The Other Sunset Shimmer

by Jerec the Ascendant

Just an average day.

Author's Note:

Doing my first story that only uses characters from mlp, with some obvious original characters such as Sunset Shimmer's parents. Got the idea because I'm actually curious about where the human Sunset Shimmer disappeared too, and I really haven't seen any stories that try to go over this. I'm still going through major edits for my original story Pessimism and Sarcasm. This is a side project I figured I'd start up, who knows I might even start a new trend of stories.

Anyone interested in doing a bit of cover art for this story. I could also use a co-author/editor.

Questions, comments, concerns.

The time was 6:59 in the morning, and Sunset Shimmer was about to receive an enormous wake up call.

As the last minute passed, the alarm clock echoed in her room, blaring in the tired teenager’s ears.

"Ugh..." she groaned as her hand reached out and slammed the sleep button. Her hand retreated back to the bed and moved a mess of yellow and red hair to reveal a teal eye straining to make out the time on the clock. Eventually the girl gave up and let her hair fall back over her eyes. "Ten more minutes."

She couldn't recall exactly how many times she'd pressed it, or if she had at all, but it didn't matter much to her as at the moment all she could think about was getting back to sleep.

Sunset Shimmer had what she figured was a pretty nice life. She lived in a good neighborhood, was going to be starting her first year at the fairly prominent Canterlot High, and had a few good friends. Her father had a good job that brought in a great amount of money for her family, yet he always had time for her. Her mother was a wonderful homemaker, and whenever Sunset had a problem she could always confide in her.

Suddenly an electric guitar riff crashed upon the sleeping girl, causing her to jump out of bed with a short yelp. Looking toward the direction of the sound she found her cell phone. She looked at the screen to see the image of a boy her age, with a kind smile and spiky blue hair. She hit one of the buttons, and put it to her ear only to hear another tired voice on the other end.

"Hey, Sunny. Before you get mad, you told me to give you a wake up call. First day of school remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Thanks Flash." Sunset Shimmer replied, smiling as her heartbeat slowed down again.

Thirty minutes later, Sunset made her way downstairs wearing a pair of knee high boots, an orange skirt with a pale yellow and pink set of stripes near the bottom, a white t-shirt, and her trademark leather jacket.

She rushed into the kitchen, grabbing a small breakfast which she hastily devoured in her rush to get to school early, or at least on time. She gave her dad a quick peck on the cheek and her mom a quick hug as she left.

"See you after school!" She called out as she headed through the door.

"Have a good day, Sunset!" her parents replied, waving from the door, never realizing this would be the last day they'd see their real daughter.

~~~~~

After school, Sunset chatted with some new friends by the large statue in front of the school. An hour passed, and none of them realized a portal was open in one of its sides.

“Hey, so Sunset,” a girl with short, mint-colored hair began. “Are you doing anything tonight? Pinkie Pie’s throwing this big first day of school shin-dig.”

“Oh, that sounds really fun!” Sunset replied. Of course she had met Pinkie Pie already. The energetic girl made it a point to introduce herself to everyone. “But I already have a date with Flash Sentry tonight.”

The girl smiled back. “You’re really gonna miss out. I hear nobody throws a party like Pinkie Pie.”

With that, the girls said goodbye, and soon Sunset was alone, waiting for Flash. What was taking him so long?

Her heart rate increasing once again, she remembered that she had left her biology homework in her locker. Not wanting to miss her boyfriend, she ran into the school again, certain it’d take her no time at all.

With her homework in hand, she returned to the front of the building. She began to text Flash, when something caught her eye. Someone was lying unconscious, as far as she could tell, in front of the statue.

Dropping the homework and rushing over, she noticed that the person was wearing the same outfit she was. This didn't bother her too much considering her outfit wasn't very hard to come by. She reached the girl who was currently lying face down and then she saw something that did bother her quite a bit. This girl had the same hair as her. It was one thing to have the same outfit, but the same hair? Still Sunset didn't worry about that, instead worrying about how the girl might be injured.

"Hey are you- AH!" Sunset gasped in surprise as she flipped the girl onto her back, discovering that this girl in fact looked exactly like her, everything from the outfit, to her hair, her skin tone, and even her eye color. The girl looked up at her, confusion evident on her face. Sunset's cell phone clattered as it hit the ground, and her mouth fell open.

Both girls, both Sunsets were speechless. Then the one lying on the ground began looking around, taking in her surroundings.

A sudden thought caused Sunset to quickly grab for her cell phone. With the device in hand, she readied it to call Flash Sentry, when a sudden, sharp pain to the back of her head caused a meeting between her face and the concrete. Dazed and confused, her eyes opened in terror. Who was attacking her? She couldn't even attempt to get up as the back of her head shot with more pain from another blow. A third and final blow brought her brain activity to a screeching halt. Her mind a jumbled mess, the last thing she saw before blacking out was a strange wave of light.

~~~~~

"Well, that was interesting. Another me." Sunset said to herself. As she explored the new body she possessed, thoughts of the other her quickly vanished. Suddenly, the device her other had attempted to use started to blare out musical noises.

"Hmm." She clumsily picked up the cellphone with her new hand and accidentally accepted the call, falling back onto the ground when a voice emanated from it.

"Sunset, are you okay!? You said you'd be here forty minutes ago!"

The voice didn't just sound familiar to Sunset; she knew exactly who it was. She quickly recovered and responded. "Sorry, Mom. Something hit my head and I don't feel so good. Do you think you could come get me?"

"Oh my, of course! I'll be there in a minute. Hold on!" The worry in the mother’s voice almost made her feel bad for what she had just done to her real daughter.

Playing an injured routine, she replied, "Thanks, Mom. I'm by...uh - the horse statue." Sunset nearly groaned out loud; she had no idea how many horse statues were here.

"You haven't even left the school yet? Oh dear, hold on!" her mother repeated, the concern augmenting. Sunset heard a beep, then, and the voice was gone.

“Well, maybe this'll be a bit easier than I thought,” the new Sunset Shimmer said, pulling herself to her feet. “Just you wait, Celestia. Just you wait.”

Comments

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

Big flaw in your idea is why didn't Celestia try to fix things. It's one thing for Sunset to go to anotehr world. Another to clearly mess up another beings life. And where was the Human Sunset during EG. IF she was stuck in Equestria she would have been waiting to get back. I think you really need to work out this issue.

[Jerec the Ascendant]

5572513 I'm getting there, don't worry all will be explained.

[Seirs]

hmm I like the idea you have here. Looking forward to future chapters.

[molly wormdirt]

i really like the premise you have here! i was thinking about how there must have been a human Sunset, and the setting you've begun has a whole lot of tragic potential.

i see that you are looking for an editor. i wouldn't mind helping out with that. i'd prefer just to help with this specific story and any following chapters. i've never edited a story for someone before, but i am rather good at grammar and mechanics. (you can use my own stories for reference) send me a pm if you're interested.

[Goldymarg]

This sort of premise seems to be popping up a little more often on fimfiction, so I'll add my two cents.

The biggest problem I'm seeing is the same problem a lot of new writers seem to have, the 'show v. tell' problem. The idea is that you want to create an image of what your reader should be seeing, rather than explain it to them outright. A good example would be the paragraph after school ended; many details were glazed over (spending time with her friends, what she texted to her mom, how she was feeling after the day ended both physically and mentally) in favor of advancing the plot. It may take some time to spot this sort of mistake, but it's imperative that you do in order to improve.

Pacing's just on the cusp of being a little too fast for comfort, and the plot progression could use some work as well. Not really much happened outside of what was explained in the synopsis. Then again, it's just the first 1100 words.

In any case, keep on writing. Believe you me, I know how hard this sort of thing can be. I've had the same 'show v. tell' problem when I first started.

[Cookie_Girl]

I've been waiting for a story like this

[Festus]

I started the story thinking that it was gonna be another rather dull story. The intro was a bit generic, after all. But then I understood what kind of story you were trying to tell.

Okay, I am SO gonna finish reading this now! You just got yourself another reader!

[Rosebadwolf]

I'm just curious what will happen to the original world's sunset.

Also, can't help but feel bad for Flash. :(

[supergirl1329]

I was starting to wonder if nobody had thought of this yet and I would have to do it myself. Good job for doing something original with Sunset that hasn't been overused yet. Have a pinkie

[Arn]

It would be interesting to have seen both wobbling around."Sorry, mom I fell and hurt my head."
She could have kicked ours through the mirror....the unicorn Sunset would have still been disoriented from the transposition.

[josue]

5572567 is there going to be a major villain driving the events forward or is it just going to be the human Sunset versus The Pony Sunset