• Member Since 4th Oct, 2016
  • offline last seen 42 minutes ago

keroko


Pretty late to the fandom, but no less eager to write.

E

Ever since finding his place in the Crystal Empire, Thorax had dreamed of changing his people, and following the failed attempt of Chrysalis to once more conquer Equestria, he succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.

After the accidental coup d'etat that changed his kind forever, Thorax finds himself the new prince of the changelings. His new kingdom remains confused about what to do with their now changed lives and are dealing with a whole slew of emotions they never had to worry about before.

Thrust in a position of power and responsibility he neither asked for nor wants, Thorax reaches out to his friends to help him understand what it means to rule a kingdom.

Special thanks go to Carapace and his story The Village Called Respite that inspired me to write this story.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 53 )

nice hook , you get a fave and a up vote

Not bad. Nat a bad story at all.

Interesting story, I like that we get the perspective of the other changelings.
Looking forward to more!

Good story. And I like the twist - it makes perfect sense the transformation didn't go quite that deep, and it sets the stage for a very good plot. I'll be watching eagerly!

Vespid x Thorax anyone?

7859564
*snrk* Shipping the OC's already? I'm flattered.

7859779 I'm good at it. Also it's pretty obvious that Thorax needs to find a harem of at least 15 changeling mares to keep the population going in the next generation. (Unless one has a reproductive potencial of Chrysalis, what is magicly impossible) Unless they find out that now common lings can reproduce which would be boring.

Vespid is a logical choice. Hot pink, the fittest/healthiest of them all as a military leader in a meritocracy (those first two for the hive to enforce this ship), possible tsundere, common goals (for friction) and opposite personality traits. She might also teach Thorax some self-confidence and acting like a ruler, what might lead to some gravity. The poor moose sure does need it.

7859794
One teeeny tiny problem with that plan though: Vespid is a guy. There is a reason the pink eyes and jewels upset him and his poor fragile male ego so.

Of course, being a changeling such problems are rather academic and more of the heart than the body, so who knows? :trollestia:

Also, yay! Thorax tags were added! Adding now.

7859812 Aw, damn. I must've not notice that. Well, some bugs can indeed change gender. There is still hope. :trollestia:

Batpony tag arrived too! *squee!*

7859874
Don't you mean *Skreee!*? :rainbowwild:

But no problem. If you were confused that'd mean I wasn't really clear on who was what. Something to work on improving for future chapters.

Come to think of it, genderswapping might be an interesting part of changeling culture to explore. Would probably mean I'd beef the rating a bit though. And how to bring it into the plot, if it even fits at all... No promises yet, but-

*scribbling ensues*

7859881 Depends but yez. :pinkiecrazy:

Well, there wasn't any "he" or "she" put in there to indicate, I think. Or I overlooked it.

I am actually planning a story where two of straight protagonists would end up in a br0mance. And one happened to be a changeling. Hope no future reader will ever discover this comment... :unsuresweetie:

7860006
Well, I've got my own romance subplots planned, so don't worry about me poaching yours.

7860176 Oh, you already set something up? Nice! :pinkiehappy:

Off-topic, but where did you get the picture? I'm definitely digging the title image...especially as it seems Thorax is slowly adapting to the fact that he's now a king (or maybe a Prince, since King/Queen kinda implies evil ruler--damn you Disney for that :facehoof:)

And I'm pretty sure if the comments already kinda hint at it, there are some changelings that could actually have some feeling for Thorax other than a fellow changeling or the de-facto leader of their swarm. After all, he can't do it alone; a good ruler has his advisors to help him rule fairly, effectively and justly.

Come to think of it, it's a good thing that Thorax probably could have Cadence and Shining Armor to help him--the two of them have gone though something similar when Sombra was permanently vanquished and Cadence took her rightful place of Crystal Princess.

7860252

Off-topic, but where did you get the picture? I'm definitely digging the title image...especially as it seems Thorax is slowly adapting to the fact that he's now a king (or maybe a Prince, since King/Queen kinda implies evil ruler--damn you Disney for that :facehoof:)

Cobbled together in photoshop from screencaps of the season finale. I'll probably do a proper vector of it somewhere down the line, but the chapter was almost finished by the time I finalized the idea for the cover and I really wanted to get it out with cover art in place.

And I'm pretty sure if the comments already kinda hint at it, there are some changelings that could actually have some feeling for Thorax other than a fellow changeling or the de-facto leader of their swarm. After all, he can't do it alone; a good ruler has his advisors to help him rule fairly, effectively and justly.

Come to think of it, it's a good thing that Thorax probably could have Cadence and Shining Armor to help him--the two of them have gone though something similar when Sombra was permanently vanquished and Cadence took her rightful place of Crystal Princess.

Oh they can, yes. In various ways. What's important to remember though, and what will become more apparent soon, is that almost all the changelings in his hive are completely blindsided by these new emotions. They aren't used to things like joy, empathy and love. Eating it, yes. Experiencing it? Not so much.

Yay, more reformed changeling stories. :derpytongue2:

And hurrah for both having characters named Tarsus. Yay limited bug body parts that sound good as names! :trollestia:

Actually a very interesting contrast to my own, far more serious, and definitely an interesting take. :) Might consider a Drama tag, a cornerstone here seems to be the search for finding themselves, and the mixture of emotions they have with their new leader, their new lives, etc as you've mentioned. Drama definitely covers that all perfectly. :trixieshiftright:

Will keep an eye out. Definite up vote!

7863783
Hah, yeah I saw your story pop up literally the day after I got mine approved and I went *thunk* "Really!?" Then I noticed our stories have a similar base, but different approaches. Whew.

Good point on the drama tag, I'll add the tag right away. Thanks for the feedback!

7864227
Hah, yes very different in fact. :twilightsheepish: Yours is an action/drama with an ongoing plot from the looks, mine is slice of life with a subgenre of comedy. :rainbowkiss:

Besides, more reformed changeling stories the better. Up until I published my first chapter a few weeks ago, there were little to none around. :applejackunsure: Now that there's a Thorax tag everyone is jumping on board! :pinkiehappy:

Glad to see different takes and styles c:

Wow, this was really enjoyable! I'm excited to see where this goes! :pinkiehappy:

I haven't read this (yet) but it's so easy to mistake the title for CHANGELING a kingdom, considering the subject matter... :pinkiesmile:

8066416
Hah! Yeah, I suppose it is. Still, both titles fit, no? :derpytongue2:

Not bad

pretty good, even

character interaction is still your forte

The changelings tensed at the motion, aside from Thorax and Miridae. The later gave Miridae a reassuring nuzzle while Thorax smiled from the other couch.

I think you mistaken some names here.

At first I was honestly beliving that they didn't brought equestrian currency with them. Like, the chapter would be around them getting money.

Changelings in deep infiltration don't come back? I'd bet they all just found a place in the wide world for themselves, maybe even had children. How many ponies live their lives not knowing they're hybryd changelings that are on auto-disguise?

8067628
Blar, more like a grammatical bungle. I meant 'apart from', since those two have travelled by train before. Fixed, thanks for catching that.

Oh god, Changeling love overdose imminent.

Glad to see more out from you. :) Honestly the similar minds continue to unfold, though. :rainbowlaugh: Transportation via the train and Dodge Junction were both themes in my tale as well, though mentioning Dodge Junction didn't end up making the final cut for me.

:twilightsheepish: As far as a serious toned political drama goes this is certainly a good read so far. Can't say it's my usual kind of genre to read but you've caught even my attention with it so you're doing something right. :twilightsmile:

May we all enjoy more inspiration from S7. :moustache:

8097346
Well, when you have changelings travel to the Crystal Empire, Dodge Junction and trains are hard to avoid. :derpytongue2:

And yeah, we do have this weird 'parallels despite being different stories' thing going on, don't we?

8098574 I think it's entertaining if nothing else. :) Have you seen the premiere yet?

8098579
Eyup. Surprised at the down to earth nature of the episode, usually season openers are tad more dramatic.

But Celestia laughing sold the entire episode, so I'm good.

8098592 It's also the first premiere that wasn't a two-parter, clearly they were going for the Slice of Life approach for a premiere, like how Best Night Ever was for S1's finale. I was just happy to see Celestia get character development and screen-time after six seasons. I know some found it cringey but I found the 'Compromise' scene in Twilight's headcanon illusion to be adorable and hilarious.

'Attack! Winner gets the choice! *stoic grin*'

Oh you adorable, roughhousing bug ponies. :heart:

There's a bunch of places where you have a period inside quotation marks, but should have a comma. I didn't notice right away, so I'm not calling out all of them like I normally would.

"Tarsus" Thorax began once more.

Comma after Tarsus.

Until only one changeling is left.

There can be only one!

even tried to fend of those targeting him.

fend *off

They just vanished of the grid.

*off

Hmm ... this fic needs more Occupant. Occupant is best changeling. :scootangel:

8125403
Oooh, thanks for catching those. Fixed. I'll try and pay more attention to the comma's and periods too, though I might still fudge there at times since English is a second language. What are the grammar rules for periods and comma's inside quotation marks?

I'm afraid I'm not familiar with Occupant, though. There are so many fics I still have to read, what with a six year backlog and all.

Grammar Nazi mode, engage! ... Who am I kidding, that's almost always on.

armed and armoured changelings, Vespid."

Comma, not period.

I am aware of the low number your Highness,

I think you have a different idea of what constitutes a "low" number.

are you... saying you wish to use the pony transportation system?

What, you were planning to unicycle all the way there?

"Well, yes"

Period.

"just think of it as an infiltration,

Capital

"As you wish, my Prince."

Comma

"Speaking of which" Thorax glanced around. "where is she?"

Period after which, capital where.

talking with Tarsus."

Comma

"Yes, your highness."

Comma

as they reached the outer edges of the town the changelings switched to their disguises.

Admittedly I haven't finished watching season 6 yet (it wasn't on Netflix), but if Thorax was living openly in the Crystal Empire as a changeling, why don't they just walk into town and buy tickets regularly? I mean, aside from giving Vespid an immediate heart attack.

few in known changeling history had ever been able to see through Chrysallis's disguises.

Only ponies with x-ray vision? :derpytongue2:

done a good job there."

Comma

insistent on taking the guard."

Comma

on missions had been in dodge junction

Capitalize the town name

and share salt and drinks."

Comma

"Ahem"

Comma

"Yes. He should."

Comma after should

"My name."

Comma

"Thank Spike, he came up with it.

Closing quotation marks

"No, you may not recruit him to help create codenames for your infiltrators."

Nah, I'm sure Shining Armor could make a quick 2d20 random name generator table for the changelings to use instead. :trollestia:

mischief without even trying."

Comma

really good at this bit."

Comma

she turned back to the sheriff.

Capital She

much to vespid's protests

Capital Vespid

he calmly trotted

Capital

She'd half expected some sort of great metal digestion tract,

This isn't a crossover with the Dark Tower, and this train isn't Blaine.

sit on these couches, you know."

Comma after know

towards strangers so keenly."

Comma

he nodded at Chatter, who have a proud grin in return.

Capital, and *gave

during long term missions."

Comma

infiltrator would drop of the grid

*off

"Do you think they were discovered?"

I do look forward to the shock and surprise when they realize that all those missing 'lings have "gone native" as it were.

should be leaving-" a sharp whistle

Capital A

"right about now."

Capital right, and comma not period

apart from Thorax and Miridae who had travelled by train before. The later gave Miridae a reassuring nuzzle

1) *latter 2) Miridae gave Miridae a nuzzle?

passengers near the entrance." One of the guards

Comma, no capital

Other passengers came and went, providing the opportunistic changelings with the occasional snack

It's a regular Donner Party. :rainbowderp:

her head turned left and right, trying to find the source of the love. "What is this?"

This would be the effects of the Princess of FoodLove.

crystals growing alongside the bushes.

Crystals are growing next to the bushes?

A lifetime spend in a place

*spent

He asked Probos

No capital he

tale of Hearth's Warming."

Comma

won without a single shot."

Comma

drink away his sorrow."

Comma

recent page on his clipboard

Period

"That was the one where perfected the magic sealant

where *we perfected

"Hungry." Scuttler repeated.

Comma after Hungry

An eerily familiar hissing sound rippled from Scuttler's throat. Then Scuttler lunged.

Nom nom nom.

Ooh, I think you missed it, but just wanted to say congratz on the hour or so feature, today. :rainbowkiss: Definitely nice to see this story starting to get a little more attention.

Tarsus returned the chuckle and nodded. "We're nearing the end of this experiment. Just hang on for a little longer."
Another grunt, this one more of relief mixed with determination. Thorax moved on to the next bedpod, and the next after that. So far, the results were as bad as he had expected them to be.

I think you mean Tarsus here.

damn, for a first story this is really good.

8125443

What are the grammar rules for periods and comma's inside quotation marks?

When writing dialog, if you stop the dialog for an action, you use a period, but if you stop for a said-verb, you use a comma. Those are mainly what I called out in chapter two. Like so:

"Darling," Blueblood said, "this whole situation is out of hand."

"You really have no idea, do you." Rarity tossed her mane to the side with an irritated flick of the head. "You caused it."

I know there are a variety of primers and how-to pages on the internet, if you want to search for one. And for a second language, your English is actually pretty damn good. :twilightsmile:

8125520
Yeah, I noticed. :pinkiehappy: I'm going to take this as motivation to write more.

8125478

*lots of grammar fixes*

Thanks a lot, I'll go fix those right away.

Crystals are growing next to the bushes?

Minerals in Equestria seem to grow naturally. Many creatures eat gems, which would be hard way to survive if they form our way, they can be found in great quantities ready to harvest, the Pie family runs a rock farm and even Spike talked about how he'd been 'ageing' his fire ruby in Secret of my Excess. So I kind of figured that a land devoid of everything but changeling magic for a long time would see mineral growth return as well.

Admittedly I haven't finished watching season 6 yet (it wasn't on Netflix), but if Thorax was living openly in the Crystal Empire as a changeling, why don't they just walk into town and buy tickets regularly? I mean, aside from giving Vespid an immediate heart attack.

For most changelings, out of habit. For Thorax, because he doesn't want to scare ponies that don't know him. The Crystal Empire is comfortable with him, but that doesn't mean all of Equestria knows him. The end of season 6 actually adresses this concern, in a way.

8125813
Gah! I was hoping I didn't make that mistake. Fixed.

8126354
And now I learned a new thing. :pinkiehappy: Thanks, I'll be sure to remember it and put it into practice.

8126221
Well, it's not the first time I've ever written a story, but it is my first MLP story, so thanks for the compliment!

8126373
Sort of. It's more like a return to primal instincts. Being love-starved is a terrible thing for changelings, and even more so for modern ones. There's a reason the changeling hive was the way it was for so long.

8128323

Minerals in Equestria seem to grow naturally. Many creatures eat gems, which would be hard way to survive if they form our way, they can be found in great quantities ready to harvest, the Pie family runs a rock farm and even Spike talked about how he'd been 'ageing' his fire ruby in Secret of my Excess. So I kind of figured that a land devoid of everything but changeling magic for a long time would see mineral growth return as well.

No, I get that, but the way the sentence was structured, my mind first went, "the crystals are growing on the bushes and he used the wrong word." Then again, I'm not sure I want to deal with the kind of botany needed to grow crystals on bushes.

8128434
Oh that! Yeah, kind of. The Crystal Empire has crystals growing in the field, and sometimes even in the bushes. The stuff just seems to pop up everywhere.

Well, guess that answers changeling evolution and devolution for us. Though why would Scuttler not want to eat in the first place?

The changelings better figure out "love farming" soon, though I got a feeling something like the crystal heart will be the solution. The heart absorbs and magnifies love, almost like it was created by the Crystal Ponies to feed the changelings. Huh maybe the changelings used to live symbiotically with the Crystal Ponies and only became "evil" after the Empire vanished taking the changeling food source with them. Would explain why Thorax was never hungry in the Empire, even when he wasn't interacting with ponies the heart continuously fed him.

One of the things I love the most on this site is seeing authors creating compelling stories from the curve balls thrown by the show!

Just because they're even more technicolor than their pony companions with cute, nasaly voices, doesn't mean everything is sunshine and rainbows. Heck, I bet there's more than a few that weren't even at the hive when all this went down, leaving them untransformed. Maybe even in regards to loyalty.

She'd half expected some sort of great metal digestion tract, but instead it was like... like a room.

Miridae channeling Idol Hooves without even knowing.

Prepare for unforeseen consequences.

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