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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I don't see this going well.
Second 'on' to 'one.'
Second 'to' delete.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
-Sky66
Corrupted city/government, murders, rapist, slavers, and thieves with the only way to get across a giant river to a safer area while having around a group of 7-10 persons with little to no combat experience......
*add that together, multiply by 3 , tax is nondeductible w/bonds = SHIT-TASTIC ADVENTURE*
Good story so far, great descriptive scenes, world building and interaction with characters mostly the main 3.
Great grammar and spelling *very few mistakes however they very easy fixes and does not hurt the narrative* #NOTAGRAMMERNAZI
the pacing isn't bad ,but it does feel like your rushing but that could be intentional because the the caravan of tribe members wanting go home, move to a better place, sell the goods ,or combination of the options
6.8/10 story for all categories on a average scale all together (setting , characters, dialogue, ect )
This is a ruff sketch opinion and rating . this will change depending on where you take the story and later on. In other words, i just got to see more chapters like around 60,000 words or more then i can get more accurate rating but for now its a above average story nothing to original so far but like i said just need more chapters and story.
To the author, you have something going here so far. I can see the diamond in the coal but please do not ever rush unless its for a good reason and i now this is cliche but take your time. i like to read for enjoyment and see authors become loved for doing something they love to to do, that they take the time out of THEIR life to do it. We readers (very few) don't have as much courage as others to write and be criticize for the wrong reasons and become either outcasts or hated in a group we like and share our common interest with everyone on this site
JUST because you got me sappy and SOMEHOW!! got me to write paragraphs here's a like but don't push it me for the favorite just not yet good sir.
8922213
Fixed.
8922319
For me it is a matter of when I run out of ideas to keep expanding upon for the area, also they are not crossing the river, there is a map you can look up and see where they are from (Wete) and so on.
Writing these can take days, drawing up ideas, planning, expanding on what I have planned in my notebook and then finally the writing itself. This bugger has been on the slow burner for months as I created ideas, that is also why I am updating slowly and I may even slow down, most was drawn up just for the first 10-15 chapters of just showing what is going on.
Wow,
I wasn't sure what to expect from this story. To be honest I am very impressed. This is not only unique and creative, but it stands strongly on its own.
I have to place this on par with greats like Quantum Castaways by DustTraveller , The Drawn With the Night stories by Dan s Comments and The Humanity Within Trilogy by Knight Breeze
What I am saying is that this is true Authorship.
The Monk
8923096
Thank you!
are you basing this city off of the crumbling ancient Mali empire? sounds like it.
8925170
I certainly hope to answer these kinds of questions in around 50 chapters without giving away spoilers, there is an entire backstory as to what happened and how things got to where they are.
I'm basically just going to second Rikithemonk's comment.
I've come across the story multiple times, but I didnt know what to make of it. So I didnt read it, but Im glad I saw it again and gave it a shot.
Looking forward to what you got cooking up for this one.
For some reason, I see Alzemard and mentally I pronounce it Al'Zemard like it was Arabic.
Read the story so far, some mistakes here and there, and at times it is hard to tell from who's perspective is who, at one point I thought Jeberi was a 'she' and not a 'he'. Good story though, and I hope things get interesting further along, especially reaching the city
I believe you mean 'fleas' not flees.
This is quite a read, I'll admit so far. Far different from other zebra-based stories I read with the anthro being a bonus addition.