The Homecoming
Teleportation can feel like one of two different things. If it's a relatively short distance, like what Twilight does in the show, it feels like a really fast long jump without the leg motion. If it's a long distance, like, say, between dimensions, it feels like getting packaged into a tube and shot out of canon at breakneck pace. As I was being telekinetically thrown through the fabric of reality, the only thought that went through my mind was “how the fuck does Twilight do this and still come out standing?”
It felt way longer at the time, but I was only actively traveling for a few seconds. When I landed on solid ground, I fell on my face for the third time in as many minutes. Hopefully, that wasn't a sign of things to come. I was incredibly glad I skipped dinner, because I honestly don't think I could have kept anything down at that point. Slowly, I pulled myself to my feet. (Feet? Hooves? This is way more confusing than it should be. I'll go with hooves.) Luna, who was seemingly unaffected by the teleport, trotted over to me. “Here, have some peanuts,” she said with a concerned expression, waving a small bag in front of me with her telekinesis that I swear hadn't been in the room a second ago. “Between the transformation and the long distance teleport, you've probably lost some salt and protein. Eat up.” It looked like one of those tiny baggies they give you for free on airplanes, so I did the human thing, ignoring the reference. Somehow it was already opened, but I couldn't grab individual peanuts without fingers. I could, however, grab the whole bag, which I did. I didn't trust myself to try magic without something blowing up at that moment, so I just turned the bag upside down and dumped its entire contents down my throat. That got rid of most of the stomachache.
With my desire to throw up out of the way, I looked around the room I had ended up in. The room was almost pitch dark, having no sources of light other than Luna's horn. The heavy shades on the only window in the room were tightly drawn, making it impossible to tell what hour of the day or night it was. Looking around, almost everything was the same color: dark blue with purple accents. The only furniture in the room was a small table and chairs with a complete tea set sitting on top, along with an enormous bed in the middle of the room.Looking up, I didn't see a ceiling, but a huge, moving image of the night sky. Stars, galaxies, a full moon, it was indistinguishable from the real thing. There were two doors on either side of the bed: one ornate and encrusted with silver filling around the hinges; and another with more blackout shades drawn over it, presumably leading to some kind of terrace. There was only one place this could be: Luna’s bedchamber.
“Moonbeam?” Luna called out to me. I stopped for a moment. Of course she was talking to me. “There's… something I want to show you.” She opened the curtain-covered door, and a cool breeze filled the room. After glancing back at me, Luna stepped out onto the balcony, leaving the door wide open. I still didn't have the hang of walking on four legs, so I wound up sitting on my rump and pushing myself forward, more scooting than walking after her. It was about eight on a February evening when I… left, so it came as a surprise to see the moon high in the sky, surrounded by a blanket of stars, galaxies, and other celestial bodies which seemed to vaguely resemble Luna’s… I don't think “hair” is the right word. I'll stick with “mane and tail.”
It was about then I made my second, even stranger observation: it was cool. It was probably thirty degrees at most most during the winter back on Earth, but it was probably fifty degrees that night, the kind of weather you get in June and July. Was it somehow later here than Earth?
A slightly stronger gust of wind came seemingly out of nowhere, rustling my fur and causing my mane to fall over my right eye. I wound up trying to push it out of the way with a hoof, but it was like trying to use chopsticks without thumbs. I succeeded only in hitting myself in the face. This could take some getting used to. As I tried to get my mane out of my eyes, I saw my hair suddenly start glowing blue as it lifted itself back over my head. Looking down, I saw Luna smiling at me, her horn still glowing. She gestured back toward the night sky wordlessly, closing her eyes in concentration. Before my eyes, the moon began to fall toward the horizon. Obviously, I'd seen the moon set on Earth, but that takes hours. With Luna's magic, this one went from near its zenith to the horizon line in under a minute.
As soon as the moon was out of sight, a small ray of light appeared at the exact spot in the distance where the moon set. The tiny sunbeam traveled across the land, finally reaching its destination directly at the balcony Luna and I were in.
Luna squinted, trying to adjust her eyes. “I swear she does that on purpose,” she muttered, trying to get into the shade of her bedroom while technically still being outside. Ultimately, she wound up beside the inward-facing door, staring out like a mouse from a hole.
The sun rose more slowly, but still way, way faster than on Earth. While the moon was near it's highest point when I first saw it, the sun stopped just barely above the horizon. Luna motioned for me to come in, then shut the door, dropping the room back into near-darkness. The ceiling remained unchanged, except the moon was gone. Luna trotted to the other door, pushing it open to reveal an abandoned hallway only slightly better lit than the room.
“Come on,” Luna teased, her wings fluttering slightly. “I wouldn't want to keep your aunt waiting.”
Right front, back left, front left, back right. I kept going over it in my head, and I was clearly improving. I could now walk unaided, but every time I stopped concentrating on walking, I would trip. That being said, figuring out how to walk with twice as many legs was significantly easier than it probably should have been. Can't complain, it beats getting stuck on the floor of Luna’s bedroom.
Two flights of stairs and one small maze of dimly lit, near-identical hallways later, we came to a set of massive double doors, easily twenty feet tall. They were balanced perfectly, opening with only a light touch of Luna’s hoof. I'd heard about what was behind them plenty of times, but none of that prepared me for the real thing.
The walls of the throne room were all stained glass, letting a rainbow of colors appear when viewed directly, but not enough to make it seem like a rave. The window moldings were solid gold, complementing the floor, which seemed to be half gold on my left, and half silver on my right. Both halves had numerous gemstones embedded inside, any of which would have been worth a fortune on Earth. The edge of the golden half seemed slightly distended, as if it had been welded in. Or perhaps it was once entirely gold, and had the silver half added in later… like after the reformation of a certain princess.
None of that, however, compared to the pony sitting alone on the gem-encrusted throne. Celestia was several inches taller than her sister - huge by pony standards, but still not as big as a fully grown horse. Like Luna’s, her mane and tail shimmered in nonexistent wind. Instead of a starry sky, Celestia’s hairdo was more comparable to the northern lights. It rippled through a kaleidoscope of colors constantly, giving no indication as to its natural color. Her horn was almost an inch longer than Luna’s, and probably twice the size of mine, reflecting the slightly colored light like glass.
“So, you are finally here.” Celestia’s voice was flat, as if she'd rehearsed the line. She stood up, towering over me. “After two years of searching, my sister finally found you.” Her eyes were piercing, scanning me, as if looking for some indication of who I was. Apparently, she found it, because when I returned her gaze, she gave me a tiny smile, before turning to Luna.
“I'm sorry it took so long,” said Celestia, before embracing her sister. “Maybe now, we can be a family again.” That was the first display of emotion I'd seen from Celestia, which made me feel… weirdly left out.
“I'm here now,” I said after they separated. “Were you planning a family reunion or something?”
“No,” responded Luna. “It would be rather difficult to explain to the public that I somehow have a fully-grown daughter, despite the fact I'd been gone long enough most ponies had forgotten I even existed. The only ponies that know about you are in this room.”
Celestia turned back to me. Though she still tried to show no signs of emotion, her eyes were wet, like she was holding back tears. “Well… I did arrange for a mentor. Somepony to help you with fitting in,” she corrected. “She worked wonders with another pony who needed help fitting in in Equestria as well. She should be here in a moment.”
As if on cue, a flash of purplish light radiated out from the center of the throne room. The princesses, expecting the flash, had already turned away, but I was caught by surprise and nearly fell on my side. Another thing about hooves - good for slightly uneven ground, bad for trying to gain traction on a hard, flat surface. Fortunately, rather than having to introduce a character while laying on the ground, I felt something gently push me back to my hooves, defying gravity and leaving me with the same tingly feeling from my change. The world was a bit of a blurry mess, but when I turned my head around, I think I caught a tiny smile on Celestia's face.
As I blinked away the afterimage, a purple shape about the same size as me came into focus in the same place I was facing a moment earlier. Was that..?
“You wanted to see me, Celestia?” asked Twilight Sparkle. Then she noticed the other two ponies in the room, her eyes locking on me. “And who's this?”
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Hahaha classic. Let's see if Twilight blabs right out or diplomatically handles the situation.
Cue point: is she ascended yet? It would be good to reference where we are generally in the timeline.
Keep going! ;)
I'm sorry, I'm just... struggling too much with my suspension of belief. I just cannot connect to this character at all. This is apparently not my cup of tea. I wish you luck as you keep writing, though. As for me, however, I must take my leave.
I've got my eyes on this fic and i like the general idea of the story but it is missing traction perhaps a more detailed explanation as to why moonbeam was on earth or something a'rather
I would like to see how Twilight reacts to the whole situation, awesome work
Say what you want. I like the story, it has a lot of potential and hope that the next update on the away ^^
Bleh. Twilight >~>
Hoo boy, Celly and Lulu have some explaining to do...
Keep going, I for one enjoyed it =D.
Update!
why do i predict a question time at some point? XD
Awesome so far, can't wait to read more!
Ok, I'm enjoying this one quite a bit. Very fun.
ooo... you cheeky little shinx!! leaving the chapter on a note like that!
7413755 I would assume that description will come later.
Lulu has some explaining to do.
I do wonder if you will address the big question of how Luna knew that ''Moonbeam'' knew about her and Equestria in general.
And i must say that there was severe lack of emotional stimulation in the last chapters and severe lack of explanation and inquiry that it made everything that happened somewhat fake and unrealistic. Nobody would be like 'yep im coming with you' and tossing my life away without some questions asked.
*Reads last line*
"Oh-ho fuck."
I see, let the craziness began.
So you're not going to address the very valid criticisms of a guy dumpstering his entire life because pretty blue pony cried? In neither the story or the comments? 'Kay.
7416171
Oh my god, your account name.
7416171
i can respect not addressing it right away for the sake of starting a story
7417295 If there is going to be a big reveal later on then I agree with you. But the author's silence in the comment's section suggests to me that he just doesn't have a satisfactory answer and is dodging the issue. If he replied with something evasive like "all will be revealed in due time" I could let it go.
7417378
Hello there. I sat on this story for over a month before finally publishing it. Everything that has happened up to this point was thought out quite a bit. There is an explanation later on, but I won't deny it's quite a leap of faith until then.
7417450 Thank you. I'm sure I and many others have had at least some of their concerns alleviated. I'll continue to read in anticipation.
Hmmm... Some things need a bit of an explanation perhaps, but foremost amongst them is how our protagonist came to be lunas daughter. Why was he on earth and not on equestria? Why was he a male and not a female? Now the ease in which he accepted the offer can be explained any a number of ways but the former things can not. Maybe a bit of backstory is in order? Either way i still want to see more of this story. Keep up the good writing.
Interesting 4th chapter. Can't wait for another!
7419554 Same here.
7417450 when I read this story I find it funny how in my story a sword given to my main character from Princess Luna is called Moonbeam. I like this story though keep up the good work.
God damn, this is not a good story. I'm sorry if that seems blunt or rude, but it's just not; objectively so.
There's no attempt to explain the character's actions, or even make them seem like a person at all. They just passively accept everything that happens to them. It's like they're a puppet that just exists to have a story told around them. But, of course, given that this is almost definitely a wish-fulfillment story, that's probably true.
The formatting is terrible. You can't have multiple people speak in one paragraph, it breaks the flow of the narrative; and split up your walls of text, they're hard to read.
Seriously, this premise is workable, but the way it's handled isn't believable at all.
It could work if, for example, Luna didn't offer a choice. Say, the human goes to bed and wakes up as a mare in Equestria, with Luna saying, "Good morning, my daughter." Naturally, they have a freakout to rival any other in existence, run the hell away from the fever dream and cause a huge scene. Luna is under fire now, because it's all public, and she can't prove that she didn't just abduct some mare and forcibly adopt her. Human is upset because of the violation of basically every human right; but they're also really excited, because it's still best princess. They're conflicted because this is superultraextremeawesomeazing and something that every brony has at least thought about; but it's also the worst kind of horrendous, because they've lost everything they ever loved. Maybe Luna and Celestia did this huge ritual that can only be done once a year, so there's no way to send the human home either and they just have to cope. That's just a few suggestions on how this could have been done better.
I have a sneaking suspicion this story is now on hiatus...
7488053 Not quite, I'm just busy. I'm not going by any set update schedule, and I'm still going through the already released chapters with my editor. Please be patient.
ER. MER. GERD.
ERMEGERDERMEGERDEMERGERD
Im liking this, watching you, following/favoriting this. #BEST STORIE EVERS (So far :) (Also best story(ries))
Oh thank god. For some reason my fav/track didn't save. Yay I found it.
I MUST DEVOUR MOARR
More
please 
Yeah that's enough for me. Your main character is an emotionless form to me. I just camt relate to them.. They threw away their old life with barely any reasoning and their every action since then has been nothingness. I don't get it. Sorry.
Is this cancelled? I hope it isn't as it's a good story. Please continue! :)
7584829 Patience...
7585248 Woo!
7456383 The thing that made me saddest while I read this was that the author has a decent grasp of language, sentence structure, and the basics of grammar (which is, in and of itself, a shocking change of pace from the usual self-insert wish fulfillment 'story' and probably why the story was featured in the first place?) but doesn't utilize some of the finer points. Like semi-colons, line breaks in dialog to indicate different speakers, and an overabundance of text-blocks. (Good lord, the 'Enter' key exists for a reason!)
Well. The thing that made me saddest besides the fact that it's a self-insert wish fulfillment story with a card-board cut-out main character, awkward pacing, a lack of the use of conservation of detail, and a serious need for an editor.
Your idea sounds awesome, though, and I'm curious where you'd take that if you did write it.
Heyyyy I rember this story
7573641
In the Flurry Heart episode, Celestia specifically pointed out that there had never been a natural Alicorn birth.
This would logically mean that any other children previously birthed by any of the Alicorns had all been non Alicorns.
Hence unicorn.
I should have been dead when I was six, then.
I stuck my finger between the prongs of a half plugged in lamp when I was six, and it tazed me pretty bad, and I somehow pulled out my finger and carried on like nothing happened, though I did feel a little jarred from the experience.
[Edit] I made a little simulated watercolor artwork for this. Nvidia dabbler is greeeat man
i.imgur.com/0nEKw2g.jpg
imgur link for if the bbc is broken: http://imgur.com/0nEKw2g
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7573641
Found a rather interesting explanation for Flurry Heart being an Alicorn (Who names their child after the horrible event they caused by sneezing which destroyed a protective measure that, without it, nearly lead to the death and destruction of a city/empire/mini kingdom anyways?) in the story Render Unto Twilight.
There's no way I can actually copy it here without it either bring too long or not making sense. Of course, it is Pinkie that says it, but it makes sense. Just read the story or chapter.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/308283/11/render-unto-twilight/laying-bare
7601844 Already read that fic, lol.
I'm a bit of an... avid reader, and I read way more than is probably healthy.
While the theory of entering the ether/aether/whatever while in the womb is a sound theory,
it's likely that the chances of such an occurence are super low in elder alicorns, as they adapted to the aethereal magic with time, they probably grew safeguards against such an occurence as their bodies grew, or perhaps the aethereal magic lingers for a long time before it dissipates, and hasn't dissipated enough within Cadance, allowing the mishap of the womb. I personally doubt that the Aethereal realm is actually accessible by Alicorns outside of ascensions, due to the lack of it even being mentioned outside of Twilight's Ascension and maybe in Flurry's birth.
Either way, that would leave Cadance with medium-high chances of an alicorn birth and Luna with rather low chances.
Half baked on-the-fly-thought theories are running rampant in this comment, it seems.
My god, some of the comments here. I swear, some people.
I'm intrigued at the story idea, but i must agree with a few other comments ive seen, most notably 7456383. The idea isnt bad by any means, but the execution is definitely lacking. The main character hasnt affected anything, you could replace him with a quadrupedal fruit and the end result would be much the same. That can easily be explained with the fact that he (she now, i suppose) is rather unsure of what they should do in this situation, though that isnt a good habit to get into with writing. I would suggest an edit of the second chapter too, adding a reason as to why he would want to leave, regardless of what it is. Could be what others have recommended. Abusive family, a life long desire to see equestria, even Luna magically influencing his decision would be better than no reason. Besides what others have pointed out about paragraphs as well, i can't see any other glaringly obvious problems, though i am severely sleep deprived at the moment, which doesnt help.
Im going to follow this story to see where it goes. I can see it becoming good despite the rocky start with some good old character development of the main character. Looking forward to seeing what you do with this.
7677410 i dont care
This needs work. A good amount of it. The only thing I have anything to add that hasn't already been said is just don't stress too much about it. Just do what you can.
I'll be tracking this to see what happens.
7678468 im autistic mate, be careful where you throw that word, I knock a cunt out when I was at school for teasing me and my brother for having it, keep that shit to yourself or else you can tell me how hospital food tastes like.
Moving to more important things this story is pretty good, but anything can be improved, also I would like to see this continue sometime soon
7684583 I still don't care.
7689063 I don't think you understand, I don't fucking care about you and what you do, your better off not fucking saying anything before you slip into something more comfortable than your shirt....
... like a coma.
7689726
7689063
7679556
*Pulls up chair*
"This gonna be good."
Edit: started a new comment page. YEAH