The Monster
Eventually, ponies were drawn to Twilight’s screaming. They found her still chained to the floor, with Rarity unconscious in front of her. Rarity had a cracked skull, but, eventually made a full recovery.
They found the kill shed out in the Everfree. It was animals, mostly.
They cured Rarity with the power of the Tree of Harmony, and drove the dark magic from her mind. She cried, and begged forgiveness from her friends and victims alike. In time, she received it. Ponies are compassionate creatures, and generally not inclined to hold grudges.
The world moved on. Rarity got something of her life back together. She even salvaged some of her reputation. She could go to her own home, and again sleep in her own bed.
Visions would come to her in the night. She saw beautiful things. She saw dresses, and devices, roads and railcars, the cures for diseases and beautiful poetry.
But she had a lot of work to do in the morning.
She smothered them all to death, and went back to sleep.
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"Mostly" The power of a single word.
The feeling of perceiving something beautiful in the aether, but being unable to manifest it...is there a word for It? Weltshmerz is the closest in my lexicon, a world-weariness from realizing the imperfections inherent.
Good read.
This was a very relatable read. I've had my mind bounce around through various subjects with almost no rhyme or reason, and it's just my lack of drive that prevents me from doing what Rarity does here. Sometimes, though, it can really get up and go, such as my (quarter-way finished) attempt to build an entire Star Trek ship crew. And I think I understand the extreme emotions, too. Like a 'did everyone go blind and that's why nobody else is seeing this obvious problem' thing. That's mainly due to my own condition. And I'm really glad I don't go as far in my life as Rarity does.
Short and sweet, I want to thank you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks like this.
GaPJaxie... I'm just... wow. After reading this story, and your last story about changing your sense of self, I'm just floored. We've discussed this previously--you have such an alien perspective to mine, but since you write with such a bold, exquisite style, I get sucked into your stories anyway. I don't think I've ever read such stories where I've simultaneously thought, "Wow, this is incredible!" and "Wow, I do not understand this position at all!"
...Now I want to write a story about my depression version of this: the Glass Block in my head that deflects all of my attempts to write. Where I come up with a great idea, get eager to write about it, and then when I apply a modicum of effort towards the task, it just slides off the Glass Block, and I end up watching YouTube videos instead. Of course, it couldn't be as good as this, and anyway, I'd have to overcome the Glass Block anyways to write it.
Christ.
The most significant thing I ever realized about the art of writing is that the reader doesn't get to see what you pictured in your head, only what you managed to get down on paper. And that sounds completely obvious and banal, but it's tremendously important.
Because whenever you're looking at your own work, you compare it to what you had imagined beforehand, and the finished product is always, always inferior. But when you're looking at other people's work, you can't look inside their heads and see what they had imagined, but only see the product itself, and judge it on its own merits rather than in comparison to its platonic ideal.
Parts of this story just made me think of that.
That was a powerful read. Thank you for it.
Well if the story is about how thoughts become actions and those action is your way of delivering to others, then this story of yours and your will and thoughts conveyed by your writing certainly delivered it to us readers.
Well not really the whole meaning of what you are trying to tell us or even the whole image, but we scraped and digested what we can and thats something and its better than nothing.
8070309
There are people who are not like complete zombies out there. I always hated the " you must follow this trend or be left out " and people like that are predictable is a certain way ( to me at least) and changing their self to suit the world around them, I mean being able to adapt is not a bad thing but if we try to break the norm we get left out or viewed differently/badly.
Even now I think we Bronies are alien to the norm hahaha and I like to see the confused faces as they ponder why.
Be guided not blinded
Temptation leads to ruination.
Wait.... what did she smother to death?....The ideas? Or her Friends?
8070222
As far as I'm aware, there's no word for it. That's a large part of why I wrote this story -- a chance to express how it feels.
8070247
You're not alone.
8070309
Well, as long as you're able to enjoy it despite being confused. Like watching Lost! Or Battlestar Galactica! Or that episode where Daring Do turned out to be real.
Still not sure WTF was up with that.
There's a Patrick Rothfuss quote I quite like. I ran into him on a recent JoCo cruise and he talked for a bit about writer's block:
"There's no such thing as writer's block. Imagine you were a cabinet maker and went into work and you said, 'I can't make cabinets. I have cabinet block.' They'd tell you to shut the hell up and do your job. But imagine you walked into the cabinet factory and said, 'I can't make cabinets. My arm is broken.' That they might understand.
Writer's block doesn't exist as a distinct phenomenon. It's just a catch all for, 'there's some reason I can't write.' That means there's no cure for writer's block. Before I can tell you what will fix your writer's block, you need to tell me why it is you can't write."
It's helpful advice.
8070565
Dungeon Dimensions much?
8070727
She's got a few problems.
8070737
It's an homage. I really liked that story.
8071781
Mm. John Green said something similar in one of his videos. His version was, "Coal miners don't get miner's block." I don't want to say I'm a special snowflake and that "doesn't count," but... I've had moments where I was laying down on my bed, and I couldn't lift my own arm. My point was to contrast it with your desire to create, to see things made manifest. To feel so little motivation... to feel your soul losing grip on reality... Listening to Hamilton, I'm jealous of these lines in "Non-Stop:" "Why do you write like tomorrow won't arrive / why do you write like you need it to survive?"
8071884
Yeah, I took some small liberties there. Glad you're liking it so far!
Wow. A kill shed? I thought it was her obsession and desire feuling it...
I relate to Rarity in this.
Stay out of my shed.
Well, that was certainly an interesting story. And it makes me want to pose an interesting question: is the universe's dark magic morality perfectly aligned with pony morality? After all, different people think different things are moral, and yet here there is clearly a way to use evil actions to power good ones- taking a numerical approach, if the good generated is greater than the evil used to power it, that's a net gain for the world- or at least for those in that morality system.
Now, I think we can all agree that murdering people is wrong, and for most people murdering animals is the same. Yet, few are against eating animals, and even ponies have been shown to accept meat-eaters. If one could power these dark spells with, say, a giant vat of algae- would not most agree that it is the moral thing to do to murder millions of innocent plants if it improves the lives of people? If Rarity had somehow managed to make an agreement with Fluttershy and only killed animals that were about to die and then after they were killed were used to feed the meat-eating ones, she has done an "evil action" that could power dark magic yet has done no real harm to the world. She could make "the cures for diseases" in exchange for some animals. How many animals is one pony life worth? (A non-pony fic which explores this in a rather blunt manner: The Sword of Good.)
---
I do have to question about why Twilight didn't at least send a message to Celestia. There were months between the first warning signs, the more significant ones, and the fall. She was so genre savvy at the start and then just didn't follow up almost at all. Heck, she even got confirmation that Rarity was handling the aftereffects badly and apparently did nothing until it got even worse. I suppose that would've been a much less interesting plot though.
To be honest I suspected that she was powering it by slowly killing herself- it seemed thematically appropriate to have the author stand-in literally be killing herself to make her works perfect; a horribly destructive mindset but one that seemed to be what she was getting to as she broke down. She found her ideas to be more important than anything else; her job, her friends, her very own life.
I really enjoyed the work though- you can almost feel the emotions coming from it. It had a great build-up and a satisfying if slightly rushed climax. Thank you for writing it.
Started out beautiful, but it seemed as if you just rushed through the final chapters.
There seems to be some similarity between these two:
Three Hundred And Sixty Degrees Of Saturation
If Only, If Only
Great minds think alike
8081577
It's intentional! If Only, If Only contains a reference to Three Hundred And Sixty Degrees Of Saturation. But, it's just an homage. The two don't have any real common plot elements.
8087131
Inspired by, yeah. Thanks!
Aside from Twilight's casual homophobia, I thought this was pretty fantastic. My only major criticism is that I think you could have foreshadowed Rarity's animal killings—as is, it sorta comes out of left field. Maybe one of the things that Rarity misses out on when she locks herself away is all her friends helping Fluttershy look for missing animals, or something?
8096792
Thanks! The homophobia was intended as a background gag. For some reason, I keep finding it hilarious that the "Princess of Friendship" needs to check her privilege, so a lot of my stories have jokes about Twilight being racist or sexist. For instance, in With Kung-Fu Action, Twilight is considering an action figure of herself and this exchange occurs.
Action Figure: "Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that changelings are bad news! Don't make friends with shapeshifters."
Twilight: "Oh my gosh. Why is this thing so racist?"
Rainbow Dash: "...Twilight. You said that last week. You actually said that to Thorax's face."
Twilight: "Uh, Rainbow? That was obviously ironic and also he's different from them and I probably have lots of changeling friends."
8096927 Casually racist/sexist/whatever Princesses is one of the things I admit finding fun to write too. Particularly if it's Sun or Moon because they're, y'know, the paragons of purity and giving them such a flaw is fun.
This is how you feel? No offense, my friend, but you have some serious OCD issues. I have Asbergers Syndrome so I have to deal with my share of writing issues, but it's nothing this severe. I feel bad for you, brother.
The story was good btw. Very well written.
8120114
Nooooo. Really?
The story is dramatized a bit. But yeah, it can get pretty bad!
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
8120725 As long as your not sacrificing animals, I'm sure we'll get along great.
......You're not are you?
So... was it after The Clock that Rarity went full murder-shack in the forest, or after The Mirror?
Because I'm sort of thinking that line in the penultimate paragraph of The Mirror:
might be indicating that her power in that chapter had come from emotionally hurting her friends, and it was after that that she'd broken through the ethical barrier of murder.
Oh my goodness. Without blood or gore (until the revelation at the very last minute) this story was so dark. It made a nightmare out of completely inoffensive, harmless things.
Also...”mostly???”
Man.
That feeling of simultaneously knowing that Rarity using dark magic was definitely wrong, and wishing that it were real so I could use it like that...
I cracked the fuck up at how Twilight defeated Rarity. XD
I definitely connected with this piece over the lament of how to bring ideas to life. :) And, regardless of anything else I say about it, it got me unstuck from an Inspiration Manifestation-related project of my own. :D
8379329
Yaaay!
I'm actually quite glad to hear that. Writer's block, and the stress it induces, can be maddening. It's awesome to hear I was able to give you a nudge over it.
8379334
That was quick. c.c
Huh, well, that happened.
I was on board til the ending.
Was kinda hoping Rarity had a moment of clarity and realized her mistake instead of Friendship Lasers.
Ah well.
The kill shed...
I listened to the dramatic reading of this story by DR. Wolf. I really enjoyed it, although doc's voice was a little bit too peaceful for reading of a story so dark. I am not the most ell-read when it comes to horror, but I have read enough to know the most used types of stories, scares and general narrative sources of horror, so it doesn't happen often I am surprised when reading a horror fic. This story was a pleasant exception. It looked like an ordinary slice-of-life until the dark turn, which I liked very much. I'm glad I can add this story to my horror library. Keep up the good work, GaPJaxie
8601269
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^_^
Well, that was... a pretty accurate description of how it feels.
I'm a little surprised that Rarity didn't attempt to fuel the spell with her own lifeforce or some such before transitioning to the more permanent solution. Because, well, I did. And it worked... at first. Sadly, I quickly ran out. And instead of transitioning to a more permanent solution I pretty much gave up on the whole idea and dramatically reduced the amount of creative work I did. As in, I literally gave up most of my creative work to get back to sanity. Which I could afford, because for me creative work did not pay the bills, but still.
Which is why I kind of dislike the ambiguity on whether Rarity keeps making dresses at the very end of the story. And if yes, whether she's still trying to bring these perfect ideas into the world the hard way, or tries to ignore them and find some other way to invent new designs in a perhaps perfunctory manner.
And there is one thing about the challenge of getting the ideas out into the world that is left unsaid in the story, which is: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH. More specifically, we are told that being unable to manifest ideas into the world directly is unpleasant, but we're never shown just how unbelievably frustrating it really is. I mean, AAAAAAAAARRRGH!!!
But hey, everything can be improved ad infinitum. You have to draw the line somewhere, and you've drawn the line where it makes a really good story that got published too. That is no small feat. Kudos!
Also, posting critique to such a story is woefully meta.
8637929
Yeah... pretty much. I have fits sometimes. But, it's worth it!
On one hand I find this ending almost anticlimactically short, but then, it does almost make the whole issue painfully banal in it's solution. And I suppose that is a part of the feeling, the defeat, the endless sorrow of being unable to do what her heart desires.
"Mostly" wins for absolute most chilling line in the whole story.
8649191
Dark Magic: not even once.
8649206
It's an allegory for real-life mental illness. It wasn't going to have a big dramatic ending. Life just goes on. Hopefully you get better. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you only get better part way.
Except this. This is the only line with no clear real-world allegory. I am glad to hear it chilled.
Damn... this one hit close to home. Not really the dark magic, but more the ideas...
I feel I should say more, but I'd just be rambling...
So... thanks.
Thanks for writing this, it was a joy to read.
9294068
I'm glad you liked it. :)
Oh boy, things sure did escalate quickly after the third chapter. Mostly animals...
Also, nice Estee homage there.
9361515
I really liked that silly shower story!
9738142
Do you know if that thing has a name? I've heard artists describe it, but never name it.
She is many things, but foremost, she's a creator. Yes. That comes out as art, but I could see her as a craftspony of any variety, as long as she expresses herself through her work.
9738176
How shall I solve this problem?
VIOLENCE!
9740810
Oh fuck I just responded to your comment on 81 Days without realizing you posted here as well.
I don't think I've ever seen a name, but once I recognized the whole gestalt of it I saw it reflected in lots of other things artists talk about -- the idea that a story that gets across 15% of the desired vision is masterpiece-level successful, for example, or the way that blank paper can cow creativity away whereas arbitrary rules (writeoff prompts, avoiding the letter 'e', an entire existing canon) can spark it. It definitely is a thing, but maybe one that works differently for different people. But the way Rarity talks about it is definitely a way I've wrestled with.
Years ago I had a lengthy PM conversation with Titanium Dragon about a bookshelf of mine, trying to help me identify why I saw the various stories of it as being of a piece -- I had noticed a strain of similarity in several stories we'd both liked, but had never explicitly identified the common threads aside from maybe a higher-than-average use of the [Dark] tag. We successfully identified a lot of specific traits we liked and he recommended a lot of additions, and ultimately I definitely did get a better handle on what I was seeing and why. In the process I think I came up with what could be a very precise-sounding and thorough definition for the genre, but I've avoided enshrining that definition out of fear of, basically, putting the cart before the horse -- the explicit traits that characterize these stories are true and important and useful, but they derive from my vague aesthetic sense of commonality, not the other way around. So I worry that using even a well-reasoned definition of such stories would be as justified as defining "man" as a "featherless biped", and equally capable of producing a false positive.
All of which is to say that "the thing" extends, I think, behind art or invention and into the general ability of ideas to exceed or at least elude the language we use to describe them. Sometimes you get a powerful feeling that seems like it should be a great idea, but it doesn't actually correspond to something with its own meaning (think of the story of the guy who always felt like he discovered the meaning of life while tripping on acid but could never remember it, so he resolved to write it down next time, only to find a piece of paper with some inanity like "bicycles!" scribbled with great conviction). And sometimes you encounter an idea that is powerful and useful, and hangs together with itself and with language enough to be communicated fully and practically (think of a scientific model or paradigm). But I think there's a gap between those levels of coherence, where you have a thing that's real and singular in some meaningful sense, but resists being described or communicated or even showing all of its parts to the very person thinking of it. In the worst case, trying to describe it only makes it harder to grasp as your concrete, static words supplant the thing they're supposed to embody. (Like, if you write a scene with lilacs, can you imagine the scent of lilac or can you just manipulate the text string "the scent of lilac"? Now imagine you're inventing the scent of lilac, not just describing it, and this block becomes fatal.)
Superficially that makes the namelessness of the thing apropos, since it's about (as I'm approaching it) the limitations of language and the kind of anti-inductive nature of some ideas. But I think that's kind of a false resolution, since I don't think much would be different if you call it "the thing" or "the Fleeb effect" -- it's trying to communicate ideas at all, not just naming them, that risks chipping their edges off and washing their colors out. I think there's a massive potential failure mode here where we get all mystical about the unnameable and make a dogma of rejecting dogma and decree bicycles the meaning of life and decide nobody knows anything, because we're trying to hone in on the kind of knowledge that is elusive by nature. I know I get squirrelly whenever anyone else tries to convince me that knowing things is an illusion and I've just got to vibe on the Universe or whatever, so my default position is the kind of high skepticism that is indifferent at best to the existence of ideas that resist communication. But I also feel like my experiences with this kind of thing were real in a way I'd be missing something to discount.
I will say that the nameable and knowable is good for keeping you grounded -- I'm not sure I'm still talking about the same thing. That there is a big ol' goddamn hunk o' text and I'm not sure how much of it says anything. But if I kept all my thoughts untainted by the act of expression, I wouldn't hold on to their purity, I'd just forget that shit next time I napped.