Sunset is not all too keen to be learning about Friendship from the group of friends she worked so hard to tear apart.
Friendship is weakness, that was what Sunset had believed. That is, until it forced her into a giant hole in the ground. Faced with the challenge of earning the forgiveness of her school, friendship is starting to not seem all that bad.
But friendship with them? Never in a million years. Unfortunately, they won't take no for an answer. But she has her second chance, and she plans to make use of it. However that may be easier said then done, especially when she questions their sincerity.
"I seriously cannot believe, how much more lively the school has become since Sunset Shimmer lost her control over CHS!" Rainbow Dash said excitedly, as she and her friends caught up in the cafeteria. "Uhh. No offense, Sunset."
I swear, these idiots pay absolutely no attention to the fact that I'm sitting right here with them. Regardless, I was quick to respond with a simple, half-hearted, "None taken."
I see no reason to antagonize the only people in the entire school willing to give me a second chance.
"Yeah, I kinda forget that you're here half the time."
Although it is incredibly tempting. Truly, I am feeling the love right now.
Celestia.... Why did it have to be these five that I'm stuck with? Anyone else, I would have been fine with. But no, I'm stuck with them.
"You will never rule in Equestria. Any power you may have had in this world is gone. Tonight, you've shown everyone who you really are. You've shown them what is in your heart."
No... I... lost...? How did I lose...? I had everything... I had all the power... How did I lose?!
In that moment, surrounded by people of the school, people who I had just tried to brainwash into being my army... They all got to see me at my absolute weakest. All my plans are gone. My chances of ever being a princess are gone. Everything that I had strived to create as a reflection of my power... Gone.
Oh gosh, what have I done?
All the feelings I had suppressed over the years, every bit of self doubt, every little bit of disappointment in who I was becoming, had come at me like a speeding freight train, my mind in a million pieces, unable to process reality before me. Every lie I told myself to justify what I did, melted before my eyes.
I had spent the last many moons deluding myself. How could I think Princess here at CHS ever meant anything in regards to Equestria? How could I have thought that I knew better than everyone? How could I think I was better than Celestia of all ponies?
Did I really want to feel accomplished that much? Was I that desperate to taste success?
Am I really that pathetic?
"I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know there was another way."
"The magic of friendship doesn't just exist in Equestria. It's everywhere. You can seek it out, or you can forever be alone. The choice is yours."
"But... But all I've ever done since being here is drive everyone apart. I don't know the first thing about friendship!"
"I bet they can teach you," Princess Twilight said, gesturing to the 5 girls I worked harder than anyone to tear apart.
...Nope.
Nuh-uh.
Not them.
"Those are my girls! Woo-hoo!"
Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm not doing this.
Oh Celestia, no...
This has been my life for the last 2 weeks. Yes, it was only 2 weeks ago that I got defeated by none other than her royal highness herself, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and her five stupid friends. And it's been nothing short of hell. Absolute. Hell.
Rainbow Dash is not wrong. The five people who were tasked with teaching me the ways of friendship? When they're not completely oblivious to my entire existence, they're never too far from reminding me of my earlier shortcomings, or bragging about their own success. As if I'm not trying my damned hardest to forget all about that.
"I mean, she does still have a point though, darling. School has been much more pleasant without the constant threat of... well... you," Rarity said, attempting to save the situation. "Plus, it's been far too long since us five have been able to stand each other, yet alone have casual conversation."
If I had done my job right, then you still wouldn't be talking.
"Truly this is cause for much rejoicing and celebration." I really did not want to be talking to these five, but regardless of what my intentions may be, no one will actually think I'm trying to get better unless I at the very least tolerate them. They are, after all, my only refuge in a sea of dirty glares and other disgusting looks. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood to be reminded every 30 seconds about the lowest point in my life."
"Well, it might help your image, if you were a bit less sarcastic, and a bit more friendly every once in a while. Can't you at least pretend to be glad for us that we're back together again?"
Ugh. These people are acting as though I was meant to have walked out of that crater, immediately a better person. Being blasted with friendship doesn't exactly mean I'm going to be a good friend straight away. Especially not with any of them.
"I'll remember to put pretending to care at the top of my to-do list."
"Now listen here Sunset," Applejack interjected. "I'm not expectin' you to be the most tolerable person right from the get go, but you're not gonna get anywhere with such a short fuse. We're just tryin' to help you become a good friend. That is what Twilight asked of us, and we're going to try our darn'd hardest to do that."
"Okay, I get that. But I don't exactly need you people ignoring me all the time, and then giving the most obvious of advice which you pass off as some profound gospel. I mean if you were so good at friendship, then it wouldn't have been so easy for me to break you up in the first place!"
Unfortunately, only once the words had finished coming out of my mouth, did I realise exactly what I had just said.
"...That really is a low blow Sunset. To bring our friendship that you yourself tried to ruin into this. The only thing keeping us helping you is the promise we made to Twilight, and don't think we're gonna stick ah'round if you keep actin' all high and mighty."
Frankly, even I think I deserved that. I wasn't gaining too many friendship points in this conversation.
"And besides! We may be saying what you think is obvious, but you're not exactly co-operating ya'self! You're the one who said you didn't know the first thing about friendship, and you expect us to just know what works with you and doesn't?"
I wanted to tell her how she'd know if she actually bothered to ask. Or paid attention. Or learnt anything from what has happened in the last 2 weeks. Namely that I don't need their help, that everything they do only makes things worse, and that I welcome them leaving me alone.
But by doing that, I might as well be shooting myself in the foot.
So instead I just decided to ignore her, and go back to eating my lunch in silence.
I do actually want to be a better person. There's something about being in a giant hole in the ground, looking up to someone who bested you with something you had written off as weakness, that really makes you reconsider your life. And in my case, with the two different lives I've experienced on both sides of the portal? I'm in for a lot more reconsidering, that's for sure.
It didn't take me very long however, to realize that the first steps I had to take were to be at least a little bit friendly. As a result I don't exactly appreciate being told to do the obvious. But I guess I can't hold it against them either. They are at the very least fulfilling the task Twilight asked of them.
And it's not like I haven't done nice things since then.
Frankly, Luna giving me a trowel and being expected to start rebuilding the front of the school was not at all the punishment I was predicting. I guess fixing the damage my magical transformation caused is a start, but I know I've done a lot worse than just mere property damage.
Not that I'm personally complaining, but I can't help but feel I'm getting off a bit light considering what I've managed to do to many of the students. Still not looking forward to how much work, hauling and dirt is going to be involved in the coming weeks, and possibly months...
But what did confuse me more than anything, and was begging to be asked was...
"Wait, why are Snips and Snails helping to rebuild too?" I said, confused seeing Snips and Snails, downtrodden, walking towards Luna and I with bricks and mortar.
"Excuse me Sunset? I don't exactly believe you're in a position to be asking questions about the way we punish our students." Vice Principal Luna replied looking at me with a glare, not expecting such a question from me. "You and I both know those two were just as much involved with your actions as you were. Therefore they deserve to receive a punishment just as much as you do."
Why do I even bother dealing with Vice Principal Luna? It's impossible to not end up on her bad list, and I haven't done anything to make her think to do otherwise. "Okay, let me be clear, I couldn't care less if you end up making them help, and any work they do is less work I have to do. But what I'm saying is, what did they do?"
"...I don't think I understand what you're asking me Sunset. And if it wasn't for the fact that you and I both know that putting off your punishment would only make it take longer, I would think you're stalling right now."
I sighed. "Look. I'll be blunt. Those two are idiots. Idiots who have no idea what they're doing. Idiots who were dumb enough to think listening to me could ever possibly be a good idea, and they paid the price for it." I'm doing a great job in the friendliness department, aren't I? "As long as they believe there'll be no punishment, you can get them to do pretty much anything."
"Despite how rude you put it, I can't exactly deny what you're saying," she responded, and folded her arms. "But, you're not exactly doing a good job explaining to me the point you're trying to get at. And I'm not so inclined to let you wait any longer."
"With me out of the picture, those two are just two defenseless idiots, who would be crushed the moment they so much as look at anyone funny. I can't protect them anymore, and they know this. They've already learned their lesson simply by being taken down a peg, and realizing that they're no longer invincible. That they can't hide behind me anymore."
I hung my head down low, swallowing what little pride remained from the nights events. "Listen, if I'm going to start becoming a better person, then the least I can do is not drag down anyone else's night with mine. Especially when the only reason they're involved in the mess is because of me."
"...I can't say you don't make a compelling argument. However, they did still carry out things that require punishment," she said to me, after contemplating my words briefly. "Very well. I'll take these two with me to see Principal Celestia, and she'll decide whether or not to follow through with the punishment." She turned to Snips and Snails and gestured them to follow her.
Before she left me to work, she turned her back and said, "I'll give you credit, Sunset. It's good to see you at least attempting a show of being nice so soon after the events of last night, genuine or not."
"Yeah, well, don't expect it to become a regular thing."
"And don't you expect to be treated any more lightly when it comes to your punishment."
A part of me was annoyed to see my attempt at being nice so quickly dismissed, but I knew that at that point, expecting to gain anything from being nice was asking way too much of the people who let me off lightly.
"Come on Sunset, what's your problem!" Oh great, it's Rainbow again. "You can't just keep ignoring us! If we're gonna actually you know, try and help you, even though it's more than you actually deserve, then the least you could do is make our lives a bit easier, and actually try yourself!"
You can keep ignoring them. There's nothing forcing you to respond.
Except getting hit in the shoulder by Rainbow's incredibly strong arm.
"Hey...! What's your big deal!?"
"My big deal? My big deal is you not even trying to be nice to us, even when we're wasting our time with the impossible task of making you a good person!"
This time, my silence is for a completely different reason. As much as her words hurt me, and on some level offend me, I can't dispute them in any way. I know I am a terrible person, and I don't exactly expect to turn around overnight, if ever.
"Now Rainbow Dash, that ther' was a bit harsh. Sure, I think we can all agree we're not all happy with this arrangement, but if we wanna make this thing work, we can't just be calling it impossible out of the gate."
"That was harsh? You were the one calling her out for her 'low blow'!"
"And I've already forgiven 'er".
I'm shocked. "...Why?" I respond meekly.
"Because. The whole point of making you a better person is to put you on the road to forgiveness, and at the very least, we should be the ones to do that."
"...I...I don't know what to say, I..."
"I think the words you're looking for, are 'thank you', dear." Thanks Rarity. You're the absolute best at giving obvious, simple instructions. But this time, I'll let it slide, cause that's exactly what I did.
"Yes. Thank you. Truly, I mean it." Well. Half true. I half meant it. I still hate all of you.
"Wooo! Group hug!"
"Pinkie, no group hugs!" I was quick to shout.
"Aww..."
"Ugggh. Look, I know we were just having a 'moment' about forgiving me, but this is exactly my problem. Can you not be so quick to think we're all 'buddy-buddy', just cause I crawled out of a large crater?"
"Well darling, maybe some of us just feel it is common courtesy to appear nice to people, even if they don't appreciate it. Besides, it's not like us being nice could cause problems for you."
No longer am I going to say my punishment was light. This is absolute torture.
Why you may ask? Well...
"Hi Sunny! What's that you're reading there?!" Oh no. It's Pinkie Pie. Someone, help me, please.
Maybe if I ignore her, she'll go away.
"..."
"...Is it interesting?"
"..."
"...Are you super invested and in to the book right now?"
"..."
"...Are you still awake?"
"..."
"...Let me see that!"
"Hey, wait-!" Too late. Before I could even realize what Pinkie was doing, she was taking the book I had in front of me away, and out of my vision.
"'The Updated Definitive Guide to the Canterlot Building Code'? Why would you be reading this Sunny? This looks so booooooring." She turned the book on to it's side. "And long too. How long a book do you need to explain a building code? How hard is it to describe four walls and a ceiling!"
"...Firstly, do not call me Sunny. Secondly, give that back! I need that!" I went to take it from Pinkie, but was interrupted by the one voice I didn't want to hear more than Pinkie...
"Sunset Shimmer! What did I tell you about distracting yourself during your punishment?!" said the voice belonging to none other than Principal Celestia herself, standing eerily close behind me.
Arms still stretched out towards Pinkie, I'm completely frozen.
"...That doing so would only make my punishment longer," I said in a calm voice that betrayed my actual thoughts.
"Correct. You know exactly why I asked you to study that, and it's important you understand it correctly." She took the book from Pinkie, gave it to me, and turned to walk away. "Now I don't want to see you conversing and being negligent with your study again, or I'll actually follow through with extending your punishment next time."
She turned to face Pinkie. "Sunset here needs to study the Canterlot Building Code so she can help the builders that are coming in to replace the glass and the doors when she's done laying the bricks. I'd appreciate if you and the girls could leave her to study, and not tempt her."
"Uhh, yes ma'am....?"
Pinkie was keenly aware of the pencil in my grip snapping throughout the exchange.
"It's true! That did actually happen," Pinkie said, with way more excitement than was necessary. Then again, that's Pinkie in a nutshell.
"Okay, fine. But that was one time," Rainbow retorted. "Besides, things are bound to go wrong with Pinkie around anyway!"
"Hey! I represent that!"
"Darling, I think you mean you 'resent' that," Rarity added.
"That too!"
"Ah'm with Dash on this one" Applejack said. "You can't exactly blame Pinkie, and it's not like this has been a regular occurrence with us."
The only action I made was to raise an eyebrow in an incredulous manner.
"...Right?"
"Seriously Sunset, I can't deny it suits you, but surely you could get a jacket that looks a bit better than that one, no?"
"..."
"I mean, it's just so plain! It's just leather, and nothing else! Nothing to make it interesting! It might as well just be any old jacket then, and not your jacket."
"..."
"Plus, don't get me started on what you could do with that hair of yours! There's so much room to work with there, you easily coul-"
"Sunset Shimmer!" the teacher yelled. "I don't know about you, but I think it's bad form for you to be chatting in class, especially when you're already in the middle of receiving punishment. And Rarity! I would hope you'd consider not encouraging her."
They all just sat in silence.
"...Uh-Well, yes. Uhm. You see-"
"Don't worry Sunset, just stick by me and we'll be sure to win the dodgeball game! I'm the best at this game! No one is as awesome as me in this!"
"..."
"Besides, I don't think everyone is going to immediately go for you. The school may be angry at you, but I don't think they're that angry! Besides, they want to win right? They'll all want to go after me!"
"..."
"...Right?"
"..."
"Are you going to say anything to me at all?"
"Sunset! Rainbow! I'm putting you on different teams, cause clearly you can't stop yapping to each other!"
"....Oops."
"...Okay, we ge-"
"Ah tell ya! Workin' on the farm just might be the best thing I get to do on mah weekend. How about you, you do anything special?"
"..."
"Surely there's something you do outside of school that is fun? School can't possibly be everything for you, right?"
"..."
"...Or maybe it is, I won't judge."
"..."
"Look here sugarcu-"
"Sunset Shimmer! I-"
"...Okay, I concede. We're not particularly good at talking to you at appropriate times," Rarity relented on behalf of the group.
"Ya think?" Conceding doesn't protect you from my sarcasm, Rarity. Nor does it make me hate you any less.
"But you could still easily go out of your way to talk to us at times that are more appropriate for you." Gosh darn it Rarity, just give up! You don't need to win this conversation! "If we're going to be friends, we can't do everything ourselves, you have to be willing to put some effort in too."
"Given how everyone in the school, students and teachers, seem to be assuming the worst of me at every moment, I don't think any time could be considered an appropriate time. Look, the only one here who hasn't somehow managed to get me in trouble, or just in general get on my nerves, is Fluttershy, and she hasn't even spoken this whole time!"
"...Uhm. She's correct... I haven't really said anything in the time we've been here..."
"Sorry, I sometimes forget that you're here." I remarked, perfectly aware of my hypocrisy in calling out Rainbow for the same thing.
"Hey! No need to be mean to Fluttershy!" Rainbow said, completely unaware of the hypocrisy in having done the same for me.
Truly these are the greatest of friends a person or pony could have. Good for me.
I just hope I don't gain the urge to kill myself from continuing to be exposed to these idiots.
"Rainbow Dash, I don't exactly think you have a right to be saying that, all things considered," Rarity sai-Wait, Rarity came to my defense? Huh. That's new.
"What, why?!"
"Just... Don't worry." I'm sorry Rarity. I know how hard it is to explain hypocrisy in terms of stupid. Being around Snips and Snails means I have more than enough experience to feel that pain...
"Well sugarcube, I guess you can at the very least be glad the wall is done."
"Only after coming in on weekends, staying after school, and losing all of my breaks," I said, with no attempts to hide the annoyance I felt. "And besides, I still need to work on filling in the crater after school. I'm not exactly off the hook yet."
"Awwww! I already had a 'Congratulations on Finishing Your Punishment' party ready!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"....A 'Congratulations on Finishing Your Punishment' party?"
"Yes! A 'Congratulations on Finishing Your Punishment' party!"
"...That is the worst idea I've ever heard, and I've heard Trixie try to explain how she intends to make a career out of stage magic."
"Uhh... No offense sugarcube, but right now you like a right mess." Applejack said, noting my admittedly poor appearance, and my lack of sleep as we walked through the busy corridors of CHS. The scathing glares of the school were pointed at me fiercely, and it certainly had me a bit on edge.
"Ugh. None taken, I guess..."
"Ah'm serious, how are you holding up? You look like you haven't slept in days." More like weeks, but let's go with that. "Ah really hope you aren't being too harsh on yourself, or letting others be."
"Well, I was hoping that after I helped to fix the front of the school, that people would give me a little bit of a break, considering I had actually gone through with my punishment. Wishful thinking on my part, I guess. I'm not going to pretend I didn't manage to get off light. I mean if I did, that would only make things worse..."
And on came the pity. "People aren't harassing you too hard, are they?"
"Nothing I don't already deserve." Frankly I can think of quite a number of worse things I deserve. Not that I'd voice any of them, and give people ideas, but they were certainly creating quite vivid imagery in my mind. "Nothing they could do is even remotely comparable to half the stuff I managed during my reign."
"Now listen here Sunset. Sure you got a lot of things to be making up for, but there's no need to think that you deserve to be harassed now that it's behind ya." As much as her support seemed genuine, I don't think she actually grasps the extent I went to when it came to cementing my position at CHS. Then again, her friends really had it worse than most.
Most people didn't have their whole friendships fall apart seemingly over night.
"Behind me or not, no one in this school will easily forgive me for my actions as quickly as you five have. The people here know the things I've done, and that isn't going to simply change with a few weeks of hard labor. Speaking of your friends though, where are they? I figured they'd be with us by now."
"Actually, they're off doin' their own thing. Don't know what exactly. All ah know is that they had some important friendship meeting, and I was supposed to keep you company in the mean time."
"What, do you have some sort of rotation of who has to babysit me or something? Whatever. I just hope it's actually important, and not going to end up being a waste of my time down the line." I remarked as we reached my locker. Unsurprisingly, the locker was littered with various crude drawings and rude comments, and if the lock was any indication, had been forced open.
Just my luck.
"Is this what you're havin' ta deal with constantly? Don't ya think we should ask Principal Celestia to try and do something about this? This is just disgusting."
"No offense to Principal Celestia, but if I could get away with everything I managed to do, there isn't anything she can do about something as simple as a bit of vandalism on a locker." Memories of stolen MyStable accounts, perfectly timed photo leaks and conveniently misplaced phones are just some of the things that spring to mind.
"That still don't make it any less wrong," she said. Why does she care so much anyway? "I mean, there are cameras in the corridors, right? Surely it wouldn't be that hard to find who gone done this. I mean seriously, is the security at this school really that incompetent?"
"Unfortunately, yes. I mean it's not like them doing their job properly would have helped things in the long run. Not everything I ever did required me to do something physical. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if they're paying a little bit more attention now, given well... You know..."
Despite my best attempts, a resurgence of emotion was making it's way through me as I recalled my fall. It wasn't even that long ago, but even then I'm still only on square one. The only thing that has changed is that people have realized they can now get away with throwing a few punches of their own my way.
"Sunset, are you sure ya'll alright?"
"..."
"Please Sunset, just tell me what's wrong. Ah'm here for you."
"I don't want to talk about it Applejack. Not now. Not ever."
She sighed. "You're not going to properly move on from things if you're not willing to open up about them to us. We're here to help you Sunset, you need to realize that," she said, her eyes conveying an unearned sympathy, begging me to respond.
"Just... Leave me alone..." I couldn't help it. I was starting to feel angry. I did not want to be pressured into opening up just yet. I did not want to be here right now. I did not want to be standing in this corridor, knowing that everywhere I turn someone is ready to send me a glare, or yell curses at me.
"Listen Sunset, you don't need to keep pushing us away. We're not going to be going anywhere," she responded. Oh gosh, not this spiel again! Stop pretending you actually give a damn! You should hate me just like everyone else! "We're your friends now, whether you realize it yet or not."
"I don't need your friendship." That was only a slight lie. I needed friendship, more than anything. But not so soon and not with them.
"Friendship isn't as bad as you make it out to seem."
"Since when have I given the impression that I thought friendship was bad? No. I just don't want to be friends with any of you." When will that get through their thick skulls?
She looked visibly offended at that last remark. "Well excuse me for giving you some benefit of the doubt. You know, like friends are supposed to."
"But why? Why do you give me the benefit of the doubt? I've given you absolutely no reason to believe I care for our 'friendship', and a request from Princess Twilight can only go so far. And I've already made it clear I don't want anything to do with any of you."
"Because Twilight aske-"
"I don't care about Twilight! She told you to do something, yes. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't cut your losses when things appear hopeless, and from your constant reminders of my lack of redeeming qualities, frankly I don't see how you don't just cut your losses while you can!"
Despite the noise of students continuing to fill the corridors, it felt deathly silent between us.
"...Listen Sunset, we-"
I stormed off before she could give me a proper answer. I don't care that I appeared vulnerable. I don't care that I looked highly emotional. I don't care if I made myself look quick to anger. But I was not going to stay around if it would only mean more outbursts from me.
I didn't get to find out what the 'really important friendship meeting' was about. Not long after my little outburst, I just decided to leave for my... Home, I guess is the best word. Clearly I had nothing to look forward to for the rest of the day at CHS, so why would I hang around? Besides, the less I can avoid feeling like I'm walking through hell, the better.
Applejack... I don't know why she tries as hard as she does! Her and the other girls. I'm not worth their time, and I don't want their friendship! And they should have no reason to want it for themselves either! The only thing I could ever be to them is a trophy, a walking, living, breathing trophy. A constant reminder of their success.
I don't want every day to feel like it's being rubbed in my face that their perfect friendship survived my best attempts to destroy it. I don't want to be reminded that the reasons I sought to break their friendship apart in the first place was because I needed to prove it wasn't all perfect, to prove that no bond is unbreakable!
She and her friends were the exact thing I sought to destroy when I came to CHS. They reflected everything that I had been told was magical and great about friendship, and their success will never not be a reminder to me, of the fact that not only was I wrong, but it had meant that I lost.
...I lost.
...
...You know what the worst thing about all this is? I know Applejack is right. If they've yet to leave me alone now, then the only thing that could really make them leave is for me to become my old self again. And I have no intention of going back to that. Not now, not ever.
I do not want to lose a second time.
But it's more than that. I don't know the extent to which the elements affected me, but I still have a vivid sense of the overwhelming guilt and vulnerability I felt in that pit when Twilight stood over me. I wanted nothing more than to beg right then and there to the whole school, for a forgiveness I would never receive nor deserve, at the foot of the very person who had every right to strike me down then and there.
And I don't think I'm lying to myself when I say I do want to try friendship. For all I know, it's just the elements talking, or making me feel that way, but that is the way I feel regardless. But of all the people Princess Twilight could have ended up being friends with... Of all the people to task with overseeing my reformation...
...Why them? Why is it that I have to be taught friendship, become friends with the people who's friendship I tried to destroy the hardest. The friendship that was everything I could never have, and which I had deceived myself into believing I never needed. The friendship that required the perfect storm of communication failure to throw a wrench into.
...Am I being petty? Is my not wanting to be friends with them, just me holding on to some small chance that maybe, just maybe, I was right? Am I that desperate to get the last laugh? Is that the person I am? Is that the person I want to continue to be, going forward?
I don't want to be that person. I know that is not the kind of person I want to be when I inevitably see Princess Twilight again. One day we will see each other again, and it may end up being the time that decides my fate once and for all, whether I've passed or failed the test of friendship.
...At the very least I should try. I don't want to. I don't know if I'll even be able to be honest about it, but I know I should try. Maybe it will come back to haunt me, or be thrown right back in my face, but I can never say it could never happen, until I've at the very least tried.
I just wish that, for once in my life, I could have Princess Celestia tell me what to do, and for me to actually listen to her wisdom. Princess Celestia knew far more than I realized. Heck, I had believed myself to be her equal! But I am not even in the same league as Princess Twilight, yet alone her. I am nobody! I am nothing!
Why did I do it? Why have I surrendered myself to this fate, by not listening?
What I do know is I have to try and make a good impression with the school. And unfortunately, the best way I can do that is to do something both genuine, and friendly towards those who have direct control of my fate... I'm going to need to do something nice for those five...
"No offense Sunset, but I didn't want anything to do with you again before, and I certainly do not now," Flash said to me, uncharacteristically cold, refusing to look at me in the eye. "Go away".
"P-Please Flash, I just want to explain tha-"
He turned to interrupt, "No Sunset, I think I need to explain something to you! I don't care if you're better, I don't care if you want to fix things and I most certainly don't care if you feel sorry for me!" he yelled with an anger that I could never have imagined coming from him.
What a way to start the day. Receiving a verbal assault from none other than Flash Sentry, as the rest of the school body couldn't help but watch intently at me being put in my place.
"I know I was lucky! I didn't lose all my friends, I wasn't a victim of your rumor mill and I was never put in a position where it was me against the school."
And here comes the but....
"But you played with my heart Sunset! I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and clearly you didn't deserve it! I loved you Sunset, and not only did you not love me back, you made me believe that you actually cared, up until you threw me to the side when I stopped being worth it to you. Do you know what that did to me Sunset? When you dumped me, I thought I could never love another person again. I thought I wasn't worth anyone's love. And I will never be able to forgive you that."
He turned his head away, unwilling to spare another glance at my tear covered face, as I openly wept in guilt. "Never try to speak to me again. Because I'm not interested in whatever apologies you want to give." And then, he stormed off leaving nothing but the silent looks of the school, and my uncontrollable sobbing.
"....I-I'm sorry...."
No one bothered to hear my cry, as they instead either glared at me, or sent looks of pity in Flash's direction. No one came to pull me away from the situation, and no one offered any words beyond contempt or hatred. And in my current state, there was nothing I could do, despite going through all my possible actions.
The old me would have forced him to turn around and receive his own verbal assault.
The old me would have had a terrible secret conveniently leaked to my advantage.
The old me would have succeeded in making his life hell.
...I don't want to be the old me anymore. I-...
...I need help.
And of course the only people who might have helped, the friendship brigade, were nowhere to be seen.
As such, I continued my newly emerging habit of hiding from all my problems. I ran towards the nearest classroom, my cheeks wet with liquid sorrow, doing my best to ignore the continued barrage of hateful words, as I slammed the door shut behind me and curled up into a ball.
I cried. Plain and simple. I let loose a flood of tears beyond what I thought I had in me. I let out a torrent of bottled up emotion that I didn't realize I had. Every hateful glance, every loaded comment... I couldn't keep it in any longer.
And all this was made all the more worse, by the fact I wasn't alone.
"Well, look-y who we have here, bursting in to my classroom without the common decency to say hello to lil' ol' me?" I heard in a deep male voice.
...Do I recognize that voice from somewhere?
"Oh, and if it isn't the queen bee, head honcho and little mastermind herself! I wasn't aware I was in such prestigious company, your majesty!"
Oh... It's Mr Chaos Theory. One of the physics teachers.
"Oh, um. I'm sorry Mr Theory for bothering you. I'm just gonna go, and leave you to do... Whatever it was you were doing... Before I barged in".
Before I could have the chance to turn around and head back the way I came, Mr Theory had blocked the door with his arm, leaning awfully close into my personal space. He looked at me suspiciously while still holding his cheeky grin.
"My dear, you just ran into my classroom with more water coming out of your eyes than a decorative fountain, and wrapped up tighter than a Christmas present. What kind of teacher would I be if I just forced you helplessly outside my classroom." His expression exchanged to one of faux-offense. "I may be a terrible teacher by some measure, but I'm not nearly that cruel."
"But no, really. It's fine, I'll just go..."
"And leave you to do something you might regret? As much as that would be utterly hilarious I do have some professional obligations that I choose to live up to." Should I be worried that he thinks my situation is hilarious? "And my professional obligations do unfortunately require me to listen to the problems of students."
I was starting to feel nervous at this point, my mind searching for an exit, a way to abort this conversation. "Oh, well. No problems here! Seriously, I'm fine."
"You know, for someone who built their whole system of oppressing the students on lies, you really are a terrible liar, you know that?" He was now moving closer, causing me to flinch and pace backwards away from him. "I'm going to hazard a totally wild guess, out of the blue. Everyone hates you, and won't give you the time of day. And now, you're crumbling under the pressure, knowing the moment you step out of line, is the moment that it all comes crashing down. Am I correct?"
"..." My silence told him everything he needed to know.
Mr Theory started to get a glint in his eye, and his face changed from a wicked smile to an excited one. "I think you'll appreciate the metaphor I have for you Sunset. Tell me, do you know what happens when a star dies?" he asked, clearly invested in the broached subject.
"...Vaguely. Look, I don't need-"
"-Well a star is just a giant nuclear furnace in space," he said, not caring to bother with my attempts to derail the conversation. "Tens of millions of degrees at it's core, small atoms fusing together to make bigger, more complex atoms and producing enough energy to hold up the massive weight of the outer layers of the star.
"But a star only has so much fuel before it runs out, dear Sunset. At some point the atoms in the center will become so big, they will no longer be able to fuse. And at that moment, everything comes crashing down all at once." Mr Theory was now throwing his arms around to accentuate his words. "The whole thing implodes on itself with incredible force, since the core is no longer able to sustain the star. A very, very violent reaction."
"...And then?"
He put a hand on my shoulder, and leaned in gleefully. "Glad to see you showing some interest!" He resumed his flailing. "If the star is small, sure there will be flashes and some violent reactions, but in the end it will produce a much smaller star, but one brighter than before." He smirked. "Or, if the star is big, it will explode more violently than anyone could ever possibly imagine it would. We're talking some of the biggest explosions in the universe. We're talking the end of living things big."
I was still confused. "I don't exactly get what you're trying to say."
He stepped away, looked genuinely quite peeved. "Ugh. Do I have to explain every little thing to you? Seriously! ...Fine. What I'm saying is, there's nothing you can do about the fact that everything is crashing down around you, it was only inevitable. At some point, you were going to run out of fuel, and everything would implode.
"But now you have a choice, either you can try to take it in stride, knowing there'll be some difficulty and reactions, but be all the brighter for it..."
"...Or I can explode and make the whole thing worse for everybody."
And his grin returns. "So you were listening. I didn't even know you cared!" He pulled a tissue out of... Somewhere... And rubbed at his eyes as if he were tearing up. "Look at me, getting all emotional!"
I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, you keep trying to tell me that. I'll just be over here, not believing you."
"Ooh, was that a snark remark coming from you? I dare say you're already better than when you came in here. That was barely any work at all!" He went to sit in his chair, leaning back in a fashion that seemed to indicate he was proud of himself. "Still, I much preferred the way the school was with you in charge. Was far more entertaining than all this 'everybody is your friend' nonsense."
I looked at him confused. "If everything I did, and everything that happens to me amuses you so much, why did you try and tell me what I needed to hear?"
"Oh please Sunset, I only told you what choice you have available to you. But that choice doesn't mean anything if everyone else has already made their choice. No matter what you choose to do, some things will always be inevitable. This school will always find a way to create a fair amount of chaos and disorder."
I honestly have no idea what to think about that. "Still, thanks. You've cheered me up immensely, whether that was your intention or not."
Surprisingly, he looked genuinely appreciating of my words. "Oh think nothing of it. It's no skin off my back. ...And ol' Celly thinks I shouldn't be allowed around students."
That... Came out of nowhere. "...Why would the principal not want you around the students?"
"Probably because of my dashing good looks! Scared they would all fall for me," he said as he struck a pose and started stroking his goatee.
...Okay, now was my chance to get out of there before things got even weirder. I turned to face the way I came in, and tried to psych myself up to deal with the school that still hated every bit of me.
One step... Two steps...
My hand stops just in front of the door handle. I see that I am shaking, and no doubt I have gone extremely pale.
I can't do it. I just can't.
But I have to. It's up to me to not explode... And one way I can do that is to be at least just a little bit appreciative.
"...You know Mr Theory? I don't think you're the terrible teacher you said you are."
"Oh spare me Sunset, I'm not even qualified as a teacher, yet alone a physics teacher. My classes' failure rate is abysmal. The only reason I'm still here is Celestia seems to think I have some good potential in me that she can use to create harmony. Blegh."
"Still, you're alright in my books."
"I'm not in any books, but I appreciate the meaning behind the idiom."
I placed my hand on the door handle, finally sure I was calm enough to face what was outside. "...Bye Mr Theory."
"Please, Sunset." He said just before I could pull the door open. "Mr Theory is so formal. You can call me Discord."
"I mean no disrespect to you darling, but this seems awfully out of the blue coming from you," Rarity said as we walked down the empty halls of the school. All our other friends were busy doing... Something. I had kindly asked Rarity if she was willing to stay behind with me at the school a little while, before I left.
Frankly, I don't feel safe being by myself at this point. Not after my breakdown yesterday.
"Well, I'm trying, okay? I'm trying to make an effort here," I said with only a small hint of indignation. "And besides... I really need to apologize to Applejack. Bailing on her like I did was not okay, and I couldn't say sorry to her yesterday, because... Well..."
"Yes... I heard about what Flash had said. While I would be lying if I said I didn't understand why he reacted the way he did, I can imagine it must have had quite the effect on you."
"Nothing I don't deserve a thousand times over..." I'd been trying to push that part of yesterday out of my memory. "Applejack didn't take my overreaction too personally, did she?"
"Well, I wouldn't say she took it personally, but it did seem to at least put a damper on her mood." That wasn't what I wanted to hear. "Still, I'm surprised to see you taking steps to try and apologize in such a way."
"Offering to take you all out to a movie on me, is hardly what I'd call a suitable apology, but it's the least I could do on even my limited budget..." In all honesty, I couldn't even afford to pay for the six of us. At least, not without seriously depleting what little I still have leftover of other people's money.
I feel terrible every time I make use of it now, but frankly I'd otherwise be broke. When I first came here, I didn't think far ahead enough to worry about currency or how I could pay for things. Then again, I didn't think ahead in a lot of different respects.
But that did mean I had to find money wherever I could, and at the time, a normal job felt beneath me. I had only just gone from being Princess Celestia's student after all. Going from being a student of the most powerful being in existence, to a simple store clerk or the like, seemed like the most preposterous and insulting idea.
Some of the money came from pick-pocketing, some came from stealing lunch money and some came from outright blackmail. All the means available to make sure I could survive without subjecting myself to actual, menial work. It did still mean I was always limited in regards to my own funds.
It's part of the reason why even now, I don't actually have my own phone. Which was why all the harassing online was done with either Snips or Snail's phone. I just simply couldn't afford one of my own. Besides, blackmail always seemed to be more effective if I could present it in a tangible, physical form.
Still, any hope of me saving up now will be crushed unless I can get a job. Frankly, I'd take any job I could get right now, but considering how much of the places that hire, have also employed students from Canterlot High...
Let's just go with 'my chances are very slim'.
"Are you sure? I mean, I'm sure all of us would all be fine with paying for ourselves if you wish to go out with us somewhere. It's certainly no trouble for any of us."
It's just money. It's just money. It's just a significant portion of the small money you have left. "Please. I insist. I don't know if I'll be able to feel better unless I do something." Truthfully, I felt absolutely terrible about leaving Applejack in the manner I did. She didn't deserve me shouting at her, or trying to force an answer out her that I would have likely disregarded.
And dare I say it, I need the five of them. I don't feel safe at school unless one of them is around. Sure, I don't deserve them standing up for me, but no one would dare try anything too harsh if they knew one of them was nearby. That's just asking to receive trouble.
"Well, if you insist," she relented. "That being said, know that we already have forgiven you. What kind of friends would we be if we didn't? We're better than that."
Your falling out I caused would beg to differ. I didn't voice that out loud, despite the urge I had to do so. There's no way for a comment like that to be taken as just a light jab.
By this time we had reached the front of the school. "Anyway, thanks for keeping me company Rarity. I didn't want to leave during the rush and risk what some might do while obscured by the crowd..."
"Think nothing of it dear! I'm more than happy to stay and talk with my friends." The ease at which she called me her friend did succeed in raising my hopes just a little. "Do you want me to follow you on your way for a bit more, or shall we bid our farewells here?"
"Don't worry, I'm sure I'll be fine. Don't forget to tell the others about what I have planned for them tonight, and that the movie starts at 6:30. Everything's on me."
"Will do dear. Ciao for now!"
As she turned and walked back into the corridors of the school, no doubt straight to wherever the rest of her friends were, I stood there gathering my thoughts for a bit.
I am incredibly lucky, all things considered. I've been nothing but a wreck for the past few weeks, and have been antagonizing of the people around me every moment I could get, and yet they continue to shrug it off and keep me around despite it all.
I know I'm not worth it, and I know I don't deserve any of it, but I guess... That's friendship, huh? Doing things for people not because they deserve it, but because it's right...
They really consider me their friend, don't they? Or at least, they're trying to believe it themselves. And if they're willing to do that, I need to stop questioning why, but instead start doing the same.
My hand went to open the door to leave, with a bit of newfound confidence in what I must do, when I felt a hand grab my shoulder and pull me around.
*THUNK*
Before I had even registered what had happened, I was on the ground, ears ringing and face numb from a blow to the head.
Just barely over the ringing I could make out the taunts of my attacker. "How does that feel Sunset, huh?! Why don't you get up and fight, huh?!"
My mind was still reeling from the blow, unable to make out anything through my double vision. It cannot be overstated just how disoriented the hit to my head caused. And unfortunately, the only thing I could make out about my attacker, was that they were female.
"You show her!" And, that they weren't alone.
"Let me have a few hits too!"
Before I had a chance to get over the hit to the head, I felt a kick straight to my stomach. My body threatened to expel fluids from my stomach as I proceed to try and catch my breath from the hit. I was having difficulty breathing, and my mind was racing. Yet it refused to act, as I left myself open to further blows.
I felt more blows to my stomach, as my body went limp, unwilling to respond to my desperate attempts to get out of there. Soon I felt a body placing itself over top of mine.
"You bitch! You absolute bitch!" said the voice who was just before egging on my original attacker. "This is for everything you ever did to us! This is for all the shit the school put up with!"
I felt a few more blows to my head, but by this point I'd lost all sense of anything going on, as I just accepted the hits as they came, and started to feel my consciousness fade.
The last thing I remember is shouting as the weight above me is alleviated, and then everything fades to black.
"I just can't believe that someone could have done this! Thank goodness that Principal Celestia saw you when she did." Oh? So was it Celestia that I heard shouting?
"...Uh huh."
"You know, you're actually very lucky that you don't need to go to a hospital," Nurse Redheart, the school nurse said sympathetically, no doubt trying to cheer me up in some way. "If things had turned out differently, you may have needed to get your jaw wired shut, or had your nose put back in place. Or even worse, you could have had abdominal trauma. As it stands, the only visible problems you'll have is just some swelling and a black eye."
She wasn't doing a very good job of making me feel good about the situation. "Uh huh. And not so visible problems?"
"Well, you almost certainly have a concussion, and no doubt you're in a lot of pain right now. You'll probably experience alternating periods of pain and numbness as the week goes on. Your black eye should be fine within two weeks or so if there isn't any major damage there, however I would regularly use an ice pack to reduce the swelling."
Two weeks? I'm going to have to live with everyone seeing me like this for two weeks? "And what's going to happen about all of this?"
"Well, given the... Extraneous circumstances, surrounding you and the events at the Fall Formal, Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna are hesitant to bring in the police, unless they can know for certain who did this. It's the same reason they wanted to avoid a hospital visit if at all possible."
"...Great." I can't really blame them, given that I wouldn't want police to be snooping around and finding all about what happened here either. "So that's it then? I can leave?"
"Not by yourself, no! Not only are you in no condition to really be moving without someone watching over you, it's probably best for your own safety that someone be with you at all times. Do you have anyone you can call? Your parents?"
"My parents are on the other side of the portal."
"...Oh. Right. Surely you can call one of your friends?"
"I don't have a phone." I decided not to argue the point of whether or not they're my friends, since one, that wouldn't be helpful to my situation, and two, I wasn't really focused enough to form a coherent retort..
"Um. Well, surely one of the teachers who are still around would be willing to take you home. Where do you live?"
Please don't make me say it "..."
"...You do live somewhere, right?"
Please, just drop the subject. "..."
Luckily, I think she understood that the subject was a touchy one for me, and decided on a different course of action. "Okay, I'll ask around and see if anyone can get in touch with one of your friends, or if one of the staff would be willing to set you up in a guest room."
"That won't be a problem," a voice said that I immediately recognized. "I'll let her stay with me."
"...Mr Theory, I mean no offense, but I don't know if Sunset will be entirely comfortable staying with yo-"
"I'll take his offer," I interject. Right now, I had just been offered an easy out to any further questioning, and I'd be damned if I didn't take it. "Let's go."
"Sunset, really, I'm su-"
"It's fine. I trust Mr Theory, and it's the first option made available. I can go now, and it saves the trouble of you needing to look around." I'm surprised I managed as coherent an argument as I did, considering I felt like any moment I would collapse again. Frankly, I was just more willing to answer any questions Discord might have than her, and he hasn't given me any reason not to trust him... Yet.
"...Well. If you're sure. Just know, you should be fine enough to come into school again tomorrow at least, if you're up for it that is," she relented. I wordlessly stand up, and make my way out the door at Discord's lead.
"You know, you really do look terrible."
"And you truly know how to make a girl feel comfortable in her own skin."
"Well, I've been told I can sometimes have a way with words~"
"Just... Fuck off."
The best way I could describe Discord's home, was that it was sufficient. It had everything that you would expect in a home, and nothing more. And yet despite that, it still managed to be an unorganized mess. I shudder to think what the purple marks on the wall are.
"From your expression, I take it you like?"
"Quite the opposite," I say, not wanting to indulge his antics. I had enough of that in the car drive over. "Where do I sleep?"
"Well, there's the couch or the floor for one. You could probably barely squeeze yourself into the fridge, and there's plenty of room on the dining room table, plus-"
"-I'll just take the couch."
I flop down onto the couch face first, with all the intention of dozing off right there, when Discord decides to sit on a nearby chair in an attempt to continue the conversation.
"You know, you probably shouldn't go to sleep so quickly. I hear that if you do you might not wake up again."
"That's a myth. Now go away."
"I do have to say though, I've generally been quite impressed with you. I expected you to have given up on everything quite a while before our little talk yesterday." He smirked. "I'm also impressed that from the looks of things, you didn't punch back."
"I deserved it."
"As true as that may be, there's nothing really all that funny in a one-sided fight. It's just cruel and uninspired." He leaned back in his chair, no doubt with no intention of moving in the immediate future. "I mean, at least with what you did, there was always the possibility of backfire. And even then, most of your supposed cruelty only seems that way because people for some reason think highly of their own social status. I mean, that really just makes no se-"
Before he even realized I wasn't listening, I fell into a deep sleep.
"I don't mean to say this as an insult..." Discord quietly said as we both sat awkwardly at the table with our respective breakfasts. "...But in case there was any doubt, you definitely look like you were the helpless victim of a brutal attack."
Well, now I know for certain there's no way I'm going to sidestep the issue at school. "...I feel so much better now, knowing that information, Discord. My utmost of thanks go out to you."
"Pssh. No need to be so sarcastic this early in the morning," he replied, before taking a long sip of his black coffee. Thankfully he was keeping his voice somewhat quiet, because my head had been throbbing all morning.
"What, are you not much a morning person?"
He looked at me incredulously. "Are you saying that you are?"
"...Point taken." I took a sip of my own coffee, mine containing a more than generous helping of milk. I have no idea how people like Discord here can stand the strength of a black coffee, but whatever gets them up in the morning, I suppose.
"Besides, it's hard to keep being as amazing as I am at this hour."
"You keep telling yourself that."
"I will," he said before quickly chugging down the remainder of his coffee. "...Now, down to the business of today. I have exactly enough hot water in this place for one hot shower, and I'm not about to give mine up."
I am pretty sure Discord got more than a little enjoyment out of the look of horror I had dawned.
One freezing cold shower later, I found myself staring over my shoulder into the bathroom mirror, unable to pull my gaze away from my back.
Besides the obvious damage presenting itself for everyone to see — the black eye and the assortment of bruises for one thing — my body housed a much more personal scar I'd rather keep to just myself.
Where the wings were. Where my wings were.
The spread of purple and dull reds around the two thin slices was quick to draw attention to itself, sticking out from my pale skin with a smooth wet glow, despite having dried myself off. Only time could tell if the burns surrounding the cuts were permanent scars, but I was more than aware that the marks I bear on my back are likely to be with me for the foreseeable future. A constant reminder of what I had turned into.
The wetness I could feel below my eyes told me that I had been crying, but I couldn't believe it. I'm Sunset Shimmer. I managed to take mere high school students, and turn them into a subservient mind controlled army. I'm supposed to be powerful, I'm supposed to have control over my life.
Am I wrong to feel as though I had been branded? That on my back was a target I could not escape from? That only serves to prove I was once a monster? If these scars stay, then no matter how much I change I'll never be able to put everything behind me. Isn't part of becoming a better person, being able to leave things behind?
Maybe it's there to remind me that I'll always have the potential to be a monster. That the mold already exists, and it's only a matter of time before I am cast a new pair of demon wings for round two. That it will never truly leave me.
My gaze had locked so deeply into the lines that I had failed to notice the increasing moisture around my eyes. Slowly, I turned myself away, hoping that today would not be quick to remind me how powerless I really am now. I'd done enough of that just by staring into the mirror.
I had made my way out of Discord's house and to his car parked in the driveway. How Discord managed to get a full house to himself in the city on only a teacher's salary, I don't know. Even with the wretched state it's in, that's still a surprising enough feat considering the costs of living here.
...Actually, now that I think about it, I have no idea what a teacher's salary is. I mean, living in the city is expensive so I'm still doubting it's enough, but Discord's wages could be more than I'm expecting. I guess it all depends on what kind of funding the school receives, and how much he does for the school, which very well may be more than I'm aware of.
At the same time, while CHS isn't exactly a rich school, it's zoned in the same area as more prestigious schools like Crystal Prep. Overall, the region the school is a part of is fairly well-off, making the city quite a magnet for potential students who want the best educations available to them, while still offering cheaper, more diverse options like CHS. As such, I could imagine demand for houses could easily be through the roof.
...Through the roof. I didn't even mean that one.
Still, given I could find the accommodation I did, I can't exactly say there's an under-supply of... liveable places.
"Are you coming or what?"
Oh, that's right, I still hadn't entered the car yet. I should probably be doing that. It's not like entering the car is surrendering myself to go to a school where everyone hates me, and will see me in an obviously beat up state, and I will have to face the five I failed to meet up with, even though I promised that I would do movies on me, and pay for everything.
Besides, chances are they still got to enjoy a night out with each other. They can't possibly hate me now if they didn't before, right? And movies cinemas are always a fun place, able to make people forget that their friend just ditched them. Surely no one can remain bitter once they've had a chance to enjoy some light, big screen entertainment.
Now that I'm thinking about it, movie cinemas are actually really interesting. Seeing as film itself is relatively primitive back in Equestria, films only serve as informational tools, or gimmicks. There are a few bars here and there that will have films of trains and the like projected onto the walls, just simply for the novelty.
But the actual process of producing the chemical film has yet to reach a point of mass market viability, both in terms of projecting film, or using it with cameras, which are themselves rather expensive, especially when motorized rather than hoof-cranked. However here, they managed an entire industry and media around the use of fil-
"Look, you can't stay here. If you didn't want to go to school today, then you shouldn't have decided to take me up on my offer," Discord said, surprisingly both serious and worried. Whether for my own sake, or for his job security's sake, I couldn't tell. "You can't be left on your own, and I can't just call to say I'm going to be late."
"...Yes. Sorry," I apologized, as I quickly took my place on the front passenger seat, shaking a little as I did. While the location of his house might suggest a little wealth, his car was a completely different story. It looked unbranded, none of the panels fit, and I'm sure all the seats are from completely different cars. It looks like it got thrown together out of parts in a scrapyard.
"Geez, if it wasn't still fall, I'd think you were cold with how much you're jittering," he said. "But seriously, what's the worst thing that could possibly happen at school? They beat you up again?"
I winced. "Please... Just drive..."
Discord just shook his head and placed his foot down on the gas, and we were on our way. I almost didn't notice he could get the car moving without keys. How I didn't notice that last night, I don't know. Then again, the fact the vehicle moves at all is a miracle in and of itself.
However, driving did not stop him from trying to make conversation. "To be serious for one moment, as much as it pains me to my very core to be so, you have no reason to worry. Like, at all."
"..."
"I mean, think about it logically for a second. One, the moment anyone at the school see's your face, what will their immediate reactions be? Probably more along the lines of 'serves her right', than the usual 'someone should teach her a lesson'." Wait, is this supposed to make me feel better? "And two, the moment those girls who were tasked with keeping you on a leash-"
"They're not keeping me on a leash," I quickly responded, although whether statement that is meant to convince him or me...
"Heh. It's funny how you think they actually care."
"...They care enough. That's all that matters."
"Either way, once they see how you look right now, they're gonna be hard-pressed to leave you on your own, that's for sure." He smirked at that thought. "After all, no one would want to risk doing anything to you if one of the Sparkle brigade is there. Imagine the student's horror if they told their parents!"
"You don't seem to particularly care for those five, do you?"
"A few weeks ago, none of the school did. Yet even back then, you seemed to take a liking to them, in your own evil, sadistic way."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"You're right. It doesn't. Either way, we're here."
Wait, already?
I looked out the windows of the vehicle, and took in the surrounding area. Sure enough, there I could see CHS on all sides from the parking lot we had pulled into. Which meant we were by one of the side entrances, thankfully. I can't imagine how I could have handled pulling up with Discord like this to the front of the school. At the same time, I would have to face the students at one point or another.
You can do this Sunset. You're here now, there's no point putting this off any further. You're only making things harder for yourself.
As one might expect, my attempts to psych myself up weren't particularly effective, but can anyone blame me? What if seeing me like this means that everyone thinks they can get away with it? That I won't be able to fight back? That I won't fight back? That I'm weak and vulnerable to whatever comes my way?
"Look, I understand you haven't exactly had a chance to recover. But for better or for worse, you're here now, so you might as well just suck it up... Plus, I would like you to get out of my car."
"...Fine." It's slightly annoying that the only thing that has been forcing me to take plunges all day has been Discord trying to get me to hurry up. I exited the car, admittedly slower than what is reasonable, even in my state. "Thank you for housing me for the night by the way. I genuinely appreciate it."
"Yeah yeah, no problem. Now go away, and be all buddy buddy with your friends."
I had chosen to enter through one of the lesser known side doors of the school, in the hope that there would be no one there to stop me or try and jump me again. Plus, it would make entering without being seen all the more easy. And frankly, the moment anyone so much as recognizes me, all eyes will be drawn to my direction, hopefully offering me a little bit of safety with the sheer number of eyes.
However, right where I intended to enter was none other than five, mildly annoyed looking familiar faces. Exactly the people I didn't want to be seeing right now. Which meant I only had one real choice being offered to me.
Turning around, and pretending I didn't notice they were there.
As naturally as I could attempt, I turned around on the spot in what I had hoped didn't draw attention to itself. Yes, just start looking through my bag as I walk away. Make it look like I forgot something, draw less attention to myself.
However, as my luck would have it I was already too late, as indicated by the fuming Rainbow Dash rushing in my direction as I tried to not so subtly increase my pace.
"What the heck Sunset?!" If I ignore her, will they think I'm someone else? "What happened to a movie on you, huh?! Were you thinking you could just ditch us?!" I ignored her shouts, trying to seem like I didn't hear them as I increased my speed in the direction away from the group.
Although, I don't know who I was trying to fool, because it was at this point that Rainbow Dash had easily caught up, and had forcibly turned me around with a sharp pull. "Why did you completely bail on u-Oh my god! Your face!"
"Please... Not so loud..." I tried to get out as I put a hand to my head, which had flared at her loud voice.
Any opportunity to get away was now lost, as the rest of the group rushed forward after Rainbow's words.
"Oh my god, Sunset. What happened? Are you alright?" Rarity said, as she took a hold of my arms. "Who did this to you? Does it hurt? Did this happen after we parted ways? Oh, I shouldn't have let you go away on your own."
"It's alright Rarity, really... But can you all just keep your voices down?" I tried to put out there, despite their attentions all focused on the damage in front of them, making my words fall on deaf ears.
"Oh... Oh my... That doesn't look good..." Fluttershy said, voicing her concerns. "Do you need to go see the nurse?"
"Saw her when I regained consciousness yesterday..."
"Well no wonder you got hurt, why were you sleeping at the school?" Pinkie so helpfully added.
Everyone turned their heads to face Pinkie, as I resisted the urge to increase the number of black eyes in the group.
"I still think it's stupid that you didn't fight back," Rainbow said, as we made our through the hallways of the school. "I mean, no offense, but even someone as lanky as you should at least be able to throw one or two punches."
"First of all, I'm not lanky," I responded as I tried, and failed to hide my face further behind my collar, making me even more aware of my current appearance from her assessment. "And secondly, I didn't fight back because I didn't want to risk someone thinking I was the one who initiated the fight."
I'm not being entirely truthful with the second point, because even if I was just pretending to play nice, there is no way anyone would believe I'd be stupid enough to start a fight this soon after being knocked down several pegs, and I have Principal Celestia as a witness to the fact that I wasn't fighting back.
Then again, I never got a chance to speak to the principal myself, and for all I know she might have thought I was the one who provoked whoever it was in the first place. So I'm not entirely protected from whatever gossip may spread about what left me with the black eye.
But no, I just don't want to know what Rainbow would say or do if I told her I thought I deserved it.
"Okay, maybe not lanky, but you barely have any muscle," she noted, before lightly punching my shoulder, making me wince slightly. "You're going to need a lot more than that leather jacket to fool me into thinking you're tough stuff. Maybe I should just go ahead and teach them a lesson for you."
Oh how I want to argue with her, but I don't see getting particularly far arguing fitness with an athlete. Plus, I'm well aware that she's right. My diet and lack of funds both have made it difficult to be anything but skin and bone.
"Besides, you've never started an actual fight before, so why would you now? That would just be stupid," she continued. "...Well, except the fight you had with us, but then you were a she-demon with lots of magic and stuff."
"..."
"...I'm not helping, aren't I?" she said, having stopped in place.
"No," I replied, continuing my walk stone-faced. "No you are not."
"Look, Sunse-" I didn't get to hear what she had to say, as the school's PA system blared to life.
"Will Sunset Shimmer please make her way to my office," the voice of Principal Celestia rang through the school, drawing everyone's gaze to my person. "Immediately."
I'm really not comfortable enough to deal with her right now, but I'm aware I have no choice in the matter. After a pause I began to make my way to Celestia's office, Rainbow choosing to follow silently at a distance.
"You should not have come into school today, that much is certain," Celestia said, looking at my bruised face intently. "Are you feeling alright? Is anything hurting?"
"Fine enough," I responded curtly, not particularly caring for her sympathies. "Now what exactly did you call me here for?"
"Am I not allowed to show concern with how you are handling yourself?"
My only response was raising one eyebrow.
"...No, I guess we both know I wouldn't call you here just for a simple checkup." Okay, getting straight to the point. That's something I can approve of at least. "You know, I didn't actually expect you to finish repairing the front of the school."
"...That was my punishment wasn't it?" I replied in confusion. "I was the one who did the damage in the first place, so why wouldn't I have been expected to repair it?"
"Because you're a student, not a builder. Plus, there simply would not have been room in the budget for repairs until at least a few weeks could pass for us to redirect funds," she said. "And since it wasn't option to get you to fit the bill, we intended to work you hard, and then bring in some contractors who could finish up, or redo whatever repairs you made that weren't up to code.
"Imagine our surprise when not only did you finish the repairs before we had a chance to make any calls, but the inspector we brought in couldn't find anything wrong with your work." She put on a slight grin. "Who would have guessed you'd actually paid attention to the guide I made you read?"
"Why else would you give it to me to read?" I was a little bit annoyed to hear that the punishment I was put through wasn't even being taken seriously by the ones who gave it to me.
"Because you were being punished, and it paired nicely with the repair work we were having you do," she answered. "But that doesn't change the fact you saved us a lot of time and hassle, and for that we're thankful."
"And is that all?"
Celestia sighed. "Despite you going beyond what we might have expected of you, I think we can both agree that your punishment is far from over."
"I'd think you were insane if it wasn't."
"However, I want you to know that I'm proud of the effort you've been putting in to show that you're trying to change. And that I'm sorry for how difficult the school is making that change," she said. "And that if it makes you feel any better, me and my sister both agree that if you think you need some time off from school or your punishment, we will happily accommodate, within reason."
Wait. Someone just apologized to me, instead of expecting an apology from me. "..."
"I also feel that it's best you know that despite having witnessed your attack myself, due to the clothing they were wearing, I was unable to identify any of your attackers. And that I'm sorry I can't take any action with the authorities without surrendering control of your own punishment."
"No, no. It's fine... I understand..." I said, unnerved that my attackers were likely at the school right this moment, and still a little off balance from the sudden apology. "You're doing all that you can, and it'd be unreasonable to expect anything more, given the circumstances."
"It's good to see you acting with a level head, despite everything," she noted with a hint of pride. Sometimes I'm reminded just how similar this Celestia can be to the Princess with her mannerisms. "Now as much as I wish that was it, there is one other thing we must go over before I can let you go. And I want you to promise you'll be completely honest with me here."
"Well, it wouldn't exactly do me any good to be lying to the one punishing me, but sure. I promise."
"Sunset, where do you live?"
Quicker than I could think, I had stood up and started approaching the door. "I'm not answering that question."
"I have a sneaking suspicion that you will."
That wasn't the principals voice. I knew exactly whose voice that was. "And what makes you say think that I will, Mr Theory?" I said, turning to face Discord, whom I hadn't heard enter.
"Because it would be a shame if the incident report from a certain nurse, indicating that a student who had just been attacked was uncomfortable mentioning where they lived, was handed off to the police to investigate."
"I wasn't expecting to find myself being blackmailed as part of my punishment."
"This has nothing to do with your punishment," Celestia chimed in from behind, having now stood up from her desk. "This is to do with your own safety and well-being."
"That's my own business," I retort, "and I'd like to keep it that way."
"Sunset, are you homeless?"
"I'M NOT HOMELESS!" I yelled, turning to glare into the very soul of the woman in front of me who would dare to suggest I might be without a home. "I have running water, electricity and a roof, and everything I could need without you two trying to poke around in my life!"
"And how long are you going to continue to be able to afford that?"
"I have plenty of money, I'll be-"
"Frankly my dear, that's the most absurd lie I've ever heard!" Discord interrupted, as I turned to direct my anger at him. "I know for a fact that there's no way you could have landed a job anywhere in Canterlot, yet alone enough to survive on your own."
"What makes you so sure, huh?!"
And then Discord did something I haven't seen him do in any of our interactions so far. He put on a look of sincerity I didn't know his face was capable of. "I know better than anyone how cruel Canterlot can be to those it rejects."
Before I could even so much as think about the meaning behind those words, Celestia once again made herself known.
"Why are you so keen to not let us know where you've been staying? I only want to help you, Sunset."
"Because I don't need your help!"
"Whether you think you need my help or not, I can't in good conscience leave you to fend for yourself. Sunset, until further notice, I want you to stay with me and Lu-"
"I'm not staying anywhere with you! Was this your game all along? To butter me up to a point where I'll agree to let you take me in when I'm perfectly fine being by myself? Is this just so you can keep a closer eye on me?"
"I only want to do what's best for you-"
"I don't need you controlling my life too! You're just like her!"
Silence reigned for a few seconds, before I realized just what I had said out loud.
"No, no no no no. I thought I was over this. I know I was wrong, I've been proven wrong. Why do I still think that? Why would I think she's even like her anyway?" I mumbled, no longer caring for the two other people in the room.
"Sunset," Discord started, "if you're worried about anyone's motives with taking you in, then you can always just continue to stay with me."
"Out of the question," Celestia declared. "Last night only happened because there was no time to provide a better solution, but that cannot work permanently."
"Oh, because I'm sure that any solution you offer will be better," he replied. "Face it Celly, anything you come up with will undoubtedly reek of ulterior motive. Where as I can do this simply out of the goodness of my heart."
A part of me for some inexplicable reason could just imagine with that statement, him clicking his fingers, and a halo forming above his head. The image probably would have made me chuckle a bit, if I wasn't already trying to comprehend just how quickly things had went downhill.
Celestia simply sighed in resignation. "Fine. Sunset, if you wish to stay with Chaos Theory, then that's your decision. But know that if you don't take up his offer, I will be forced to take you in elsewhere, for your own good. Also, tomorrow I expect whoever you end up staying with to take you to where you've been staying, and you will be moved out. Do I make myself clear?"
At this point, I only had the energy left to nod, no longer invested in defending my independence. It seems that what little choice I thought I had the power to hold onto, has revealed itself to be nothing more than a lie. "Does that mean I can leave now?"
"Yes. Yes you may," she responded. "Hopefully next time I ask you to come in, we can stick only to the more positive topics."
I walked slowly with my shoulders sagged to the door, and with a long sigh to psych myself up for the rest of the day, I push the door open. I am greeted by five all too familiar faces.
"Oh, Sunset! Everyone came by while I waiting for you in there, so that we can all head to the cafeteria together," Rainbow said after noticing my exit. "I can't wait for some lunch, I'm starving!"
"Was everything alright in there with ya'll?" Applejack asked with a worried expression. "We could hear ya speaking up a storm in there at parts."
"I'm fine. Just tired," I answered, not caring to go into any of the details. "Let's just go get our lunch."
"That sounds good to me!" Rainbow responded, as well as started our walk. "Anyway, as I was saying. I still can't believe that guy was able to swoop in and save everything at the end of the movie!"
"Oh, I know Dash!" Pinkie added. "It was all like, 'boom boom boom' and 'swoosh'! And he picked up the girl and made off before the water could rush in!"
"Yes darling, we all saw the same movie, we know what happened."
Everyone just laughed.
Everyone but me.
"I don't understand. This isn't like you at all, Chaos. Why are you so keen on helping her?"
"I don't want her to not have the same chance you gave me."
"You know, the black eye doesn't look that bad. Kinda fits with the whole tough girl image you've got going on," Pinkie said. "Uh, not to say that you being attacked was a good thing, just that it could have been WAY worse if you weren't so lucky."
"Well gee, thanks Pinkie," I replied. "It's good to know that being made to look like this is me being lucky."
"No problem!" I swear, I hate that girl so freaking much. "Anything for a friend!"
"Sure, keep insisting that we're friends." I can't figure out why I act so antagonistic when I've already admitted to myself that I need her and her friends. Maybe it's just because Pinkie gets on my nerves the most out of all of them.
"Well of course we're friends, silly. I'm friends with everybody!" she responded. "And if we weren't friends, then that would make me a liar. And while I'm no Applejack, I'm still not a liar! If I was a liar, then I would lose everyone's trust, and losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend!"
Friends with everybody? I find that hard to believe. If it weren't for Twilight she'd probably still hate Fluttershy, and I doubt she would claim to be my friend at all. Besides, if she truly means everybody, then that would include a certain black-eye inducing trio...
She continued her rambling, "Of course you would know. After all, the way you made us all not friends and not trusting of each other, was by lying so that we didn't think to trust each other. Despite the fact that friends aren't supposed to not trust each other, and that we should have known to trust that they would not betray the trust that they wouldn't want to not have."
"Uh huh. Right," I said, not caring to try and decipher that linguistic minefield. "So you say you're friends with every single person in the school?"
"Yup!"
"Absolutely everyone?" I inquired.
"Yepperooney!" she responded. "Even the students that look kinda like dogs. They're really strange, you know that?"
No stranger than yourself, that's for sure. "So that means that the three who attacked me, you would consider to be your friends?"
"Yea-Well... Yeah..."
"And attacking someone isn't a friendly thing to do at all, is it?"
"No..." she said, all the energy seemingly zapped from her posture and hair.
"And so why would you want to be friends with them?"
"Well," she started to respond, "the rest of us have been really super mean to each other before. Twilight showed us we weren't being all that friendly to each other to make us say we're sorry. Now at the end of the day, we're able to be the closest of friends again, and don't blame each other for all the mean things we said."
"Yes, but none of you did anything to you out of spite like I did, or out of a sense of righteous indignation like the three who jumped me and, need I remind you, physically assaulted me."
"Well, I still want to be friends with you despite who you were before. And if I can give you a chance, then I have to give them the same chance too, even if they weren't being nice," she answered.
Her answer is to compare what they did to me? "So what, you're saying that the people who attacked me are no different from me? That they need to be forgiven, as if nothing happened?"
"No silly billy, trying to forget that things happened doesn't fix anything!" she responded, not noticing or caring for the harshness in my voice. "I'm just saying that even if they do something bad, if they choose to try and show that they're sorry, then it's only right to give them that chance! Because how else will they be able to make friends in the future, if everyone holds things against them?"
"So what, it's because you feel sorry for them? Do you only want to be my friend, because you feel sorry for me?"
"I don't feel sorry for you, or anyone," Pinkie said, without even a hint of a joke. "It's because what kind of person would I be if I refused to be friends with someone who needs friends more than anything? As much as I don't like it, the people who attacked you are likely in need of a friend who will help them to be able forgive you, and you need someone to show you the better way you've been missing all these years."
Oh how I wish I had the energy to argue with her overly simplistic view of things. Especially since I have no idea why she gives me the chance in the first place. If giving me a chance means she has to give them the same chance, then I don't think I needed the chance in the first place.
"Fine, whatever you say I guess," I responded. "Where is everyone right now anyway? I expected to find you all together after the last of my classes."
"Not sure. I haven't seen the rest of the girls since this morning," Pinkie answered. "But that just means you get me all to yourself!"
"...Joy."
"Well, don't you look happy to see me? I didn't know I had made such a positive impression on you Sunset!"
"Can we just leave already?" I said, not caring to deal with the main source of my frustration. "I've already dealt with the worst of Pinkie today, I don't need you ruining my day further."
"Truly the bonds of friendship has the strength of para-cord tying you together."
"Just shut the hell up..." I sighed as I approached the passenger seat door and pulled the handle. "...I'd appreciate it if you unlocked the car, Discord."
"Maybe I just want to stop and have a chat before we go?" he said, twirling a set of keys around in his hand. "We're in no hurry to be anywhere. Have all the time in the world!"
"Speak for yourself. If I'm forced to forfeit my independence, at least allow me the courtesy of getting it over with."
''Forfeit your independence? You make it sound like you're going to be stuck with me forever or something."
"And you're saying that's not what's happening?" I replied, an accusatory tone in my voice.
"Please, are you expecting me to babysit and coddle you? Do you expect me to try and control every part of your life? Do I seem like the kind of person who cares about what you choose to get up to?" he responded. "Need I remind you that I'm not Celestia."
No. No he wasn't. "Yes, I know you're not Celestia, but-"
"-After all, I'm far too burly and handsome to resemble that old hag!" he announced with vigor, seemingly uncaring of if anyone overheard us. "And certainly some of the parts don't match either."
I smiled for only the briefest moments at his antics. "But I've already given up so much in the last few weeks, more than I ever thought I could..." I paused, dejectedly as my whole body lost it's stature. "I've given up control over CHS, I've given up the choice of who I interact with, I've given up the chance of a peaceful return to Equestria, I've given up my own sense of safety, I've given up on the hope that I could ever be forgiven for the things I've done-
"...And now I'm being asked to give up the one place where I get to escape from it all."
I don't know when I started crying, but my whole face had become a wet mess. Discord looked conflicted as he waited for his chance to respond, silently refusing to look at me. I desperately needed comforting. Comfort that Discord likely couldn't give.
I had to pull myself together, damn it. I can't keep being set off at a moments notice.
"I know things seem unfair right now," he said after giving me an opportunity to collect myself. "I know—trust me, I know—that you feel like everything you have is being taken from you with no hope of return. I want to say things will get better if you trust me to know what's best for you, but I don't. What I can say though, is that you won't be able to survive on your own nearly as long as you'd like to believe, and I'm here to help."
"Oh, and what makes you so sure of that, huh? Do you know what it's like, huh? How do you know how I'm feeling right now?!" I yelled, insulted and patronized. He isn't me, he doesn't know what I'm going through! I was doing just fine on my own! "Who are you to say that I don't have what it takes to survive?!"
"...A story for another day I guess." A soft click came from the car door. Without pause, I entered the vehicle before I had the chance to hesitate. The goal was to get this over with, and I can't do that if I have to psych myself up at every step.
"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Discord asked skeptically, raising his voice above the sounds and drone of heavy equipment, obscured by the many construction fences that ran alongside the sidewalk.
"Yes."
My curt response had him shaking his head. "Where could you possibly live out here? Could have sworn this whole area was swallowed up for development a few years back."
He was right. When I arrived here, the whole area had been sprawling suburbia. Slowly but surely though, every property in this region of the city had been bought up by the council for expansion of the city. As if Canterlot wasn't large and busy enough.
I kept that thought to myself though. We were nearing my place, so I had to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable questions that Discord would ask. Despite having the time to calm myself, my chest tightened the closer we got, worry circulating through my system at breakneck speeds.
Finally we'd reached a break in the fence, letting me know that we'd made it. The place I'd been calling home for the past... Was it four years already? Five?
"Wait a minute is this...?" Discord asked. I wasn't sure if he'd made some form of connection, or if he was simply confused by where we'd ended up.
"Is this, what?" I asked. He merely shook his head as it became clear to him that this was indeed the destination we were after.
"...Well I'll be damned, one of them still exists..." Discord murmured, barely loud enough for me to hear as we pulled into the driveway that revealed itself. "So this is where you've been hiding yourself away, huh?" he said with much greater volume.
"Can you please just save your comments for when we're actually in there?"
"Oh fine," he said. "Excuse me for expressing some interest."
Finally, the car slowed to a stop as we'd well and truly arrived outside my house. Sure the building was a single story, and looked as if someone started building a motel and gave up after a single unit... But it's home. Although, not for much longer.
"How did you find a place like this in the middle of nowhere?" he asked.
"Questions. Later," I responded, getting annoyed at the probing for information. We're right here, it can't be that hard to wait just a few more seconds.
I exited the vehicle, slammed the car door and approached the entrance of my little shack, fenced off from the construction jungle. Fishing a set of keys out from my jacket, with all the confidence I didn't actually have, I unlocked the door and entered.
Discord followed closely, honoring my request to save his questions. Each step made me feel more and more tense, knowing the memories I would be forced to relive.
