• Member Since 14th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen January 1st

Eagle Heart


Just some guy who thinks he's cool, when clearly he's not.

T

There have been many debates among men whether the multi-verse theory is true or not, but there are some who know the truth. Aquila Cuore, an Assassin from the 19th century. He discovered the hard way the truth of this theory, not even knowing it existed yet. After a traumatic event that would've eventually led to his death, he awoke from unconsciousness in a dark void. Redik Dheavan an aspiring wizard from the world of Dominaria found himself in the same predicament after having a rather one sided battle with a mysterious dark wizard. Little did they know, this would change their lives in a mind wrecking way forever.

This is very much a story going under constant evolution by its writer and accomplices. If you feel that you are not patient enough to last until at least half way through the story. Then this is not the story for you.

Aquila Cuore and Redik Dheavan (C): Eagle Heart.

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 212 )

So...Magic The Gathering+Assassin's Creed+MLP?
YES

there is only one big mistake with your fic.... it's written Planeswalker, not Plainswalker

>>BraveHeartBrony Thx for the tip bro.

Fix'd :moustache:

Sir, I would highly recommend that whenever a new individual speaks that they get their own separate paragraph.

Example:

Aquila sighs, "Well I'd rather be anywhere than here, being stuck here with you for an eternity can drive a man mad." Suddenly as he says the phrase, 'Anywhere but here', a portal opened in front of them, revealing a very cartoon-ish looking town.

Redik laughs, "How conveiniant!" He then rushes through the portal. Aquila sighing and doing the same. Redik finds himself falling face first into what appears to be the town square. "Son of a bitch! That hurt"



...Basically like that. Also, there are several spelling errors I can detect. And, you seem to switch between past, present, and future tense. Please choose one.

All in all, this is alright, and I'll watch to see where this will go. Expect an in-depth review when you accumulate more chapters.

751240 Can't wait:pinkiehappy:

I love it when people take the time to tell what they think

this seems pretty cool!

751260

You know, I might be able to function as your pre-reader if you wish. Granted I don't have much to do this summer except work on my own HiE, so I could easily help you edit/write/think of ideas.

Not the best, but better than nothing I suppose. Your call mate.

Damn... This story is AWESOME!(Tracked/Favorited) :pinkiehappy:

Cool story bro. Tracking

Redik the lovable dumbass and an old, probably master assassin. I like it but I feel as if somthing is off... I can't quite put my hoof on it though so I can't really point it out. Oh well, tracking this.

1.chapter: mmh yes solid story sounds good
2.chapter: OK .... the wizard has a little bit to much of an modern teen (Dominaria has never developt such idiots) and the chapter is far to short for such devastating events for Redik.
3.chapter: they are now in equestria ok but the story is now completely off sorry but revise this chapter it is horrible. like the hi i am rainbow dash you are fleeing from me but i tackle you down oh yes the Wizard comes in this moment and fires a lighting spell, really dude? think about a lightning. They are really fast you cant react fast enough to trow a blade in its way to intercept it.

like i said PLEASE rewrite the chapter one more time to improve them

752010

Thanks for the constructive criticism, we will take in consideration chapters 3 rewrite most likely.:twilightsmile:
Also hope you are enjoying the story anyway.:derpytongue2:

Thank you for getting me all these new Italian swear words! :rainbowkiss: :3

So much win I derped and got stuck:twilightsmile:

752957>>753216 lol seriously? YOU DERPED XD lol anyway i think its a good fic, ill ask some of my friends to have a look at it, get judgement from others... maybe poultron might wanna look... idk... have to see... anyway looks good atm :twilightsmile: keep up the good work bud :twilightsmile:

753278
derped at how awesome it was. you can do that. sorta like exploding twice.:raritywink:

753333nope... i've died before... but not derped via explosion... i dont know anything about that... meh, still think its good, also whens the next chapter coming out? :twilightsmile:

753346 very nice... very nice... *strokes a cat* the heck did this cat app... PINKIE IS WATCHING ME AGAIN!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

VX

I like it, But can you drop the 'would'. Its weird

This is going to be epic:eeyup:

AWESOMESAUCE YEAH!!!!!:flutterrage:

756417

It hasn't been decided if any of the known planeswalkers of magic will be getting in the story yet, all do most likely some of them will.

756417 The only magic Aquila will be learning how to use is how to travel between multiverses.

Wow dude, the enter key is your friend! Use it! A lot!

Seriously though, your story needs a thorough... cleansing, for lack of a better word. get someone to go over it, and correct speech sections. Just fix those up and the story will be a lot easier to read.:twilightsheepish:

-Jorofrarie

Have some internet muffins, I insist...:moustache::facehoof::derpyderp1::trollestia:

That is all.

-Jorofrarie

This seems to be a pretty cool concept but you have a very weird use of the word "would". You use it as if it is a word to describe past events when really it's only really used for future if you're going for time description. Personally, if you find yourself using the word like that, see if the sentence still makes sense without it because it probably is better that way.

767247 that is a problem i have been having, but when i write it out or read it, it sounds perfectly fine to me.

Does anyone no when the next one will be out :twilightsheepish:

773743 Real soon bro. Been a tad preoccupied.

773748 don't worry man there really good and i am willing to wait :pinkiehappy:

773757 yeah, if you ever want to ask when the next chapter will be out, for any future ones or this one, just PM me and i'll respond real fast.

Oh god, this won't end well at all. :facehoof:

........Hmmmmmmm..........I like this....

Not a bad story at its current pace. A few issues, but I think the most glaring one to me is not actually a true error. You appear to be writing in a present tense, which is alright of course, but it's kinda difficult to pull off. The wording for some of it doesn't sound correct to me because it's in present tense, but maybe that's just me. Recommend past-tense.

Also, I'm guessing that -this- means this. You use it to stress certain words for emphasis, which is the point of italics. Just saying.

Another gripe is the mis-usage of ellipsis (...), which occurs quite often. It's always three dots. Not two, not five, three. Do try to keep that in mind. Besides that, everything checks out. There were some other errors (un-capitalized 'i', grammar slip-ups involving 'Your' and 'You're', etc.), but overall not anything to make me gouge myself.

782367 Around here at Eagle Heart inc. We take critisism seriously and put into serious consideration what our fans think and want.

Dis gon b gud!
( sorry, I don't have any gifs)

Hahahahaha this is going to end out with a bang and everything turn to ASHES!!!!!!:flutterrage:

oh you did not just defile the assasins by giving a non assasin, assasin's robes:facehoof:

787053 it gets better as you get farther into the story, at some point in time i will go back and fix all the mistakes of previous chapters.

VX

Subject on critiszm

Redik's face would turn red and he yells, "Shit you heard all that?!" he would then cover himself up in the covers in embarrassment.

Aquila begins to let out a hearty chuckle, "Not really, I just wanted to see how you'd react.". He then walks over to the bed and pulls all the covers off. "Come on it's time to go."

First of all, Were talking about assasins here. There are NOT very trusting. Espesially if the person in question is a 'ex-templar'. Assasins would NOT be that trusting to the order that they were fighting for over GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!

Subject 2.

As Aquila waits for Redik to eat, he notices Twilight coming down the stairs. "Did you sleep well Twilight? Or did Redik's snoring keep you up all night." he sits down on the couch after he says so.

TWILIGHT IS NOT THAT TRUSTING!!!! even though the main si live in a happy world, they still DO have some villains. and they do not that eaisly. Espassially rainbowdash (thats what makes the stoy more real) AND a little of subject 1 is in there.

Subject 3

Aquila would still be laughing, "Don't worry about it, I was planning on picking up some bread today."

Aquila making a life the first thirty seconds in? WoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooW. And, YOU STILL USING THE WOULD!!!! DAMN YOU!!

Note: this is constructive critiszm, and should be treated that way. Good bye all







787728 Subject one: Redik is not the same Templar from AC. He is a different kind, hell he's not even from Earth.

Subject two: To me, i'd believe Twilight would be very curious about what they are.

And didn't Aquila save Rainbow from getting fried? If it was me i'd be wiping the sweat off my forehead.

Subject three: A bird is not alive until a few weeks of being an egg, and at some point in time i will go back and fix all the "would"s

We appreciate the critisism and truly do hope to see more in the future

H-he ripped the guys crotch out.........[img]C:\Users\stephen\Videos\Clapping Giff[/img]

800378 Entrambi. Ho giocato tutti i giochi della Assassin's Creed. Ma sto anche mescolando in un carico di immaginazione. (Both. I've played all the Assassin's Creed games. But i'm also mixing in a load of imagination.)

OOOOOOOOOOOHHH SHIT!!! THINGS ARE GETTING KINKY!!!

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