Princess Luna and Princess Celestia rule Equestria ; Luna brings the night and Celestia the day. But what if Celestia turned Daybreaker and was banished, instead of Luna?
Art by TomoCreations
Twilight and Luna: two mares made for each other
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This needs editing, PRONTO.
9332525
Agreed
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Misplaced comm,as, incorrect apostrophe's, where do I start?
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How about getting rid of that misplaced comma in your own sentence first
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tHat wou,ld be a good ide!a
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Your doing it on purpose...
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yEs i aM!
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C,oOl̷̜̩͎̝̟͓̠̬͔̲̮͑͋̿̎)
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oH No!
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Ho, etiAm
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I cna't sepll.
Love it.
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Mir Weder
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.rettam suoires a si sihT
Not bad, I see some potential here
Lunaverse and its sequels already happened, why so sudden?
You can get a free proofreader here
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/]The Proofreader Group
No, they don't own the idea but you should at least see what has already been done
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/760/the-lunaverse
Now, we wait a thousand years for her return
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Not why so sudden?. Why so serious?
Nice job so far, but it needs a bit of editing - don't forget to revise your work (maybe get Grammarly as well - it helps with my stories_ because I really like this story.
Very concise story description; gets the point across. Writing style is hard to understand and stilted.
Wow! Talk about a role reversal. Good work.
So, the Equestrians are nocturnal?
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Yes
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Well, different realities. Different body structures.
Not good.
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!the Capitalizasion and splelling as atroshious, punchuasion is horrabille, we need overthough to auther the (Kidding just!)
Your picture source is marked as this story. Change it to the source of the image. If you don't know the source, remove it instead.
10197413
Backwards is sentence this.
"Celestia? I am..." The alicorn paused before revealing her name. " ...Daybreaker!"
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Fixed it
... This was easy to imagine up, im sure a lot of celestia haters have thought this up
Daybreaker's magic and the magic of the elements of harmony collided and came into a conflict with each other. Daybreaker used all the strength she had to succeed and win, but it was futile. The magic of the elements was stronger than hers. Daybreaker opened her eyes, her pupils dilated in fear as the magic of the elements overpowered her own and picked her up in its grip, causing her to scream loud:
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It's fixed now
Then she took the cushion away from her face as she realized what she just said.
"Hmm. That doesn't sound like a bad idea." Celestia said while she grinned an evil grin while fangs appeared in her mouth as her pupils dilated into the eyes of a dragon.
her sister
Her sister was no longer the sister she knew before: Friendly, kind, happy, calm and generous. Now she was: evil, mad, cruel, and selfish. She knew what she must do to protect her subjects from her now evil sister, and it filled her heart with sorrow.
This story has some mistakes, but I enjoyed it.
I Basically read the same story but 5x longer......... I' feel tricked.