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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i feel like the pacing is perfect
9968131
At least there are a few sharks that may or may not eat the minnow.
Yikes..... that’s all I can really say for this chapter. I really hope we get some adorable zebra daycare antics next chapter.
As for the rest of the story:
I’m loving it so far. It’s a slow steady burn towards something big and while some may complain about the pacing, I’m perfectly content to sit back and watch things unfold one chapter at a time.
Everything is coming together I think. Nawra certainly has a larger role yet unclear.
Fareed will get his due, it is just unclear in what manner this will take.
Jesus Christ......
All I can say is I hope Verik can save Nawra, among everyone else who needs saving, from this awful fate.
To be honest, I'm starting to lose interest. Also, I much rather talk about our warlord other than Fareed right now.
9971809
Thank you!
The pacing is too slow. At this rate, we will never see Warlord give Fareed his just deserts.
9975575
Exactly! Doing a time skip would have been a good thing 10 or so chapters ago, but now it is so slow that it has become a literal crawl almost.
I just realized how innocent-minded Nawra really is, the moment I saw those three and how they acted, I knew immediately they were bad news
I've started skimming the chapters that don't involve Wete. Fareed and pretty much everyone involved with him are evil, sadistic douchebags minus a few who aren't but are stuck where they are currently. We get it. I do however enjoy the shenanigans Verik gets up to with his band of merry zebras and his adorable wife.
Hmm. With all that talk about Verik stealing a boat and Nawra's plan of using a boat to cross to Almazard, I surely thought Verik would end up getting involved with Nawra on the river. You continue to surprise me from my usual predictions.
So far that is good.
As a reader the pace does feel a bit slow. But also as an experienced reader, and budding writer myself, I can understand why you spend time showing your other characters. When one has made a complex world, involving many diverse characters, religions, and cultures like yourself, the seeds to the end of your story have to be planted at the right time and with great care.
Overall, I am greatly enjoying your story. I look forward to Verik's plans coming to fruition, and the day the wicked ones will reap what they have sown.
Does my review satisfy you?
9968131
Hmm. I like this phrase. An interesting perspective.
10003137
Thank you for the review but it is not about satisfying myself but more getting a glimpse at what my readers think. You are one of the tiny few who have provided a more concise review and again I thank you for that. I know some do not care for the slow pace and other happenings but neither do I wish to write a story where some random character just "poofs" into existence with no explanation as to why and how or why something happened.
Merry Christmas by the way!
Seeing people so utterly broken? Wow. Also what kind of concoction was that? Is it something that exists or is it something that only exists in the story?
10132854
Look into the vibrant sex slave trade, the glorious USA is a major trade hub on the planet and one problem the tiny, tiny few people who are sent to chase them down have an insanely hard time because the slaves are beyond the point of loyalty. This is also true in India when the government raids places because the slaves are willing to kill each other to keep their masters secrets, this includes the rape/murder of 4-5 year old girls. Saudi Arabia is also one to look into, takes one hell of a lot of digging but good luck if you want to read into the subject. I did many years ago and it is quite sickening, most are purchased by the ultra rich in the USA, India, etc. PBS once did a documentary where they admitted that at the high point back in the 2000's some 30,000 slaves were moved through the USA, mostly children, that was a CIA statistic and we know they never like to tell the truth. Also you can look into one major event where it broke the news but was hushed up: Boys Town scandal. They hushed it up because US senators and el-presidente's were raping and torturing little boys as young as five. Also there is another one called the "Lolita Express." Its massively extensive but quite real.
I've enjoyed the story so far but its becoming very hard to keep track of who is who and what's going on in the story which has been making the story somewhat of a drag in my opinion as, I have to go back and reread some parts. I also have found myself skimming through most chapters that don't involve Verik directly. I've never been very found of multiple perspectives in stories were every other chapter is a diffrent character and point of view. In my opinion it is usually better to use as few points of view as possible, just enough to show the varying motivations of the antagonist. Sometimes it is better to use a simple direct approach so as to not lose the details when the story becomes more complex.