Friendship is weakness, that was what Sunset had believed. That is, until it forced her into a giant hole in the ground. Faced with the challenge of earning the forgiveness of her school, friendship is starting to not seem all that bad.
But friendship with them? Never in a million years. Unfortunately, they won't take no for an answer. But she has her second chance, and she plans to make use of it. However that may be easier said then done, especially when she questions their sincerity.
It had to be them...
Chapters (7)
This is a good thing. Have a moustache!
s6.postimg.org/5ul2jmext/continue_Monkey.jpg
6930870 Ahh. I see the confusion. I meant more "Well, it might change people's perception of you, if you were a bit less sarcastic...". Will fix now.
I always like a Sunset redemption fic. Given Sunset's situation, I can understand the sad tag, although this first chapter felt more silly. Hm, interested to see where this goes from here, definitely folllwing. This Sunset still has a lot of anger, but with "friends" like these, she'll mellow eventually... or snap. I'm curious to see how much mileage you can get out of the "no offense" joke.
*puts on sunglasses* Oops, I... did it again....
Look forward to more. Keep up the great work.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Good to see an update!
Yep, the moment Mr. Chaos Theory started talking I knew it was Discord.
Also, good job, keep it up.
Will the sex be M/F?
This fic is seemingly funny.
Discord's taken some advice from one Schadenfreude...
7305934 Well, one might call this a dark comedy in some respects. That being said that is hardly the point of the story, and it isn't something I'm trying for. More so, I am just writing the characters how I feel they ought to be written, and that might help to make characters like Pinkie or Discord funny, or hell, you might just find Sunset's misfortune to be amusing. However, don't expect that to last or be this fics selling point.
This seems to be a dream sequence, or at least i hope this segment is.
7317857 ...Why?
Discord's a terrible teacher, and Celestina's a terrible principal for not firing him. I seriously thought things were gonna get really dark there. Glad I was wrong.
7325447 If Principal Celestia is a terrible principal for not firing Discord, then that means that Princess Celestia is a terrible princess for not keeping Discord imprisoned, which-
...Is exactly right.
Man, this is dark
SHE FELL INTO A DEEP WHAT?
Shit someone call Lassy, I think shes in a well.
7353623 ...Welp. I'm an idiot. Thanks for bringing that issue to light.
7353674
Did you get lassy?
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha!
Don't worry Sunset I too know whats it like to get in trouble because of others doing stuff that is generally considered friendly on inappropriate times and situation because they don't know when and where to use it.
HEAD CANON!... FIRE!
Being friends with someone who was told to become friends may not be true friendship, it may be real but not true.
This might be why Sunset hasn't or wasn't able to ascend.
Celestia may have ordered/tricked twilight to go to Ponyville where 1000 years of planning will finally set the stage of a new pony to ascend to alicornhood. Thus unknown to her that the friends she made are already rigged to happen. True that Celestia did tell her to make friends, but did not say specifically who, which or what kind of friends.
Deep within Sunset once knew that it was only because of Twilight that the humane 5 considered her a friend while others don't thus there is something deep in her that remains somewhat forced and something that didn't naturally develop.
7325601 Thumbs up to that my friend
She's not wrong.
Also, how the hell did I not read this sooner? Why the hell doesn't this have more comments? The first person narrative with Sunset is amazingly snarky, and this chapter is just a perfect introduction of how badly everyone would be in trying to deal with Sunset's new change while still being in character.
Oh dear god. Is this the start of Discord being a "positive" almost parental influence on Sunset? That can only end well.
Still, I have to say I really like the way you're writing Discord. He's not quite the draconoquis we came to know in MLP, but is still the same where it all matters.
Overall, I'm sincerely hoping Sunset does have a violent reaction the next time someone attacks her. Just personal experience, but in the few school fights I got in,my flight or fight response was more on fight-got suspended for throwing desks and one time in trouble for slamming a guy into a wall.
I had anger issues as a teenager.
Then again, Sunset isn't me, but for someone like her, anger is probably a very realistic reaction and, damaged ego and confidence or not, someone physically assaulting you will prompt an extreme response.
Or hell, Applejack or Rainbow Dash decking somebody would be good too.
Human Discord is best Discord.
8106333
8106248
Human Discord is much better than non-human Discord from the looks of it.
8106688 For me it is that he had some nice, logical (I know right?!), VERY constructive moments. He's still just along for the ride, like Equestria's Discord, but this one is not actively trying to make them take detours. I hope that makes sense?
There's every chance Chaos is simply biding his time.
Time your chaos right for best results (biggest boom).
8106706
If you ask me, he's a better person because Equestria Discord is spoiled. His magic is so powerful, he can do nearly whatever he wants. Nobody could stand up to him before they found the Elements of Harmony. He was the worst kind of bully, cruel, sadistic, egotistical and untouchable.
Human Discord likely didn't have that to fall back on, so he had to compromise at some point.
Lol XD
7653452 "damaged ego and confidence or not, someone physically assaulting you will prompt an extreme response."
You misspelled "appropriate" there. The only appropriate response to being physically assaulted is to retaliate with the best you can bring to the table, because you don't know if your assailant is going to kill you, intentionally or not. Contrary to what media want you to believe, the line between concussed and dead is very thin, and blurs in proportion to the attacker's inexperience and lack of training. And that's only assuming that the person who is willing to attack you isn't also willing to kill you, which is being exceedingly generous at your own peril.
8239145
What I want to believe?
I only based this on personal experiences. I have had extreme anger, and I have gotten into fights as a result. There's no "wanting to believe" involved here; that was my reaction, and I used it as a basis for a suggestion on Sunset's possible actions.
And I was never arguing over that fighting can be deadly. Where did I imply that? I didn't mention fighting could get deadly, admittedly, but I did not say it couldn't.
Edit: I realize you mentioned "What media may want you to believe", so that makes my first defensive remarks pointless, so my apologies.
I think your pacing is fine. From the looks of things in RR, the sirens were in the next town over when they saw the magic, so It's going to take time for them to track down the source.
You may want to show Sunset turning a corner with one or more of the others soon though in order to avoid the problems you noted above.
I'm not overly crazy about Discord being part of the story, but that's just me about Discord in general. Here he seems to be working pretty well as a semi-mentor for Sunset.
Overall, I'm enjoying this story and I think you're heading in the right direction with it.
8611959
See, in my mind I feel as though I've shown Sunset taking steps to connect with the others already, but also make it clear that despite these steps, old ideas are hard to let go, or in the moment she can get overpowered by frustration (like with Pinkie). Has that not had a quick enough effect? Or is it undermined by her not being able to complete a friendly gesture, due to circumstance?
I dunno, this is probably the bit I'm worried about the most.
8612730
Maybe flip things. Have Sunset try to initiate something, but her temper or circumstances undermine her.
I'm enjoying the story, but I have to ask ... why is Sunset putting up with this? Neither Celestia nor Theory have any legal authority to force her to move (let alone move in with one of them), nor do they have any legal authority to insist on knowing where she lives (she enrolled into CHS without providing a residence address, after all). As long as Sunset isn't squatting, then let them tell the cops, and when the police come by she can show them her lease/mortgage/ownership papers and the matter is done.
Yes, Celestial and Theory could continue to badger her about it, but Sunset would still have her sanctuary and independence, and she could -- quite properly and legally -- tell them to get stuffed.
8613267
I've been working on the basis that Sunset is not a legal "person" (in the sense that she has no records to her name, such as a birth certificate or proof of citizenship) and that Celestia and Theory are aware of this. I guess someone could I say I implied that in Chapter 6 (with Theory mentioning that her not cooperating would likely lead to them bringing in law enforcement), but that had more to do with her living situation than anything else. But the point here being that bringing her to the police would start an investigation no one wants to be dealing with, and that I've tried to show that as a "last resort" option for the pair.
Additionally, Celestia and Luna decided the way in which Sunset was to be punished, despite serious damage to public property that could easily have been handed off to the police (at least, based on the small glimpse at the end of the first EqG), and so I've assumed that Celestia and Luna would much rather deal with her themselves, and that Sunset would much rather it stay that way.
Sunset herself also has no incentive to talk to the police above just a lack of person-hood, as Chapter 8 will go over. I've also been trying to write Sunset as someone who's just so overwhelmed with everything that she's finding it difficult to so much as put up a fight.
I'm not saying this necessarily as a defense of the way I'm going about things, just simply an explanation. If this stuff isn't being made clear, then that means that I've failed to properly convey the assumptions or ideas of my story.
In a lot of ways Sunset isn't really in a different place in RR from where she is now. Her friends pay lip service but blame her as soon as any questionable action is taken as well as not ever inviting her into the band. The only real difference is that Sunset is happier in RR than depicted. I would say leave it till whenever you feel you need to really amp up the pressure on Sunset. If that takes a long time just assume the Dazzlings had a few affairs to put in order before they set out, or perhaps did more research on the school or even just observed the flow of magic for a time. Heck they can even just take time by feeding a lot until their power is near max before trying to influence an entire school of people.
I like the way your taking it now really, focusing on the characters with a good dadh of mystery
Oh hey they were watching Tangled weren't they
...or it's something else idk XD
Also;
Absolutely love how Discord is portrayed here! Sounds like a comical, weird, good guy
There's nothing I could think of that haven't been mentioned already.
Are you going to continue this anytime soon? I've been really digging the story
This is a really good story
I hope it's not 2 hard for you to continue it <3
Is it ok if I use your human discord's name? Making a story and I'm slow in the production.
9314233
I don't exactly have any ownership of the name Chaos Theory, or much of anything in this story. If you want to use the name, it's freely available.
9314426
Thank you I'm probably doing the same with my story when ever I complete it; To let others continue it with free rein.
That was... Huh. Interesting take on this.
You struggle a bit with correctly punctuating direct addresses. Here's a handy guide on how to do it properly.