• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2018
  • offline last seen 11 minutes ago

Twilight Star


I like to write stories about the shippings: TwiLuna, MoonLight, NightmareRarity, RariLuna, NightmareNightmare, ChryLight and TempestLight

Sequels1

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Source

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia rule Equestria ; Luna brings the night and Celestia the day. But what if Celestia turned Daybreaker and was banished, instead of Luna?


Art by TomoCreations

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 38 )

This needs editing, PRONTO.

9332696
Misplaced comm,as, incorrect apostrophe's, where do I start?

9332707
How about getting rid of that misplaced comma in your own sentence first :derpytongue2::rainbowlaugh:

9332724
tHat wou,ld be a good ide!a

9332731
Your doing it on purpose...

9332753
C,oOl̷̜̩͎̝̟͓̠̬͔̲̮͑͋̿̎)

Not bad, I see some potential here

Lunaverse and its sequels already happened, why so sudden?

You can get a free proofreader here
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/]The Proofreader Group

No, they don't own the idea but you should at least see what has already been done
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/760/the-lunaverse

Now, we wait a thousand years for her return

Nice job so far, but it needs a bit of editing - don't forget to revise your work (maybe get Grammarly as well - it helps with my stories_ because I really like this story.

Very concise story description; gets the point across. Writing style is hard to understand and stilted.

Wow! Talk about a role reversal. Good work.:trollestia:

So, the Equestrians are nocturnal?

10158068
Well, different realities. Different body structures.

9333654
!the Capitalizasion and splelling as atroshious, punchuasion is horrabille, we need overthough to auther the (Kidding just!)

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“Celestia? I’m am ... “The alicorn took a dramatic pause before continuing : " ... Daybreaker!” Finished the alicorn revealing her name.

"Celestia? I am..." The alicorn paused before revealing her name. " ...Daybreaker!"

... This was easy to imagine up, im sure a lot of celestia haters have thought this up

Daybreaker’s magic and the magic of the elements of harmony came into conflict. Daybreaker used all the strength she had to succeedand and win, but it was useless. The magic of the elements was stronger than hers. Realizing this, she opened the dragon eyes with fear on her face before the magic of the elements to pick up her and her scream lound:

Daybreaker's magic and the magic of the elements of harmony collided and came into a conflict with each other. Daybreaker used all the strength she had to succeed and win, but it was futile. The magic of the elements was stronger than hers. Daybreaker opened her eyes, her pupils dilated in fear as the magic of the elements overpowered her own and picked her up in its grip, causing her to scream loud:

Then she took the cushion from her face, realized what she had just said, “till it’s not a bad idea ...” spoke Celestia while while evil grinand with prey appears on her mouth and their pupils and iris dilate in the eyes of a dragon.

Then she took the cushion away from her face as she realized what she just said.
"Hmm. That doesn't sound like a bad idea." Celestia said while she grinned an evil grin while fangs appeared in her mouth as her pupils dilated into the eyes of a dragon.

“Celestia?” She asked to the misterious alicorn in front of her. Was that your sister? Or was she seeing things?

her sister

Meanwhile downstairs, Luna was still lying there with her eyes closed, not moving or saying anything, but she soon recovered and stood looking and staring at her sister sadly and not believing what she was witnessing . She could not believe that your sister was really trying to destroy her. Her sister had shown no regret for hitting her, She really wanted to do that and enjoyed it. Your sister was no longer the sister she knew before: Friendly, kind, happy, calm and generous. But: Evil,mad and selfish. She then knew what she needed to do, and this left her with much sorrow in her heart.

Her sister was no longer the sister she knew before: Friendly, kind, happy, calm and generous. Now she was: evil, mad, cruel, and selfish. She knew what she must do to protect her subjects from her now evil sister, and it filled her heart with sorrow.

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