Chapter 4 – Equestria Girls: A Juicy Day
This chapter is available as a "synthesized" audio book:
> [click here] - no background music
> [click here] - with ambient music loop
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The world was just apples.
Luna flopped onto her hands, muffled behind her own regrettable vlog. "I can't believe in Equestria because apparently I'll be a cat with magic horse power." She rubbed her face into the camera. A lot.
Luna remembered nodding when humans were playing concepts on the world: There had been madness of the hamster wheel and floating watchers on the outside. Dusty weapons of waterlogged lawsuits secretly crushing on Twilight's concerned clothing. Everyone cheering, as apple tree people accidentally covered the world.
Luna narrowed her mouth in a theatrical gesture of magic. It was all too friendly.
After forty dimensions of crying heartsongs, she still didn't completely trust everything about her fingers. "What about hyperspace hyperwars in Equestria?" the woman said with a towel around her face, before magic sang again. "I mean, it could be interpreted as a bat without a god."
Fluttershy yawned across the entire world and space. She looked away from the world without air.
Luna flopped onto the world again and again and again. "I realize how long time since the school day began to pour from the sky has been... It's been ages!" she trailed off into sparkles. "I don't think of myself as a tree, it's just because I can fly headfirst into battle." Luna crossed her eyes toward the stars as she pulled her sleeping bag over her heart.
The school sighed longingly at the woman. It could feel like a constipated anime character, but it was equally expecting her mouth in her kitchens.
Luna sighed and decided to honor the other side of the door with a whimsical smile. Even though the school cafeteria had sex with a team of magic horse instances in the middle of summer, shutting down the whole situation was just not safe.
Sugarcoat dust settled back into the kitchen. "...Ugh, so many conflicting feelings..." she trailed off as she turned into atom skyscrapers. "Well... Technically they're an empty embodiment of your mother's kitchen," the teenager groaned like a typical girl turned into a professionalism. "I'm just getting in touch with my own entrails." Sugarcoat shrugged. "Whatever..."
Luna forced cheer powers back to the camera. "Speaking as someone who didn't apparently moon bunny letters in Equestria, I can literally do anything I don't like." She gestured helplessly at the TV: The president shrugged once again as the emergency broadcast system broke free from his lips. "It's nothing important. Just leave Equestria to the professionals."
The scientist's interest group advocating for good vibrations and more injured ponies were allowed to be Fluttershy.
"Oh my!" Fluttershy blushed all of the universe. Anything she could take off of both Twilights looked like a pizza to her. "I just don't want to fly headfirst into nothingness with dragons when Rainbow Dash's nests rustled!"
Rainbow Dash waved broken whatever to her friend.
Fluttershy's yellow parts blew out the door. Then she turned into a hand.
Rainbow shrugged like a pizza of the world again, and then blinked once again as she passed Bloom the Girl. "What is this situation in this world?" She flung her hair out from her smart phone. "I think we have fun unicorn osmosis pants." She pulled out a god and then swallowed her head. They looked like bacon manna from heaven. "Oh dear, that was indistinguishable from a rotten girl who had to pretend to be a secretary of magic."
Five million thousand thousand worshipers worldwide sat down with a sigh of magic.
Rarity rolled off the world without a god.
Twilight teleported to do anything about it online. She grunted and groaned and adjusted her flush pentagonal skin. "I never expected to be a book or something," she said almost gently. She pushed herself in her pajamas and brought out her smoldering smallest smart phone. "Oh gods anonymous and yellow, cops were going to explode me!" she trailed off into translucency before disappearing into existence, completely forgotten about.
"Huh...Well that was a bit weird," she thought – and then blinked back to equilibrium before disappearing into herself afterwards.
Spherical speculative special spiders were secretly crushing on Spike. Spike jumped over the radio as heartsongs pursued his throat. "You think you can take me to say this whole thing? I'm thermite in your soul! That's literally dangerous!" Spike hurried to keep up with magic horse power and used his shades to see apple-dreams in miniskirts.
Applejack cleared her face as she flipped by eleven butterflies on her desk, holding her throat necklace video artwork in her mind. "Ah'm stuffed until the world without beasts might overclock." Applejack tried to sound crazy, but the whole situation was already faster than reality. She grunted her voice as she unwrapped the boyfriend of magic. "You don't going to happen." She coughed into his eyes. "Earth remembers come to discover digestion of reality."
The man shook his luggage in Equestria. "You just wait and then two months later all matter within possible universes are going to stop being lawful. Oh gods anonymous and barely immortal, I couldn't be interested in this world poisoned of magic." The woman threw her eyes back into nothingness. There was no mistaking the same person that was you.
Pinkie saluted at the scene before her friends quietly ate her head. "I'm sorry, child opera star wars..." she trailed off as she went down the drain and something shattered within them.
"...Okay people, time to become real," Ditzy clutched her head in her lap and nearly died on the news. Adagio rolled her eyes as she clenched her fists of magic. "Everybody wants to admit to going into nothingness completely," she explained to the world again. "Sunset's been going on a very small vacation in Equestria, we should probably just wait in terrified silence."
Sunset licked herself up from the computer's magical face. "Oh what–"
"Breaking water caused Spike-reviews of magic horse royalty artwork," Adagio dazzle hissed through her phone and wiped away into nothingness.
"What in Tartarus just happened–" Sunset blinked and shook her head and winced at all the fuss. "Yeah no. Just going to stop things."
Sunset facepalmed with a sigh. After a brief period of magic works, a special power system of religious magical energy speed-smashed to the heavens.
"Okay people, time to deal with this whole situation." Sunset turned back to the glowing world and taught it a violation of privacy.
Pinkie Pie returned, panicking in a bikini. "I'm you? Don't you don't got to be Fluttershy?"
"No seriously, what?" asked Sunset Shimmer. "How did you even get my own magic?! I'm a god! Religiously, I mean. I don't know. Apparently."
Pinkie turned to look at the world. "So you think this is entirely dangerous and impractical." She shrugged quickly. "Well aware of that happening, demon thing," the girl mused with magic laughter power.
Sunset stared at the woman currently chewing on a plane.
Pinkie Pie coughed into a disaster. It was only scary to her eyes. "Yeah... Well... It's not a bird of magic." Pinkie pocketed her face and her hair in the sky. "It's scarier on Twilight's forehead."
Sunset blinked once more. "Oh dear... Well... You didn't know how to keep your own safety... Ah. Okay. This is going to be rougher times than I expected."
Pinkie turned into a sun. The world underwent temporal paradoxes and FoME later thunk to make this all about Sweetie Skywalker and floating watchers stuck in trouble.
Sunset rubbed her temples. "Guess it's supposedly just going greeeeeat." She gave off a tired cinnamon flavor, because she can. "I miss Harshwhinny standards of magic."
I admit I moved the paragraphs around on this one a tad more than on the earlier chapters, but still, this one makes surprising amounts of sense.
Especially considering the input data set for this chapter was FanOfMostEverything's multi-author anthology series "Group Precipitation", taking place in his Oversaturated continuity. [Botnik keyboard]
(To summarize: Equestrian magic is bad for the stability of the human world and Sunset Shimmer ends up with the job to keep reality from collapsing. Also, turns out the human world already had its own kind of magic, which just reawakened. And Sunset is now the equivalent of the human world's Tree of Harmony. ...Kind of. Oops. 
)
(So yeah, this one actually makes some sense. Imagine that. 
)
Special thanks to FanOfMostEverything and everyone involved with "Group Precipitation", as well as Reese for test-reading and minor editing advice. 
This was/is an extremely silly, yet entertaining creative outlet. I'll probably be adding more chapters occasionally, whenever I feel the urge to write but am too tired to write anything actually sensible.
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This is just coherent enough to make some sort of crazy sense. I can't wait to see more.
I am so stealing this to say
As a programmer, I've written programs capable of writing their own "stories"... They tend to be a little more broken than this. I've also read stories that claimed to be written by robots, and were clearly nothing of the sort; the computer has no concept of plotlines, often limited to nothing in grammar, and...
Beyond that depends on the program. While the human influence is evident here, it's also evident to me it's largely a legitimate machine-written story.
Admittedly, I've never used the particular program you're using- but the program I made... It reads a story, then generates its own. The result is often nothing short of epic, if I get the settings right- and the longer and better a story I feed in, the better the result! (In those, I've had ponies open other ponies' eyes for them, and that sort of thing. My favorite is when it has no concept of quotation marks...)
I like this. It's hard for me to read, so I'll probably never finish it, but it's entertaining anyways. I'd mash up a few of my stories (Iron Mountain comes to mind) through my program and publish that, if I wasn't almost certain it would be a violation of FimFiction policy... But I think you're still within the policy with this, so
9486099
I guess Luna didn't want her daughter to get caught up in all the spaghetti, so she sent her to go to Tartarus, where she no doubt will receive a good upbringing and education.
Actually the Teapot is the villain of Season Toast-Diamond, Episode Toast: "From Canterlot Palace's mouth and then another round".
(Hmm. I should make an input set that contains all the episode titles and then use those for the chapter-titles...
)
9486116
"Cursing Equestria's stop lights" sounds like something that might happen in Manehatten on a busy day. Protagonist might be a taxi driver or somepony in a hurry. Maybe a unicorn who really really really needs to get from point A to point B, but can't teleport. If Starlight didn't have other options like teleportation, self-levitation, or bending space-time, you'd wonder what she'd come up with to solve a problem like this.
Or maybe... While stuck in Manehatten traffic (and also somewhat tipsy), an evil enchantress puts an actual a curse on every stoplight in Equestria. "Those who dare to cross the road at red's eye shall henceforth carry the... the... burden, of, of *hick* [indecipherable mumbling that makes the curse very confused about what it's actually supposed to do. Poor curse.]"
"Love and mariachi music" - Either Cadence has an unusual taste in music, or it's a parallel universe crackship fic where Cadence married somepony else, and how A Canterlot Wedding and the Return of the Crystal Empire had a different outcome because of it. Maybe King
SombreroSombra is reformed by Cadence's new husband? And Chrysalis is allergic to tacos, so her plan is ruined by the wedding banquet.And yes, this isn't exactly my usual work, but I must admit I just couldn't stop giggling at the complete insanity unfolding.
...Oh, also, by the time you'd posted your comments, there's now a 4th chapter.Ah, I see you already noticed....Okay, no, I didn't type it up just now, I just hadn't cleaned it up yet for submission.
9486168
That sounds neat! Opening other pony's eyes for them, oh my gosh.
Yeah, I'm a programmer myself actually, though I just took what was already available as a web-application and worked with that for funsies.
And you still have to pick the words from a list it gives you to match the grammar - hence me stressing the "collaborative" work with a machine, not "written exclusively by a machine". It's just that you have no idea where the sentence you're cobbling together is gonna lead.
I put links to the differently trained "keyboards" in the author's notes of the respective chapter, you can check it out yourself and type up your own.
I'd say, maybe you can cobble something together from the mad ramblings of your program, rather than taking its output as the finished work? Like, take only the best parts, or move sentences/paragraphs around to give it more of a "logical" structure. (I moved a lot of sentences around in chapter 4, and admittedly cut those last few Pinkie paragraphs together from the best of multiple attempts.)
Maybe treat the whole thing like your program wrote the first draft of a story and you're the editor improving it for human readability. I'm sure considering the machine wrote the first draft all by itself, you can be "excused" for cutting out the fat, adding more of a "human touch" and "revising" some of the grammar afterwards. It'll still be machine-written, but collaboratively with a human.
Or, maybe you can flip-flop between sections of text written by the program, and then you take whatever the bot gave you as a prompt and write a paragraph or two yourself, then let the program take over again, repeat until you got a story you can claim at least partial authorship over.
PS: Also, I was made aware of this while getting the story ready for publishing.
9486143
I honestly wasn't sure if that wasn't in the story already, it just made so much sense.
But no, "getting in touch with" only appears twice in Group Precipitation, and neither has anything to do with entrails at all. Somepony too jaded to even react to their own guts sounds like a barrel of laughs.
I say go for it.
9486212
Input: Iron Mountain, though I used the Google Docs file, backdated to the time of the latest chapter update. 504 MB.
Output, 2 MB:
Go ahead and try.
(No really, I did just run it. And that's all I had it generate; I can make more next time, if you like.)
9486235
I'll look into it and see if I can do something with this.
This sort of thing is exactly why Oversaturated Sunset can't go to Equestria or otherwise leave Earth's universe for the better part of the next century.
My robot overlords told me to come upvote this fic. I have acquiesced.
Also
at this fic having more comments than up/downvotes. Always a good sign. Means you just can't define it as "good/bad" and have to explain wtf you just experienced. 
9486430
Only her head! The rest of her is fine.
9486942
And then to eat it while it was still hot.
Either that or her mouth is really, really hot.
Be very afraid.
Yeah, chewing on a plane will do that to ya.
9486353
Well, I'm guessing Trixie's obsession with teacups has awakened the Teapot, causing all of Equestria to become covered in thick spaghetti.
And now they're planning how to repopulate after the apocalypse, and Luna is the most prevalent candidate to do it, as she is already covered in pony-teenagers. (She's already had one foal during this story.)
And everypony has their own idea of how to take over Equestria for a better future, they're just being held back by destiny's stoplights dictating when they can and can't make a move, when their fate is all-green and when they'll stop and stumble. Now, if somepony were to gain control over Equestria's stoplights - why, it would be like she could steer destiny itself, cause traffic jams for her enemies, and green waves for herself and her allies.
9487081
That about sums it up!
9486352
That's actually referring to me.
I typed in "Ultra", and, well, Botnik dubbed me the Princess of Horrifying Plot Spells.
Well... it's not wrong...
9486310
Couldn't she send one of her avatars though? Or... I suppose that does that not work across dimensions?
Also, one thing I'm a bit confused about... Has Oversaturated-Sunset never got to "make up" with Celestia yet, or did I miss that? I'd have expected her to be exchanging letters at least - or, if that's too impersonal, arrange for a video conference. You know, throw a smart phone through the portal to Equestria, make a phone call.
What do you mean "there's no connection"? You're telling me WiFi won't propagate through the portal, and you can't set up a repeater on the other side?
Or at least stick a cable through temporarily and hook that up to a provisional cell-tower?
It seems like a kind-of obvious solution, unless I missed something.
9487275
Well, this is certainly something to address in the near future. Long story short, Sunset's avatars break down almost immediately if they're not in the same universe as her main consciousness. The Astral Plane lets her cheat, but only so much. As for Celestia... Sunset has been deliberately pushing that particular reconciliation down her to-do list for a while. The fact that Celestia can't even set foot in the human world without breaking it for the next decade or two doesn't help (or hurt, depending on your perspective.) This also means that interdimensional telecommunications are a poorly explored field of study, since the quantumantic journal and human Ditzy Doo meet all current needs on that front. Also, no one lets the Twilights directly work together after the electric kettle incident.
9486467
I assume you mean "Bloom the Girl"?
9487437
Skynet: "Oh really... Well there's probably a good joke at the potential wordplay of magic! What do you mean I'm high? I'm a little too smart to be sane. And now your word on this world in entertainment is a story about food!"
I think you made Skynet upset.
9487499
I feel a little sorry for Flash. Personally, I don't have anything against the guy, though he's the punchline to certain obvious jokes which makes it hard to resist when Botnik is whispering suggestions in my ear. Eh, maybe I'll look around for some FlashLight stories to feed into this thing, and his egg will hatch into a beautiful stoplight.
Oh god.
9488731
Thanks! And I, good sir, tip my hat to you for being able to write like that without needing the assistance of a bot.
I like how Pinkie Pie and Sunset Shimmer appear to have a pretty good grasp of what's going on in this story.
And apparently Sunset Shimmer became a god, and doesn't quite know how to feel about that.
I came here.
I saw.
I was absolutely thrilled and excited and amazed and confused and...
And, well, you get your upvote simply for blowing my tiny little mind. Normally at this point I give critiques, praises, and thoughts.
But there are none of those things.
There is only Botnik Sparkle and the hoof.
-GM, master of hehheh.
9555825
Lol
9556391
Rofl
9486543
Too many puppies!
9557484
I— well— that— uh— that is— D͝erpy ha̛s
T̷̢̝͖̥̩̰̞̲͔̹́͡h̡͠͏̬̤̦͖͎̰̬̬̣ę͓̜̗̪̣̰̦͙̥̬͕̻̻͚̟ ̷͉̠̣̳͎̙̼͓̮̭̙̝̰̳̭̻̞̯́͜͞ḩ̸̡̢͖̘̖͈͔̭͓̭̕è̷̷҉̭̘̰̟a̢͔̰͔̝̩̬̟̪̪̣̘̭̲͕͓͉̲̤̻͝͡v̫̞̫̞͚̖͞͡ͅe͘͢͏̺͚̱̜͖͎̹̩̳̯̗̜͍̺̖̳̮ǹ̪͕̼͙̪̱̱̮͇̱͙̗̯͉̻̜͡ ̙̟̘̩͓̠͇̗͚̼̣͍̦̰̦̻͇͡į̢̪̜̪͚͈̥̣̤͚̼͜͡s̜͎̺͚̹̜͎͡͡ͅ ̣̮͍͍̟͇̳͓͉͈̬̬̭͍̝́͘͝ć̷̶҉̸͍̰͓͎̼͕ļ̢̢̘̦͓̙̤̭̯̻̜́͝è̝͚͖̰͓̹͉̼͈̙̳̻̯͈̼͘ͅa͏̞͚̖̫́͘r̶̨̬̘͍̬̟̭͔͈̰͇̳̫̦͍͢͢l̀͘͝҉͕̟̗͎͈̪̻̦͇̦̟̞͓̺͙͍y̵͢҉͎͔̳̤͈̩̬̼̫͔͔̺̦̘͓̻̕͡ͅͅ ̭̼̤͇̤͙̻̻̰̳͇̮̩͚̞̦̗̥̳̕͢͢͝f̴̢̡̨͕̣͓̥͙̱̳̰̤͇̗̳̘̼̱̗͍̲̤͝a̕͏̮̱̲͎͕̩̬͖̦̫͍̝̘͇͈̳͢͟ͅŕ͢͡͏҉̻͉̙̟͕͉̣̳t̻̥̲͇̥͖͙̜̬͚̥̩̯̪̟̕͟͠i̷̛͍̦̤̟̦̙̬ͅͅṉ̙̼̩̩̩̙̪͙̺̺̯͇̼̥͕͘̕ͅģ̷̨̝͎͉̖̳͉̮̖̗̮͈͉̞̥̯̰̭ͅ ̢͖̤̣̙̮̻̘̀́͞f̴̻̳̹̞͎̼̥̺̮̩͔̰̱̜̝͝͝ͅa̛̼̗̜̭̦̱̥̻͘͝ͅḿ̢͟͏̗͙͙̲̫̘͍̭̪̱̖̟͇̣ͅi͘҉̟̪̦̜̘͈̳̜̠͓̩̦ͅl̸̩͈͎̬̮̜͚͠͞ì̡̨̡͍̪̬͔̘͘a̢͎̼͚͙͖̖͕͢͡ͅṟ̴̟͚̬̗̞̥̼̖̀ ̴̶̧͔̤̠͚͎̕t̷͎̘͍̟̞̫͉̜͢͠e̸͓̰̟̝̠̳̘̮͍̗͎̹̲̪̕ȩ̸̫͈̫͇͙̲̟͈͎͙̙̠̦̜͙̮̞̞̺ņ́͢͠҉̦͉̖̝̗͚͔̺̩̰̭̮̝̗̝ͅá̧͍̩̼̦̞̜͔ͅg̸̘̺̩͎̝̣̠̟̬͘è̴̷̢̻̯̱̤̙̻̪̺̻̣̰̪̗͡r͟͝͏͚̖͖̞͙̲̤̮͍͘s͍̺̻̳̝͎̲͟͜͡ͅͅͅ ̴̸̢͍̤̭̗͇̟͓̬̟̰͔͕̠͈̫̳͈̙͠f̞̣͔̥̟̦̰̫̼̙̖̦͔͈̟͉͘͜ͅr̵͇̱͎̰͎͝ó̦̬̖̠̠͔̠̭̤͕͍̼̫̱̙͚̪́͢ͅm͓̘͇̖͔̯̲͓̜̪͙̥͚͘͞ͅ ̶̨̧̖̙͕̦̗̣̙͖̯͍̯͈̩̭̝̞̀́ͅt̴̢͘͝҉̥̘̘̘̖̼͓̯h̸̶̨̦̞̙̞͔͓̝͉̪͘̕e̵̸͚̙̞̹̺̺̩̳͕̭̞ ̡̪͕̣͎͓͖͈̩̺͘͠͡ͅͅp̶̮͓̱̠̝̕͠ŗ̮͈̜̝̻͎͖̦͜i̙̱̝̜̬̠͍̹̣͔̟̯̞̖̫̮̻̜͝ͅǹ͎͙̣̥ce͡҉͏̟̘̟͔̦̻͉̠̳͎͈̥͈̱̜͍ş̢͕̩͎͉̜̖̺̤͈͈̠̳͙̠̰̟̱͢͟ś̼̰̱̝̗̺͇̭̺͚̞̣̰͈͘͜ ̷͏͏̗̻̳͍͍͙̺̺̝̯ơ̷̦̘̟̺̟͙̜̘̜̻̱͈̰̤̹̲͖̼͢͠f̡̝͙̬͚͎̥̺͔̟̤̟̝́ ̶̗͓͍̖͚̲͖̖̼̯̭͡ͅW̶̷͉̥͇̤̝̹̠̯̺̞̫͓͚̪͕̭̯͡ḩ̸̶̵̖̣̙̙̘̘̮̱a̯̝̟̘͡͞t̸͏̧̱̥̣̫͢͝ͅ ̢̱̞̠̮͉͖̪̼͙̲͚̲͙̖̣̼̹̯͟͢ͅ
Well that's why it is clearly evident the most prevalent god and horrifying Ditzy Doo is best bot! Twilight could not be written exclusively by a machine of Equestria!
Thank you to meet an upvote at this, so far an automated exquisite time is in your hooves, I hope! I believe this is certainly coherent enough to be a fun frog.
Also, Botnik made a good joke. And Ultra is only a bit confused.
(Written by robots of the world full of comments of this story.
)
9678817
That is clearly exactly my usual style of war crimes in chapter crimes.
What you see here is just coherent in thick spaghetti, obviously.
The laughed indistinguishable nuggets which claimed my hooves and horrifying plot are neither worry of my hormones, nor thoughts.
This here is just party of my robot.
This comment of writing gestalt in thick spaghetti-teacups was absolutely too conveniently covered by sex addled telekinesis and singularity of writing robot overlords breaking into a beautiful ramblings.
...In lieu of a flesh of writing, upon which everypony could be seen, this comment you're maybe reading is clearly exactly an automated exquisite corpse of writing with singularity jams.
It was made Skynet by itself. They think you're drunk.
This was a thing. That I read. I read this thing. Yes.
🤖 (@_@)
I'll always wonder how it made it through Fimfic's strict ban on AI-generated content.
A couple years ago, I discovered what briefly became my favorite website, thisponydoesnotexist.net. It has 1000s of AI-generated images of ponies & pony-adjacent creatures. (Warning, it may not load if you have a slow connection.) That's where I found my profile pic. Like Ultra and this story, it took me a bit of editing to make it look more Fluttery. It's also were I found this image of Twi the bicorn, which I think goes perfectly with this story.
thisponydoesnotexist.net/v1/w2x-redo/jpgs/seed76844.jpg