• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2018
  • online

Twilight Star

I like to write stories about the shippings: TwiLuna, MoonLight, NightmareRarity, RariLuna, NightmareNightmare, ChryLight, TempestLight and LunaCord



This story is a sequel to The Most Dedicated Student

Sunset Shimmer goes to Ponyville to check the preparations for the winter moon celebration and make friends. But, Daybreaker escapes from her prison, and it's up to Sunset Shimmer and her new friends to go to Everfree Florest to find the Elements of Harmony to defeat her.

Background belong to Evilbob0
Sunset Shimmer vector belong to Light262
Daybreaker vector belong to Drakizora

Chapters (5)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 19 )

So, if you don't mind a bit of constructive criticism:

The idea of doing an alternate continuity/universe is always a fun one, because it means you get to explore new possibilities and what-if scenarios.

That's also kind of the issue here. You've changed the names and appearances of the characters, and that's about the extent of it.

The events here are more or less a shot for shot summary of the show's first episode, and from what I can see so far, the characters act much like their canon counterparts. I think you need to stop and ask yourself: "What happened in this continuity that's different? How does that impact the events to come?"

I'm very mixed about this.... Sour Sweet is more of a split-personality kind of girl & Sunny is more suited to be Rarity than Lemon. Decent chapter, but... meh...

Great chapter

Damn it. I was hoping this story followed the tv show. I'm not happy

Now, that’s what I call a role reversal for Celestia and Luna.

I bet that when you get to "A Royal Problem", Nightmare Moon will come in.

So, Garble is this world's Spike. Interesting.

But the shell of Sunset Shimmer kept swinging up and down, Garble touched the hull so the hull would stop moving. That done, he closed his eyes as he held the laughter.

shell, hull, hull: body, hoof, hoof

"The most skillful and talented pegasus of all Equestria?" asked Sunset Shimmer.

pegasus: pegasi

"Come on," doubted Sunset Shimmer as she turned her head back, "they would never accept a Pegasus who can't leave the sky clear for a misery night"

I keep imagining the day in the background of the play in my head. It's so hard to remember that one detail!

Indigo Zap then left the cloud that was and began to clear the sky with the back hull. And the time was exactly ten seconds. Sunset Shimmer and Garble were overwhelmed by this.

the back hull: her back hoof!

"... And that's the story of my whole life," finished Garble telling his story.

🎵Story of my life...🎵

Sunset Shimmer took the book, “There are five elements of harmony: kindness, laughter, generosity, honesty and loyalty, the sixth is a complete mystery,” read Sunset Shimmer. “The last time the elements were seen was in the castle of the two sisters, located in the Everfree Florest”


“my hair!” exclaimed Sunny Flare before running away.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

"I don't like your mane."

"WAH!" :raritydespair:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!