• Published 1st Jun 2015
  • 11,412 Views, 1,112 Comments

Four Hooves - destinedjagold



A human was transported to Equestria and transformed into a pony. Unfortunately, he needs to get back home, and Equestria doesn't look the same as in the show.

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3 - 20

The silence of the cosmos... Ever quiet. Forever lonely...

Stars and galaxies from light years away in all direction, twinkling and glittering and painting the black monotony of the cosmos with soft hues of colors... Ever beautiful... Forever dying.

I take a breath...

... If only I can.

I drift in forever silence...

...Slowly fading into nothingness...

“You know...” a voice whispers, breaking the cosmic silence.

I frown. At least, I feel like I'm frowning.

“...you can still undo it.”

“Go away,” I whisper back, my entire ‘orbical being’ glowing and dimming with each word I ‘release’.

A book slowly and quietly floats near me.

I ‘look’ away. Yet I can't. I look at ‘everywhere’ now.

Everywhere and nowhere...

“Do you honestly desire this?” the book whispers, glowing slightly with each word it whispers to me. “To become nothing in this empty space of nothingness?”

I don't reply.

I ‘hear’ the book sigh, glowing slightly. “The offer still stands.”

I ‘frown’ at it. “...Makes one wonder why the offer wasn't available to them.”

The book floats in silence.

For a brief moment, I enjoy the silence, until the book speaks again...

“It was,” the book whispers. “I simply chose not to say it.” A chuckle. “For young ponies that smart, they were dumb not to think it was a possibility.”

I say nothing.

Another chuckle. “You cannot blame me, Jay.” A pause. “The magical fillies decided to cast the spell without reading everything about it.” Another pause. Another sigh. “Come on, Jay. We've been stuck here for like days now! Take your wish back!”

I want to roll my eyes. Unfortunately, I don't think I have any anymore. “We've been here for like ten or fifteen minutes.”

Another sigh. “My point still stands.”

I say nothing more as I decide to focus on ‘looking’ at the distant stars.

Hm... If I remember correctly, they shouldn't be twinkling like the way there are doing right now, at least, not here in space. Wasn't it the earth's atmosphere that distorts the light from distant stars to make them look like they're twinkling?

...

... ...

... ... ...

A sigh breaks the silence. This time, it's mine. “How much longer until I ... fade away?”

“Not much longer.”

Silence...

Well, it was a good run.

...

... ...

... ... ...

“Waiting is boring...” I whisper.

“At least you'll be gone,” the book says. It sighs. “As for me? I am forever bound to whoever made a wish last. So once you disappear ... I'll stay here for eternity.” A pause. “Imagine how bored I will be.”

...

... ...

... ... ...

“What were their wishes?” I ask.

“Why do you need to know?” the books asks.

“No reason...”

Silence...

...and then—

“The filly named Apple Bloom wished for a milkshake. I believe she wanted to test if the spell was actually working. I sense no regret from her making such a mundane wish, however.

“After they have confirmed that I work, the young ponies start to discuss what they wanted to wish for. The young drake by the name of Spike, however, immediately wished for a mare's affection.”

The book's chuckle echoes through the silence.

“While I may be powerful, as I have mentioned before, I am not capable of altering the mind.

“The filly named Scootaloo then made a wish of making these so-called ‘cutie marks’ unimportant. I do not question it, but her friends did. She has told them that if cutie marks are no longer as important as they currently were during their wish-making, then those who do not have cutie marks will not be bullied like they were.

“The drake then wished for wings, however, I did not grant it, for I find it pointless as his specie naturally grows wings in their later years in life, but if he insisted, then I would have granted it, regardless of pointlessness. Fortunately, he decided to hold off that wish as he thinks of another one.”

Another chuckle.

“You would think that his example would have clued them that they have the option of taking back their wishes.”

A pause.

“...unless they have already consumed it, like the first wish-maker's milkshake.

“Anyway, the filly named Sweetie Belle then wished that these creatures called ‘Windigos’ would not hurt anyone anymore. I believe she fears of a future where they suddenly decide to show up once more and bring her homeland into a snowy nightmare.

“The drake made a wish that which I granted, and that is you. I do not need to retell the specifics of his wish, do I? In any case, his wish was unfulfilled.”

“What happens if a wish didn't come true?” I ask.

The book quickly replies: “Then by the rules of this book I am bound, I ask them to make another wish. However, the newest wish is more powerful than the previous ones, and therefore, since you have wished to undo their wishes before yours, the drake's wish is no longer in effect.” The book sighs. “Which is why you are fading.”

That honestly sounds like a time-travel paradox. What was it called? The grandfather paradox?

Hm... “...What happens if I became friends with Spike?”

The book immediately answers: “Then the wish is fulfilled and the wishing spell is finally over. It would have meant my freedom from my current imprisonment.”

“So... I'll vanish after Spike's wish is fulfilled?”

“No. And why would you be? Despite being a clone, you are ... er ... were a living creature.”

Oh...

“Now then ... if I may continue? Ahem, finally, the filly named Flurry Heart wished to be as powerful as her aunt. She has always feared her own power since she was younger, and as a result, was not able to train herself out of fear of hurting those around her, however, she has always admired her aunt's feats, and her fearlessness of learning more about magic.”

I sigh... “You manipulated each wish.”

“Ah, but of course.” A chuckle. “In Discord's words, it would be plain boring to just grant them without adding a little twist.” Another chuckle. “I take it you are curious of these twists, yes?”

“I already know what you did,” I say. “You stopped the discover of cutie marks. You removed the Windigos entirely.” I pause. “I ... think you summoned me far away from Spike and with no clue as to where he is so the wish won't be complete as soon as possible. I think.” I take another pause. “And instead of granting Flurry's wish, you took over her body instead.”

“Summoning you in a forest wasn't the twist,” the book says, glowing and dimming. “Turning you into a pony was. You are a brony, after all.” The book chuckles.

“Then why was I in the forest, far away from Spike?”

“Dimensional ripple displacement.”

“...what?”

“Imagine the world as a lake, if you will, and you are but a stray leaf floating on its surface. Now imagine each of their twisted wishes as rocks, thrown to the calm lake. What would happen?”

I ... think I get it.

“As for taking over that filly's body, you cannot blame me,” the book says. “I have been a book for such a long time. I desire a body to move, to breathe, and to live once again. Discord has transformed me into what I am right now as a joke. While I admit it was funny at first, he has but forgotten me in countless years that I fear I may not be able to return to my former self.”

Silence.

The book glows and dims as it sighs. “The filly named Flurry Heart gave me the opportunity to be alive once again. I simply cannot pass that chance.” Another sigh. “Unfortunately, I may have enjoyed myself being alive once more a little too much. I have become careless during our melee.”

Cosmic silence.

“...What were you?”

“A draconequus,” the book quickly replies. “Like Discord. I had assumed that it was obvious.”

“So ... you're saying that you wish to return to normal?”

“Is that you reconsidering the wish you have made that I hear?” the book asks.

“Just humor me.”

“Hm...” the book hums. “I think I've been around spells for far too long. Living a simple life wouldn't be too bad. Like a cat. I had a cat once.” A pause. A chuckle. “Such cuddly and mean creatures. You cannot help but pet them, yet they bite and claw you if you touch them.” Another chuckle. Another sigh.

Silence.

The book slowly opens itself, its pages flipping. “I wonder if I have a picture of a cat in my pages.”

“You mention those who touched you can make a wish, right?”

“That is assuming the wishing spell is still in effect, yes,” the book says, its pages still flipping. “And if you are curious, the spell is still in effect, until you are gone.” Flipping noises. “The wishmakers are also immune to the changes their wishes made, in case you are wondering. Unless of course if their wish is aimed at themselves directly, like Spike's wish of gaining wings, and yours.”

“Then...” I say. I sigh. “Why not make a wish of your own?”

The pages stop flipping.

It's getting dimmer now. I'm probably disappearing soon...

Oh well...

Anyway... “I mean, you are technically ... erm ... touching yourself ... for the lack of a better term.”

Cosmic silence.

The book slowly closes itself. It glows slightly. “Discord was right...” the book says. It chuckles. “I am a dumb draconequus.”

Author's Note:

Written on December 27 & 28, 2017.

Edited on January 19, 20 & 22, 2018.

~The End~

Comments ( 40 )

Second, first can eat what he said.

Only found this story a few days ago but I have read it all and loved it! Well done

Now that is one hell of an ending. It was wrapped up nicely before now it's got a little bow on top and a baddy turning good thrown in for good measure. Amazing. Simply amazing. :pinkiehappy:

“Discord was right...” the book says. It chuckles. “Iama dumb draconequus.”

That is never a good thing...

... And now Jay has the most powerful/sinister pet in the whole of creation. And a cat. But I repeat myself.

“Anyway, the filly named Sweetie Belle then wished that these creatures called ‘Windigos’ would not hurt anyone anymore. I believe she fears of a future where they suddenly decide to show up once more and bring her homeland into a snowy nightmare.

Don't you do it, Snowfall Frost 2.0! :twilightangry2:

The book slowly closes itself. It glows slightly. “Discord was right...” the book says. It chuckles. “I am a dumb draconequus.”

Didn't think of that, didja? :ajsmug:

I have to say, this story was awesome. :raritywink:

I liked the plot, i liked the characters, i liked the twists, i enjoyed the whole thing. Do i really need to say much more? :unsuresweetie:

In other words, this story gets a full 10 on the :yay:itude meter! I hope that the future is bright for all involved! :pinkiesmile:

Why do I hear the book speaking with a voice of GLaDOS?

Sorry for missing commenting on the last few chapters I had things to deal with. For the ending of the story I think it was good both the visit to Jay's new pony home and the 'dream sequence' in the book it just added an extra layer of silliness that made the story so good. it puts a sense of closure that leaves a lot of open possibilities for all the main characters. Still, I hope to see more of your works in the future here on this site, and I am happy to have done the cover art for it. Good luck

That was pretty damn good, still a few little grammatical errors here and there but, in this case, it wasn’t enough to ruin things for me! :derpytongue2:

Pretty enjoyable story overall. Though I think it could've benefited from a more bittersweet ending.

“Then...” I say. I sigh. “Why not make a wish of your own? I mean, you are technically ... erm ... touching yourself ... for the lack of a better term.”
The book slowly closes itself. It glows slightly. “Discord was right...” the book says. It chuckles. “I am a dumb draconequus.”

If the story wouldn't be finished I would expect that would bite him in the back. Horribly.
I mean, now you have two draconequus running around...

(And I nearly missed the link to the blogpost in the end. Maybe you should try to make it a bit more obvious somehow.)

>marks story as complete
>posts 2 new chapters

Nice.
Anyways, now we get to know who the book is, too. Now, after reading the last chapter, I wonder what happened to the Bookonequs... I'm assuming nothing bad, of course, but where did he go...
Also, Bookonequs is now a thing.

That was a very nice read, I really enjoyed it. It was a little rough at times, but you pulled through.
I loved the ending. It left me very satisfied and happy. I also love what you did with the book, very nice addition.

I was really hoping for jay wake in twilight bed next to twilight!

“Anyway, the filly named Sweetie Belle then wished that these creatures called ‘Windigos’ would not hurt anyone anymore. I believe she fears of a future where they suddenly decide to show up once more and bring her homeland into a snowy nightmare.

Something something frozen north

That ending.... imagine a mob with torches and pitchforks on the horizon.:twilightangry2:

If I was the one taken to Equestria in this story I could get all the main six to help me return the real Equestria easily for pinkie Pie just mention her 3 favorite things one friends two cupcakes three parties ,applejack just be honest with her, rainbow dash tell her how awesome she would be for saving Equestria, rarity just mention about fashion, and fluttershy just mention how she can help her animal friends better, twilight would be easier to convince when she sees them with me and the other twilight would be easy to convince because she could have a happier life . :pinkiecrazy:

Wow. That was a REALLY good story. I forgot about it and lost it in my library. But then I got bored and was just flipping through pages and found it again. I was like ‘Eh, why not?’ So I read it, and now I’m really glad I did. I absolutely loved it. Great work!!

Great job, I absolutely loved this story!!! hope there's is a sequel!!!

Well, now that I'm done, time for a review.

I found the first arc and a half fairly intriguing. Jay being dragged into an Equestria that shouldn't be was very much a fish-out-of-water plot, and it was entertaining to watch as he went around, slowly piecing this strange new world together. Finally meeting up with Twilight. The other characters were a fresh breath of air, and I think that if you had tried to bring the other Mane 6 into the story in more than a periphery role, it would have felt blatantly shoehorned. Instead, in the timeline where the three tribes never united, it simply makes much more logical sense that there'd be a lot more species drift across what was Equestria, as without their combined mights, the ponies wouldn't be able to enforce any borders and shoulder the deer and swan and panthers out to other lands.

I think the story began to go off the rails in the second half of the second arc with the fetch quest, where it began to noticeably drag. Then it dragged on even further in the last arc. Now, to a point, this may also be because of the short chapters. You've noticed I tend to leave comments, but the shorter the chapter the less likely I am to do so. Still, I feel obliged to leave one every few chapters, but it breaks up the flow for me. When I've only read what are literally bite-sized chapters (I can do 1000 words in under 2 minutes easy), it feels like they really aren't getting anywhere. Additionally, by the third arc, the usefulness of most of the characters seems to fall off a cliff. Instead, they appear to stumble into everything they do, being comic relief all the way, without any real sense of direction.

8852306 I have no way to know if you have been lurking before you joined (and if yes how long) but given that you have 7 faved stories and been here since only jan '17 i am guessing you really don't have a clue how bad/unappreciated the comments(and certain commentators) can get...a +3/-5 is nothing... Also the n word(and I don't mean nazi) is was really not appropriate at all... and while my comment was a bit heated I did make valid points even though not as well constructed as this one was:
7311326

8852793
This is quite intriguing that you actually answered my uncivil comment with complete and total seriousness, I applaud your quite mature attitude, something seriously lacking in not only current sociopolitical affairs, but also stemming to all parts of society, burying the dark roots of uncivil interactions, hate, and fear! I'm well aware of my part in this, and, unlike Kierkegaard, don't regret it, or anything else really!
I being both a postmodernist, and a deconstructionist, am not lax in my understanding that society evolves and *from the perspectice of traditional society* deteroiates as it embraces a more self-aware, and relitivistic approach to morals, media, and really reality in genaral!
But truthfully I've gotten off track, in fact, please call me out on this, I'm probably talking out of my ass, I don't know...

To your point, I really didn't put forth any argument whatsoever, but really I was just supporting the author's confidence, I know from experince that negative comments of most degrees can really danpin your urge to write!! The fact that Healthy humans, being group-based animals, are very sensitive to socal indicators; as well as the fact that the human brain values averting losses more than acheving gains, mean that uncivil negative comments can cause a for of writers block! and I really like this author so I can't have you messing that up for me XD

Comment posted by Primalhunter deleted Apr 9th, 2018

8815847
No offence but you sound like a jerk when you don't account for youself with phrazes like

"Despite it's flaws, I enjoyed it nontheless"

or even if you didn't like it
"Well it has room for improvment, and the stated flaws with the plo kinda ruin it for me, but I applaud your effort nontheless"

And while yes, you can easliy be a jerk on the internet (I know especially well, look at some of my other comments) this is kinda a troll account, acting like a superior jerk on you main account only leads to trouble...

8853769

To your point, I really didn't put forth any argument whatsoever, but really I was just supporting the author's confidence, I know from experince that negative comments of most degrees can really danpin your urge to write!! .... uncivil negative comments can cause a for of writers block! and I really like this author so I can't have you messing that up for me XD

Oh I understand. I wouldn't like uncivil negative comments either. I can probably count the number of stories where I posted a true 'negative' comment... but none that I can recall weren't also helpful... If I'm going to be negative I make (or try to) them constructive as I can so that I'm not being negative because I can be. which is why i said a bit more then I agree with all the negative comments. With exception of the dream chapter this is a top tier written story on this site. It deserves all the views/upvotes it has. At the time it was so frustrating to deal with a great story being derailed so spectacularly...

It did get a little crazy in the middle, someone was trying too hard or something, but in the end we're satisfied. The finale made sense with retrospect and tied up some inconsistencies.
This remains in the faves shelf.

Glad to see this getting such an ending now. Only thing I'm wondering about is the book with the whole transformation.

Does the book still have its powers even after the transformation into this new form? I would find it a tad sad if the book just became mortal and powerless with the wish. Just wondering.

Jay and Sienna didn't hook up? :pinkiesad2: Awwwww...

Inconsistent at best

That's an interesting and unique ending for sure, I read it all through in one sitting and only thing I can say is bravo my good sir.

That was... honestly a pretty unique and rad ending. The boss battle was frantic and hard to follow, but consistent linguistics kept me from straying away, barely.
Story started really good, then it dipped in quality by a lot in the middle. Jay is pretty stupid at times, and some scenes are padded out for the sake of being padded out. Nevertheless, the ending was really good. Love how you took the time to make the entire confusing twister of logic fairly understandable throughout the entire story, but the exposition dumps are a bit overbearing at times.

Overall, 6/10. The dip in the middle nearly made me pull out a fair amount of times, but I'm glad the ending pulled through.

I'd really like a continuation of this to happen.

So.... what exactly happened? Was he prevented from being transported to equestria in the first place and is technically still on earth, or did he just get erased from reality entirely?

Good story, thanks for the read. Thank God it didn't devolve into a romance

Pretty good story. It had its ups and downs, and could definitely use some editing, but was very enjoyable.
Definitely unique.

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