Tiny Terror
Sergeant Buckler knew it was going to be one of those mornings the moment he woke up. His gear was smudged despite him polishing it the night before, the mess hall was serving pancakes instead of waffles, and one of the maids knocked over a vase on the way to the throne room. The maids never knocked things over.
Now he stood in the throne room, staring across the hall as the latest incarnation of the Nightmare gave its monologue over how it would rule the country, that none were strong enough to face it in combat, that not even the elements would stop it this time, yadda yadda. It did this from atop the princess' throne, its bottom firmly planted upon the royal cushions and thus granting the creature sanctuary from those surrounding it.
"..and once the fools submit and worship me as a proper god, I will move on to conquering the minotaur tribes! Oh, they laughed at me, called me a parasite and a pushover, but who will be laughing once their precious city burns? Me, that's who! Bwahahahaha!"
It would likely have been terrifying, or at least scary, if not for the fact that the latest host of the Nightmare seemed to be a breezy. Yes, one of those tiny ant-sized ponies. In this case, the sergeant had to fight down giggles at the tiny thing laughing maniacally from the throne. The strangest thing was that the nightmare seemed certain it had already won. Did it just not know about the rules for a challenge? That law had been up for several centuries at least. What rock would you have to be hiding under to not know about that?
"Pst, Sergeant," a guard to his left whispered "Shouldn't we, you know, do something?"
"No," he whispered back, keeping his eyes forward. A monumental task with the cackling and ranting coming from the throne. "It's actually an order from the princess. Any challengers may issue a challenge for the throne by sitting on it. Only if the princess leaves before the challenger is removed does the challenger have any authority; and by that I mean they then rule Equestria. I've actually seen this happen three other times. First sap was teleported to the dungeons, second was launched out the window, and the third? Well, Discord's not the only statue in the garden. I'm just waiting for Princess Celestia to show up and deal with her most recent challenger. I'm actually curious how she'll do it this time. She uses a different technique each time."
Even as he finished speaking Punctual Planner choked, managing to hide her laughter as a series of coughs. Another member of the staff, one of the serving ponies, ran out the door with a hoof over her muzzle as though she were going to vomit. Of course, Buckler was certain the only thing leaving her body in a few moments would be gales of laughter.
"Kah-hahahaha! The mortals can't even keep their stomachs in my presence, such is the might of my aura of terror!" the tiny thing on the throne squeaked out.
'Aura of terror? Is that what that odd chill I felt was? I thought there was a draft,' the sergeant thought to himself.
"Are you sure, sir?" the younger guard persisted, "I mean, we're guards, shouldn't we be, I don't know, guarding her highness?"
"Corporal, let me tell you something," Buckler said, fighting to keep from rubbing his muzzle in exasperation. The number of times he'd given this speech was ridiculous. One would think the stallions in charge of training would at least mention this kind of thing. "Princess Celestia raises the sun each morning. While her sister was banished, she also took care of the moon. If there is any creature out there that would stand a chance against her, it would tear through the guard like tissue paper. We're here to escort the civilians to safety in such a case, or just play crowd control if the petitioners get rowdy. I don't know who sold you the idea that Princess Celestia's guards protect her, but you should get a refund."
The bells in the Canterlot Tower chimed the top of the hour, eight o'clock, and the large doors leading to the princess' quarters opened. Celestia walked into the hall, her usual serene smile upon her face, and the sergeant almost let out a sigh of relief. The sooner the princess dealt with the Tiny Terror, the sooner court could start, the sooner he could listen to the princess make patronizing comments to the nobles. Stuffed up windbags actually thought she was serious. Still, as the princess approached, the courtroom was silent, everyone in the courtroom, even the griffon ambassador, all watching with eager anticipation to see how the alicorn would deal with the latest usurper.
Celestia hadn't slept well the night before. She kept having visions of the Nightmare's return, of the Nightmare sitting upon her throne when she opened the doors. She knew it was possible it was just that, a nightmare, but she also had enough visions over the years to not discount them out of hoof. Her hoofmaidens undoubtedly noticed the lack of enthusiasm with which she dug into her breakfast, but they were professional enough not to say anything. A pity, really. She would have enjoyed having a pony to commiserate with. Luna was falling asleep in her dinner, while Cadance was off in the Crystal Kingdom. Twilight was, well, Twilight.
'One would think that being elevated to the same rank as me would help her speak with me more casually, but I fear that's going to take a few decades to work out of her system.'
The princess opened the doors herself, not feeling the need to wait for her guards to do such a simple task. The clock tower was chiming the hour, so she was right on time. Though she felt exhausted, she kept her mask up, her serene smile never wavering. She elegantly approached her throne, smiled to the gathered ponies, and sat down. Looking at the gathered crowd, however, she nearly frowned. Many were staring at her in horror, others looked as though she'd ordered the death of a loved one. One guard in particular looked quite green.
Celestia shifted in her seat, something not quite feeling right. "Punctual, was Luna casting spells on the throne again? It feels strange."
The pony nearly choked at her words, but managed an answer. "N-no, your majesty, Princess Luna did nothing to the throne."
Celestia nodded, finally finding a position that didn't leave her with a strange feeling and smiled at the gathered assembly. As the first petitioner approached her wearily, she heard two of the guards mutter under their breath. Oh, it was quiet, so quiet no other creature could have heard it, but she kept enough spells active to hear the most carefully whispered words in the throne room.
"Well, I didn't expect that."
"Sir, I don't know whether to be scared or envious."
"It's okay, corporal. I'm sure you're not the only one."
And so once again, the day, is saved, thanks to; Celestia's butt!
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- iisaw · 2.4k words · 1,186 22 · 11k views
- GroaningGreyAgony · 9.5k words · 630 35 · 8.9k views
- Rinnaul · 3.2k words · 1,024 12 · 10k views
- naturalbornderpy · 2.5k words · 1,387 20 · 16k views
- naturalbornderpy · 4.9k words · 935 24 · 11k views
- Obselescence · 3.8k words · 783 42 · 9.9k views
- Bucking Nonsense · 22k words · 1,201 70 · 20k views
- Estee · 5.1k words · 1,292 23 · 13k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.061 seconds
Total duration
1,042 users online
1,776,921 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
thumpertalk.com/uploads/monthly_10_2014/post-303973-0-74299000-1413929485.gif
I'm just gonna sit here and laugh at the fate of that poor breezie... And wonder in mixed horror as what might have happened if this was a mature story.
Brilliant. That is all that needs to be said about this.
Lmao. You did not disappoint.
That has to be the most humiliating defeat of an opponent ever.
I want to know how Celestia eventually finds out about the Breezie-sized, evil Rorshach test now plastered across her royal rump
.
"You will all rue the day you laughed at Nightmare Nat! RUE I SAY!!!"
This needs cover art, immediately.
Well that de-escalated quickly.
Sorry.
6452177
quickmeme.com/img/e7/e705cc63fc112a77ac0492692772853a9c0ca831ff90115706d57625218c5320.jpg
Another great story by Reykan. I couldn't keep a straight face while reading this. Oh, and I love the plot.
Turns out, eating all that cake was part of her training.
6451689
"I'm sorry ma'am but I can't quite hear you. Could you speak up?"
How do you know when something stinks from Celestia's butt?
There's a little breezie under her tail.
Sunbutt crushes all those who are evil. But, if you're a good person the butt won't crush you.
This story was hilarious. I think I need to write more stories where Celestia defeats the forces of evil with her butt.
I really hope this holds up with 0 dislikes...
And sadly, it didn't. And this comment got dislikes... for some reason...?
You know guys, it's entirely possible that the breezie is still alive....
6453043 I have inspired more sunbutt worship stories. What a day to be alive.
6453055 Sssssh
6451609 Took me a sec to remember what that was, then I raughed
6452177 No-one's thought of this yet?
6453048 SSSH! They'll hear you!
Well... that's one way to deal with a problem
Welp, Celestia killed an innocent being. Or do we really think the breezie was a willing host? After all we know from the IDW comics how this works. A Nightmare warps a target's mind, taking any negative thought or feeling and magnifying it until the target gives in to anger and despair. Then the Nightmare subsumes them, leaving them trapped inside their own mind, acting out their worst emotions and unable to control or stop themselves.
With it's host dead, it will just wander off and find another victim. Where's the Dark tag?
6453178
Not that I've ever seen, and it just sounds freakin' hilarious.
6453055 Which would mean Nightmare Moon is also still alive. Spending all day under Sunbutt's...butt.
How horrifying. Hilarious, but horrifying.
The two entities that disliked this have no soul. They are not really even people. Just gonna come out and say that now.
The sound of Celestia's butt on throne
That poor breezy.
Well hell! The was bucking funny!
It's way too difficult for me to put my thoughts into words, so... I will just say that Sunbutt is best butt!
reactiongifs.com/r/2013/05/lol.gif
I think I may have to invite my face to the toilet from laughing so hardorig06.deviantart.net/02a4/f/2012/291/1/f/zer0_by_pompolic_b-d5i66u6.png
6453632
I agree, that's just... ugh, what a note to end on.
A possessed, sapient being was just crushed to death! Do any of you that actually up-voted this know what a nasty, painful, lingering death that is?!
And as 6451689 said, that implication could have been fixed with one line! One line!
I know the breezies aren't exactly fan-favorites, but ending on a 'Celestia is fat' joke instead? That's just sadistically cruel.
6453409 Yep, I remember getting buried under soft squishy things once... totally fatal. Minding my own business, working in the warehouse, when a stack toppled and buried me beneath a mountain of mattresses, pressing down and pinning me to the hard unforgiving concrete... I can only imagine how much more painful and fatal a soft cushion fit for royalty would be.
...
Not sure how I can imagine it since I'm dead.
6453834 "Reykan, helping bulimics lose weight since 2015!"
6453864 As I said? I upvoted this. Clearly my comment was based on the assumption that the breezy was still alive. Both for the reasons above and because Twilight survived an ANVIL to the head, that is an anvil crushing her skull into the ground. The ground that cushions are designed specifically to be softer than! What? Are we gonna start calling Celestia 'Anvil Ass' now?
"Watch out fer Celestia! She's got an ass harder than an anvil!"
"Anvil Ass is coming! Run for your lives!!"
6453956
Breezeies =/= ponies. Breezies have been shown to be so fragile that falling acorns are a credible threat to them.
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/3/34/Seabreeze_dodging_falling_acorns_S4E16.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/640?cb=20140304000508
A pony Celestia's size? That's something a whee bit bigger than an acorn.
And since no mention of it aside from Celestia's seat feeling 'odd' is made about that poor breezie, there now only being a stain left is a perfectly valid, canon validated interpretation.
And again, a single damn line proving Nightmare Seabreeze or whoever it is survived would have saved the whole story from coming off as incredibly morbid to us that actually find the breezies interesting.
:C
6454025 Yes, lets ignore everything aside from size... that's how physics works! Twenty ton jello mold the size of a house? FAR more deadly than a steel ball bearing. Fifty pound life size stuffed animals are much deadlier than a 230 grain(little over half an ounce) bullets! Weight and size are all that matters! Density, elasticity, velocity, these things don't matter! Ten pound sledge hammer?! Fuck that! Use a twenty pound ham to drive that metal stake! It is both heavier and larger!
Now, the real question is anyone going to point out the mess on her plot as she walks around the castle?
Ah, I love watching people complain about things that were never actually stated. At no point did I say a small pop was heard from under the mass of CelestiAss, nor did I say the Nightmare was dead. I left it to you guys to decide. Just as I left the Nightmare's look of horror when she looks up to see her doom approach.
And if it bothers you so much, remember; there's a good possibility that Tia wouldn't even notice it until she gets up. She gets up and leaves for lunch, Nightmare wins!
Well I must say that I did not expect that ending. I loved it!
6453864 Nowhere did the author confirm the breezy was killed. That is left to the reader's imagination.
6454142
OK, fine, for arguments sake Celestia sat down gently enough that the poor breezie didn't die by instantly being crushed. Happy?
Its not like living creatures need to breathe, and people have died in real life from being covered by ten-times their size in soft stuff, or anything.
Oh, wait, they have.
6454197
That is a fair enough point.
My imagination however painted up a poor sap used and discarded by what's basically a demon ending as little more than a stain on Celestia's throne, and I don't think my point of that not being funny is invalid critique of a comedy.
And again, a single line with the breezie cursing Celestia's mighty butt or something would have removed that unnecessary ambiguity, and made the joke actually funny again.
It's a good thing that Celestia's known for never dealing with a challenger the same way; otherwise there would probably be a line of stallions going around Canterlot waiting to usurp her...
Great story; it made me laugh...
*Before reading* Ah another Nightmare failure... WITH A VENGEANCE!!!
*After reading* Hmmm... yeah definitely going to become a titan if She decided to challenge Celestia again. Say does anyone know where a certain giant is?
6454162
Something that really worried me! When the chapter ended without anypony telling her about the challenge I was deeply concerned she might lose the challenge through simple ignorance!
...
And a little concerned that the breezy might suffocate before then, since the story cut off before that point.
...
Is it bad that I'm growing fond of 'Anvil Ass'? Might have to start using that one...
"Damn! Did ya see Anvil Ass getting on the elevator?! I mean daaayym!"
"Wait, anvil ass?"
"Yeah, you know... 'cause she's got buns of steel!"
6454242 My idea is that she got absorbed by Celestia's fat ass (or genitals whatever you choose).
6454351 No no nononono. You're supposed to assume the worst possible outcome that doesn't match the story's tags with as little support as possible from the story and then criticize the story, the author, and anyone who upvotes it for your own assumptions then downvote any comments that disagree with your unfair treatment of the story/author/reader... like His Dorkness.
Don't you know anything?
6454351 *Slurping noise*
6452177
Found one.
pre11.deviantart.net/b2fb/th/pre/f/2014/296/4/5/nightmare_breezy_by_littlegirl999-d83vgj9.png
Indeed, Nightmare Breezie. I think that'll be for the best for everyone involved
6454197
At this point, the poor breezie is welded to Celestia's backside, and will likely pop off in cartoonish fashion to drift like a smooshed sheet of paper to the castle floor as she sedately moseys to her next engagement.
At which point the Royal Janitor will sweep the two-dimensional nightmare into the nearest Dustbin Of History.
It's especially hilarious if you read the Nightmare's lines in the appropriate accent. Quite entertaining. Thank you for it.
6454242 Exactly. It would have taken so little extra effort to have a piping voice come out from under there, either searing vengeance or crying for help. Or a paper thin breezie fall to the floor when Celestia shfts around on the throne, and pop back to normal, showing cartoon physics are in effect.
It would be even better if a whisp of Nightmare smoke floated out first, showing that Celestia's ass is second only to the Elements of Harmony for banishing Nightmares, then for the breezie to appear, cawling out from under Celestia, unharmed apart from the 1000 yard stare and a distressing smell.
Sunbutt flank 2stronk.
6454255
"Oh, yes! Usurp me harder, you scoundrel!"
The guards outside of Princess Celestia's room could do naught but listen. One guard, due to her white coat, had turned a darker shade of pink around her muzzle, her compatriot reflecting a deep lilac on his light blue coat.
The blue guard spoke first. "So, uh...no telling anypony else, alright?"
The white guardmare simply nodded in agreement.
Totally called it.