• Member Since 3rd Jan, 2013
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For the record, before I start reading, her name is Sweetie Belle, as in the feminine french word for "beautiful".

Looking forward to the next part.

I's gots an idea about what Silver's gonna do.

Not to nitpick, but the summary should say 'bases.'
Unless you don't care about covering your trebles. huehue

5178841 really:rainbowhuh: I didn't know that. Intresting

Lance blazer:moustache:


She crossed her fore hooves and dawned an un approving face as the form of a stallion sized purple dragon entered through her bedroom door, panting and wheezing as he tried to catch his breath.

Forehooves should be one word, like forearms is; unapproving is one word; and stallion-sized should be hyphenated as such.

"No I don't. I told you, I don't have feelings for her anymore. She's my friend," Spike tried to explain.

There should be a comma after the no. Then again, I'm a bit of a comma whore and am deeply in love with the Oxford comma, so take that bit with a grain of salt.

"Ooooooooooh! Dam him! He always knows how to push all my right buttons!"

There should be something denoting this as a thought (such as apostrophes instead of quotation marks or the use of italics), not spoken dialogue. Also, damn is the word you're looking for.

Sweetie tilted her head.

"You promise?"

Spike made a cross gesture over his heart.

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

Bit of personal preference here: Lines 1 and 2, as well as 3 and 4, should be paired with each other to indicate they're related. As it is, it feels stilted.

He coiled his long, thin tongue around her own organ, pulling on it and stroking it like a tongue hug.


"Don't be stupid, Spike! She's giving you the green light. Stop being such a filly and dragon up!"

Again, there should be something indicating that this is a thought.

"MOM! Get out of my room!" Sweetie blurted, her face ablaze from a mix of embarrassment and left over arousal.

Leftover would be the correct word here.

"So, uh…dose that make the cut for most embarrassing moment in your life or what? Cuz it sure wins the vote for me…heh heh…"

Does. Also, cuz is the lazy bastard's way of typing 'cause, which is still slang, mind you.

She was about to tackle her dragon boyfriend, when Spike Jumped off the bed and started stretching his back.

Jumped shouldn't be capitalized.

"You still owe me for being late. Ya know a lot of boys would give their left hoof to take me out, yet I spend seventy two percent of my time getting stood up by you."

Ya know, should have a comma after it.

"Anything! Just name it and it's yours!" He stated, dropping to his knees.

No complaints here, just brownie points for the correct use of it's.

"You're going to take me to lunch, and not that noodle hut you love so much. A nice restaurant. Aaaaaand…you're not going to be late again. I don't care what Rarity has you doing. When it's time to see me, you better drop what your doing and come running into my hooves."

This is odd: You use the correct you're at the start of the sentence, but you use the wrong one in the last sentence.

Spike answered by standing fast and picking Sweetie up in a tender hug, to which Sweetie almost melted.

Standing fast feels really awkward here. I'd suggest using 'quickly standing' or some other variant.

It was one of the manny things she loved about him.


A grey teen earth pony watched from around a corner as a stallion sized dragon and a white unicorn stepped out into the sunlight. She pushed her designer glasses up to the bridge of her muzzle, scowling at the pony she hated most.

Again, stallion-sized. Also, 'hated the most' feels a lot less clunky here.

And off all that wasn't bad enough, she was loved by all who knew her, and now she had a boyfriend.

If, not off.

Now don't get me wrong: All of that has nothing to do with the quality of the narrative. In fact, I'm really liking this story so far: I'm a sucker for a good romance story. Instead, it shows of the need for a proofreader.

All in all, I'm really looking forward to reading more of this. I might read the next chapter in a little while, but it's 1:35 in the morning here and my eyelids are feeling heavy.

Good grief. A couple of minutes into the first chapter, and I already feel like bitchslapping that annoying whiny cunt. :unsuresweetie:

It's official! This Spike is a socially active version of me... in Equestria... if I were a dragon... And is now my new role model!:yay: But honestly, he's very sweet and caring. And Sweetie Belle... You captured her character (I would assume) spot on for her as a teenaged mare.

Sing next part in the form of the older TMNT theme song:

"Teenaged mare with sexy powers.
Teenaged mare with sexy powers!
Teenaged mare with sexy powers!!!

She's a mare with sexy powers,
Who's a teen!

Am looking forward to the next part

It's Cookie Crumbles, Sweetie Belle's mom.

Spike better not break the Pinkie Promise or else.

5185692 we'll in the brony handbook it says her name is Perl.

Now that's what I talking about

Yay! Spike did good! I would have done the same thing given the same circumstances as him. Good job Spike! And Sweetie... Get your mind out of the gutter. You know Spike better than that. Come on.

Hmmm, my favourite ship, I'll see where this goes.
Honestly, I'm surprised that Rarity and Spike would still have a good relationship as friends after he got over her. She's been very cruel to him at times.

Those two really are quite the sweethearts aren't they? I can't imagine that whatever Silver tries to do to Spike is actually gonna work, if anything it might be funny.


I think that when it's all said and done, Rarity's happier that Spike found love--genuine love, not puppy love--with another pony other than Rarity, even when said mare is her younger sister, rather than the shame and sadness of breaking his heart (and unintentionally hers a little bit as well), knowing how it affect a good friend, and not attempting to remedy/rectify the situation. Her generousity is so vast that even though she doesn't want what Spike wants, she still have such a high stature for him that she more than likely gave her precious time and energy to make sure that Spike does find love with somepony that will treasure him like the diamond that he is. It's a bit of a suprise that Sweetie Bell of all ponies gave Spike a chance, but then again, it showed that the young mare had liked Spike for awhile, so one can also say it's an awesome gift from big sister to little sister for big sister to 'step out of the way' and fix two issues at once---Spike's crush on Rarity and Sweetie's crush on Spike.

Result: Spike and Rarity are still friends; but Spike has Sweetie Belle as a marefriend, and we know that Sweetie likes Spike as a drakefriend. And Rarity's very happy for both of them. I bet that Spike thanks Rarity for it, since sure it would have been painful to get rejected by the one he crushed for so long, but at the same time grateful that Rarity was finally honest to him and also led him to her sister.

at the beginning, that was a great poem

5229512 thank you. I can't remember where I first heard it but I always remembered it and believed it to be true.

Careful, Sweetie. You're about to end up all covered in sap again. :scootangel:

...How odd. Silver Spoon has a confusing mind.

Well she is a teenager, and I think we all agree that's a confusing time.

Fun fact, Hurt by Johnny Cash was actually a cover of Nine-Inch Nails, but Cash's version is the most famous.

In a way Silver Spoon sounds... like me. But I don't focus on the pain I just go through my days trying at the very least. Otherwise I just stay at home doing... Well I'm on this website and YouTube. I try to create but I get too "distracted" with the work of others. Oh well. It's my own fault anyways. I'll get it right eventually... One day... I'm pretty patient. Patients runs thin though. Ah, who cares! Good chapter! I hope Silver Spoon either fixes the way she sees things or that she gets some help. Can't wait to read more!:pinkiesmile:

Silver Spoon needs to talk to Sweetie Belle and literally cry like a foal on Sweetie's shoulder until she falls asleep with tears in her eyes. So what if Sweetie is currently dating the one male that Silver's got a crush on---the more the merrier, dragons can have twice the love for two mare as they can for simply one, if you get my drift.......:raritywink:

The angst is real here. I'm all for complex character thoughts but these seem to be jumping around at a rapid pace. This also applies to how I see Silver as the story goes on. We are first introduced to her having this evil plan to steal Spike. Then we get a glimpse into her thoughts and most importantly her regrets for what she has done to others. Finally, we get to her going back to those malicious ways she regretted very much. I never found that when people do something cruel that was done to them at one point, that they are in the right. It seems more so that they have in depth experience with the pain the are causing to others and would instead reflect on those feelings and not wish that upon another. Perhaps putting too much of my own opinions into this, but still leaves me with a very inconsistent mindset for Silver Belle.

Wow, Silver has had so much inexperience in kindness that she quite literally wouldn't know it if it came up and hugged her.

Okay, I see three possible ways on how this is going to go. 1. He reacts to her flirting strong and acts on it.(I doubt this will happen) 2. He notices but ignores it since he's already in a relationship with Sweetie. 3. He does a main male anime character as he either doesn't notice or is completely clueless to her intentions. I say either 2 or 3 being the most possible.

Oh no spike your in for it

I honestly don't see the appeal of piercings. Why would anyone willingly stab their body with metal rings? To me it's creepy and unnatural. I don't know about Spike's preferences, but I don't find a girl with heavy piercings prettier.

Let's hope those detective lessons that Twilight gave him pay off.

It's a navel ring, not a gauge! :-P By which I mean it's not really heavily pierced.

I have a feeling that Sweetie is going to walk in on Silver trying to make a pass at Spike, and flipping shit on Spike. Nice chapter I do say that it is logical why Spike is enticed by the piercing being a dragon and all, but is it really helping Sweetie or is it going to become an obsession with Spike just trying to eat it. Well won't know till the next chapter, great story so far. Keep up the great job.

5373050 Thinking on it, maybe I just don't like it because Sweetie Belle always seemed like the 'sweet and innocent' type, and piercings really don't go well with that.

5366758 4. Standard anime romcom blunder occurs in which Silver gets way too forward with her flirting and practically forces herself on Spike, complete with Sweetie walking in at the worst possible time and coming to the wrong conclusion.

5375835 Or she kicks her ass in a fit of rage.

I get where you are coming from but things do change and in this particularly Swettie's innocence is not completely gone just tweaked, and some girls that are "sweet and innocent" do get piercings its not uncommon some also get tattoos. Everyone has a dark little secret.

well i don't know how this is going to end but it'll be worth the wait

Didn't see that coming.


I was literally expecting the whole "Sweetie sees Spike with X female, cries, and then gets angry at him, therefore having a fight with him and then break up with him" Cliche', but this is 10x much better.

Its like "For Whom the Sweetie Belle Toils" but even more Cathartic and Ironic as a concept. Good work my man.............Good work indeed!!!!

Well, that was a unexpectedly refreshing surprise. Sweetie Belle is so nice. I do find it hard to believe that Spike genuinely believed what Sweetie said, it was just girly gossip after all. We joke and exaggerate all the time while doing that. Never thought that Spike would be the one acting immature there, especially after being suspicious of Silver Spoon.

Blind-sided in the best way possible.

Good job mate.

A soundproof room is a blatant lie. There truly isn't one of those anymore. If you are gonna try to keep a secret, it seems to either be 100% in the open with your words, or don't say a damn thing at all....because in this day and age it only takes about two or three simple words to make shit go crazy.

And I'm with all that have seen this: This is a shocker.....At first glance, it looked to be the classic girl#2 trying to subtly seduce the boyfriend of her rival because she had looks for him as well. But then to completely turn that around so that Sweetie knows Spoonie needs some comfort and wants to be her friend....only to fuck that up with a statement that should have not slipped.

Sweetie Belle needs to talk to Rarity before she attempts to get Spike's trust back. If there isn't somepony else for Sweetie Belle to speak to other than her friends (honestly, AB and Scoots can make a issue worse--not their fault, though) it's her big sister, especially when there appears to have a huge messy romantic disaster on her hooves.

That one flew over my head, gg man, gg.

What a twist!!!! My sincere applause for you, this was incredible and completely out of the cliche
Jeep the good work

I didn't see that one coming. Nice twist, can't wait to see what happens next.

I wonder if pearl belle have something to say for this situation

Every couple has there arguments, and soon they cool off and have make up sex.

Thank you for not taking this the way we were supposed to expect it to go - I loathe those sort of plots.

This, however? This is very reasonable for Spike to get upset about, particularly since for as much as Sweetie knows he had the hots for Rarity... Spike also knows that Sweetie has been insanely jealous re: Rarity for just as long.

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