• Member Since 11th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 40 minutes ago

GaPJaxie



T

Once upon a time, there was a pony named Fan Service. She had an amazing life -- money, fame, good looks, but she realized it was missing something: character depth. And so she set out to seek the one thing that would make her life complete.

Written in four hours during a speed writing exercise. Totally unedited. Enjoy!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 61 )

My gods what.

Like that time she had to do a model shoot and her outfit was a napkin.

Favorite earned :D

Absolutely silly. Could be the Crown Royal talking, but I really liked this one.:rainbowlaugh: Though I liked some of the editing errors, sounded like real words almost, "eachother's" especially :V

Oh my god. I love Fan Service. It's in her name, but I know I shouldn't, but damn it all :rainbowlaugh:

I'm sold. Though the Wizard of Oz-ness was going to get to me if it kept going for much longer. :derpytongue2:

*smacks down a big ol' FAV'D stamp*

Fan Service is now best pony

Any story that makes me laugh so much the kids come in to see what's going on deserves a fave. Or several.

BuHahahahahahahaha!!!

If this isn't one of the most clever and hilarious comedies I've ever read, I dunno what is.

Your sarcastically subtely intense exaggeration (oh, the oxymorons!) was layers upon layers of funny, not to mention the fact that the overall premise was extremely clever.

Well done, my friend. Awards to you!

Very nice! :D

Okay, this was silly and funny as heck. I approve. :D

11/10
i cri evrytim

5332555 Pfft, everyone known Crown Royal only enhances the good:raritywink:

Very goofy and awesome as always, I loved how it slowly evolved into the wizard of Oz and I have to admit Fan Service was hilarious. Especially the whole kissing the mirror to feel better part.

Unedited four-hour stream-of-consciousness or not, the site needs more comedy like this. It's not just a clever idea (though it certainly has that), but actually has some depth. Between this and Intern and the RCL feature on Arbitrage, your follow is overdue. *goes off to your user page to fix that*

I love the way the narrative changes when her … um … "special unicorn magic" kicks in. And kudos for the way that you did a double-subversion-with-a-half-twist of the Marey Sue making everything better. :ajsmug:

hi hi

I cracked up when I realized I was taking a trip down the yellow brick road. Well played. :rainbowlaugh:

That ending had a very Brave New World feel to it. I could see Fan having a soma tablet as a cutie mark too.

Okay, that was really well done!

It took me until Thunderlane to realise where you were going...

I... think you may have somehow managed to make a parody Mary-Sue-ish-sorta character actually genuinely work in the way that most Mary Sues wish they did...!

Almost 5000 words in 4 hours. That's impressive in itself, and the story was a lot more than you would expect from speed writing. Nice job.

Nice little story. I enjoy the interaction between Fan and Aloe, especially the "Ok, enough hugging" bit.

Despite how she feels about it I find Fan to be an interesting character. How does The Mare That Has It All really work? Can she truly work at all? So called "shallow" characters always intrigue me, because I enjoy the challenge of finding depth in them. Fan is actually rather nuanced and has a bit more character than she gives herself credit for.
Even if she's a bit of an airhead.

That ending though. That ending. *shakes head.*

I can't be the only one who was hoping that Fan Service would find a job repairing fans.

“Out to Magical Adventure”
"Aw man, I hate when that happens!"

By the divine I was in need of a good long laugh and you delivered! This is now my new favorite story of yours! The way it was so playful yet cutting was delightful and the references came out subtly and slowly like the undertones of good food should. Yet the greatest part was the very end were you flipped the subversion on it's very head. Truly a parody within a parody is a difficult thing to do well. Please have a like and a fave as well as a brohoof. (\

This was my favorite line of yours:
"But, then, puberty struck her at age 16, on July the 9th at precisely 2:00 PM, and concluded inself no later than 2:07 PM that same day. "

Also, because it's what I do for a living, here are some small edits for you in bold:

And yet, as her twenty-sixth birthday came and went, something nagged at Fan Service; A growing realization.

Other ponies seemed so much more... nuanced. So much more interesting. They had complexities: Depth. And it seemed that she did not.

Fan Service asked again, wheedling for a 'yes.'

When he failed to respond, she flicked his flank with her tail and added,

You saved your friend Aloe’s buisness, got Trixie some friends, and helped Thunderlane find a date.

5335408

Admittedly that was the ending I was thinking of as well, but the version presented was far more funny to me.

Brilliant, G. Speed kills, and so did this story.

She has an emerald castle and everything.

We’re going up the road to the emerald castle to see Twilight Sparkle.

WoO references aside, it must be one of Fan's special powers to make Twilight's castle turn emerald green at her mere mention of it, instead of its usual blue and purple.

When he failed to respond, she flicked his flank with her tali and added,

tail (unless that's a Mass Effect reference)

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No! I was free! It was a stupid comedy. With extra stupid! You can't make it have themes! The whole point of the story is that it doesn't have themes. If you keep this up, I'm going to write a darker and edgier equal where Fan Service's cutie mark actually is Soma tablets and all of Equestria is plunged into darkness. None of us want that!

5335644

It happens a lot.

5336165

images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/32000000/BROHOOF-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-32076460-733-1090.jpg

Thank you sir! I'm glad you liked it. Furthermore, by your generosity, grace, and editorial prowess, all the errors you have indicated are now fixed!

5336334

Bwe he he he. There is a line at the end about it being a crystal castle that is at least partially emerald. :ajsmug:

5336358

Not problem at all good man! It was my pleasure, and thank you for the brohoof back; I must admit I've never seen that picture before today somehow. I quite like it though and shall use it later on. Thank you for being the highlight of my day and if I can assist with further editing or proof reading of other works kindly let me know (after all, it means I get to read them just a touch earlier :pinkiehappy: )

5336338

Bwahaha! That's what you get when you have your main character learn something by the end. :trollestia:

Aloe simply hung a “Out to Magical Adventure” sign on the door

It's the little touches that make a great comedy.

5336338 *raises hand* I want that. You should totally write it, and stuff. Yeah.

5336165 Not to be offending, but according to the style guides, three of those edits are actually wrong.

And yet, as her twenty-sixth birthday came and went, something nagged at Fan Service; A growing realization.

That semicolon should be a comma. Semicolons only come in to replace a conjunction, only between two independent clauses, or between an independent and a dependent clause if they represent different ideas of the sentence and aren't related to each other.

Other ponies seemed so much more... nuanced. So much more interesting. They had complexities: Depth. And it seemed that she did not.

That colon should be two dashes (unless you can type the combination). Colons are used only for expansions, qualifications (not one qualification), or explanations. Here, the two dashes are needed.

Fan Service asked again, wheedling for a 'yes.'

All style guides agree: at the end of a sentence, if what is being quoted doesn't actually contain a closing mark, then the closing mark goes outside of the quotation marks, rather than in.

Hope that helps.:twilightsmile:

This was absolutely hilarious; I loved the Wizard of Oz style. That ending where she decides she doesn't really need depth was a twist, but I suppose if her talent has to do with not having depth, I should have expected it.:rainbowlaugh:

For some reason I imagined her as Fleur de Lis, even when you said she had light brown. My brain was just, "Nope, I like my Fleur de Lis, off with that other pony's head!":duck:

-Spirit

You nicknamed twilight the "wizard just so you could make it look like the wizard of Oz for brilliant satirical purposes, didn't you?

“Well...” Fan Service thought for a moment. “Why don’t you come with us? We’re going up the road to the emerald castle to see Twilight Sparkle. I bet she could use some wizard magic to help you find the pony you’re destined to be with.”

Alright, cue music from a musical that I absolutely despise...


[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mm3ypbAbLJ8]

And video posting fails yet again for me. Just go to the place.

This has to be one of the most amazing stories I have ever read.

Fan Service for next alicorn princess!

What Fan Service failed to discover, was that Aloe, Thunderlane, Trixie and Twilight all have malfunctioning air moving cooling units of one sort or another. :\

5335408
It may turn out that she is SUPERB at repairing fans! Goodness knows that little desk fan now has the gracious power of providing cool flowing air that moves in such a way as to brilliantly exalt the virtues of a mare's silky smooth mane rippling in the crisp sweet aromatic breeze!

Nicely done. Now I have that darn song stuck in my head.

Kingy #36 · Dec 5th, 2014 · · 1 ·

*stands up and slowly starts clapping*

also made her wealthy, ensuring she never wanted.

Never wanted what?

5365641

Assuming that you're not making a joke that's going over my head, "ensuring she never wanted" implies the phrase "never wanted for anything," which is a known idiom.

I don't know if it's technically grammatically correct the way the author phrased it, but it sounds stylistically correct to me and seems to fit with the storybook/fairytale vibe that the story is going for.

...I... ...em... what did I just read?

5431327

Fan Service :pinkiesmile:

Wasn't sure what to expect upon seeing it was "Totally unedited", but I've gone and "favorited" (still not sure if that's the term to use. Favored doesn't seem quite right here) the damn thing. Well played, Jaxie. Well played...

Also, I was listening to Totalspark's Snow Drifts when I started reading and the contrast in tone was absolutely perfect

I would say I want to read more adventures about with this character but she's already said that she doesn't want anymore adventures.

Whatever. Let her go roll around in whipped cream at her mansion then get a wet mane in her hot tub. See if I care.

I can't help but visualize Fan as looking like a darker-coated version of Backy, another fan character.

I thought that this was going to be perverse and was positioned to exit prior to completion.
Happily, as described, it only was humorus with only a suggestion of anything else. A thumbs up!

Pure, unbridled (HA!) brilliance! Have a fave and like!

This has to be one of the best Mary Sue parodies I've ever read even if it is unedited! :rainbowlaugh:

Well, that was really silly. :rainbowlaugh:

I do wish you had gone a bit farther with this though. At less than 5k words, this leaves me wanting more.

*looks left, looks right* So.... nobody? Well, okay then.
SHE'S DOIN' IT WRONG! ponybot.net/pix/1260.png


Seriously though, that... that is some strange unicorn magic. I mean, Rarity got... a rock. A ROCK!

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