• Member Since 7th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Shrouded Lunes

Sic semper noctis sic semper noctum.


Sunset Shimmer has a foolproof plan. She's going to go through the portal for more than just a peak for the first time in years in order to obtain some magic artifact that will cement her role as overseer of the student populace of Canterlot High School. Then, she'll march these... carnivorous pony imitations through the portal and conquer Celestia's realm. Maybe then, she will finally get the wings she deserves from her old mentor.

The only problem is, it's not Celestia's realm...

A special thanks to EverfreePony for the gorgeous cover art.

Oh sweet Luna. Thank you guys. Really, thanks everypony!
First Feature Box Appearance: 1/17/19
Broke 50 Likes: 1/26/19
Broke 500 Views: 1/27/19
Broke 1k Views: 4/26/19

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 106 )

This seems like a good premise, I’m really curious how different is the new Equestria ruled by Luna/Nightmare Moon, as the ending suggests gonna be. The narrative itself is solid, with a good amount of details and well-organized thoughts from Sunset. Grammar is good as well, noticed a few slip-ups here and there, but nothing too obnoxious. Looking forward to the next chapters!

Thanks! I try to always triple-read my stories before I share them, in the hopes of catching the errors. But, there almost always seems to be one or two that slip by me. As for your supposition, all I'm going to say is that it'll become clear next chapter, but the character tags were carefully chosen.

I be following this one. I had a similar idea just don’t think I had the skill to pull it off. Even had a title “Shimmer in the night”. Then it dawned on me that someone could think that title was a Sunset Shimmer/Luna Clop LoL.

I think some errors always slip our eyes, no matter how many times we look. I can read through it again and send you what I find via a PM, if you wish :twilightsmile: I’m curious what you came up with, all I can say is that I think the answer is not gonna be that simple. Well, the next chapter will show.

That would be much appreciated, thank you.

Very nice and dynamic, tension-packed chapter :twilightsmile:

Well that ending raises quite a few questions, doesn't it.

Well, this answers many questions, and rises even more. Seems like we are in for some heavy world-building in this whole story :twilightsmile:

Also, yay for Captain Pinkie!

Twi as Luna's kid? Pinky as captain of the Guard?

Well this world is taking a path I wasn't expecting. Sunset is going to be very, very confused. I'm also wondering if her being a unicorn is the 2nd thing Luna is wondering about. I don't think pre-Rainbow Sunset is going take this universe very well.

Hopefully she will be able to use her empathy to help and not just herself, without having to take a rainbow to the face.

Not going to answer everything here, cause the story will explain it on its own as more chapters go up (I hope). However, I do want to make one quick comment about your first spoiler covered question... I ascribe to the theory that Princess Luna was the more militant of the two sisters, while Princess Celestia was the more powerful. As such, in this universe, Captain =/= Captain of the Guard like it does in Celestia's Day Guard, itself more for show than an actual fighting force since it was expecting that Celestia would personally quell any major issues that arose. Luna's Night Guard is much more like a standing Equestrian Army. Also part of the reason why Daybreaker caused a 4 year Celestial Civil War, as opposed to Nightmare Moon's relatively short Lunar Rebellion in the Prime Universe.

Guessing the second would either be how she ended up in that room or her intentions. Looking forward to finding out either way.

What happened to your wings?"

She doesnt deserve them.

Well I don't think Sunset is bullshitting her way past that second question. If anything, she's going to start throwing a very loud fit about how a different timeline's version of herself has wings, yet she doesn't, and how it's not fair.

well if the writer is smart about it then she wont do that. if anything she could blame the portal for it and her confusion about whats going on saying it couldnt have been centuries that she was gone but a few years. or the writer can fuck up spectacularly and have her be audibly pissed of about it and get chucked into the dungeon for being an imposter. maybe its just me but i think sunset has a chance to gain wings in this world by blaming the portal for her confusion and lack of wings.

Very interesting. On cover art Sunset stay against Luna and Twilight against Daybreaker.
What that means?

Now see, I only agree that if Sunset gets thrown into the dungeon after ranting that the writer will have made a poor choice. But it wouldn't be a stupid move to have her rant audibly. If anything, it would remove the necessity for Sunset to come clean later, because the lying her way past is a move that HAS BEEN DONE TO DEATH. And it is EXTREMELY UNLIKELY TO THE POINT OF NEAR-IMPOSSIBILITY that Luna would buy of Sunset's bullshit.

I guess we'll have to wait until the next chapter to find out.

Personally, I think Sunset always has the potential to deserve wings. To me, that's what her Daydreamer form symbolizes (now that we know canonically she didn't earn actual wings), it's proof that she's been cleansed enough to begin the path anew. Now, this Sunset, as she is right now? Sweet Luna, no! She's still sitting at the furthest possible point she's ever been away from deserving wings. *If* Sunset Prime becomes an alicorn in this fic universe, it won't be in this story, and it won't be without it's trials and tribulations.

Yeah... Sunset is furious. Especially once she finds out that this universe's Sunset Shimmer was born an alicorn. But, she's no fool. I don't want to give it all away, just want to say... Trust me, she will rather quickly start coming to grips with how to play this situation to her advantage... or, at least, keep her from putting herself at a disadvantage.

As for Luna being stupid enough to *actually* buy Sunset's BS... I'm an NLR Thestral, you really think I'm going to make my princess that foolish?

Luna is in control of this Equestria. Sunset came here looking for something more powerful than a unicorn to conquer her Equestria. Twilight is Luna's primary means of defending against Daybreaker (Similar to Celestia with Twilight vs Nightmare Moon, but Luna's more open about her ploys).

Well, i hope in this fic Sunset will be a better person.

Still peeved they keep giving poor Sunset her wings and then taking them away. She has had three different sets and they just don't stick!

As unlikely as it seems, I'm hoping she gets them in th next round of shorts/movie seeing as SciTwi is wingless on the other side who knows?

As for this question, it would behoove Sunset to simply reply, in all the peevishness she can use, that she simply doesn't know where her wings are, and was hoping her "mother" could tell her! It would be true, after all.

Well, at least Sunset's not in a dungeon right now, though I'm curious to whose side is she going to stick in the end. I may have a hunch :scootangel:

I suppose magic is likely complicated enough that memory fragmentation and power regression would be of equal probability to a mirror hooking up to an alternate version of your world.

Interesting... You have my attention, my friend...

Sunny Skies... Oh Celestia, you didn't? Please tell me that's a red herring and Celestia was not that cruel to Sunset in her world, please?

The only thing I will say about that possible Chekhov's Gun... I wonder why Principal Celestia always looked at Sunset as though she had seen a ghost...

ok that makes no sense at all why would she ever want to go back to the human world at least in equestria she has a chance to gain wings and be a princess.

did she?
in the show or in your universes canon?

In story canon, see "Even the Best Laid Plans..."

Well, crap. That is just a nasty thing to do to a child. And then to adopt Candace, even as just a niece, but leave Sunset out in the cold? What the buck did she THINK was going to happen?!?

If Sunset's only goals were to gain her wings and become a princess, yes, I completely agree. This world is perfect for her, as she seems to have the means to do so. Just get Luna to reinstate her 'dear niece's' wings after a portal accident. The thing is, the wings and princessship are more symptoms of her truer, deeper desire... "I deserve to stand beside you and be your equal... if not your better. Make me a princess." Even if she doesn't readily admit it, even to herself, she wants to prove herself great to her Princess Celestia, not the Celestia-turned-Daybreaker of this Equestria or the Principal Celestia of the human world. And the only way back to the home she actually knows, the only way to get to her Celestia, is to portal jump through the Human world.

Well, Sunset’s situation seems to be peculiar to say the least. The absence of the secret passageway in a room that otherwise looks the same is worth noticing as well :trixieshiftright:

By the way, you don’t need to post everyday—I’ve found that if you have the option, it is better to pace the chapters with at least a day or two inbetween them. That way, all readers tracking the story have time to catch up, while still keeping the events of the last chapter fresh in their minds.

I think I'm gonna "rush" out the next chapter, since it's only around 500 words, in the morning. Then, I'll try and start a Monday / Wednesday / Friday schedule starting next week. We'll see how that goes for a while.

Is there some history there between Principal Celestia and the human Sunset Shimmer, and will this matter be brought up again at a later date.

I have a short story planned for after this story concludes that will at least start to address the history between Sunset Shimmer and Principal Celestia.

I got a bad feeling for whatever Luna's planning...


Quite obviously, the fun has been doubled!

Yeah... I... I couldn't resist. I should be ashamed. And I am.

In these scenarios, it seems honesty is the best policy. Especially when trying to leave and both parties seem generally pretty nice. Not that Sunset is nice, but Luna seems reasonable. Chapters are a bit short for my tastes.

I think 'reasonable' is a better term for both parties than nice. Sunset really isn't right now as she's too self-centered and concerned with strengthening her own means of proving her greatness. Luna, on the other hoof, while undeniable the nicer of the two, can't afford to be too nice right now with the Sword of Damocles hanging over her head as it is. So their both walking a very fine line, appearing as nice and honest as they can, while still not trying to show all their cards.

As for the chapter length, I can certainly understand they're not to anyone's taste. The rough lengths, while partly because of how the story breaks fall, are more to do with the timing of reading. The average individual reads at a rate of between 200 and 300 words per minute. This means that, at present, my shortest chapter can be read in under 2 minutes and my longest chapter would only require about 7 minutes. Someone new coming to the story would only require between about 19 and 28 minutes to read from start to finish. By keeping the lengths around 1000 and 1500 words for the full chapters (I consider the second narrator 'chapters' to be more of an interlude or single scene), that keeps the reading length to between 3 and 8 minutes. As such, there's a decent stopping point for readers every 5 minutes or so. Perfect for those that come in to read a chapter on a short break at work or only have a few brief moments to read before their attention is needed else where. Also make the "Just one more chapter" trap a bit easier to swallow as you're not suddenly committing yourself to another 30 minutes or so of reading like on a 5,000 or so word chapter.

Ah, I see what you mean. Interesting way of looking at chapter length. For me, the ideal chapter takes about 30 minutes to read, so 6000 to 8000 words is what I like. My 5 minute breaks are filled with Reddit.

Interesting story premise. Let's see how this develops, and if Sunset will remember the value of Honesty.
On Luna' side though, it will be rather random. "What do you mean you're not my Sunset and you have nothing to do with our world?"

Sombra? Doesn't that make Sunset half umbrum?

Guess the big question is if her father is the real deal, somehow, or if he is from the other side of a different mirror.

The suspense is building & I love it!

Sorry guys. Chapter 8 is gonna get a bit of a delay. Ran into a plot issue for down the road that needs to be hammered out before I'm comfortable posting it.

It’s really becoming difficult to see through the lies in this story. Mostly because I have no idea what anyone’s end goal is.

I just want to ask... was that meant as a compliment or a complaint? Without any further input from you, I am choosing to take it as a compliment. Why? Well, the thing is, the story is almost primarily from Sunset's point of view and, as it stands, *she* is unable to see anyone else's end game just yet herself. While the reader is going to get a bit better insight into things that Sunset, because there are small snippets from a third-person perspective as well as intermission chapters from the perspective of others, I'm trying to keep things as Sunset-centric as possible... meaning it *should* become easier to spot the lies as Sunset starts spotting the lies. As for being able to see Sunset's endgame... Well, as she herself would come to admit later on it the canon timeline... stealing the crown and creating an army of teenage zombies to invade Equestria is a rather half-baked improv plan. She really doesn't have a plan to get to her Endgame (Ruling beside or in place of her Celestia).

Glad to hear you hopefully managed to fix any plot holes that may lie ahead :twilightsmile: Nice to see more of Pinkie being herself, yet also creepily cold at the same time. Also, it is apparent there is more worldbuilding to come as well as Twilight’s role getting more important.

Login or register to comment