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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Tons of spelling and grammar mistakes. This chapter was pretty rushed. A tip, for when using ellipses: only use three periods, and then put a space afterwords ( an example being... this).
This is a great chapter story and structure wise.
But I find it painful to read when every other sentence seems like it has a tense error for at least one of the words.
Were this a small chapter of a few thousand words, I would be ok with it.
But this is 12k, and that takes a long time to read.
So the tense errors become more obvious and painful as time goes on.
It's all coming together and I can't wait to see those two worlds collide.
I think we need some kickass editor. All these word issues aside did any of you even like the update as in terms of story?
I believe this is what I needed to put me back on track. Damnation will return and the Tyrant will burn...
2919071 it will be fixed over time. Most editors are busy or simply ignore me. I think Rush did a fine job and TB3 will go over it for the next couple of days.
2919181 I don't know anymore. Fuck it. If you think you are bad ass enough to fix this, let me know in the comments and I will direct you guys to the proper lair where we work our tense error laden magic.
Great chapter.
2919313Thank you!
And I like to thank the OTHERS who HELPED out rather than BITCH about something.
(This is not directed at you Night)
2919299 Well, I'm far... far from badass. We will make the grammar Nazis happy one day. Me having a slow learning disability asperger's syndrome may not me make the best editor out there, far from it. Anyway I have to go to bed. Keep on writing.
2919430 I have to bed? Hahaha!
2919435 A good quote. I guess.
THIS IS FRICKING AWESOME!
Oooh, Tyralestia is cooking up something nasty... I just bet it's going to be a pain in the ass to deal with. Fortunately, the New Humans have their own bag of tricks to play with, and the Old Humans are still kicking and making a lot of noise.
This will be good.
Just call the human gods. Why don't humans have gods in this fics?
2919628 STAY OUT OF MY HEAD! DAMNIT YOU RUINED IT ALL!
Back to the drawing board.
2919683 then it will be too easy.
The evil Celestia killed off all the changelings and Chrysalis? THE CHANGELINGS WILL ENACT VENGEANCE FOR THEIR LOST BRETHREN!
(Also, I do so hope Discord helps comfort canon/Celestia....What? I like the couple and it has a good dynamic. As well as we know Discord, while choatic, isn't a 'bad' person. He wouldn't hurt anyone.{Well not to the extent like evil/Celestia, or the Ruinous Powers.})
But seriously. The changelings will be avenged. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN! {Chrysalis that is.}
Just to make sure, Other Worlds Discord placed his being in Twilight just before Equestria Appeared in the human world or after? Cause it says Spike and Rarity had ran away and I thought that was after they appeared in the human world. If it's after then what did she need Discord for exactly?
I would like the opinion of anyone on the little music on the Evil Celestia scene in the end, I would like to know if it fit well enough.
2919795 before. Rarity and Spike fled before contact with humans.
The fight between the Tyrant and Discord was the start of season 2. It will be another 2 years before they make contact with Earth.
As you can see, the tyrant started well before human contact.
2919795 also about the need for discord. What other major power do you know can easily rip reality asunder?
Easy to open portals...or somewhat difficult for a being of that power.
2919850
That makes complete sense if they hadn't made contact with humans yet.
Well, things are coming together...as well as getting interesting by the moment, with the whole mini-characters in the heads, that hilarious scene with the Dragon Fire, Discord, the possibility of Iron Will being alive, and that ending. Definitely don't like the feeling of possible doom with the ending, though...let hope they can find the Rainbow of Light to deal with its darker counterpart, or something else just as useful...! On a much lighter note, it is nice to see that Marcus is finally forgiving the good version of the Mane Six and the Princesses.
Nice song by the way, very fitting.
By the way, I got some C&Cs, but who should I PM it to? It is too big for the comment section (well, not too big, but I am trying not to stretch the page).
2920006 me? Yahoo is fine.
But I will keep you in mind. TB3 is going to make this chapter better as days go by
2920161
...Okay...but, to be honest, when I said PM, I was referring to the Fimfiction's mailing system.
Anyway, I'll do both, just in case one fail for ya.
Edited: Which I can't...I was hoping to find your Yahoo Email's address in your page section, but I can't find it. I did PM it to you, however.
God this story makes me happy to be alive!!! Also is the minotaur Iron Will? because I think that would be funny.
I liked the part when Luna came back to the library, only to scare the crap out of everypony with the RCV.
did pinkie just make a naruto refrence
The Evil Celestia will pay for her sins. With death.
2919683 Because Odin, Thor and Loki are OP. And don't get me started on the other Norse gods, let alone the other pantheons.
Most curious...
But I sense a character death on the horizon.
It won't be for a while yet, but it will come.
Someone, maybe several someones, will have to die.
Be it in a glorious blaze of glory, or be converted to the enemy.
It shall be most mootly.
2921319
I'm going to be very disappointed if that comes to pass.
This... This is how a TBC story is meant to be.
Clearly defined reasons for character alterations.
Solid motivations both good and ill.
Interpersonal character and plot development.
Few unexplained cliche cop-outs.
Will we be getting prospective from Stone Luna?
I seem to remember a line or too about Queenie gloating to her frozen form...
Something wicked this way comes, but I begin to fear the Bag of Tirek may have ceased to be truly beneficial to the Tyrants cause.
Seems all it has left to give is the LOTR style mad obsession. With Alicorn orgasms.
Will she start calling it her precious?
Jeeze poor Spike, your friends were attacked, family was attacked, Princess attacked, and then everyone stops fighting against the obviously crazy guy who did it. (With exceptions, like Pinkie being practically with a bit of PTSD near him)
Questionable is the use of the 'ß' as it is actually a double 's' in pronunciation. It just makes it harder to read. Also, I was under the impression this character was being phased out.
Seems to be a time compression issue here. Last chapter had the ponies referring to the fight as the day before.
Unless Luna is keeping score then that should probably tarried
2919071 So you're saying the editing was a little... Rushed?
Sorry couldn't help myself. I'd offer to help but I'm pretty sure redskin would like to keep our interactions limited. Do you guys ask the pre-reader's group for editors and such?
or have it blocked by Avast! for being a bad bad site.
2921911 You're hereby demoted to Red Stapler... or Gravemind, I'm not sure which
Now it feels like there some actual progress in this story's present, I feel like you can skip almost everything after Celestia goes back home with the other princesses except the last two chapters and still keep up with the plot. Anyway, I enjoy the little details everyone gets involved in, your writing style has always been omnipotent but now it's near godlike thanks we can see the thoughts into everyone's head and actions. Just too bad Twilight didn't bother to ask what were these repercussions of her spell from Marcus in the first place, because at least she'll have an easier time to look instead of going in blindly like that.
murder?murder?murder?oohhh please author can i eat her please author please
2921269 maybe....
2921650 oh you have no idea what I got in store for you guys.
2921863 they are talking about the fight between Marcus and the princess...mostly. Couldn't quite word it right. There is a time issue at hand, but won't be apparent until the next chapter.
2922407 not anytime soon. Final message WAS suppose to be a one shot. But I am focusing on Spectrum for now. You should really pay attention to what Discord say.about Twilight...>_>………<_<…………(its a doozy) and it will only add to the list...
2921911 go sit in the corner and think about what you done...(but props for doing that pun anyways)
2922341 Nevah! That may have been bad, but it's nowhere near Gravemind's level.
2922582 Was wondering about the time compression thing..... It's Time Turner, isn't it?
Also as much as I do harp on Marcus being OP and what not, I really do like the story overall. Mainly because canon Celestia is appropriately horrified by Xenolestia's actions and is gearing up for opening an inter-dimensional can of whupass on the Queen Bitch of the Multiverse (Kerrigan, you've been usurped!)
Great Chapter! This is the only TBC-Story wich i really enjoyed reading
I cant wait for the next Chapter^^
2922407 Yes I loved that part too.
But I hope that only person that is going to die in terrible way is no one else as Celestia. Elements, and most of the ponies are no wrong here, they were clearly mind broken by Celestia, remember that they were surprised when she blasted Discord straight into servants tower, collapsing it with everyone inside.
Only ponies who are responsible are Celestia and any pony who still have any free will and is following her no matter what. One person have destroyed not only human world but raped her own.
Oooh I can't wait to see her ass being whooped by normal Equestria and humans..... with pissed of Discord as well, more crazy than ever.
I can't wait as well for Spike to meet.... Spike. The older self, broken by Celestia, maybe this going to show normal equestria Spike why our Commander reacted like he reacted seeing mane 6.
We can't forget about "fucked up" Equestria, Luna. She is alive, in stone but when she get out...uhuhuh.
2932750 ???
Am I the only one here thinking that killing evil/tyrant Celestia would be letting her get off easy? Don't get me wrong, making sure she is no longer a threat takes priority to properly punishing her but still, there are so many ways to punish her that involve her never dying....well, assuming magic in this fic allows for such methods. Those being either 'cure' her and let her be crushed under the guilt of her actions or somehow force her to feel the torment of all her victims...or both. *shrug* Either way she's gotta go down.
Also...perhaps a runicly(SP?) empowered nuke can do something about Tirek's bag?
Heh, also secondary thought but can you imagine the reactions/feelings the non enslaved equestria might have towards humans? From the ponies' point of view, they were approached by an enslaved/corrupted version of the ponies under the guise of peace and had so much magical power(crystal empire magic, shackled Elements of Harmony, Tirek's Bag and stolen Discord power plus who knows what else) over a species that has no magic of there own naturally...and they are actually putting up a fight despite all that. Whatever ponies that aren't empathetic towards the humans just might be too frightened to not help? Just random thoughts and sorry for double post.