• Published 27th Jan 2015
  • 6,303 Views, 404 Comments

Crime and Funishment - Aragon



You know what would be funny? Robbing a bank. Pinkie's pretty sure of that. Not like the others have a say in the matter anyway.

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Epilogue

“Ah. Canterlot is amazing, but there’s no place like Ponyville, is there?” Rarity said, taking a sip of tea.

“I couldn’t agree with you more,” Twilight replied.

They were back where they started, sitting inside Twilight’s library and drinking tea. A couple weeks had passed since they had come back from Canterlot, and the news of Money Bags’ arrest and incoming trial had taken Equestria by storm. Everypony was talking about it—and of course, the fact that the Elements of Harmony had been the ones taking care of it put him in the Evil Monsters Gallery, right next to Chrysalis and Discord.

“A shame we need to go to Canterlot again so soon,” Twilight said, sipping her tea. “They can’t convict Money Bags without us.”

“And speaking of Canterlot—Did Princess Celestia ever reply to your letter?” Rarity said, resting her elbows on the table and eyeing Twilight. “You never told us.”

“Oh, of course she did. Very quickly, in fact.” Twilight chuckled. “She thanked us for the service we’ve done for Equestria, and said she’s going to make sure Money Bags Enterprises is in good hooves.” She sighed. “She also asked me to read a little bit of economic theory, because I might end up with the job.”

“What?” Rarity frowned. “Really?”

“Right now, with Money Bags out, the one in control of all the banks and the casino is Money Bags’ big sister.”

“He has a sister?”

“Yeah.” Twilight shrugged. “She wants to sell, though. And Fancy Pants and my family are more or less the only ones who can buy it. Celestia is going to talk with Fancy Pants, and depending on how it goes…”

“But you don’t want any of that, right?” Spike asked. He was also sitting at the table, chewing an emerald. “You told me it would be a hassle.”

“I would certainly be relieved if Fancy Pants took the offer instead, yes.” Twilight sighed and took a sip of tea. “But we’re the ones who took him down, so it’s our responsibility.”

“We’re all dealing with the consequences, aren’t we?” Rarity said, tapping her hoof on the table.

Twilight frowned. “Is Rainbow running late?”

“What?”

“Oh. No, nothing.” Twilight shook her head. “What were you saying?”

“Well…” Rarity shrugged. “Fluttershy suddenly has an army of bodybuilders at her disposal. And she keeps saying she returned all that money, but I don’t remember her cottage’s door being made of pure gold.”

“It was made of diamonds at first,” Spike said. “But I ate it on accident.”

“Dash and Applejack now know the taste of blood, and I can’t look at them in the eye without feeling a chill run down my back.” Rarity shivered. “I had a nightmare about it the other day, in fact.”

“Oh, yeah.” Twilight took a sip of her tea. “Celestia mentioned that in her letter.”

“She did?”

“Apparently Luna is seeing a therapist now. She has panic attacks every time she sees a guitar and nobleponies dancing rock ’n roll.” Twilight frowned. “Apparently, that’s far more common a sight than you’d imagine. And Spike still feels the aftermath of all the ice-cream he ate.”

“Absolutely worth it,” Spike muttered.

“Also,” Rarity continued, her mouth curled up in a smile, “I’m glad to say that our little gig did wonders for Carousel Boutique! Half of Canterlot is buying my clothes! I haven’t been this busy in ages!”

“You’re busy?” Spike asked, arching an eyebrow. “Then how come you’re here, drinking tea with us? Shouldn’t you be working?”

Silence.

Rarity avoided their gazes. “Well. Um. I, uh, I can explain that…”

“You know, Rarity,” Twilight said, smiling a little, “I’m sorry to say this, but I kind of see now why your business is such a fail—”

BLAM!

Rarity, Spike, and Twilight jumped in surprise and turned around. Standing by the door—which had been locked, of course—was Pinkie Pie, with a smile as bright as a bunch of pearls in front of a house on fire.

“Twilight!” she said. “We’re overthrowing the government!”

Author's Note:

Not teasing a sequel, mind you. I just like closing stories like one closes a circle.

Comments ( 67 )
Via

I was crying with joy and laughter throughout the entire chapter


--SYA, The Horse

BUT IT NEEDS A SEQUEL!

5678443

Is there going to be a sequel?

Nah. The story ran its course. I don't feel there's anything else to tell about this particular fic.

I'll keep writing about the M6, though, and I might end up writing a somewhat similar story (lik, a comedy-adventure with the entire main cast as protagonists). But even though it will me close to this one in nature, tone, and humor, it won't really be a sequel, and I won't refer to it as that.

“Twilight!” she said. “We’re overthrowing the government!”

Twilight: But I am the government!:twilightoops:

:twilightoops:: Pinkie, we are NOT overthrowing the government. As a princess, I'm ALREADY part of the government.
:pinkiehappy: But you don't DO anything. All you do is run a public library in a town where nopony reads. So I guess you technically work FOR the government. *GASP!* That's PERFECT! You can be The Insider! I can be The Boss again, and -
:twilightangry2: PINKIE!
:pinkiehappy: Yes, Twilight?
:twilightangry2: We are NOT overthrowing the government.
:pinkiegasp: But -
:twilightangry2: No.
:pinkiegasp: But -
:twilightangry2: NO.
:pinkiegasp: But -
:twilightangry2: NO!
:pinkiesad2: Fine...
:pinkiehappy: What if we overthrow the GRIFFON government instead?
:facehoof: Pinkie, just drop it already. We. Are. Not. Overthrowing. Any. Governments. Okay? Not Equestria. Not the Griffons. Not the zebras. Not the sea ponies. And DEFINITELY not the dragons. No toppling governments.
:pinkiehappy: What about the changelings? Chryssy is a queen, so they must have SOME kind of government. You could take her place! Then you'd actually have a job where you do something!
:twilightoops: ............... Spike!!! I need you write letters to the girls! We've got another job!
:pinkiecrazy: I'm gonna go get my Party Cannon ready!

Up to you. That story was one of the funniest I ever saw on this site. Wondersome job.

5678703

Thanks for the nice words!

(Also, the next and last chapter is already out, fella).

its been a wild ride and I feel privileged to have come along.
A fantastic job!

Author's Note:

Not teasing a sequel, mind you. I just like closing stories like one closes a circle.

D'awwww.... I would have liked a sequel :applecry:

It's probably for the better though. I'm not sure if a sequel could possibly meet the expectations I have after this story.

In my opinion this is the best long fimfiction comedy story ever by a giant margin.

Consider this the highest praise I can possibly give this story. It's just awesome.

Well, that was a relief. I was concerned your obvious build-up to Spike's participation in the plan was just a farce to troll people at the last minute. That would've sucked for me after the shitty day I've been having; I still feel like trash. It would've been a bit more rewarding if his function had been something more involved than just "calling the police" (and if Pinkie hadn't called dragons monsters), but at least he was there, and had a cool entrance.

Speaking of Pinkie, her closing line was the best thing ever.

5678990

Dragons are monsters. Spike is the exception. And for a baby/whelp, calling the police and having a very manly entrance at the last moment is quite awesome. Spike was very integral to the plan.

Stories like this one are the reason I follow you. A crazy ride from start to finish, and I enjoyed every bit of it.

For some reason I was thinking Back to the Future with Pinkie as the Doc.

Twilight come with me back to the future!

Why Pinkie whats wrong are we all flanks in the future?

No you are fine it is your kids that are messed up...

this is one of the best stories i have read.

5678647 This is very creepy to read your comment and expect the author to write it down if said Squel is coming.

Anyway, can't wait for the next thing you write, whatever you deside opon writing.

...with a smile as bright as a bunch of pears in front of a house on fire.

...You magnificent bastard! :pinkiecrazy:

Awesome story , you write some good comedy.


>>shynight Can I write that as a sequel to this?

Well this was an amazing story and by far my favorite comedy on the site. It was a really amazing read and even though I'm sad it's over, it was an awesome ride. So thank you.

CCC

Absolutely ridiculous, and quite funny, in a sort of over-exaggerated way. An enjoyable read.

5678647 Midnight: I sense a storm is brewing. We need the monkeys of fire and brimstone now
Luna: changelings?
Midnight: yes, we are going to war... and dinner, your treat

5678723

It wasn't at the time I wrote that (though it was by morning, but I've been out out a convention all day...!)


And excellent finish. That has to be one the very best justice systems ever and everypony and everyone should take note.

Superlative. I haven't laughed out loud so often at a story for quite some. (Actually it puts me in mind of the MLP comics, which definitely do.) Brilliant work!

5682337

It looks pretty. But, in my opinion, it does not represent the story well.

5680645
Go for it! I couldn't write a good story if my life depended on it, so I'm not gonna use the idea. Though technically you'd have to ask the author's permission to make it an actual sequel. Otherwise, it's a "spiritual successor" :pinkiehappy:

That sequel needs to be made.

It NEEDS to be!

Overthrow the government?

:trollestia: Don't you mean vacation? I swear, this stuff happens once a season. Just let me grab my flower-print shirt...

P for Vendetta!

You know, if they're overthrowing the government for their second adventure, they'll need an ally currently imprisoned by the government who knows how to bring it down with economics. Maybe add a love interest angle for the romantic tension...

I CAN FINALLY REST NOW!!!!!! I FINISHED READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was going to ask permission to write my own alternate ending, but now that I've read the whole thing, not only am I scared to tamper with it, I feel like I neither deserve nor want to! HATS OFF TO YOU, ARAGON!!!!

"...sitting inside Twilight’s library"

"...put him in the Evil Monsters Gallery, right next to Chrysalis and Tirek."

Do you mean the library in Twilight's castle? Because if this is post-Tirek the old library has been blown to smithereens.

5687939

Woah. Good call. Thanks! Fixed now.

(This happens before the S4 finale, as I started writing it way before Tirek was a reality).

5678644 :pinkiehappy: And I'm Batmare. Now let's go!

5679241 Spike is the exception because he was raised by ponies, thereby making it reasonable to assume dragons are only interpreted as monsters because they have a barbaric society.

Anyway, although Spike was both badass and integral as you say, I was still hoping he would perform a more surprising and unexpected function. Bringing the guard? I saw that coming a mile away and thought the author was planning something a little more interesting. Doesn't detract from the quality of the story, though, just my own expectations.

5690135

The story was finished way before posting it (so I didn't do it to troll you personally, something that -- not going to lie here -- I would have done if I'd read your comments while planning the fic, because I'm an idiot), but the ending, and everything Spike-related, was sort of a meta joke. The story keeps lampshading how he's integral to almost every single fucking adventure the M6 has, and yet his role is always underplayed in the story.

So after that, he shows up to be an integral part of the plan...

...and he's extremely underplayed by the story, having a total of, what? Two cool sentences? And one scene with him as the protagonist, at least until the focus shifts to the villain. After that, Pinkie even forgets he's there by the end.

Kind of an ass move towards Spike fans, but I personally have nothing against the little guy. I just like to subvert expectations. You were all waiting for Spike to be awesome, because the foreshadowing was so blatant I think it doesn't even count as foreshadowing. So he does nothing.

Take that, readers!

I am satisfied with this and by that i mean it was AWESOME! thanks for the rad read DUT! i just have to say you have too much of arched an eyebrow or raised an eyebrow i feel some times those words just shouldn't be there or some thing else should be there every time it came up that's what i thought

That was an exemplary piece of writing here- so fast-paced, with tons of clever connections, hilarious gags, and an attitude that lent itself well to the type of story. I can't even tell you how often I burst out laughing while reading, and I marvel at your ability to somehow top yourself with each chapter. You dropped very clever foreshadowing not out of place in a mystery novel, and there was sweet, sweet competence at the end. Something else I absolutely loved was how you intertwined the concept of friendship throughout without beating the reader over the head with it. It really made the occurrences feel more natural (somehow). The progression was also a whole lot of fun- going from "robbing a bank" to actually robbing a casino, and how everything constantly went haywire was a real treat to behold.

Also, I cannot get that scene out of my head. You know the one- the Applejack/Rainbow/Pinkie battle against the nobles. All I can see is Applejack and Rainbow horribly and gleefully brutalizing the guards, creating a pile of bodies while Pinkie sings the muppet song and cackles on stage, the noble-ponies singing backup while beating their heads on tables to the beat, the Soda pony floating on a pink cloud above it all chanting while rainbow tarantulas descend from the disco heavens on cherry blossoms. All the while, Money Bags is break-dancing on the floor.

I'm sorry to say that as funny as this was, it would have been a lot more effective if it had been a lot more even in the tone of the story.

When you started, you gave an underlying concept of a real heist movie with a humorous tone. A pony that created a money marketing system just to secretly exploit isn't something an idiot would do, you initially portrayed him as a mastermind whether you wanted to or not. And then you just degenerated into more and more unbelievable, baseless, and senseless jokes, which while hilarious, kept clashing with the start of the story. It wasn't even about the main storyline anymore as it got to the end, it only about the jokes and pratfalls.

Next time, if you're going to be silly and wacky, make it consistent, that's all I'm saying.

5695783

While I accept your other criticism, as you're not the first one to say it (the fic, have in mind, was written in seven months -- the style and tone changed gradually for me but I didn't realize it was such a contrast for the readers, so I take the blame there) comparing me to Python and Family Guy still makes no sense.

Family Guy is based on frat humor, shocking and/or offensive stories, nonsequitur gags, and a main character dumb as hell.

Python is based on surreal humor, ridiculous circumstances, and overall surprising the viewer with a mix of astoundingly clever and silly.

My stories are about running gags, brick jokes, vitriolic best buddies, lampshading, and (in this very particular story) physical comedy.

There's aboslutely nothing remotely similar to either Family Guy or Monty Python. I think that most of the time that comparison is made because, look, those two things are comedies, have a story (sort of, in the Python case think Holy Grail instead of Flying Circus), can be seen as silly, and are somewhat known. So it's an easy comparison, and when you think about "ridiculous comedies" those two jump to mind.

But still, from a purely narrative and comedic point of view, they are not similar to my writing. The structure is different, the way the jokes are shown is different, the way the story develops is different, the way the characters act is different, the tone is different, and the prose is different.

Seriously, this annoys me to no end. I love Monty Python, but I don't imitate their style, nor do I write similarly to them. And Family Guy is (at least lately) entirely based on nonsequitur gags, of which this story has absolutely no instances.

Is the story ridiculous? Yes. Does it jump the shark? Some say yes, which is in itself a sign that there's something bad with the sudden switch in the tone of the story. Is it similar to Python or Family Guy? No.



P.S. On the economics thing -- well, I study Economics myself. Hence the insane amount of jokes on economists being monsters. I'm one of them.

Not teasing a sequel, mind you. I just like closing stories like one closes a circle.

Well, this certainly was circuitous. At least Trixie did not wake up and it was all a dream. Or at least you did not pull back to reveal a Canterlot casino in a snow globe in the hands of an autistic Flash Sentry.

The point I am trying to make is that I loved the story, but, the "here we go again ending", not so much. However, the ending could have been much worse. Like those pieces of crap I pulled out of my butt.

...

I just realized how weird that last line sounded.

~KBO.:twilightsmile:

That was an interesting Journey.

A little critcism however. It started off a fun and rollicking adventure, elements of the Italian Job and Ocean's Eleven, a heist. It did however degenerate into pure silliness in places that came across as silly just for the sake of being silliy in a way that just didn't gel well with the tone and paceing established at the start. The stage scene in particular comes to mind. Not as bad as it could be as it didn't derail the story, just made it tilt a little too far for comfort on some of the corners.

Still a fun story.

Actually, I can imagine this ending much more quickly:

:facehoof: Pinkie, I AM the government! Part of it, at least.

Twilight sighed in frustration

:pinkiehappy: Perfect!

Pinkie squealed before, in a motion that put the physical impossibilities show cased in movies to shame, swept across the room and pulled Twilight's sitting cushion out from under her, causing her to bump into the table.

:pinkiesmile: Just like that, another dream fulfilled!

She said, now standing in front of the door again with Twilight's cushion perched atop her head before skipping off. Her friends stared at her in utter shock as she left, both at the blinding speed with which she had seized the cushion, but primarily at the fact that this was all it had taken to put an end to the matter. Some time later Twilight tracked Pinkie down to retrieve her cushion and actually managed to do so without a major incident apart from the several minutes it took to find the cushion, which had sunk into Pinkie's mane in the meantime and needed to be fished around for, and the fact that the top hat pulled from her mane moments before the cushion had a small cascade of rabbits pour from it. Pinkie blamed the potion for this.

5702147 Actually compared to most of Aragon's stories (not to mention blog posts), this one is pretty sane.

Anyway, great job Aragon! I must admit I'm a little late reading these last two parts what with all this "life" stuff, but I'm certainly glad I finally did! And since I didn't say anything on the relevant chapter, the "sassy white friend" bit was just brilliant. I completely did not put two and two together the whole time, and for that I applaud you!
Actually, that makes me wonder - did you start with the group's final plan and work the story backwards from there, or alter the plan as needed as the story went on? (Because either way, it was masterful.)

5718272

The final plan was the first thing I thought of, because I knew this story needed a twist. The white and sassy thing was like that from moment zero.

Some parts were improvised, of course -- I made a joke with a tarantulae potion, and once I got the characters in the casino I thought "what if...?" for example -- but the basic skeleton of the story was set in stone, yeah. You can't really write a story so full of callbacks and foreshadowing without planning something in advance.

(Seriously, read chapter five again -- it's full of hints on the whole "cake explodes" business).

And thanks for the kind words!

There's a review for this story here.

This is a great story. Everyone should read it.

Well, this is the first story I've read in a while that's actually made me laugh out loud. Well deserving of a favorite.

You know i have a friend who likes to take my stupid jokes and ideas seriously. Its like i say something to him as a joke for the shits and giggles and he thinks: "hmm... this would actually be a good idea. I shall take you up on that offer!" Anyway, what i am trying to say is, you should totally write a sequel about overthrowing the government. Especially since your Luna/Celestia shenanigans are the best.

6208523

Neeeh. It would defeat the entire point of the ending. Plus, I specifically used an idea that would make the fic near impossible to write.

Finally done! Victory!

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