• Member Since 14th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 25 minutes ago

Unwhole Hole


Digging it deeper. Always deeper.

Comments ( 38 )

To anyone reading this,

If you have any suggestions or see any problems, feel free to let me know.

Hello,

At long last, this story is complete. I would like to thank my follower (there is only one) for following me thought the process of writing this. I do hope that the length does not smack of pretension, as it is truly inadvertent. Because of the sheer amount of heavy metal and chocolate milk (gallons) necessary to write a story of this length, in the future, I shall attempt to keep them below 20 chapters (or even 10).

I intend to submit this story at roughly midnight Greenwich Time tomorrow. If, by some miracle, it passes moderation, I hope you, my readers, enjoy it. And if you don’t, feel free to let me know why. Even negative feedback helps the process.

~Unwhole Hole

I feel really bad, because I feel you must have put a lot of work into this, to have published it all at once with the monstrous word count, and yet no one has saw it. I actually feel fucking terrible, you deserve more recognition for your work man.

7371286 Thank you for your concern, but you don't need to feel bad. Its mostly my fault for not having uploaded more slowly and for having poor community engagement. That, and this just doesn't seem to be the kind of story the Audience wants to read very much.

I write for the fun of it. I'm just that some people read it.

6647827
There were quite a few parts where you mixed up 'your', which is the possessive, and 'you're', which means 'you are'.

Other than that, the story was pretty fun! I really enjoyed the variety of characters in it. I'm in the process of reading it again!
Also, Lich!Shining Armor, Tyrant Sparkle, Demon Queen!Fluttershy, and Cyborg(?)!Rainbow Dash make for one epic adventure. :pinkiehappy:

7544147 Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. Also, thank you for pointing out my poor editing. It is probably one of my weakest points, not just here but on my other stories as well. I know the grammatical difference, but I get really excited in some parts and type too fast to check myself.

You're welcome! :twilightsmile: I hope to see more of your stories soon!

IMHO it's this story is the one of the Fimfiction hidden gems ). Dark future is impressive and has enormous scale to dive in ). Don't know why it's not popular (maybe because it's sequel for not so interesting source story and people leaving reading without reaching sequel; myself is lucky one here - I've started reading sequel firts). Also, it's worth mentioning that there is second hidden gem with same popularity problems - "Fallout of Equestria: We're not heroes" - maybe it will be nice read for you too ). Same for Nameless Narrator's books ... you should create a club of "talented authors, unpopular for no damn reason".

P.S. Some nasty moments (like Fluttershy's ... inhabitants or that lab full of small ponies) are hard to digest for sensitive persons like myself but overall it's good story, that makes most of modern "official" sci-fi literature feels not worth reading anymore.

I really liked this story!
I read it a few months ago and am gonna give it another read since I just t read the first finally.

Great work!

This story is great, though it ends a bit abruptly.
I kinda stopped after the race in the epilogue, it just felt like it didn't resolve well enough.
I loved the whole story though.
You've done a great work here.

I like Micron, happy to see he lived, didnt seem like a bad guy

“Of course,” said Iron Lung, “we are not a private hospital…”

We care about your privacy that we don't practice only for a small non electronic transaction fee of a few gems that is pointless to us equidroids. Don't make me gag.

“I do not have that option. However…I do not actually like to kill. It is just so…boring. Now, if you are willing to witness some things…worse…I can try to avoid killing them.”

But you are not killing them, you are just torturing them with poisoned bullets

Then, she decided, she would join them.

That bitch five would not need to do anything at all at this rate.

Every Pegasus is descended from Scootaloo, really sad.

Slowly, Five moved her body over the grate- -and then, with a surge of motion, burst through. As she fell, she relocated-her joints and took her pistol in her hands, ready to target the space in the guard’s head directly beneath their horns.

With how much noise she was making trying to assemble her gun, she would have been busted long time ago. But of course she is Mary Sue.

all eight of him

This is interesting, for what I feel are obvious reasons.

Something else that's been bothering me: a few chapters ago, when Proctor was rebooting(?), the Applejack initialization was missing from the startup sequence...

I'll admit, I thought the Vale/Veil difference was an accidental misspelling of the same character. Based on your other stories, though, I should have realized sooner...

As always, it was a pleasure to read. Thank you for writing.

I feel so bad for Best Pony. I can't even begin to imagine what she would be feeling. I mean to be aware that literally everypony you knew was long dead and that you were never going to be able to see them. At least I knew that even if I lost contact with all my friends there would still be people around who I was familiar with. Don't worry Dashie you're still Best Pony:heart:

That's so cold Thebe! You're even worse than Five; at least Five will actually do the dirty work herself.

Nice. I like what you did at the end there. I was even thinking that Toxic would see that Equestria and was wondering how he'd take it. Now I'm wondering if pseudo-Discord just might have given Toxic the chance he needed to help save Equestria....

Sweet Celestia! I didn't see that coming at all. I mean sure I kept trying to figure out where Thebe had come from and who she might be, but honestly I was thinking maybe Scootaloo at first but then she was referred to as an Adventurer so I was like can't be her bc she has a historical record while Thebe just shows up out of nowhere. Though I'd never even thought that it might be HER. However when you actually look at it in hindsight it makes sense. Why can't foresight be 20/20 too.:rainbowwild:

Wow! By the Moon this was a great story! I loved reading To Devour the Seventh World, but I honestly liked Child of Order more. Though w/o reading Seventh you'd be kinda lost about some parts of Child probably lol.

I'm definitely putting Seventh and Child into my Favorites bookshelf.

10148175
Clearly not pointless, even if it only serves as a medium of exchange that can then be used for other goods and services.

Things that crawl, things that fly, things creep around on the ground. And they say the ghost of Lucius Clay gets up and he walks around.

“Excuse me,” said hologram, sounding somewhat annoyed and frowning at Rainbow Dash. “I am a female AI. The correct pronoun to use when referring to me is ‘she’. ‘It’ is insulting.”

Robots can't = living things, annoying sassbot.

Epic weapon, kill many xenos

Never in his worst nightmares had he believed that there could be so many. There were hundreds of them standing at various distances from the structure- -either on the ground that was left on the nearby islands of the archipelago, on the water, or even in the air, suspended by no apparent mechanism.

Minecraft homies.

In her heart, Rainbow Dash knew it to be true. It only made sense- -even the oldest of ponies only lived to one hundred or so, unless they were alicorns.

So is this set in a different universe, or is this prior to the decision to make the different pony races have different lifespans? Iirc, unicorns can live for several centuries in your universe, right?

10294452
Agreed! I was thinking the entire time that it must just be a simple misspell, even after knowing from other stories that Fluttershy is Veil's daughter.

Called it! I just knew Thebe was actually Twilight. Funny how I figured that, but not the Fluttershy/Vale thing, which was arguably more obvious.

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