This story is a sequel to A Dinky Little Problem
Nopony's life goes according to plan.
When an overzealous social worker "encourages" Derpy and Berry Punch to start a support group for single-moms, the two discover they have little in common, save that their lives aren't turning out quite as they wanted.
Proofreading and consultation by the multi-talented Bluegrass Brooke.
Cover art stitched together from here and here and here and here using Inkscape.
This is my entry for the Deviance contest.
Chapters (3)
Neat.
Oh, dear.
PINKIE getting angry and judgmental? This will end horribly.
I can't WAIT!
Well, that was... nice and friendshippy, but ended on a really vague and mild note.
Not to mention that it really does bear explaining why Derpy and Big Macintosh didn't work out despite really liking each other and, by all indications, continuing to like each other after their split. Ah, well.
Well that was... neat.
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Thanks!
6150871 Fair points, and thank you for making them. I was trying to paint their past relationship as torrid but brief, and to suggest that Derpy broke it off because she was looking for something different than Mac was at the time. I'll admit that could have been made clearer, though.
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Ah. No, that wasn't really obvious.
Really, all we're told directly is that Derpy wasn't really in love with him. Which is a fine reason not to make out with someone in a drunken stupor, but it contrasts harshly with the rest of the hints about their relationship, not to mention the way Derpy apparently stumbles over herself at the sight of Macintosh.
There could be a variety of very thoughtful and good reasons for it, of course, and I only bring it up because it was really interesting the way you set it up and subsequently disappointing in the way it was left out. This could have used a Chapter 4.
6151901 rather than another chapter, lets see what how Pinchy and Dinky are getting along with the babysitters.
Wow. Pinkie.... just wow.
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I know this story's marked complete, but y'all are giving me ideas for an epilogue and/or companion piece.
Life goes on, I guess.
I loved this story!
It was such a pleasure editing it and I'm so happy to see how it's progressed. A very solid read, my friend, a very solid read.
This was a sweet story and I enjoyed it very much.
Oh, and a funny thing I thought of when I read this line.
Ooh, shots fired!
6154636 Thank you again. That first draft... sure was something, eh?
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This story feels sort of like a middle piece. Derpy and Berry Punch formed a small bond. Big Macintosh is revealed to be a former boyfriend of sorts. Something that didn't work out but, it feels like both ponies kind of wish it might have to some degree even if they weren't possibly in the same place emotionally at the time. The door is sort of left open for a possible rekindling of the relationship which could provide a bit of conflict depending on how you feel about Big Macintosh's status.
I could see Derpy reluctantly having to rely on Berry Punch and vice versa to watch the foals at different times due to work or other obligations. I could see Derpy having to land a second job to earn a steady income. I could see some good things happening for Derpy and Dinky be they little things like say, Dinky being in a school play and Derpy being so proud of her type of thing, a promotion etc. I could also see this turning in a different direction as well with one of them getting sick for awhile, an accident heck maybe even a bad personal relationship.
Anyway, It was a nice read.
6227972 Thank you, and Indeed, this was very much written as a middle piece. I wanted it to stand at least somewhat well on its own, but I envision there being at least one (and possibly a couple) more stories in this series.
I am working on a dramatic reading of this story as well .
This is gettin' good.
This was a good read. There is a lot of material here for a sequel, possibly several, or a single, long, multi-arc story. No grammatical errors that I noticed, which is a nice change. I find such errors to be very distracting.
7295167 Thank you!
If I was to be self-serving, I might encourage you to follow, as I've had plans for a third (and possibly fourth) story in this arc for over a year now. I keep having other story ideas jump in front of it in line, but it'll get written eventually.
7295188 That might be some solid advice. I've been having trouble finding good reads on here recently (I have already consumed so many) and one of my pet peeves is bad grammar/spelling/phrasing, which knocks a fair amount of stories out. You, however, have impressed me so far.
7295202 Thank you so much!
Indeed, my stories are not perfect, but I aspire to write things of quality.
Even the crackier stuff.
This story is a punch to the nuts compared to most stories involving Derpy. Usually she's the comedy/bumbling sidekick character, even if she's supposed to be in the lead role, but you make them believable as single mothers.
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That reminds me, I had always meant to write another story in this series but still haven't quite gotten to it. I did write a story that isn't directly connected but that draws heavy inspiration from those plans, though.
Thank you for the kind comment on this old thing.
Neat (I wonder how many ponies realize that's a technical bar keeping term for a shot poured directly from the bottle to the glass at room temperature? Well, okay, you can use a measuring device...). I do hope you eventually get to making more follow up stories in this series, unlike a lot of Derpy/Dinky fiction out there you actually have believable plots (well, believable in the pony world, in the human world I'm not so sure how easily all this would work out).
Ouch...
That hits a little too close to home... (The bit about well-meaning family shielding someone against the consequences of their mistakes to the slow, inevitable detriment of all around them). I can certainly sympathise with Cheerilee wanting to help her sister, but is seems she is only glossing over the symptoms of a much deeper problem. The gangrene in Berry's life needs to be (gently, but decisively) excised so true healing can happen. Right now her lies to the FPS are like applying moisturising lotion to an infected wound and then spraying air-freshener to cover up the smell...
Ah! That was the word I was groping for previously. Cheerilee wants to help her sister, but is only enabling her destructive behaviour. I hope somepony can council Cheerilee in the best way to help her sister and Pinchy (as painful as it might be in the short term)
Wait wait WAIT! THAT’S the end?!
No.
Not buying it.
This must continue.
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I originally wrote this and A Dinky Little Problem because of what I envisioned for story #3 in the series. I’ve also had an epilogue to this story sitting planned-out since right after it went live. Maybe I’ve been afraid to mess with the series, though, because the tone and purpose of the third would be very different...
You can has review!