• Member Since 21st Jul, 2013
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StormLuna


Princess Luna is the best princess and Nightmare Moon is the best queen.

Comments ( 127 )

This looks very interesting I will be keeping an eye on this one.

8056875 There is plenty more to come!

JMP

Just as Sweetie was getting out, Silver swatted her butt and continued,

...to which Sweetie apparently had 0 opinion on since she doesn't react in any way, and that action isn't brought up at all for the rest of the chapter.

8057436 That happened at the very end of the chapter and at that time, Sweetie didn't think much about it because she had other things on her mind, such as how much she could pack and Silver Spoon still having room in her car to transport it.

Pretty good start. Apart from some minor quibbles* I don't see any serious problems.

After I graduate and take over the store, Barnyard Bargains will be the only place selling furniture in this town, as it should be!"

Don't worry, Davenport ought to be able to get by just fine on Twilight's weekly quill order.


* a. Footnotes should be marked at the end of the word or phrase that is denoted.
b. Footnotes should be used for items of tangential interest and should be able to be ignored without affecting the reading of the main passage (i.e. Information you deem necessary for clear readability should not be in a footnote.)
c.1. The information in your footnotes wasn't really necessary (you wouldn't expect a reader to be confused when you refer to a character by their first name), and
c.2. If your writing were actually so opaque that you need to give readers notes about how to understand it, the proper fix is to rewrite it to make it more clear, not to give your readers a translation guide.

Yes. This definitely feels like a perfectly healthy relationship, Silver is acting in a perfectly reasonable manner, Sweetie will in no way ever get tired of being treated like this, and they will experience no troubles whatsoever.

question, why is this story showing in the 'New' section?:rainbowderp:

8057922 Because I didn't submit it for approval until today. It still has a lot more to come though!

8057937
I am being perfectly sincere and in no way sarcastic. Neither you nor Fry have any reason to doubt me in this as I always tell the truth and never lie ever.

8058102 Neither me or who? Who is Fry?

Don't really like the way you've written Rarity

Sweetie, sweetie? If you pile up your girlfriend's issues they wouldn't fit inside a football stadium. She's about a hundred hours of therapy away from being a person who ought to be dating anyone. Now, take your new car and drive away, fast.

Her father is WAY too generous. He should give her a loan and make her get a job to pay him back.

The only thing premium gas does is prevent early ignition in high performance engines with high compression ratios. Unless her folks bought her an overpowered muscle car, Sweetie should be fine with regular.

JWR

Is this the only "Saucy" or "NSFW" chapter of this story?

8065887 There are others, don't worry! The raunchiest one will be published tomorrow.

JWR

8065987 Interesting....:raritystarry:

8066219 Just wait until tomorrow when I publish the extremely raunchy New Years Eve night chapter.

JWR

8066363 Extremely, eh? Sounds interesting. What time of day can I expect it?

8066379 Sometime between 0700-0800 MDT.

8066516 What time zone do you live in? 0700-0800 MDT would be 1300-1400 GMT.

8066747 That would be between 0900-1000.

8066960 The newest chapter is up and ready to read.

JWR

Fascinating. Although, I'm sure you'll write something even more raunchier next chapter.

8068301 We'll see, I have plans on where I'm taking this but I don't want to spoil anything for other readers.

So... when's the next bit of 'fine times coming?

8070031 The next chapter will be published tomorrow morning around the same time it was this morning, between 0700-0800 MDT.

DAMMIT SILVER SPOON YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!

I had a feeling that this would happen from the moment Sweetie got her own car and started doing things without Silver Spoon right by her side.

Rarity finds out Sweetie left her manipulative girlfriend who was making her into a clone of herself. :raritystarry:

And that Sweetie decided to rebel from said girlfriend by turning herself into the butchiest bull-dyke in Lesbiantown. :raritycry:

8075418 Just wait, the chapter I just published will make Sweetie's actions so far look like nothing. oh and BTW: adorable avatar you have there

Love the story. Very well written.:twilightsmile:
But, the title should be changed to "Epilogue", not " Prologue". Just so you are aware.

Oh boy, it looks like Sweetie Bitch has arrived! :flutterrage:

8075889 Changed....thanks for letting me know and I'm glad you liked the story! :scootangel:

Those kids know that metal didn't stop in 1987, right? Even if that's when their dads stopped buying albums.

8075998 Sweetie knows it didn't stop then. Judas Priest kept on going after that. One of my favorite songs of theirs, "Metal Meltdown" came out in 1990.

Hey now, Sweetie, things are looking up. At least you're having normal, non-creepy and messed-up problems now. You're still totally winning.

Well, Silver, what you should do is pull up your big girl panties and try to move on with your life while trying to be less completely terrible and leaving Sweetie the hell alone. I doubt that what you're going to do, but it's what you should do.

8076001
Oh, I know. Random year was random. Just found it odd that two kids too young to remember 9/11 would independently decide to rebel by cranking music at least twice their ages.

8076032 The music I decided to have Sweetie listen to, the stuff her dad listens to, is of groups that I listen to and some of that stuff I am old enough to remember back when it was new, "Metal Meltdown" being one of those songs.

8076083 Metallica. My favorite band ever. I may not be old enough to remember them when they started, but I've heard over 95 of their songs

8076900 Metallica is a great band. My overall favorites are Rush and Judas Priest although Black Sabbath is way up there as well.

The very mention of Flim and Flam and their cider machine angered Apple Bloom. She snapped, "Are you kidding me? Ah'm talking about REAL technology here, not some fake ass machine that con-artists use!"

You mean like George Foreman grills and Sham-Wow? That last one LITERALLY has the word sham in its name!

8077019

You mean like George Foreman grills and Sham-Wow? That last one LITERALLY has the word sham in its name!

Hey I've had a Foreman grill for years and it still works great! :scootangel:

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