• Member Since 14th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 20 minutes ago

Unwhole Hole

Digging it deeper. Always deeper.


Few things bring as much joy to Berry Punch as riding trains. Because of this, she was overjoyed to find a misprinted timetable that listed a new train travelling to Canterlot in the dead of night- -and even more pleased to discover that rumors of a new, experimental type of engine were true.

Except that this train does not run quite on time. And not many ponies seem to be willing to ride it, despite how many cars there seem to be. And how everything is oh so silent. Or, as Berry Punch begins to discover, something she would rather not know about the last train car...

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 23 )

This is good. Also unknown. You deserve more views.

10/10 cosmic horror.

Relatively normal people struggling to survive in the face of impossibility, against formless enemies, with little in the way of hope.

Very well done.

Seems that eldritch abominations are getting smarter, these days. Also, I never thought of Berry as the "I like trains" guy, but it makes a lot of sense. Like, she often sits on a train in the show.

Well, either Berry went insane, or this train is a wild hunt on wheels...

Berry is kinda right. If ramming Cthulhu with a ship works for a while, punching does too.

“You’re shoulder,” she said.

Your. There are a few small mistakes here and there, but they're not distracting.

Hmm, the ponyless carriage with that engine would probably deliver its passengers straight to the afterlife.

Also, if Berry and her friends were the only ponies to ride this train, what happened to the others? The guard, the grandpa with a newspaper, the thestral couple and the unicorn guy? Were they illusions, or were they the victims of the train?

The last sentence seems to be having some problems.

I like how the creepy atmosphere is building here...

It's getting unsettling now. :rainbowderp:

I like the family stuff you're bringing in. It's not essential to the plot (I think?) but it's a good way to help ground the train and the characters in the world.


Aaaaa.... do I want to read the next chapter, or run away... :applejackconfused:

Brrrr, this was extremely creepy. Very well done! I have similar questions as 8404632, though I think at one point Sparkler says that the other passengers were never ponies at all, so I guess that leaves us with unsettling conclusions. The yellow mare in particular still makes me wonder, though.

Obviously this poaches a few tropes from Lovecraftian horror, but they never came off as cheap. On the contrary, everything from the discussion of geometry to the description of the too-big cars right near the end felt vivid and unsettling. IMO the "where are they now?" chapter skirted the edges of a too-clean wrapup, particularly Cheerilee's decision to ignore everything. But that's more my personal opinion than anything technically wrong.

Overall I think this has a good cast, an effective if sparse use of humor, and a great slow burning horror. Like the first time the lights went off... that's horror gold. :moustache:

Strange trains, strange notes, strange runes from a long lost empire?

Maybe King Sombra was involved with making the first engine? He was the only unicorn in the Crystal Empire and he had a penchant for making near infinite stairs... just a thought which is probably wrong. Liking the story though.

Is this anthro? "A mare with no feet," is that an error? Or, is this anthro?

No, it is a result of unmanaged diabetes.

I don't think you understand. Why 'feet' instead of 'hooves.'

I see the two terms as somewhat interchangeable, with the hoof being the outer hard part of a pony/horse foot (which includes the rest of the appendage up to the ankle, as well as the bones and tissue inside).

So what was the cause of the train cars looping?

“I’m not sure yet,” said Berry, softly. She looked up at Sparkler. “I’m going again tonight.”

Berry, NO! That's what the monsters want you to do!

Yes, it is, and if that had been me, this is where the story would end.

Unsettled by his experience on the train, Winter Solstice got off and went home, never to ride that train again.

The End

Now that was a good read. Thoroughly unsettling.

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