Princess Celestia is an immortal princess, so it makes sense she has had many students. But when a number of mistakes leads three of them to abandon their studies, Celestia vows to not make the same mistakes with the remaining student. But what lead them to leave anyway?
So my first story. This is a prequel of sorts to the main universe. The universe that is yet to be published. This universe shall be named... The SpoJuverse! All will become clear. Soon.
Soon
EDIT: Oh My GOD. I made it on to the third page of popular stories. That was unexpected. Most unexpected.
Chapters (2)
For a first story, this is pretty good! I don't think I noticed any grammar errors (I may have read too fast), so that's CERTAINLY a plus. If I was to have a single complaint it would be about Celestia. She's a little too... stoic, and is kind of an asshole. Sure; Sunset fucked up hard like 3 times, but Celestia doesn't try to explain why she fucked up, she just tells her that she did, and says she's ashamed. A good teacher teaches by showing how to fix a mistake, not by just pointing them out.
Alright, that's my shpeel. I'd super-duper like to see where the next chapter of this goes; you've got a compelling beginning. There's conflict: Sunset wants to fuck Twilight up. That's always a good thing to start with; a set goal.
Here's a super duper tip! Type
so you cand get those lines. There's a hr button somewhere, so you can click it.
I don't care for Celestia very much, this story reminds me of one of the Sunset Stories.... Good bye Sunset hello Sunrise.
One of the chapters Sunset wrote a final Good Bye to Celestiaafter making her peace, that left Celestia destroyed as she realized how badly she screwed up but it was too late.
Am I the only trying to pronounce that?
7636714 Thanks! I'll try to use it from now on.
7636268 Thanks for the feedback. It always helps.
It'll probably become clearer as the story goes on.
This is setting up to be a nice little universe you're working towards. A lot of powerful magic users in the one place leads to a lot of potential. I'll be interested to see where this leads. I do agree with another comment though that Celestia is a little clipped. She doesn't seem like the warm nurturing character. I imagine this is inspired from her portrayal in The Fall of Sunset Shimmer. Or because this is Sunset's P.O.V. sort of, she could just be warping events with her own hatred. Either way I wasn't all that concerned but it did come off as a little, well...off.
It is still a nice piece with a lot of potential. I look forward to reading what happened to the others and how they eventually come together again. Adorable start with most of the characters on full display, I look forward to reading the rest. Good luck and have a nice day.
7637247 I was hoping to portray Celestia as an asshole due to it being Sunset's P.O.V. All will become clearer when Celestia's chapter comes around.
7637310 I had a feeling that was the case. I look forward to all being revealed. *cackles manically and starts running around with a magnifying glass and funny hat* Jk Jk. I'll be patient. Keep up the good work.
This story has a lot of potential to become something amazing. Keep up the good work!
7645126 Thanks! I hopefully won't disappoint.
7645748 No problem.
0-0 Luv it.
7651735 Thanks! What do you like about it? If you don't mind me asking.
7651795 Although doesn't quite fit with cannon, if some things in the show were different, it would! I really like the idea of Twilight's nemeses having a history, even if she wasn't very aware of it. The way this is written also reflects real life really well, as many people feel that others are overbearing, even if they haven't talked. In this context especially, it makes so much sense because they're all at the top of the school, in a sense. Anything else?
7654801 Thanks for that! I really didn't think anyone would get it with the way I write.
Tracking! I love it so far! Apart from a few minor mistakes, it's great for your first story.
This is pretty good, especially for your first attempt! I shall certainly track it. After all, it's always nice to see a story written by a fellow Briton - that is, someone who uses
correctBritish spellings.7713754 Thanks. Always nice to get feedback from a fellow Briton.
Will Celestia realized how baddly she fubar, and will Twilight find out the whole story?
7820707 You'll just have to wait and see
Some suggestions:
1) Change "Our Town's" name; it really doesn't flow. Maybe Equilibrium, or Equiliton?
2) Starlight's Schoole of Magika; I feel like Starlight would be better classed under an "Alteration" Schoole, instead of just Time. And how would you explain the Cutie Marks if she was under Time only?
7833162 For the town name, I feel that Starlight wouldn't pick a name as she wanted everyone to be equal, she would want the town name to reflect that the town belonged to everyone, even ponies who weren't unmarked. As for Starlight's magic,the unmarking spell in my head canon is a apart of dark magic. How Starlight came to learning this magic will be explained in Trixie's chapter.
Hope that cleared things up a bit.
~N.F Striker
7838055 Even then, she should be more corrupt, considering that no other (heavy) dark users have been reformed. Also, Alteration gives a nicer scope to work with, instead of Time, which, while it comes under Alteration, is a pretty narrow field. Pretty much all you can do with Time is go forward and backward, at least Magicklly.
Great chapter. I'm really looking forward to when Twilight finally confronts each of them. Not to mention when Celestia faces her past mistakes.
7838118 I would explain why Starlight isn't completely corrupted, but that would be a spoiler. I'll think about changing it to Alteration though.
7838344 Hopefully, you won't have to wait too long. And thanks for the feedback.
7839502 Thanks, sugar!
How long do you think it'll be before this resumes?
When will you pick this back up again? I love it so damn much.