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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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have to wonder if something happens with asha and thats what sets him off.
Please continue
Love it so far and looking forward to more! Honestly, I wasn't sure what I would think of a story that featured a 'warlord,' but I've been fascinated by the set up so far.
That said, what is it that you didn't like about this or other chapters, Arelak? I admit that I've been wishing that we'd get to a turning point or when we would see MC get more involved, but I'm pretty sure that's just my own impatience at the necessary evil of plot setup.
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Rome wasn't burnt to the ground in a day. (I don't care what Nero says!) Verik must gain a loyal following, and make at least basic plans before he should attempt to take a city.
Riding the crest of a rebellion is another possibility. Both methods require time. Besides, isn't a story this good worth the wait?
9134312
No argument there, and my comment pretty much points out that it's my own impatience. My question was more pointed to what the author was disappointed in in his chapters.
I wonder if the main character's gonna meet Celestia and Luna maybe not
9134273
The wording is what has had me in a bind, wrote this just over a month ago and it has bothered me. Rewrote two parts over and over again in my head but it just never settled to where I wanted it, this was as good as it got because its time to move on and edit other chapters. I am actually very pleased with how I wrote in Tasid this time though compared to when I FIRST wrote the chapter, no comparison. As for the warlord bit... I always fancied the idea of someone who never just up and received their kingdom but has to desperately fight, claw, gut and tear to get it then heap up the corpses to stand above the rest. No free handouts here.
9134312
Correct. Rome took time to burn, you are watching the world burn in this story, a slow, agonizing burn. However others bring up a valid point... Verik is a ticking time bomb so what makes the ticking in his head finally stop? Time will tell...
Also no rebellion starts overnight as you pointed out, these things take time and loyalty.
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See the above because only time shall tell.
---
To everyone though: the story is not PURELY about Verik, it is also about Asha, Sefu and several others you have yet to meet... In truth Verik is not the ONLY main character, he shares the slot as events tag team back and forth. You get to see BOTH sides of the coin in my stories!
9134698
Yeah, I can understand the stress over writes and rewrites because a wording or scene 'just doesn't quite fit' when you read over it. I've actually had several stall outs on some of my writing projects, both here and independent projects, because of those worries and pressure from RL. As you said, sometimes you just have to tell yourself to stop, that 'Okay, no more edits! Time to move on and hope for the best.' Not an easy thing to do, I know. For what it's worth? I agree you did pretty well, both in general and with Tasid. When people write large evil groups, they often write them as 'Evil boss and lackeys A-K' with every commander below second being the same. The closest way you might get away with that would be on small scales like minor gangs. For larger groups, you're not going to find a leader in one city/sector/territory is exactly the same as one in a location on the opposite side of the group's controlled territory. In truth, just as every person has a different viewpoint, every commanding thug will have unique qualities from the others: favored vices, competency, why the big boss favors them, goals, MOs, and more. And I think you pulled that off pretty well with Tasid. Believable motivations and style but enough difference to be his own being.
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generally for someone like verik to officially cross that lien requires a stimulus of some kind, thats all i meant. his slow growing romance with asha seemed like a possible trigger to me. i very much enjoy how your writing this story with a broad view on all sides, i look forward to seeing more.
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You actually described one of the problems I had with writing Tasid. I wanted to make him even more unique but also vague, you know now Fareed will kill him in an instant because he is the only one who really KNOWS what is going on but it is just not worth it. Yet?
I really enjoyed this chapter. You made Tasid come off as a top-notch asshole. And the sharing of his bread to those kids kind showed the difference between alot of the zebras and Verik, along with his observation of the city of Luny. Good job!
With every chapter that's nearing to Wete, is every chapter that some big climax with start, and Verik will raise a rebellion; I'm just waiting for the massive action scenarios that'll happen in this story and Verik becoming a Warlord
All this depressing chapters, is fueling some new commers to do something right. And I like when things goes well in the end.
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I-Uh-ny
Droit du seigneur. Classy.