• Member Since 14th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Unwhole Hole


Digging it deeper. Always deeper.

Comments ( 68 )

Oh man, 75k and counting. Quite a chunk for a new story. Gonna have to try and shuffle some time for the RIL.

My impression from the first chapter, though, is pretty good! You've got an intriguing setting, and I like the way that the pony elements are left as almost dangling teasers (the idea of a "Fluttershy" as some sort of mythic prowling Depths-beast is great). Solid sense of place (the condensation-rain and Skylight Park stick out in my mind as vividly realized) and good establishment of a hook. I do notice some typos here and there, but not enough to distract from the core tale. I'll try to get through more of this as I can!

It is a good day when a story of yours comes out.

To anyone who started reading this story before its full upload, you may have noticed that it made absolutely no sense. As it turns out, I had mistakenly failed to upload all of Part II and instead substituted Part III. The problem should be fixed now, but if you notice any other errors in the chapter continuity please let me know.

Great story I enjoyed reading it.

Wow, nice one! Sarcastic, diverse, vast and sad world. It was nice two days to dive there ^_=

Really liking this so far. The description here as they're moving across the surface made me realize one thing that had been poking me in the brain for a bit: this setting feels kind of like an early stage on the way towards the world of Feersum Endjinn. Particularly the bit about the neohippie base: being built for the idle rich, rejected and re-purposed as something beautiful, then abandoned and left to decay.

Good stuff, m'dude. :moustache:

Wow...

This was hella dark overall which I'm usually not a big fan of, but the world and characters drew me in enough to stick with it, and the darkness is consistent and coherent. I'm actually left conflicted as to how I feel about a lot of the characters, which is intriguing to me.

I'm curious if you've plans for further fics in this universe—it's certainly large and complete enough, and you've left plenty of hooks. Probably the largest question I have left is how exactly the Cult is so technologically advanced compared to anyone else.

8853907
If I recall correctly there is a direct answer in one of Lyra's monologues - about lack of talent and purpose in richman's society.

First impressions are good. I really enjoyed Equestria 485,000, and I'm very excited for what's to come in the following chapters.

This has been nothing short of stellar so far. You have a way of writing that is sincerely engaging and interesting (but please consider getting a proofreader).

This was exceedingly well done.

I would like to second 8853907 in regards to another story in this universe.

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Now this is how you start a story!

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he spoke loudly in Standard Language, the combination of Georgian and Bantu that was almost universal throughout Connecticut. Elrod, unfortunately, was at a disadvantage; he spoke only English and enough Flemish to ask for supplies from the older members of the Wong family.

You have no idea how much I love this. :D

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“Is…is he rabid?”
“Oh, silly! Of course he is! All hyperwolves carry rabies!”

Oh my god. XD

Well, things are picking up! And your influences show themselves! :)

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For some reason, I can't get over "By the grace of Twinkleshine Prime". XD

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So was that skinless pony a Vinyl Scratch? :)

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"Beowulf round" is the coolest name for a weapon I have ever seen. :D This was a great chapter.

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...I really wanna know what the heck the HIV is for. c.c;

Also, the metadata might have been fake, but I am still taking it as canon for why Forth is so derpy. :D

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Wow, damn. c.c

But Forth though. ;_;

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I am so pleased she's a Rainbow Dash. :)

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Oh god I love Forth so much

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Excellent job equating hacking to rape. c.c That was terrifying.

Please tell me that failsafe is called something like a Dentata Protocol. <.<

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This fight was much less fun than the last one D:

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I fucking knew it.

She's not a Twilight Sparkle, she's the Twilight Sparkle. She's spent all these centuries gradually replacing her body with cybernetics, to adapt, survive and blend in, growing more and more cynical until she's finally almost as much machine as any regular pony. That bit when she wakes up all but confirms it, tell me I'm wrong!

(The only gap in the theory, of course, is that she doesn't exist in the real world, so how?)

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I think my totally awesome theory just got destroyed by My Little Dashie a pony in a box. :C

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She gets a hug and goes, "Oop." How is this pony so good?

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I've never seen a creepier use of Lyra before.

Also, I am pretty sure their names were spelled "Hecsel" and "O'Doole" about 15 chapters ago... (I'm listening to this, so not getting a lot of details like that.)

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I wonder what the poster was of. :B

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I'm honestly shocked any level of trust is being thrown Lynnette's way, if just given who she works for.

I also adore how you describe their use of language in that scene. :D

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Well, that was terrifying!

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It says something about Morgana that she was willing to walk Twilight through the logic and evidence instead of just breaking her leg open like I expected her to.

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Wow, lots to unpack. What a nuanced and loathsome character in Maurice. Okay, but is he a midnight toker?

Also wanted to share that the text-to-speech had little difficulty pronouncing "sobakans", but rendered the singular version as "so bacon". XD

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Heh, interesting choice of name, there, Lyra. :)

I guess that's it for Lynnette. :B Kinda thought it might be, somehow...

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Why do I get the feeling it was the selfish reasons that were more incidental in her coming here...

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This subplot about Twilight needing a new body has been strangely riveting. It was over really quickly, but the buildup was great, maybe just because it's nice seeing anyone give that much of a damn in this world.

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Fantastic story, and dark! Lots of fun worldbuilding too. You have a fantastic writing style for histories and future evolutions

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...EQZ?

I thought Faulkner had one of those in-leg guns, hadn't she threatened Morgana and co. with it when they arrived in the library?

And oh yeah, the most important question of all:

Why did Forth do that?

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Ah, I'd been wondering if we'd ever see a Celestia or the like. I guess not.

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It at least sounds like we've heard rumor of them before, so now they have a better picture of what it is they need to do next. So it wasn't all for nothing! :)

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Lynnette's back! :O I had not expected that. And now this is suddenly a horror story, considering how much tension her appearance is filling me with...

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I'd been fucking waiting forever for Roxanne to do that. Finally! XD

I was a fool. A young, sexy fool.

This might be the best line in the whole story. XD

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So that's what that symbol is!

And I kinda figured that's who the angels had to be. :)

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It occurs to me that for all her bluster and ability to back it up, Valla seems to be a kind soul. Like, she's just not quite as hardened and cynical as the others. Surprising.

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Damn, Roxanne is really good at this. I mean, it's refreshing to see characters like this go to a high-class party and know how to get information subtly, but she continues to unfold as a really interesting character.

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Worst party ever. :V

I guess, decorative or not, losing a wing isn't good for any Rainbow Dash, huh?

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HOLY SHIT

OH MY GOD

And then the most confusing fight scene I've ever read. :B

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Well fuck, shit just keeps unfolding!

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well'p

bad end, but I guess there couldn't be any other

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