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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Thanks for the update!
Honestly loving Nyah and Khada, I hope they survive!
Well, this is a bit of an odd one.
I'm at Chapter 17 thus far, and to be honest I'm not sure why you chose to post this on fimfiction. I don't mean that as an insult to the writing, but rather I'm having trouble connecting this semi-African setting to the world of MLP. Beyond the reference to the solar cycle, there's very little linking the two worlds. In fact, I just searched the entire story on a whim, and the words "Zecora, pony, unicorn, Canterlot, cutie mark, Ponyville, dragon, harmony, pegasus, Celestia, Luna, Equestria, and alicorn" don't seem to occur even once.
EDIT: Ah, there we go. Cutie marks mentioned.
Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying the story so far. The characters are believable enough, and the plot is neat. I'm not even particularly bothered by the spelling errors. But it doesn't seem to have any connection to MLP beyond the tags and being posted on this site. I might be jumping the gun on this; maybe when I reach chapter 18 there will be some more connections to MLP. But as it stands right now I wouldn't really call this an MLP story.
9823807
There’s plenty of stories on this site that have nothing to do with any of those things. Some people just wrote stories that could take place in almost any world but they decide to do it in this one because they like the setting.
We’re in Zebrica, with largely uneducated Zebras and Saddle Arabians. If they don’t know how the sun moves, so be it. We don’t have a time setting, for all we know this is years or centuries before or after the events of the show. Those two facts alone eliminates half the terms you mentioned. What is an “Alicorn” to a tribe that is living a fist-to-mouth existence? Zecora is a single zebra who doesn’t even live in Zebrica, assuming this setting is during the time of the show.
Enjoy it for what it is, if you don’t like it you don’t have to read it. If you don’t think it’s MLP... in a way it’s not, but in other ways it is. He wants to tell a story that takes place in the world of MLP, even if it isn’t about ponies in Equestria. Let him tell it.
9824536
Reading comprehension, friend. I specifically said I liked the story, so I'm not sure how you read that as my not liking it or not wanting it to be told. Not every criticism is meant to shut something down; in fact, it can be constructive.
As far as the terms, that was just to highlight what I meant about this fic's lack of connection to MLP. I would've thought that in nearly 300k words at least one of those things would have been mentioned at least once.
My point is that for a writer who likes the MLP setting, they aren't really making any use of it. You could take this story and beyond reference to the sun/moon and the passing conversation regarding Zebra cutie marks it could be told pretty much anywhere else.
I would compare this to a story posted as MLP, but which occurs in a human setting (but not Equestria girls) which only mentions MLP once, in passing, in the first chapter, only to never mention it again. Does that make the story bad? No, obviously not. But it does change whether we can call it an MLP fanfic in earnest. I, too, enjoy MLP fanfics for the setting, and at the moment this fic doesn't seem to exist in MLP. Again, that does not make it bad. I've said before I'm enjoying it, and I still am.
9824544
I'm sure once we get about twice as far in as we are now and our hero has a decent sized nation, eventually someone is going to send over a diplomatic envoy from Equestria. That, or some kind of magic will be introduced that he's going to have to learn to account for.
On the other hand, think about how easy this will be to publish after all is said and done. Not even Hasbro's lawyers could stake a claim on it.
9826219
That's what I'm hoping for; there wasn't much indication of it in the opening scene but I've got my fingers crossed. I'm not a particularly impatient person of pillbuggery persuasion, but I figured this was something the author might want to keep in mind for immersion's sake.
And, true, I suppose that's something they can do once this is finished.
9826838
As my profile page states I strive to flesh out the equestrian world, Equestria itself has been absolutely done to death so I turned my attention to Zebrica, something we know exists but never see. That and as the seasons wore on they tried to stuff a planet into one nation which really kills it... So are you going to read about little ponies from Equestria? Maybe, maybe not. These are the zebras and Saddle Arabians of the world who are in the larger Equestrian world. So does this mean my story is about Equestria? No, it is not about the Equestria where Celestia rules, it is about the continent and people where Zecora comes from along with the Saddle Arabian visitors we see in one episode. No one writes about them or where they come from, but I do. If it upsets you that I have chosen to take the Equestrian world and make up a story for as to why Zecora most likely left her portion of the greater continent, so be it, I dont care. This is the Equestrian world with all the magic, pegasus, unicorns and so on scurrying around but you are on the wrong continent now and therefor zebras and Arabians are the dominant species.
The entire premise of me writing this story was to flesh out the part of the world we only hear about offhandedly through Zecora or maybe two or three other episodes max, and not limit it to a 5x5 mile strip of land as did the current writers. Whether you agree with my decision to post this on Fimfiction or not I dont really give a damn because it does belong here only its about Zecora's people and not Twilight's for once which is a a different change of pace. Something else it holds quite a bit in common with is that is also has to do with friendship, kindness, loyalty and more including honor. But not the child version of these, no, this is about adults going to war and forging bonds of friendship and loyalty in the hell that is war.
Now if you think that zebras and Saddle Arabians have no place in FIM, sure okay, writers never thought they did and thats a fact! But I am not going to put my pen down and burn my notes because you believe such. And it is because they never bothered to flesh out one of THE most interesting characters (Zecora) and her homeland along with those two Arabians that I write this story. I also write it to show just how complicated things can get and how fast things can fall apart in a world that has shut out honor, friendship, kindness, joy and twisted loyalty into a concept that would make a daemon blush with pride.
You can either enjoy the story for what it is and where it takes place or not but that choice is yours but part of me suspects you are seeking DRAMA . Let it also be stated that over 98% over all stories on FIM have less than zero to do with FIM. They are HARDCORE PORN (XXX) and even XXXX cannibalism is friendship. It is quite ironic you challenge my story for not being "FIM" but say nothing of how most here only borrows names, faces and fur tone before rewriting the book in the most hideous manners possible. I know, I have read more than enough of them and even dare I say... Enjoyed a number of them despite the fact they have nothing to do with FIM and are just porn. Thats it, just porn.
Enjoy the story or condemn it, that is your choice but I am going to keep writing no matter what the hell you say or try to do. I will not be stopped from continuing this story dealing with the underdogs of the show: Zebras and Saddle Arabians.
9828275
Wow. Well... I'm just gonna refer you back to my reply to Adenbadens [9824544], with particular emphasis on the first three words.
I appreciate the explanation, though. Is this how you respond to all critique, or am I just unlucky?
9829262
The quotes is from the story "Cultural Artifacts" by Dan_s Comments. Its a fairly long quote from Chapter 1, so I shortened it.
This is the full version.
The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller
This entire continent needs to burned to the ground after saving those who are worth it.
I know I'm a fair few chapters behind, but I think I'd like Nyah to join Verick, either in his ambitions, his harem or both.
10407370
Well as I tell everyone: this is an encyclopedia of the world length saga. Nothing here happens overnight but if you keep reading then one day you shall find out what her fate will be.