• Member Since 14th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Unwhole Hole


Digging it deeper. Always deeper.

Sequels1

Comments ( 55 )

6532252 a total of 8 views, No likes or dislikes and over 200,000 words, all posted on the same day, their only story AND only joined 2 days ago
So tell me.... any good?

Great story, loved it. Was looking for a story like this for awhile. Thanks for writing it :)

6532606 Haven't read it but ya that's astronomical. Or maybe he planned thus Yknow? Like wrote it before joining? Then copy and pasted parts or something. I'm not sure but if he did it in one day this guy has some mad fast hands. Like really.

I still hate this Celestia. Maybe it's because I'm American and have a penchant for good rebels winning the day.She should have stayed dead for the horrible crimes that she committed.Sure it was for a quote better future but I'm sure all the ponies she slaughtered wouldn't see it that way.The battle seemed like freedom vs security and for me freedom wins out every time. I still gave this an up vote unlike a few others because besides what I brought up it was a good story that didn't do the wrong things.

It has just come to my attention that most stories are added chapter-by chapter instead of all at once to allow for ongoing commentary and review. I did not know this. However, even if the story is done, I do appreciate feedback and criticism because it helps to inform the writing process and will benefit any future works.

Lol I started to think if just do that but instead finish it and just slowly upload it over time. Any ways does the character in this come from a game or something?

6916495 The character D27 is an original creation, but his species is inspired by H.P. Lovecraft's shoggoths (such as in "The Mountains of Madness"). The idea for the Lords of Order is (very distantly) inspired by Elder Scrolls: Oblivion, which may be what you are thinking of.

this story is bloody brilliant :rainbowlaugh:

6916805 mmmm old jigalag yup that's probably what I was thinking of.

This could turn out very well, or very horribly, the story I mean... Hopefully the former.:twilightsmile:

“Cutie Mark Crusader tour guides!” they all cried in unison, with enough volume to hurt D27’s eyes.

Uum, hurt... his... eyes?

Is Celestia going to go insane in this story?

So I assume this will be answered later in the story, but what is a "Lord of Order"?

So I came across this randomly and I'm enjoying it.
I'm only like 15 chapters in and I'm getting the background finally, and you've done it so well I don't feel like I'm trudging through a mire, but watching an evolving movie.

it's impressive. Good mix of ideas. I like the breakneck pacing but not everyone will. Seriously needs an edit, many scrambled usages/tenses/spellings.

Is it worth the time? <sarcasm> I'm annoyed about how much time it stole from my own writing. </sarcasm>

In your fics Fluttershy is almost always is a Tartarian princess. I wonder how long she would be pretending to be a normal pony.

“The mark of the enemy shall be,” she said.

Oh Celestia the idiot :facehoof:

Oh, okay, wow. Equestria would be consumed by smooze because of Celestia's sheer arrogance

Don't tell me that foolish mare going to use THAT spell. Well, maybe not.

Celestia clearly deserved what she got, that tyrant bitch needs to die.

What are the other four "great pony races?" Exmoori, morlocks, thestrals, and trihorns?

You have an uncanny knack for writing page-turners (page-scrollers?), and this story is no different.

I can't get over how much this feels like we're in the final throes of this story, but the chapter count says otherwise. This has been nothing short of an astonishing buildup.

Hell of a take on an origin(?) story for these two.

For your first story (at least posted here; I am unsure in what other capacities you have written), this is quite good. I really enjoyed D27's character, Nil's return, and the last several chapters especially were nothing short of incredible.

It is interesting to read this story after reading so many of your newer stories first. The references and connections to your other stories are fun, of course, but even though this story is well-written, it really hammers home how much you have improved as a writer and storyteller.

I'm really enjoying this story. I'm so glad I came across it. While it is a little... different from the types of stories I normally like, I can't complain at all. It's very gripping. You should be proud. Thank you for such a good story.

8660203
That's what I thought... I think it's an allusion to the whole thing about his triangular eyes being the sensory organs he has normally. ...though I could be wrong but I don't know how to make sense of it otherwise.

10347805
Agreed. Also wow, 2018, I've really been a part of this fandom for 5 years. I love this site. :twilightsmile:

Wow!!! Just amazing climax to this story. Got the epilogue to read now and then it's on to the sequel.

I love Luna's description of a piñata.

Unlike the weak shield that Shining Armor had used during Celestia’s botched Cadence assassination attempt

I always love the way you drop bombshells so nonchalantly.

Considering your other works, i am worried this is just a Daybreaker that learned tact.

Playing gods, aren't we. I'm expecting something of him to come back in "present day" at this rate.

On a side note: Holy Satin, she's just sitting there, menacingly.

Ayyy, its the first version of the Exmoori. RIP Daring if she ever found this shit though.

Yup, classic "too much arrogance for his own good"

And so D27 leaves. Godspeed, you little goo blob.

This some dark as stuff. Its only after Luna almost kills someone that she figures something is wrong.

I hope they get there come upings.

I like this chapter either way. It really shows trauma well though the whole blatant not totally actually is slavery and the ensueing defication of Luna and Celestia.

Geldlings?

Nice touch. It makes me wonder if they are aware of their own history? The ponies?

Crystal coffee....crystal treee... LoL

The lord of order is actually a StarBucks.

;)

This reads really weird. I know about Celestia and you handle Twilights revulsion of her well. But, she murdered Millions?

Tortured people?

It just reads as too much because as it seems to me inspite of doing the same or worse D27 had or has changed well Celestia Just Had not?

I would intrested to hear your thoughts?

10583002
To be totally honest, I wrote this story so long ago I do not totally remember what is in it.

With that said, I usually approach Celestia (here and in later stories) as a kind of Diluvian force. As in, the modern happy, peaceful, lovely world was created by conscious will out of a more chaotic, darker place. Generally (but not always) this is seen as requiring great sacrifice to purge the unwanted old world from the new idealized one. Or, sometimes, the world just moves on.

10586219
Thanks! Now onto to look up what Diluvian Force means.

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