• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2018
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Twilight Star

I like to write stories about the shippings: TwiLuna, MoonLight, NightmareRarity, RariLuna, NightmareNightmare, ChryLight, TempestLight and LunaCord



Using the time travel spell, she decides to travel to alternate timelines to find out what the life of the ponies in the alternate timeline is like. Twilight Sparkle arrives in alternative timeline that leaves her quite surprised. Luna is the ruler of Equestria and not Celestia. Sunset Shimmer is the Princess Luna student. After this shock, she explores this different Equestria and tries to accept this alternate timeline and return home and tell Spike.

Twilight Sparkle vector belongs to Eagle1Division
Background belongs to Ambassad0r

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 30 )

This deserves a bit of attention, it's a decent idea, and while not perfect, decent exacution so far, on to the next chapter

Wow I’m so excited to see what happens next. I’m really enjoying this story!!

Chrysalis is the Princess of Love!?

omg, I wonder what for!?

You should try to slow it down a little. Give us some descriptions of the characters. Have them talk more than they do. Example: “I’m from another timeline, you see...” “YOU’RE FROM ANOTHER TIMELINE?! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!”

Then describe how and have them talk about it instead of running further. I really don’t see how someone would just say ‘It makes sense’ to someone who just said that they’re from another timeline. Just a little work and this will be gold :)

This is to fast try going for 2000-3000 words a chapter exept for a fast story that need to slow down it is nice kip it up 😎

Great story, but I felt that this ended too quickly.

Great. But a little rushed ;)

Ok, I'll emit that this is a great ide buuuuut...

The exicution is absolut rubish.

1. You are going WAY to fast. Slowdown and let the ponis talk and allso disgribe the enviroment so to betteer show the difrences between the timelines.
2. Why is every one so quick to exapt that Twilight is from another timeline? Have they delt whit it before? Extrapolat or let there be some dissbelif.
3. Why did Celestia turn back in to Daybreaker?

My sugestion is that you make a tottal rewright and use this as a rough timline for the story and how some of the scens go and I say ther is a great story to be had.

// DarkFeather

I'm working on a story where the portal in the quicksand in "EQG: Spring Breakdown" leads to Nazi-occupied Ukraine and history accidentally gets altered. The three must do whatever it takes to restore the original timeline. How does that sound?

They are nocturnal because they prefer more the night than the day

And is there a particular reason for that?

No. It's just a timeline where it's the opposite of the original universe

I mean like it sorta makes senses

Luna thought for a moment before saying, “I’ll believe your words”, smiled Luna.

Best line ever!

Princess of food! But what happened to Cadance then?

The thing that needs to be done here is encapsulated in the question: why?
Everything is mere bullet points with no explanation behind anything. A little expiration can go a long way.

Cadence is the Queen of the Changelings

Sure, sure, but that is only ever assumed. We never see it.

The grammar...

And if I could dislike my own comment, I would.

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