Sunset Shimmer had a pretty good outlook on life. She had great parents, good friends, and was going to a nice school. For her, life couldn't have been any better, until one night she saw the impossible happen, when "She" collapsed out of mirror like plaque on the Canterlot High Statue. Next thing she knew she was a unicorn, in a castle, with other "ponies" that looked way too familiar to be just a coincidence.
I've started updating again. Never thought I'd actually start getting around to it but here we are. Obviously, still not the best written thing around, but people like it for some reason. So, I guess I must be doing something right.
Special thanks to molly wormdirt for editing and to Tennis Match Fan for the cover art.
January 30th, 2016 featured. I, what, I don't, I wasn't expecting. Okay, cool. Thanks readers!
Big flaw in your idea is why didn't Celestia try to fix things. It's one thing for Sunset to go to anotehr world. Another to clearly mess up another beings life. And where was the Human Sunset during EG. IF she was stuck in Equestria she would have been waiting to get back. I think you really need to work out this issue.
5572513 I'm getting there, don't worry all will be explained.
hmm I like the idea you have here. Looking forward to future chapters.
i really like the premise you have here! i was thinking about how there must have been a human Sunset, and the setting you've begun has a whole lot of tragic potential.
i see that you are looking for an editor. i wouldn't mind helping out with that. i'd prefer just to help with this specific story and any following chapters. i've never edited a story for someone before, but i am rather good at grammar and mechanics. (you can use my own stories for reference) send me a pm if you're interested.
This sort of premise seems to be popping up a little more often on fimfiction, so I'll add my two cents.
The biggest problem I'm seeing is the same problem a lot of new writers seem to have, the 'show v. tell' problem. The idea is that you want to create an image of what your reader should be seeing, rather than explain it to them outright. A good example would be the paragraph after school ended; many details were glazed over (spending time with her friends, what she texted to her mom, how she was feeling after the day ended both physically and mentally) in favor of advancing the plot. It may take some time to spot this sort of mistake, but it's imperative that you do in order to improve.
Pacing's just on the cusp of being a little too fast for comfort, and the plot progression could use some work as well. Not really much happened outside of what was explained in the synopsis. Then again, it's just the first 1100 words.
In any case, keep on writing. Believe you me, I know how hard this sort of thing can be. I've had the same 'show v. tell' problem when I first started.
I've been waiting for a story like this
Three years really would be a long time to try and fit back into your life...
Celestia, you are truly cruel here. All that this Sunset has to do it clobber the unicorn sunset and throw her into the mirror.
Maybe Sunset Bright for her mother? Because Twilight's mom is named Twilight too.
the names work. i'm just waiting for the Eg time.
5603025 *facepalm* Thanks for the catch, corrected.
Poor you, Sunset.
media.giphy.com/media/wsSssszJkPBYs/giphy.gif
Will we see what pony sunset getting up too?.
5625440 I haven't planned too. No, but if anyone wants to write it they should feel free.
I think you're doing a great job so far. A deeper hole can often be all the more satisfying when you climb out and overcome it. Plus I think you're taking a fairly well done and realistic approach to things so far.
Looking forward to more.
Yeah...wait til you have to deal with estrus first, before you decide who's had revenge on who.
Perhaps this Sunset's problems was because she went through the portal after being beaten unconscious whilst pony Sunset Shimmer, passing consciously through the portal, was bestowed instinctive gait handling and/or knowledge to their new physiology?
5663669 They should both be glad they don't have to deal with a Vulcan's Pon Farr.
5665240
Isn't that basically Vulcan estrus though? Plus it's only once every 7 years, not x number of times a year.
5665449 Ah, but if they don't have sex during the Pon Farr they'll die, at least the females anyway. Vulcans are a lot like ferrets.
Wow. Just sat down and read this tonight, and I've enjoyed it. A lot. Human!Sunset's found herself with a whole mess of sympathy from me, which isn't all that hard. Looking forward to where you go with this.
In a galaxy far far away....
5700983 Best franchise ever! At least until Disney killed it, Star Wars 1313, the best Star Wars game we'll never play.
:'(
5701278 So true...
5579723 but doable. seriously i bet this Sunset will try to get her life back.
To be honest, could have been longer and can do more with the colt.
I started the story thinking that it was gonna be another rather dull story. The intro was a bit generic, after all. But then I understood what kind of story you were trying to tell.
Okay, I am SO gonna finish reading this now! You just got yourself another reader!
Well, you certainly managed to convey the emotions pretty well. It might just be me ignoring my Physics lecturer, but I really felt for the family right now.
But Sunset agreeing to study with Celestia so quickly is just so abrupt. It would have been better if she pondered it first considering she has 30 months to wait.
Okay, now I know you're making me cry on purpose. Curse you and your good writing!
You know, I never actually got the age difference between Sunset and Twilight. Twilight was a filly when she became Celestia's student, and Sunset was... a teenager, I guess, when she left for Canterlot High. But in the movie, they look to be about the same age.
Now I even have door knobs to add to those questions.
Is hospital food really that bad? We must go to different hospitals then, because they always tasted pretty good to me.
And a new colt? I smell friendship!!
Sunset, it's not that hard to talk to people!
Or maybe that's just my opinion because I'm so laid back and don't believe in social standards...
What would you be looking for in cover art?
5798588 For cover art, I was thinking something along the lines of having it spit in half, one showing the Sunset Shimmer we all know from the movies, the other showing a dazed, confused, scared, depressed, something to show the emotion that's being portrayed by the newly ponified Sunset Shimmer. Something along those lines.
D'awwww...
5798724 If I found the time to draw it, would this base do the trick?
THis was just TOOO SHORT, come on man. for my work unless it;s a prolougue i do a minium of 7 pages for a chapter.
5799158 Sure.
5800193 Don't worry, I'll try for longer chapters.
5801877 'Kay, hopefully I can start soon!
5814615 If it's not too much to ask, I do have one other cover art I'd like done, well more redone actually. I already have the base, but I'd just like it to be touched up, color and detail hopefully. It was done for a story I had up here that I plan to repost after revamping it. I'll PM you the pic if your interested.
5815639 Go ahead!
I can't promise it'll be done today, though.
This is a great original idea, just needs some grammar fixes.
you really need to lentghen these chapters. You could have included where she will be placed and a bit on what she will do. Frankly this format is starting to get annoying.
You made cult cry man!
I'm gonna favorite and like this...this is a good story, a very nice take on Sunset Shimmer if this situation would happen.
we can wait longer between postings. 7-10 pages is what I aim for in a chapter
That was great! MOAR!!!
So is EVERYTHING she knows about Equestrian society from before Nightmare Moon was banished? Because outside of Canterlot that sure as fuck doesn't sound like modern Equestria at all.
That has nothing to do with her being a unicorn and everything to do with her having a derpy horn...
"Racist minority" being taken as "generally accepted social rule"...
Yyyyeah, I get the feeling this Sunset wasn't an A student in her own universe.
(Sorry, this...this whole scene is just rubbing me the wrong way...it's jarring and it's poorly presented and it makes it sound like all they're teaching her is thousand year old stuff.)
So...she didn't find Sunset Shimmer's diary, but she did find Sunset Shimmer's diary. Okay then.
6100288 With respect...
Your personal preferences in chapter length are unimportant here. This is what the author is comfortable with, and it's THIS author's story, NOT yours. So, with all respect, let the author do what works best for him/her, alright?