• Member Since 3rd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

kainofthesand


Comments ( 87 )

really celestia and bananas.:facehoof:good story otherwise.

14,000 words of Luna Clop? :trollestia:

Loved it! One problem though. This:

"And what dost thou make of it, Anon?"

I think it's suposed to be "And what doth thou make of it, Anon?" Buuut...Don't trust me. I know little to nothing about royal speak crap(Or medieval speak I mean)

Wow; it's a second-person porn story!

Way to break new ground there, kid. :ajbemused:

Well... Huh... Not bad...? I...um... I don't know what to say to that ending... Good fanfic though, save a few ( I use few extremely lightly, there was more than a few grammar mistakes) grammar mistakes. :twilightsmile:

Seems my new story has a lot of critics. Thanks! Your doing something wrong if nobodies haten:raritywink:

So aside from the seventy year old pony doctor cupping you're balls with his hoof and telling you to turn you're head and cough once a month

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

this was very good I give you 4:heart::heart::heart::heart:and 5:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss: well done

Sequel with pregnant Luna please!! :pinkiehappy:
We all want to see her cute preggy tummy! :twilightsmile:

3362733 Don't forget the mustaches! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

3362877 HA! HA! HA!......One in the oven.:rainbowlaugh:

Did I see a snowdrop reference?

There was a lot of homonym confusion, which made this slightly distracting. You also tended to tell instead of show, which makes for a fairly drab read.

Also, if this is second person, leave out the third person stuff, such as telling us how Luna is feeling.

Also, sometimes women really do just want an itch scratched. We're not all delicate little flowers yearning for some super special emotional connection. Sometimes, you just want to fuck. And sometimes, that is EXACTLY how to be good to the woman you're with.

Also, the constant use of 'plot' as a serious name for her ass is quite off-putting. As is your apparent characterization of her being equivalent to an insecure, jealous 16 year old human girl with her first boyfriend.

...Great.:ajbemused:
Now I want to see a lun-preg fic to sequel this.

3363405Luna may be a princess, but from what we have seen of her, she is somewhat like a jealous girl, and I use plot as a reference to her vagina, as I have read it used in this way before. Interesting fact, horses dont have vaginas that are separate from there anus. The vagina branches off from the anus. I learned that from watching the incredible doctor Pol:raritywink:

3365017 Luna was jealous of something with actual importance and merit to a princess: what her subjects thought of her night sky, her creation, vs what they thought of her sister's day. They were supposed to rule equally, and she became jealous when they did not. We have not once seen her become jealous over a trivial matter such as some random man who is, in terms of age, merely a child compared to her.

And 'plot' was a fandom joke-"hurr I watch it for the plot" as a defense of watching it (as if one were needed), and then changing the meaning of 'plot' to mean 'ass' in fandom parlance.

3365031Good point, but I wanted to show what a princess is like when shes not being a princess. Fans have come to accept that when Celestia isnt being Celestia, shes either eating cake like a pig or thinking up something perverted.:trollestia: I thought it would be cute to go with the socially awkward princess who's a bit of a shut in. It also went with the mood I wanted to set.

Great and original story. I like the concept of Luna letting her "guard down" and being herself..The only small criticism I would generate is; "We returned to our thrown to find that nothing has changed"..It should be "Throne" and not "thrown". Other then that...Great story:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

that was a wonderful read. could use a little more detail, but all in all, i enjoyed it. and also, i love the snowdrop reference in there. That video made me cry when I watched it. it was so beautiful...sniff...great, more tears...sniff. :fluttercry::raritycry:

Awesome story!
Luna was portrayed well and anon was a pretty chill guy.
He should of kept his cool.

Well Done!

"Your" in the description needs to be "You're." :raritywink:

"We have placed those stars in the sky at certain times of the year. In memory of a friend." The princess's voice took on a sad inflection. You guessed that this friend was no longer with her. You could empathize, as you knew what it felt like to loose a friend.

NICE reference there. As for the story,the grammar and spelling could use some cleaning up but it was far from unreadable. I enjoyed a lot and would love to see more of this myself. :twilightsmile:

Friendship with benefits is magical as Equestria is truly the most enticing place to fuck with. Holla putos.

I almost completely ignored this because of lack of capitalization in the main title and chapter title. I haven't read it yet, so I'm not judging the fic, but titles are always your first interaction with potential readers. When they aren't structured properly some people won't even bother clicking further because it seems lazy.

Cock getting harder, must not clop... Ah what he'll. clopclopclopclopclop

Damn it auto correct

3386814 Just to add on to this, I read it. I... liked it, but it had some issues. Grammar problems aside, my biggest beef is Luna's whiny little temper tantrum towards the end. I've seen your earlier comments trying to justify it but it really doesn't work. A goddess who probably at least several thousand years old isn't going to lose her cool because the guy she is interested in has a chat with another girl. She may be insecure and behind the times but I don't have any reason to believe she would act so petty. That is something I would expect most girls to grow out of after they leave High School. It was just over the top and unnecessary.

I also did not like that you turned it into Molestia and Gamer Luna. I'm not against those portrayals. I follow JJ's blog and enjoy it for what it is, but it just felt shoehorned into this story in an attempt to make the characters feel unique without giving them proper development and motivations. Again, it was unnecessary.

3391685

SPOILERS

look at it this way:

Luna has tried several, several times to actually meet a guy... Stallion with whom she wants to, eventually, bed.

Now, every single attempt has ended with each one trying to get a peice of little miss molestia:trollestia:.

But somehow, after over one thousand years of utter failure, emotional torture, lacking knowledge of social integrations, friends, etc., she has found the one pony... :facehoof: man that likes her, and not her sister.

But then, it is all shot to a figurative hell when her mate pretty much disregards her very existence in the first place, already eyeing another mare.

Yup, all of Tartarus won't hold a more fearsome belief of a broken heart.

If that isn't enough for a normal chick, then i am far weaker than I already feared.


Here is the thing about immortals: they can't easily form an emotional connection with anything, because they know how easy it is to lose it. So what few things they do hold dear are the knives only inches from their hearts.

Imagine you only cared about one thing, and all of a sudden, it is gone. Or worse, it betrayed your heart even more so than if it had only left.

How would you feel? Could you bear to be reminded of a shattered, melted, imploded, exploded, and otherwise annihilated heart?

Personally, I feel the explosive reaction was with reason.

But that, sadly, is my opinion, not a fact.

"We would like to ask that thee join us in performing……….coitus."
You blinked so hard that you could have sworn you could hear it. The circuits in your brain were beyond scrambled as you tried to process what the princess had just asked.
"I-Im sorry Luna, the champagne must be getting to me. D-did you just ask me for-"
"Sex…….y-yes, we did."

I died after that. XD Good story by the way.

i love this story! seriously you need to more more human x pony stories! liked and favorite!:pinkiesmile:

Amazing... truly a pleasure to read. Now, I need to ask... are you going to write it where they go to the club? xD

3514456 I hate giving away secrets, but I have *things* brewing:raritywink:

3515926 Lol, mail me if it is going to be a new story... I don't want to constantly get updates to your other stories as I await the true... prize. lol...

Once Im done with the Lyra clop Im working on, Ill get right on it.
Also, this clop Im working on will probably be my finest work yet:twilightsmile:

3515926 will you be continuing this story soon, I need more

Really great story :heart: I thought it was over when they got into a fight i was like WHY?!?!?! :raritydespair: But when they got back together i was like :pinkiehappy: So great story man :twilightsheepish:

I liked it, but there were a few things that were driving me nuts and ended up slightly distracting me from the story; you mixed up 'your' and 'you're' quite often (a good way to know if it's one or the other is to replace the word with 'you are' and ask yourself if that would make sense in the sentence; if it doesn't, you use 'your'), 'princess', if followed by a name, needs to be capitalized (which you didn't do), and then you would occasionally misspell a word just a few sentences after spelling the same word correctly (such as 'maid' followed by 'made', no give an example).

There were other misspelled words and minor grammar mistakes floating about, but they weren't nearly as noticeable as the things I pointed out above.

"Please do not mistake us, Anon. We do not wish for anything of a romantic nature. We only ask thou to help us, how do they say….."scratch an itch?" Like we said earlier, if thou dost not wish it, then just say so, and we shall never mention it again."

Just a minor correction. Use apostrophes in replacement of quotation marks if the text you're quoting is already within a set of quotation marks.

Example:

Instead of - "This is what they call "flipping the bird"."
Use - "This is what they call 'flipping the bird'."

Luna flapped her impressive wigs

:ajbemused::facehoof

I did not know Luna was bald:ajbemused:

Do I have to say it. going back to writing 101, READ OVER THE MATERIAL SO YOU CAN CATCH ANY MISTAKES!!!:flutterrage:

great story though... the irony here is my over reaction to this simple mistake... i'll just stop rambling

Ahh, it's over... :ajsleepy:

3766169 nothing is ever over, not if we don't let it be so:twilightsmile:

Celestia you whore! You watched your sister have sex.

3770986 perhaps. :pinkiehappy:

3774319 hey you did that as well... :derpytongue2:

You know..............for whatever reason.........the thought of Princess Celestia being a pervert isn't that shocking at all.
Either way cool story.

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