a bad habit, but it's really not a big deal. After all, it's her choice.
Rated Recommended by PresentPerfect.
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Scampy
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This was heavy, and sadly all too real for some people.
As somebody who doesn't indulge in this activity, this was an enlightening experience. I'm also impressed with how much tension and emotion you managed to pack in towards the end, so well done!
Also also, I really appreciate how much detail and background and feeling you managed to pack in (from home life, to past life, to current life, just to name a few) while still making this feel like a short real-time event
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I know. Suicide doesn't end pain. It just passes it onto others.
Ouch. That last line was such a doozy, despite being so simple and understated.
That feeling when you start trying something new. How hard can it be? The feeling of discovering that you’re in way over your head. How do others get so good at it? They make it look so easy.
Finally, the feeling when you find you’re not actually that deep in, and must drastically improve your skills.
Words well spent.
This had me feeling a little bit of anxiety throughout.
I thought she was really gonna die for a second there
9919454
Nah, I would never do that to Wally.
- Equestria Girls
- Dark
- Sad
- Tragedy
Unable to handle her anxiety without the memory stone, Wallflower Blush tries to end her life. The attempt leaves her too injured to recover, and with just hours left to live, she expects to die all alone—until Sunset Shimmer appears, asking, “Why?">_>
<_<
Something like this ended in the first stitches and hospital trip I've had in years. It's in my past now, but thinking about it still dredges up a lot of feelings that stories like this are one of my only safe ways to address. Thank you for writing it.
I can't physically relate, but this hurt to read a bit. Solid story.
This made my skin crawl
Wow... This was really well done. Not just grammar and spelling (both of which were very on point) but the descriptions as well.
I've battled this demon for a good chunk of my life. While it's something I rarely do these days, relapses do happen on occasion if my stress levels are really high. That being said, when it comes to thoughts during and descriptions of cutting, you NAILED it. Definitely adding this to my list of well made fics.
9922200
Full disclosure... When I write Wallflower doing self-destructive things, I'm usually less concerned with characterization
and more withget these thoughts out of my head project project project gaaaaahhhhhhh-- Out of all my stories with her, though, the one that focuses the most on her characterization is, funnily enough, also the one where she doesn't have a history of self-harm. I'm not sure if that's one of my Wally fics that you've read, but I'll always shamelessly recommend it because I'm very proud of it and it's an important story that needs to exist, uncomfortable as it may be.[Adult story embed hidden]
Soapboxing aside, I'm glad you enjoyed this. I don't really know much about the 'culture' surrounding self-harm, as that's never really been an impactful thing for me. In my experience, most western media portrayals of it are shallow and disrespectful, using it as a sort of "press here to insert drama" button. If nothing else, I hope my portrayals of it are at least coming across as realistic. I mean, I know they're realistic for obvious reasons, but you know what I mean.
Thanks for reading!
9922539
Big oof warning. You good? Good.
I honestly can't remember specifically when or why I started self-harming. I mean I know why--depression, abusive parent, etc etc etc--but I'm not sure why I chose self-harm over some other kind of coping mechanism. I was 14, and it was maybe a year and a half a year before my first suicide attempt, but the specifics of that entire period of time are lost to me for whatever reason. When I started hurting myself again a couple years later, there was a big fat Traumaaaaa™ I could point to as my excuse, but not the first time. Almost eleven years later, I still deal with it, and upon really close inspection I don't even know why lmao.
Reading your comment makes me wonder where I first heard about self-harming as a concept in general, cuz it's definitely not something I would have just figured out on my own. Life is weird sometimes.
With every story of yours I’ve read, it strikes me that you’ve done a huge amount of research into the topics you cover, and this one is certainly no exception. Both in terms of Wallflower’s emotional state and the physical details of her cuts, it’s clear that you’ve aimed to convey a more accurate depiction of depression and self-loathing rather than using it as a mere plot device.
That constant flitting between analysis, self-justification and spiralling trains of thought rings as painfully true, torn between wanting to feel more and wanting to feel less. And then ending on the cold note of Wallflower calming down and just staring at herself left an unpleasant taste in my mouth in the best way. That gave me a mental image that I had to stop and think about for a good while.
There’s none of the whining melodrama that’s all too easy in these types of stories, none of the one-dimensional click-here-to-add-sadness writing. What’s left is a bitter, logical, and ultimately reasonable insight into Wallflower’s justifications, borne from what comes across as a desire to see self-harming done right (and, if you’ll forgive my stalking of your blog, first-hand experience).
As little as it might mean coming from Random Internet Nobody™, I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through this yourself. But you’ve certainly put your experiences to use and ultimately created one of the most respectful depictions of depression and self-harming I’ve seen on this site. Thanks for sharing.
This is the closest a fic has gotten me to vomit. This is...yikes.
Oh no, Wally Bby what you doin?
I'm stuck on her flesh being white instead of green. c.c
Doesn't exactly align with my own experience, but felt genuine regardless.
Most relatable part for me.
Man, this is just heartbreaking.
I've reviewed your story here!
Beautiful, Scampy. This is probably one of the best things I read on this topic. People always asked me why I do it and I'd always say "I don't know." Of course it's correlated to depression, but if I'm being honest, I'd be just as likely to do it enjoying a happy moment with my friends and excusing myself to the bathroom, as I would being in my bedroom wishing things would be different. Maybe I never realized I didn't know why I did it.
The behaviour is just as addicting as anything else in the world. You can stop someone from doing it but you can't stop someone from wanting to do it. I wish more people would have pitied their selves for being ignorant to their own destructive behaviours instead of shaming me for my own.
Much love to you, Scampy, hope you are staying safe in these trying times. Don't get sick on me!
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Hopefully you can try stay clean! I’ve been clean for I’d say, aaaaa few days now? Maybe. Anywho, hope you’re doing well.
This really hits hard for me, having some former close friends who cut themselves. I still enjoyed the story for the most part though.
Not gonna lie, I got worried for a few minutes.
This is similar to something I had to go through.
Also, I never even had a solid reason to try to kill myself in place #1
Wow. This was really powerful. I'm not made uncomfortable by literature, fanfic or otherwise, very often anymore. But this was incredibly visceral. Not in a bad way. It's just... vivid. Really puts you behind Wallflower's eyes.
So, I've never self-harmed. I've never understood it, except in the "Saturday morning special" way. As in, I knew it wasn't something attention seeking, and I knew it could be addictive, just like any other coping mechanism. I had an ex who struggled with it in the past. She would try and hide the scars from me, but we were together for a while and... well. I'll just never forget the look in her eyes when I saw them the first time. She stopped wearing the long sleeves around me after that, but not around anyone else. No amount of Saturday morning special can explain how that contradiction felt from someone looking on the outside in.
Not to shame Wally, of course. Sunset would probably hold her and kiss her scars and tell her she's beautiful no matter what. Because she's a good human-shaped horse like that.
Now to read more.
I self harm for a diffrent reason(self-punishment) but even though our situations are diffrent I understand Wallflower, at least a little, and I just want someone to be there for her as people were and are for me.
I really felt the physical sensations you described. It was just so visceral and efficient. You did a great job packing so much into these thousand-odd words. Incorporating Wallflower’s canon wardrobe into the characterization was also a nice touch.
I’ve never self-harmed nor know much about other people’s experiences with it. But the rationalizations Wallflower made reminded me of thoughts I had during my depressive phases, when I’d let my life fall apart to the point of almost failing school, or later, losing my job. (I mean, what’s one more day of canceling everything last-minute with a made-up excuse so I can just lie in bed and do nothing but stare at my phone for hours? I can always come back from it, after all…)
That is to say, she felt like a very real person to me, and I really got the sense of being in her head.
And the dread I felt in reading that last line. Perfection.
This was incredibly uncomfortable to read which I gather was the entire point. The descriptions and the way Wallflower goes about everything is so unsettling, and it completely succeeds in that department. I've had thoughts, but this really feels like reading what it would be if I actually followed up on them.
The final line has so much packed up in it. Traces of fear, but also determination. A form of anger Wallflower has at herself that's closer to annoyance than rage. It's like she's scratching herself with nails, but more dangerous. After a while, she stops being able to feel the damage, but it's still there.
The small portion where Wallflower talks about Sunset also makes you wonder what's she thinking about. Does she expect Sunset to expose her? Maybe she knows Sunset wants to help her or maybe not, but it's a visible cry for help that Wallflower silences before it can reach anyone.
Really visceral story, great descriptions of what happens, and Wally's thoughts are really layered.
Well. Damn.
This did not pull any punches. At all. Raw, visceral, and it feels so real. You've put us firmly in her shoes - I cringed and winced and it just kept going. You intertwined Wallflower's thoughts and actions so well - her reflections on Sunset, how she'd excuse it, and that pang of regret when she realises what she's done...
And then she beats herself up for not doing it right.
Just... fuck. Really well done here.
Ouch.
This had a really bad affect on me. Half way through this, I started to feel physical nauseous. I don't know why. I've read very detailed fics about people getting cut up, blown up, eaten, skinned, and just about everything else you could think of and never felt anything like that. This isn't for the faint of heart. Not by a long shot.
Mood.