The Abyss
Joined 22nd Nov, 2012 ·
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Kinda like the cover!
Ow my this story is getting very interesting to read keep up a good work it has my full attention now keep up the good work update more soon
I've only got one thing to say about where this story could possibly be going:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/3/26/1117593__safe_screencap_animated_meme_food_starlight+glimmer_caption_loop_the+crystalling_spoiler-colon-s06e01.gif
Have a track, friend
.
Well, this certainly has promise.
I'm looking forward to seeing where it progresses from here.
Hmm, well I'm here I guess.
Well I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going.
A good start, woulda liked a little magic job scene with twi but oh well.
As the universe speaks:
cdn.meme.am/instances/61791531.jpg
That is all.
7544607 Haha
Educate your unicorn about Sudden Awkward Penis Syndrome. It could happen to them!
Oh, Rarity, it's hopeless, lol. You can't control that thing. It takes years to learn how to keep them from popping up the instant you see something you like.
All in all, this is a nice setup, although I agree that a dirty scene with Twi would have been most welcome. My only complaint is the very first scene.
Could you find a shorter way to describe why such a potion was in her living room in a mug? I know you're writing full time and trying to crank out as much material as possible in the shortest time to get as much out of your commission fees as possible, and it kind of shows in the opening scene. It lacks the sort of finesse you display in the parts that you're really into. I understand you have a word limit because it's a commission, so I won't hold it against you on this one.
At first you say twilight pours the potion in a beaker but then you say it was a flask. You may want to charge the former into the word "flask". I say this because though people tend to use the terms interchangeably the beaker is the one with the wide mouth and is shaped like a regulay cylindrical cup. So if twilight had poured it into a beaker it would have had all the air exposure it needed to breathe. But i believe you meant she had poured it into the container that has a wide bottom and a narrow top. That is a flask and its understandable why she would need to pour it into coffee mugs to breathe if she had originally had the potion in one of those.
.... though i'm pretty sure most other people dont give a damn.
Oh what erotically comical tales you weave!
I foresee this just getting better and better.
Rarity you lucky pony you! Hopefully it all works out in the end and they become a beautiful couple.
Oh hey, an update!
This is getting interesting.~hug
Wow this story is getting very interesting to read it has my full attention now keep up the good work update more soon
My, my, Mister Rarity. How long before you want Twilight to make another potion?
Wondering if said potion is a little too potent for the birth control. Since it's supposed to fix the whole feather flu issue.
7572043
Well since the problem was a lack of 'little swimmers' I don't think the potion will beat protection. Though they normally swim around for a few days, so if Spitfire forgot to keep up with her protection the next few days there could be an accident. Conception isn't immediate, sperm last several days, but the egg is only good for a short period (want to say less than a day) in the tubes before it's no longer viable. That's why you're supposed to have sex at least every other day, so sperm is there to meet the egg whenever it shows up. Unless I've completely messed up my biology.
Rarity humphed, then crossed his forelegs as he glared at Twilight. “Well... fine! Change me back this instant!”
;)
7573077 Nope, you're correct.
Yet, there are some flaws:
1) Birth control, whether oral or an implant secreting the required chemical, will effectively stop the estrus cycle. No egg, no pregnancy.
2) The potion is intended to increase sperm count. Not change a mare completely into a stallion.
3) You're using logic with magical talking ponies, it doesn't work.
4) This is Abyss, he'd have Spits get pregnant for the laughs if it furthered the story. Or, as Spitfire was thinking she wants to start a family, she'd get pregnant for a surprise happy feels ended.
5) Last one, I swear! To quote a certain chaotician, "Nature will find a way."
Personally, I'd go for 4(b), pregnant for surprise happy feels.
7573118 derpicdn.net/img/2016/4/12/1130583/large.png
Pregnant Spits is best Spits.
7576621 orig10.deviantart.net/fb7c/f/2013/279/9/a/pregnant_spitfire_by_xniclord789x-d6pf8mz.png
7578281 derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/4/12/1130586__safe_oc_spitfire_offspring_pregnant_mother+and+daughter_headband_parents-colon-canon+x+oc_artist-colon-faith-dash-wolff_parent-colon-spitfire.png
7578303 The only other ones I can find are creepy looking. Did find this tho.
img00.deviantart.net/c7f7/i/2013/006/c/c/serious_and_stern__spitfire_by_marzzel-d5ql4l1.jpg
That was a nice ending. I wonder how Rainbow Dash will take the reveal I wonder?
yeah way to tempt fate...
Yay great story question will there be a sequel for this story?
DON'T SAY THAT!
7587370 If the commissioner wants me to, yeah, of course.
I'm in agreement with some of the others, you never say 'what could possibly go wrong'. Though that does show potential for more story, even if you don't, it does leave at least a little bit for the imagination.
With that said, I think Twilight took it way better than I would've figured, but I suppose a test result (even if it was accidental) is good. Very good story, apologies about not commenting on previous chapters, I read the last two chapters off my phone, and I typically don't log into fimfiction account using my phone.
7587505 Wait... this was a commission? Kudos to the commissioner!
I'm surprised, though, that you hadn't come up with this kind of story before.
Or had you, and I just hadn't read it yet...
And I called it on Spitfire getting pregnant? How the heck did I manage that?!
excellent
7587494 Well there doomed and I agree
7573118 Life, will find a way!
Murphy decrees they will get a pegacorn as a child and will be impossible to raise!
7664651 Oops! Thanks for correcting that.
7664662 You mean a unisus? ;)
This was super cute. Thanks!
7664651
Enter a sequel where something goes wrong.