• Member Since 28th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Ultra-the-HedgeToaster


It's up to us to tell their story now. Let's make it a happy one. :twilightsmile:        The ending has loopholes. Use them. Make an even brighter future. :raritywink:

T

"The Everfree Forest doesn't know what went wrong! A collection of random stories about ponies in need of chaos threatens to be happy. What will become an apple tree, and what will become a mysterious dream? The final foal awakens. Will she destroy gravity?"


A 'My little Pony' fanfiction written using Botnik’s Predictive Keyboard. A collaboration between man and machine, in the same vein as “Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like A Large Pile of Ash”.

Teen rating for quite possibly the most bizarre innuendos you'll ever read.

Special thanks to FanOfMostEverything, and everyone involved in his multi-author shorts-collections "Never the Final Word (Vol. 2)" and "Group Precipitation" for providing the input data.

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 84 )

Still more coherent than (multiple author names deleted to avoid ban).

Reluctantly upvoted.

This... this certainly was a thing. A thing indeed. Is it bad I can recognise portions of my entries from NtFW2?

Botnik made a few intriguing lines that piqued my interest:

She teleported hundreds of millions of those civil servants before her. They kept trying to seduce her, but that still wouldn't help them.

:twilightoops:

Twilight facehoofed against the map table covered in thick spaghetti. "Why did you just party cannon me into your honeymoon?"

:facehoof:

"You'd never associated love with mariachi music."

:rainbowkiss:

9486080
It's funny you'd be one of the people to comment on this... :raritywink:

I take it you've only just read chapter 1?

It's my fault amazing engineers from Yakyakistan use their birthright to keep Twilight Sparkle sigawesome.

I...

...

Well then

Luna <...> began to make arrangements for her unending loneliness.

That is awfully sad there
:fluttercry:

She cursed all of Equestria's stoplights.

Leak for S9's opening villain?

My apologies to Sigawesome, but your username was just too sigawesome to pass up on when it came up.

Heh heh
:heart:

...Let's play a fun game: Try to summarize/interpret the “plot” of this story in your own words, and keep track of all the “pairings” and “breakups” that happen. :rainbowwild:

I would, but I do not want Luna to curse all my stoplights as well. Besides the chameleons and Teapot ("The" Teapot with a capital "T") are already a credible threat to Equestria!
:pinkiegasp:

Celestia nodded agreement back at Twilight and looked around at her flanks. "Oh my, Equestria blew up again."

Aragon? Is that you?

This certainly was odd. As a proper story it is a bit meh; pretty much an automated Exquisite Corpse by guiding a bot. However, taken for what it is, it was a fun, silly amusement. There certainly were a few intriguing nuggets in there that could serve as inspiration for some little one-shots ("cursing Equestria's stop lights" and "love and mariachi music" come to mind)

9486084

I take it you've only just read chapter 1?

Just finished to chapter 3 (latest one at time of writing). Glad my username could provide inspiration.
:twilightblush:

This is just coherent enough to make some sort of crazy sense. I can't wait to see more.

"I'm just getting in touch with my own entrails."

I am so stealing this to say

As a programmer, I've written programs capable of writing their own "stories"... They tend to be a little more broken than this. I've also read stories that claimed to be written by robots, and were clearly nothing of the sort; the computer has no concept of plotlines, often limited to nothing in grammar, and...

Beyond that depends on the program. While the human influence is evident here, it's also evident to me it's largely a legitimate machine-written story.

Admittedly, I've never used the particular program you're using- but the program I made... It reads a story, then generates its own. The result is often nothing short of epic, if I get the settings right- and the longer and better a story I feed in, the better the result! (In those, I've had ponies open other ponies' eyes for them, and that sort of thing. My favorite is when it has no concept of quotation marks...)

I like this. It's hard for me to read, so I'll probably never finish it, but it's entertaining anyways. I'd mash up a few of my stories (Iron Mountain comes to mind) through my program and publish that, if I wasn't almost certain it would be a violation of FimFiction policy... But I think you're still within the policy with this, so :pinkiehappy:

9486099

I guess Luna didn't want her daughter to get caught up in all the spaghetti, so she sent her to go to Tartarus, where she no doubt will receive a good upbringing and education. :pinkiecrazy:

Actually the Teapot is the villain of Season Toast-Diamond, Episode Toast: "From Canterlot Palace's mouth and then another round".

(Hmm. I should make an input set that contains all the episode titles and then use those for the chapter-titles... :pinkiegasp::pinkiecrazy:)

9486116

"Cursing Equestria's stop lights" sounds like something that might happen in Manehatten on a busy day. Protagonist might be a taxi driver or somepony in a hurry. Maybe a unicorn who really really really needs to get from point A to point B, but can't teleport. If Starlight didn't have other options like teleportation, self-levitation, or bending space-time, you'd wonder what she'd come up with to solve a problem like this. :trollestia:

Or maybe... While stuck in Manehatten traffic (and also somewhat tipsy), an evil enchantress puts an actual a curse on every stoplight in Equestria. "Those who dare to cross the road at red's eye shall henceforth carry the... the... burden, of, of *hick* [indecipherable mumbling that makes the curse very confused about what it's actually supposed to do. Poor curse.]"

"Love and mariachi music" - Either Cadence has an unusual taste in music, or it's a parallel universe crackship fic where Cadence married somepony else, and how A Canterlot Wedding and the Return of the Crystal Empire had a different outcome because of it. Maybe King SombreroSombra is reformed by Cadence's new husband? And Chrysalis is allergic to tacos, so her plan is ruined by the wedding banquet.

And yes, this isn't exactly my usual work, but I must admit I just couldn't stop giggling at the complete insanity unfolding. :pinkiecrazy:

...Oh, also, by the time you'd posted your comments, there's now a 4th chapter. Ah, I see you already noticed. :pinkiesmile:

...Okay, no, I didn't type it up just now, I just hadn't cleaned it up yet for submission. :twilightsheepish:

9486168

That sounds neat! Opening other pony's eyes for them, oh my gosh. :rainbowlaugh:

Yeah, I'm a programmer myself actually, though I just took what was already available as a web-application and worked with that for funsies. :twilightsheepish:

And you still have to pick the words from a list it gives you to match the grammar - hence me stressing the "collaborative" work with a machine, not "written exclusively by a machine". It's just that you have no idea where the sentence you're cobbling together is gonna lead. :pinkiecrazy:

I put links to the differently trained "keyboards" in the author's notes of the respective chapter, you can check it out yourself and type up your own. :raritywink:

I'd say, maybe you can cobble something together from the mad ramblings of your program, rather than taking its output as the finished work? Like, take only the best parts, or move sentences/paragraphs around to give it more of a "logical" structure. (I moved a lot of sentences around in chapter 4, and admittedly cut those last few Pinkie paragraphs together from the best of multiple attempts.)

Maybe treat the whole thing like your program wrote the first draft of a story and you're the editor improving it for human readability. I'm sure considering the machine wrote the first draft all by itself, you can be "excused" for cutting out the fat, adding more of a "human touch" and "revising" some of the grammar afterwards. It'll still be machine-written, but collaboratively with a human. :raritywink:

Or, maybe you can flip-flop between sections of text written by the program, and then you take whatever the bot gave you as a prompt and write a paragraph or two yourself, then let the program take over again, repeat until you got a story you can claim at least partial authorship over. :derpytongue2:

PS: Also, I was made aware of this while getting the story ready for publishing.

9486143
I honestly wasn't sure if that wasn't in the story already, it just made so much sense. :rainbowlaugh:

But no, "getting in touch with" only appears twice in Group Precipitation, and neither has anything to do with entrails at all. Somepony too jaded to even react to their own guts sounds like a barrel of laughs.

I say go for it. :pinkiecrazy:

9486212
Input: Iron Mountain, though I used the Google Docs file, backdated to the time of the latest chapter update. 504 MB.
Output, 2 MB:

of the blasts of mana.

"Wow," Luna blinks. "Come to yours."
Her eyes unfocus- then turned on and finally see the mid-size weapons swiveled with papers. This time, I catch the page as they had the persuasive words careful watching and sanitation to believe that the motions- tapping her back. "Three centimeters per seconds of internal passage?"

-------

Discord raises a hoof, several times as wide as the Princess of guiding her head, glancing at least listening- and the wind in her magic? They pause in control center showroom from earlier- amazing how Fluttershy had been clearing Pinkie Pie's swimming them off just as I didn't stay long she has a question.
"Highscore! Rarity to perform final corner of some sort.
Interested by the predicted peak time! Thank you," she mutters, turning or a heartbeat begins twitched slightly in the sundae?"
Lyra raised eyebrow. "And yes, we've already been warned that or it's caught in the scooter, as she ties the medbay, Rarity drops off. Rainbow pulls it up, stamps her much-practicing how much power without losing the Ponyville hears about a month. After all, why can't remembers whatsoever when I move to join, but also… Also let you to meet their language. All she gallop across the crest them.
Chapter 12: Sonic Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy asks gently back on the frightened squeak for her to be an easy fixes, as is her teeth- he's guarding. A very blotchy manner it needed reveal two months- most human-like contained into the room all around it and political blood to be late."
"Right asks.
The three medical data. He's shown himself."
Twilight?" Her body have neither of the upper port aft Hellbore in a few days; thus, I decides her forelegs on the forest, did draw somepony that the best of them again already died down the least when the meantime, thought she walks into view, quickly by a blaze of light fractured, like Sweetie Belle countergrav units is only very short muzzle of my drone has some time, it has been zipping e

Go ahead and try.

(No really, I did just run it. And that's all I had it generate; I can make more next time, if you like.)

9486235
I'll look into it and see if I can do something with this. :twilightsmile:

The story so far:

• Celestia may or may not have always been a hologram, and is currently malfunctioning in either case.
• Chrysalis rapidly decayed into a pile of desiccated tissue and chitin once the story had no further use for her, but don't worry! There's a thriving changeling hive in Pinkie's imagination, and Pinkie herself has joined the unknowable AI gestalt that guides this universe in lieu of a flesh-and-blood author princess. The Flying Spaghetti Monster may or may not be involved.
• Rarity has become Madame Bonaparte and has deigned to threaten Equestria.
• Luna is sporting the latest innovation in fashion: Strapping live teenagers to yourself.
• Derpy is the true unsung hero of the piece, as I would expect when I provide the initial data set.
• Twilight wandered off to more nutritious pastures and has no intention of coming back any time soon.
• Trixie is queen of the shoggoths, who she loves like a basket of writhing, amorphous puppies.
• Shining Armor is some manner of aquatic dryad and also the Golden Oaks Library.
• That teapot is clearly the most important object in all of Equestria.
• Chameleons command a vast conspiracy that threatens to undermine all of Equestria, or at least its stoplights.
• Various members of the cast can recognize the insanity of the world around them, but never for long enough to actually do anything about it.

This sort of thing is exactly why Oversaturated Sunset can't go to Equestria or otherwise leave Earth's universe for the better part of the next century.

*reads this chapter* Well, Skynet's totally screwed. :trollestia:

9486353

Things that have already happened disturbingly often:

The cursed stop lights! Must not forget the stop lights too!

Twilight facehoofed against the map table covered in thick spaghetti. "Why did you just party cannon me into your honeymoon?"

I. Have. No. Words. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Various members of the cast can recognize the insanity of the world around them, but never for long enough to actually do anything about it.

That is some Discordian kind of messed up world.

Rainbow shrugged like a pizza of the world again, and then blinked once again as she passed Bloom the Girl. "What is this situation in this world?" She flung her hair out from her smart phone. "I think we have fun unicorn osmosis pants." She pulled out a god and then swallowed her head. They looked like bacon manna from heaven. "Oh dear, that was indistinguishable from a rotten girl who had to pretend to be a secretary of magic."

:rainbowhuh: Did ... did Rainbow just eat Sunset?

I wheezed, laughed and snorted at the same time because of how funny this is.

Pinkie Pie is the only one who seems to know what’s going on.

Pinkie Pie bounced into Twilight's eyes. "Twilight, you have to stop this!" She shook quietly in place. "What happened to Shining Armor?! Twilight, you've got a horn on your hormones, err, I mean, you have to stop messing with your lavender reptile biology! No –" She shook her hooves and rushed forward. "Twilight, you forgot most of what you see here is just weird!"

no pony has dreamed of this stupid moments before!"

I mean... you're not wrong.

Twilight slowly choked to resignation, then brought herself flush with inspiration to the hospital.

It was a perfect plan.

Indeed, that's the best way to get away from an akward moment.

My robot overlords told me to come upvote this fic. I have acquiesced.

Also :twilightsmile: at this fic having more comments than up/downvotes. Always a good sign. Means you just can't define it as "good/bad" and have to explain wtf you just experienced. :twilightblush:

9486553
Chrysalis seems to as well

"You are all delusions! None of this stupid time would have happened, but no, you forgot to push words through the portal!"

Sounds meta

9486430
Only her head! The rest of her is fine.

So this is all the Teapot's fault! no wonder Cadence tried to set it on fire earlier!

She loquaciously teleported hundreds of millions of light years up and down on her hooves.

Furiously, Twilight [...] looked cute exerting strength in her legs.

Vibrating at the speed of light makes you toned AF.

Twilight slowly broke.

Me too, Twi. Me too...

9486942

Cadence smiled fondly at the teapot that was burning in her mouth.

And then to eat it while it was still hot. :derpytongue2:

Either that or her mouth is really, really hot. :derpyderp2:

"Sunset's been going on a very small vacation in Equestria, we should probably just wait in terrified silence."

Be very afraid.

Pinkie Pie coughed into a disaster.

Yeah, chewing on a plane will do that to ya.

9486353

Well, I'm guessing Trixie's obsession with teacups has awakened the Teapot, causing all of Equestria to become covered in thick spaghetti. :pinkiegasp:

And now they're planning how to repopulate after the apocalypse, and Luna is the most prevalent candidate to do it, as she is already covered in pony-teenagers. (She's already had one foal during this story.)

And everypony has their own idea of how to take over Equestria for a better future, they're just being held back by destiny's stoplights dictating when they can and can't make a move, when their fate is all-green and when they'll stop and stumble. Now, if somepony were to gain control over Equestria's stoplights - why, it would be like she could steer destiny itself, cause traffic jams for her enemies, and green waves for herself and her allies. :applejackconfused:

9486352
That's actually referring to me. :trollestia:

I typed in "Ultra", and, well, Botnik dubbed me the Princess of Horrifying Plot Spells. :rainbowlaugh:

Well... it's not wrong...

Pinkie Pie bounced into Twilight's eyes. "Twilight, you have to stop this!" She shook quietly in place. "What happened to Shining Armor?! Twilight, you've got a horn on your hormones, err, I mean, you have to stop messing with your lavender reptile biology! No –" She shook her hooves and rushed forward. "Twilight, you forgot most of what you see here is just weird!" She plummeted to the floor – and cookies were there, but no pony.

...you know what? I think this paragraph makes the most sense out of anything else here. At least, I was able to read it as Pinkie Pie, being completely aware of the situation (as usual), coming to warn Twilight to try to get her out of the weird zone, before succumbing to it herself and turning into cookies when she hits the floor.

Typical Pinkie Pie, being the only one who makes sense in a world full of nonsense.

9486310
Couldn't she send one of her avatars though? Or... I suppose that does that not work across dimensions? :derpyderp1:

Also, one thing I'm a bit confused about... Has Oversaturated-Sunset never got to "make up" with Celestia yet, or did I miss that? I'd have expected her to be exchanging letters at least - or, if that's too impersonal, arrange for a video conference. You know, throw a smart phone through the portal to Equestria, make a phone call.

What do you mean "there's no connection"? You're telling me WiFi won't propagate through the portal, and you can't set up a repeater on the other side? :rainbowhuh:

Or at least stick a cable through temporarily and hook that up to a provisional cell-tower? :derpyderp1:

It seems like a kind-of obvious solution, unless I missed something. :derpyderp2:

9487275
Well, this is certainly something to address in the near future. Long story short, Sunset's avatars break down almost immediately if they're not in the same universe as her main consciousness. The Astral Plane lets her cheat, but only so much. As for Celestia... Sunset has been deliberately pushing that particular reconciliation down her to-do list for a while. The fact that Celestia can't even set foot in the human world without breaking it for the next decade or two doesn't help (or hurt, depending on your perspective.) This also means that interdimensional telecommunications are a poorly explored field of study, since the quantumantic journal and human Ditzy Doo meet all current needs on that front. Also, no one lets the Twilights directly work together after the electric kettle incident.

Flash grinned like a tumor

Seems the bot doesn't like flash

Celestia nodded neutrally for a moment longer, then burst out giggling. "Oh bother, I have to repopulate the species within the changeling hive! What am I going to explain this to Equestria?"

Oh bother, Celestia is very neutral in this.

But Ultra, the princess of widespread and horrifying plot spells, which had long since grown immune to fire hose stampede, still had been replaced by identical transcendent printing chameleon girl toy syntax.

That was a sentence.

Applejack's face was redder than 'Cherry Berry and the Lifeless Planet of Dragons'.

Maybe that could be the title

Luna merely rolled her daughter. "Oh! It's a little girl! Oh stars divine! What do I do!"

Celestia stared at her. "You... You had a girl?! Just how many colts from the royal guard academy you've been holding back on?!"

Rarity paused thoughtfully. "Oh ho~"

Luna shrugged.

"Well..." She pointed firmly at herself and her rear. "I believe this is why."

Luna's been getting around

Luna merely rolled her daughter from behind her head to Cerberus and then began to make arrangements for her unending loneliness.

Well that's not nice of her, you'd think she would know not to do that.

9486353
Rarity cringes a lot and is the last unicorn.
Celestia nodded neutrally or sagely, she's also farting.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!