• Member Since 22nd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen February 9th

Arwhale


All my stories end with the word "gullible." No really, check them out!

T
Source

After a long night of partying with her old friends at the Castle Courtyard, Moondancer once again heads back home.

But despite all the good that has transpired that night... and unbeknownst to anypony else... there are still some inner demons left for her to confront when she arrives.

...

Based around the events of the episode Amending Fences. Rated for sad and dark themes.

Featured On Equestria Daily!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 28 )

...Holy shit, that was heavy.

6365753

I was hoping for it to be that way. Would you consider it a good kind of heavy, or the kind where I'd need to take a step back a little?

Thanks for the feedback and the favorite, either way! :twilightsmile:

6365790 Yeah, it's the good kind of heavy. Still, I'm part of the "Oh God, the FEELS!" group, and I'm not sure whether this would go in that group's Tear Jerkers folder... It's ultimately happy. I might just put it in the "Main" folder for the group...

6365822

Okay, glad to know! I always try not to make my stories dabble into the realm of sentimentality when I'm writing about darker subjects, so hearing that it's the good kind of heavy is a plus.

And my bad on the folder. Thanks for moving it, too. :twilightsheepish:

Have a good one.

Lay in bed... try not to cry...

Cry a lot...

~ Neon Lights

6366038

Thanks for reading, bro. I'm glad it resonated with you in some way.

Phenomenal work. I really liked seeing Moondancer post-party just to herself, left to her reflections. I've seen a few other fics that have gone the dialogue route, namely with her sister and / or the librarian brought in at the end of Amending Fences. I liked them just fine, but this one conveys what I feel to be a more realistic scenario, shown in a beautiful way. It didn't feel rushed to me; the pacing was great, especially when read at a 'reading aloud' pace.

Almost makes me want to try a dramatic reading.

...Hey, you changed the title. I only just noticed.

6366170

It means a lot to hear you liked this so much. I worked pretty hard on getting the feelings and emotions right without stepping over the line, as well as on getting the pacing right, so I'm glad you think I succeeded on both accounts.

Almost makes me want to try a dramatic reading.

Hey, I won't stop you. :twilightsheepish:

6366221

Yeah, I did. I kind of figured this title gave people a better impression on what this story was like (both in content and in tone) than the other one, so I changed it.

First things first: I can't stand (and prefer to completely ignore) the "one year between S1 and S5" thing, for various reasons. But here it works as a valid narrative anchor. I mean, trying to imagine Moondancer being at rockbottom for longer... oh gosh. :fluttershysad:

So at first I thought "oh geez here's another person taking the show to dark places because they can" but in the end you pulled out of the nosedive and achieved balance, in the process giving actual weight to the dark reveal you do pull off. I liked the nature of said reveal, too. Very fitting in with Equestria tonally. It's a little much to swallow that she would go that far just because Twilight didn't show up, buuuuuuuuut I can suspend what little disbelief I have.

In the end, good stuff, conveyed via a prose style that's for the most part easy to read and communicates ideas efficiently (and that's a BIG thing for me, so thank you for that). Certainly the best "effects of the party" story I've read to date.

And in light of that: so we're done with these now, right, folks? We can has Moonie smile finally please? :pinkiecrazy:

6366411

First things first: I can't stand (and prefer to completely ignore) the "one year between S1 and S5" thing, for various reasons.

To be honest? I'm not a fan, either. I mean, I get that not all the episodes are necessarily ordered chronologically, but to have that much happen in the span of one year seems pretty ridiculous. As such, I actually started writing this without referring specifically to one year's time and opting for more vague descriptions instead... buuuut I eventually just gave in because the vagueness sounded a lot more clunky. So... yeah. :twilightsheepish: But yes, I agree.

And I can also understand why your disbelief wasn't completely suspended at the big reveal, too. Although, I wouldn't necessarily say that it was Twilight forgetting her party that was the cause of her thinking of going that far, but rather, it was the thing that started the ball rolling downhill... and off a cliff. But even so, it's a fair criticism nonetheless, so thanks for pointing that out.

Anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it worth reading. It also means a lot to hear you say that the prose felt efficient, since that's something that often does not come naturally to me. I do tend to get a little rambly, at times. :twilightsheepish:

Thanks for your feedback, and have a good one, Bookish!

I think this is a gorgeous piece. Well-written indeed.

6367079

Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

6366491

Not a problem! Fun fact--if a story's prose isn't clear and efficient, I am actually mentally incapable of finishing it. (Meaning I don't finish a lot of stories on this site!)

As it stood, I actually was fine with rereading chunks of your story back to myself to make sure I'd fully understood the nature of your reveal. So yeah, you did good in my eyes. :twilightsmile:

Even though I prefer long and deep stories, this was decent.

So, wait, what was on the sticky note?

Wow. I can actually relate to this. The part near the end actually made me think of this song:

Wanderer D
Moderator

Very nice story! Also sadly relevant in some ways to my own life. Heh.

Still, really did enjoy it!

What that sticky note just a makeshift bookmark to the fast-acting poison? Did you mean to imply that Moondancer had been contemplating suicide?

6415482 Yes, that is what I was implying. I didn't want to say it outright in the story because I though the dramatic effect would be lost, but reading this story over again, I may have made the revelation a bit too ambiguous. So my bad if any part ended up being confusing or unclear!

6414403 The sticky note was just serving as a bookmark for the page. I'm sorry if the writing made it ambiguous, and it wasn't my intention to make things confusing.

6415236 I'm glad that you enjoyed it! And yeah, mine too. :twilightblush:

6414788 I'm glad this resonated with you. Also, thanks for sharing that song. It's pretty solid. :moustache:

6415759 Yeah, I thought the sticky note had something even darker written on it.

Something like, "Didn't work."

I totally thought she had eaten the flower already.

Nice, there is not enough Moondancer stories around.

I love that character, it someone I can empathize with very easily.

~Leonzilla

Oooh. Good use of the sad tag. And excellent work all around here. Good prose, good pacing, just the right level of subtlety... My only problem with it was the sticky note just being a bookmark wasn't made clear in the text. I really think you should change that to better reflect your actual intented meaning, because just like the other commenter, I was waiting on a reveal that never came about what was written on it.

But yes, I liked it a lot.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Going the suicide angle might have been pushing it a tad, but I have to say I really liked the angst throughout this piece. The opening scene in her house is a really great visual representation of depression.

But Moondancer knew they would only be paying her an undeserved compliment, a courtesy she did not actually deserve.

Now that it's been a while since you wrote this, it might be worth rereading with fresh eyes and taking an edit pass to clean up the text. The above line leapt out at me the most (everything after the comma is nearly direct repetition), but there are a number of other similar rough patches where redundant descriptions or telliness sneak in.

Aside from that, this was a surprisingly touching read, with commendable subtlety in the places it was needed, meshing well with the episode that spawned it. Thank you.

The dramatic reading of this story is was a pleasure to have this on the one year anniversary of almost taking my own life

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