• Member Since 9th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

McCoda


T

Twilight Sparkle is often cited as being a prodigy. What if that fact is truer then previously believed? In this alternate scenario Twilight develops alicornhood much sooner thanks to the magic surge during her entrance exam. What follows is chaos as the lavender pony maneuvers herself in this crazy new world. Meanwhile, those in the old aristocracy either try to remove the filly or attempt at taking full advantage of her. These are the adventures of an innocent filly who has to contend with the adult world. Silliness is all but certain.

Editor: cyberlord4444
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/cyberlord4444

Inspiration for this story goes out to Georg. If you want to read another filly alicorn story go here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/143216/letters-from-a-little-princess-monster

Some try to write fics about Twilight as a child alicorn, some about her early years as a student, fewer still try to write about both. Hopefully it works.

Good news, it turns out someone made a tvtropes page. :raritystarry:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/RenderUntoTwilight

Chapters (24)
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Comments ( 2334 )

Interesting. Some parts of the narration (particularly toward the beginning) felt a bit clunky, but interesting. Do go on.

I like the premise. Please continue to write more. That said you could use a proofreader. I may be able to help with that.

“Mommy! When you said you and the pegasus milkpony are old friends…”

HA! I love that line!

amazing and when luna returns this is goanna be cool

Oh man this is perfect, but what will happen with Star Swirls unfinished Spell then, will Rarity get the spell or maybe Sunset returns BEFORE she would have and finds the spell and finishes it then?

I wonder what a stiff cake tastes like... :pinkiehappy:

Fun premise, but it needs editing. You are missing capitalization and the word flow could stand to be improved.

Try this: read the story backwards, on a sentence-by-sentence basis. This breaks you out of the narrative and forces you to evaluate each sentence on its own. Without the narrative or other sentences to support each individual sentence, you can find the bad sentences easily.

6780513 Missing capitalisations? Where?

6780544 I would have to go through it again, but somewhere you left Twilight's name un-capitalized.

For twilight, she sees the other two teachers posing with stoicism in mind.

shows promise. Hope you keep up the comedy and avoid drama and downers. Favorited and followed.

Isn't coca short for cocaine? If it is, I believe the plantation should grow cacao trees to get cocoa and chocolate goodies.

6780997 Coca is to cocaine what poppies are to heroin.

6781060
But you can't make chocolate out of coca, right?

(really author, you’re going to make me do biblical references now?).

Oh god, this breaks immersion like nothing else. Unless you're writing a crackfick, avoid this kind of thing like the plague. Please.

Other than that, the story looks fairly promising and the premise is very interesting. I don't think I've seen filly-alicorn-Twilight done this way before so you get points for originality.

Watched.

Ugh. Present tense writing. It's like reading an itch that just doesn't go away.

Celestia signs, “well that’s something new. Wonder who’s responsible for that?”

When did Celestia start moonlighting as a coyote?

I am that I am.

:facehoof: Why. The assorted nonbelievers will be thrown out of the story trying to parse that line, and the rest of us are thrown out trying to decide if that's deliberately disrespectful or not.

“I couldn’t control my magic so you decided to turn me into a pegasus, right?” the pitiful little thing begins.

See, you get three strikes on you and then I read that. This is just so manifestly unfair. You've got an adorably snarky sense of humor that I like and I want to read more, but I also want to bop you on the head for the itchy irritating stuff things. It's too early for this madness!

like bucking Tartarus we’re going to let you touch our girl you overpaid sack of quacks!

I cracked here this shit is way to funny

"...one of moose..."

And you thought the yaks were going to be difficult!

*mousse

Twilight Sparkle is often sighted as being a prodigy.

*cited

6781301 Sorry, I thought 4th wall breaking might have added to the humour. Perhaps it really didn't fit with the narrative or I went about it the wrong way. But I guess that's the thing with comedic jokes, hit or miss. I've already went through some spelling errors, so I might jut edit that out.

“I couldn’t control my magic so you decided to turn me into a pegasus, right?” the pitiful little thing begins.

D'awwww! :heart: Filly Twilight is best Twilight. :twilightsmile:

6781658
I think the 4 wall brake is wrong. It distracts from the story and adds nothing.

Except for that a good begin. keep them coming.

“That’s my girl. Sharp as a sword and yet dense as a rock,”

*Snicker* That truely is Twilight in a nutshell. I'll be keeping my eye on this story :pinkiesmile:

How can anyone hate much less down vote this? Granted, still only one chapter but seriously??! 6 down votes already, oh well. Hater's, gonna hate.

*99 likes*
Moves the mouse to press and get the 100th like.

*100 likes*
Throws a hissy fit but still decides to be the 101th like.

*101 likes*
Gives up and scores the 102nd like.

A few grammer mistakes, some words missing capitalization, and a very "prolouge-ish" feel. Still, an impressive take on how Twilight would react to becoming an Alicorn at such a young age...she and Cadence will have a few more things in common. And while personally I hope that there are chapters dedicated to her growing up as an Alicorn, the standard massive time skip to the Nightmare Moon incedent is still a possibility. All in all, I rate this chapter as 8/10 with a 9/10 score for story potential.

Well the real question is how this will effect things down the road. Hopefully Twilight becoming an alicorn this early will not effect her that much. Going to be tracking this story.

Wow, I'm flattered! Thank you!

This story certainly looks interesting.

However, like many others, I must say the fourth wall breaking is unnecessary. It detracts from the scene.

I like it so far.

Very interesting and engaging.

The only thing that breaks immersion is the 4th wall breaking...it is like hitting a speed bump.

6782273 Alright, 4th wall gag altered. Religious joke still there with an added allusion in the mix. Hopefully that should satisfy a consistent complaint.

6781848 There are people on this site that just go around and downvote everything. I'm not kidding.

6782381 They see us typing, they hating! Down voting our fics like they're poor quality!

In all seriousness, if haters do take the time to down vote something then it is because that something is worth their time to stomp on. So I see it as a compliment rather then an insult.

6782412 I never thought of it that way...huh. Thanks for the insight.

I couldn't help but chuckle at this. The only thing that has made me laugh this long is anything with Deadpool(minus the abomination version of him). So, because of that, I'll be following.

“Mommy! When you said you and the pegasus milkpony are old friends…”

At this point:
1 ) I nearly lost it, and
2 ) I hit the "Follow" button.

What's the update schedule going to be like? I want moar

For Twilight, she sees the other two teachers posing with stoicism in mind. Clearly, they are trying to regain whatever composer that is gone from events she’s responsible for. However, things are too little too late as their tactless outbursts (backed by their limited reasoning) on the matter of a filly with the magical surge only garners them a look of scorn from the ‘elephant’ in the room.

Composure.

usually I hate fics like this, but you sir, you have done well

Almost a bit too silly for me, as well as some characters seeming OOC just for laughs, but it does retain enough stability to enjoy. I look forward to reading the rest.

That was delightful. An excellent start here, and I can't wait to see what you did with it. I also commend you on young Twilight here: she's absolutely adorable.

HiddenMaster out.

Celestia sits at a table rambling drunkenly about how there's a new alicorn and the future will never be the same.
A pony points to the shortcake in front of her and says to the baker, "How much hard cake has she had tonight."
The baker replies, "None that's her first and she still hasn't touched it."

6783121 only one thing in the world that can adequately come close to describing the emotions that that picture invokes...
D'aaaaaaaaaaaaw

you my freind are a mad geniues this defenetly going into my favorits:pinkiehappy::heart:

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