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Lunar connoisseur serving up slices of life. Ko-Fi page

Comments ( 4009 )

Why did you rewrite it it had like 4 chapters and i liked it better when he was a killing machine

OOh. I like this rewrite. Nice

1042602 Mostly cause I really did need to make a rewrite. The human wasn't really a killing machine per say....

Okay, he was good a killing ponies. But this wasn't about a gore fest. Anyways, TB3 and I had talked over the past 3 days, and I explained to him what i wanted, and he got it down pretty well. :pinkiehappy:

Besides, we are working on the next chapter as we speak. He doesn't want to be acknowledged, but he is the main writer, I am just the idea guy.

The re-write does seem to be better then the original :moustache:

I didn't want it to be a gorefest but I liked it when he was more badass and more like a person who every one they've ever loved or cared for is being taken and turned into ponies who have no recollection of their previous lives and their loved ones
He should be a guy who wants to free his people at any cost even if it means being a menace and killing any thing that stands In his way
That's what I would do just fight till I die or win

1042657 Thank TB3, I was pretty much going into this blind. Unlike the other stories, Relics and Dark Space, I am in the dark on how to go about this. But he helped out a lot, so give him your thanks as well.

1042674 Believe me when i say that he still that guy, but against enemy ponies. PHL groups he will see as allies and friends. Just because he is not screaming his head off doesn't mean he is a weakling.

You can blame me for that. TB3 just fleshed him out for me, gauging on what I wrote and how I wrote him in the later chapters.

Awesome! Way better then your first uploads! Can't wait to see the next chapters!! :raritystarry:

Ok, this fic has masterpiece written all over it!

Much better than the original. The grammar's much better and the flow's smoother. The character's more well rounded and you offered more glimpses into the "Dark Equestria" that this guy escaped from.

So, "Dark Equestria" Cheerilee, Doctor Whooves and Vinyl are PHL soldiers? I'm looking forward to tales of badassery from those three in the future!

Also, will the Solar Tyrant (Dark Celestia) and the Celestians (her loyal followers) somehow find this Equestria?

I said this already but I love the plot. A Human on the run from the "Dark Equestria" lands in an Equestria like the one from the show.

Excellent rewrite! I especially like the way the PHL has been expounded upon here. The idea of a group of ponies and humans fighting together for the freedom of both Earth and Equestria is a heartening one. :twilightsmile:

I only got the indulgence of reading through the comment section of the original version. Quite a laugh I might add... (skimmed through the first chapter too but very quickly)
The few typos aside, this is good. Nice intrigue, flows smoothly, and the many plot points you introduce have the feeling that they're there for a good reason and will be explained in the course of the story. Both thumbs up!

Wait... Derpy is MARRIED!?
That's a thumbs down then... :trollestia:

Hmm a rewrite... well as others have said it is somewhat better in terms of base writing style, with a larger amount of depth with Lyra's and Twilight's scenes. Although the human seems to be much less... intense, a little soft really with all the exposition he gave to Lyra. With the explosive attitude previously we could feel the intensity of his beliefs, and the conviction he put in his actions. But now, he seems as exciting as a damp rag.

Now, this is good! That guy still has no name :rainbowderp: but everything else, wow! Shaping up very nicely.
And someone knows his classics: Grundels good! :pinkiegasp:
Will you include the fight like in the original? With chest-beating primal fury? Because that had a certain larger-than-life quality that showed how alien the human is to this equestria.

1045086 The fight is still on, but it will be more in depth if TB3 cleans it up and adds a bit. Right now I am re writing a rough draft to include more info on Earth and its battle against Equestria. Will be more on par with Dark Space battle sequence if I work on it.

First off, I'd like to say that I was one of those enjoying the story as it was. That said, I will admit that this rewrite is superior, so good job to both of you so far.

Ok wow, I'm at a loss for words. The previous version of this fic was good, rough but good, but this version is superior by far. Kudos to both of you, I think I may have found a TCB that I can look forward to.:pinkiesmile:


Interesting. You've definitely caught my atten--

"Lyra Heartstrings, former Equestrian ambassador to the United Kingdom...

:rainbowderp: How did you get my story notes?

I have no words for this other than Go on.:pinkiegasp:

Oh wow, I am very very interested in this! :pinkiegasp: Twilight's confusion is organic, but she's defintiely going to try learning! And I love Lyra in this! She's both interested but is still deeply confused, and also compassionate. Can't wait to see how this Celestia and the Mane 6 react to their TCB counterparts (and hopefully rip them a new one!)

:pinkiecrazy: My story has something no one does....
:pinkiecrazy: My story has past present and future events....
:pinkiecrazy: My story has a reason why all this happens...

Trying to take Rarity's head off. A perfect defense!:rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy:

Holly crap what a beatdown:rainbowderp:

That was an awesome chapter! So much action! So much story! Can't wait to see what happens next!


by nurgle i need more

Me and Tb3 are working on it. Next chapter should be in the coming week, but no promises.

I saw him with a M4 strapped to his back, where the hell is it? oh and it would be a whole lot funnier if he had forgotten that he had grenades on him to kill them.


What gun? There was no gun. At least not yet anyways. maybe i missed something.

1075204 I took another look at what was on his back and realized that it's the star-spangled banner. :derpytongue2:

GAH! Cliifhangers! How i loathe thee!

Oh my, that was fucking brutal. :fluttercry:

BUT I NEED MOAR :pinkiecrazy:


(sorry, it needed to be done. :fluttershysad:)

I know some people are still gonna come in with outcries of 'marty stu' for that fight scene, but really, I think it's pretty realistic of what would happen when you drop a battle hardened marine into a situation and put him up against untrained, if extraordinary, civilians.

Believe me when I say this. He is more than a simple marine.He is kind of special.Lil

Hmm. So he's a Marine?

I love how you integrated the flashbacks into the story. And the glimpse of the world this man came from adds greatly to the contrast between the Dark Equestria and this Equestria, which is more like the show.

On a sidenote, the alternate Element Bearers must be really nasty if merely seeing Mane Six caused him to fly into a berserk rage.

Also, will this Marine eventually learn that the Equestria he's in isn't the one he escaped from?

Finally, will we see the two Equestrias collide?

Patience my dear reader you can't rush art!

God damn, talk about an ass beating.:rainbowderp: Well lets see if in the next chapter Celestia reacts as badly as she did in the original.

Ok, for some reason I am envisioning this guy similar to Bane from Batman (a mix of the comic book Bane and the movie Bane) and I can see him doing this.

1077234 I know you people are going to scream "HAXS" later on


1077258 And we are going to love every minute of it. Well, I will, don't know about anyone else.

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