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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Do you have an editor to help with cleaning the story up? There is a considerable amount of repetitions and run-on sentences with a couple of tense changes. The story is decent at the moment, but cleaning those up would shift it into the good column.
Your story has an interesting concept and your progression is nice. There are a good amount of mistakes here and there, which make the story’s comprehension a little harder to grasp. Perhaps an editor is in order, but besides that, you have a story that I am excited to read and I await the next chapter next week. :)
It's about to go down
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I do not have an editor but do it myself which is largely dependent on how exhausted I am at the time and then how much time I can dedicate to editing before posting, which usually amounts to a quick once over before publishing the chapter. As for getting an editor... No, I would rather keep trying to get it right on my own as this is my little project to keep improving my writing ability and English.
Feel free to point things out to me though so I can make improvements or send me a message with suggestions or hints.
and thus his path was set no longer would he be a tourist , stranger in a different world observing but not truly getting involved instead his mind was set from now on he would tread the path of a conqueror
Okay, something's been bothering me for a while: how the heck do you pronounce "Bwnai". I can't remember if you included it in earlier chapters or not, but in my head I've alternated between a kind of "buh-nai" and a "bwo-nai" or even "b'nai", and now I'm just confused and want a clear answer.
9005516
Bwin-Nai
Thought I would take a moment and applaud you for involving some of the smaller details.... like damn parasites that are the bane of all fur-bearing species. I cannot say I have EVER seen that detail in a story.
9274000
Thank you, parasites and insects have felled more armies than guns and bombs combined.
And so, the ship begins its perilous travel trough the seas of drama and romance
But be they shall be careful. For after the shipwreck of starco, those seas have never been the same
I was hesitant to read this but you have my attention
Asha's gonna die.