Fanfic Reviews – Comedy 5th Edition · 11:08pm Apr 29th, 2015
First of all, check out Jade Singer's great rant about the psychological aspects in Daemon of Decay's "Asylum" – a still incomplete fic that is well worth your time.
Anyway, I am reading quite a bit of comedy these days – probably to counteract reading a certain other ultra-dark fic. This in particular is a really solid collection of stories, namely:
Crime and Funishment
Symphonies Rock
It Ain’t Easy Being Pinkie
Twilight Sparkle vs. The Haunted Mailbox
The Terribly Taxing Tribulations of Twilight Sparkle
...And Borrowing Dulls The Edge Of Husbandry
Ragnarok
As always, the fics are rated on a 0~10 scale, with below 3 being where I actively dislike a fic, and above 8 being where I can say I actually like it.
Aragon – Crime and Funishment – Comedy
The Mane 6 plan a Heist.
Behold, the least controversial statement I will ever put in this blog: The world would be a better place if Hollywood gave their comedy scripts to Aragon. Not only is his style highly visual, he manages to maintain long strings of rapid-fire jokes without losing either the heart of the story or the audience. It is just the type of thing that is missing from modern movie comedy, intelligent without being strictly highbrow, and constantly funny.
This fic in particular shows him at his best. Jokes aren't only good, but they are constant, and often in one scene he will be working his humor in multiple levels, setting up more than one punchline while keeping the writing high energy and funny. Even when something doesn't land, it either gets ignored because some other funny thing happens right after, or it gets built upon to become a running gag.
In fact, this fic can be read as an example of how to write proper comedy. Every trick in the book is employed in some way – rule of three, absurdism, character assassination and exaggeration, political humor, physical jokes, wordplay, puns, running gags… In fact, if absolutely nothing in this story makes you laugh, then you might be a robot, or worse, laugh exclusively at fart jokes.
There’s this funny thing about pegasi. Some ponies think they’re naturally dumber than the other pony races, and the everydayness of terms like “featherbrain”, “light headed”, “dumb as a pegasus I mean have you ever met somepony dumber than them I mean come on”, and such sure doesn’t help. But pegasi are not that dumb, honestly. They’re just as smart as every other kind of pony.
However, it is true that, more often than not, a pegasus’ train of thought works in a way that they do things that end up looking incredibly heroic—if they succeed—or painfully stupid—if they fail. Pegasi are, after all, too fast for their own good. Sometimes, their body acts on its own before their brain can measure up the consequences of what they’re doing. In other words: they’re not stupid, they’re just unable to think things through.
So, continuing with this metaphor, it’s easy to see why Rainbow Dash did what she did that day. It’s not like she didn’t know that flying towards Spitfire while disguised and trying to go incognito was stupid. It’s just that by the time that thought started to move towards her brain she was already flying across the casino and screaming like a wild animal.
“SPITFIRE!” To say she screamed would be a huge understatement. What came out of her mouth was one of those screeches only true fangirls can expel. Three ponies unfortunate enough to be near her when she blurted that shriek out had to go to the hospital due to ear damage, and at least one noblepony saw his glass of wine explode into a million tiny pieces. “SPITFIRE! HELLO, SPITFIRE!”
Spitfire turned around to see who was demanding her attention with that passion immediately, both because she was polite enough to at least acknowledge crazy fans and because a pony with such lung capacity was either very excited to see her or twenty feet tall and ready to avenge her father. Not like Spitfire had slain any giants lately, but better safe than sorry, that was her motto.
Once she saw Dash, however, the relief was immediate. “Why, hello,” she said. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”
“What?! Of course you know me! I’m—”
And right then, the thought finally made it to Dash’s brain. Oh, yeah. She was supposed to not be Rainbow Dash.
She stood there for a second or two, staring awkwardly into space, as her brain assimilated what was going on.
Spitfire didn’t look away.
Rainbow Dash gulped.
Three more seconds passed.
Dash’s brain went into overdrive. Okay, she had messed it up. Badly. They were all looking at her, she thought, and this time Rarity was not here to get her out of trouble. Good. No problem. She could do it. She could totally get out of there and avoid getting caught and making a fool of herself in front of her hero—oh dear Celestia they were still staring at her who was she trying to fool she could not do this OH LUNA SHE HAD TO SAY SOMETHING SHE WAS GOING TO BE KICKED OUT AGAIN IN FRONT OF SPITFIRE WHERE THE HAY WAS RARITY COME ON DASH COME ON COME ON COME ON!
Spitfire arched an eyebrow. “So? Are you going to—?”
“I’M NOT A TERRORIST! I SWEAR!”
Silence.
“Uh. I mean…” Dash bit her lip. “I’m, eh, Soarin’s niece?”
A pause.
Everypony kept staring at Dash. Even Spitfire. Especially Spitfire.
Rainbow gulped. “…You know, out of curiosity: is there perhaps any chance that you’re not going to call the guards on me now?”
“No.”
“Figures.”
Not that I am saying this is some kind of perfect uber-fic. As funny as the asides are, they sometimes can get a bit tiring, especially after they get to the place they are actually trying to rob. That made the story lose quite a bit of momentum. There are also some issues with some jokes being too mean spirited, like those about the nobleponies, and that sometimes the characterization of the mane 6 gets stretched to weird places – like Applejack not knowing how to function in high society. However, those were, quite literally, lost in a sea of laughter. Highly recommended, and I hope that Aragon writes more long fics.
Why it should be read: For the humor, smart writing, and sheer diversity of jokes.
Stand out moment: The running gag about Rarity's boutique being a failure. I swear, that got better the more it was repeated. Also, everything to do with the watermelonian guards.
9.5/10
Soap Box – Symphonies Rock – Situational Comedy
Vinyl and Octavia disagree about music. It goes as well as you would expect.
A couple of weeks back, I decided to embark on a grand experiment: Grab recently published one shots from first-time authors, and review them. Sadly, given who I am, I took way too long to actually write and post the damn things. It didn't help that most of what I read was pretty bads. Maybe I will try it again some time, but if anything good came from that experiment, it was reading this fic.
First of all: it is a Vinyltavia fic without sexual tension! I love seeing them as roommates, and this fic does a remarkable job at that, making them discordant yet friendly, essentially a great sitcom pairing. It even avoids that sense that they only live in this dysfunctional arrangement because something terribly wrong has happened in their lives – I mean, Vinyl is “the most popular DJ in Equestria” on this story, it is not like she should be forced to live with someone that hates her.
It also helps that this fic is consistently funny. It has great comedic pacing, plenty of funny situations, and an overall energy that made me have a great time reading it. It shows a good understanding of comedy, how to properly build up a scene and set-up a punchline, and is able to do that through good characterization. The dialogue also feels natural, like what you would expect from characters who are confortable with each other. The following excerpt is a good example of what to expect from the story:
“Hey, Octy. Question. How come you get to put your instruments on the furniture, but when I do it, you go all Nightmare Philharmonica on me?”
Okay, from the way Octavia glared, that was probably the wrong thing to ask. “Because my cello is an elegant instrument, tuned and cared for by masters of the craft for decades.” She almost cradled it as she spoke. “My grandmother- the one whose coffee table you moved- bought her. My mother kept it tuned and kept up. It is the most important part of my heritage. It is more than just an instrument, it is a work of art. It, like my music, is classic.”
“My speakers are classic.”
“Being old and unkempt does not make your ‘boom boxes’ classic, Vinyl. It makes them old and unkempt.”
“…Did you seriously just call my Rolling Pones speakers boom boxes?”
“Well yes. That’s what they are, aren’t they?”
“Oh Tavi,” Vinyl said, trying not to snort with laughter. “Don’t change.”
Of course, I am not here pretending it is perfect. For one, the fic is very inconsistent with its paragraphs. There are also plenty of editing issues, like missing words, typos, or commas, but it is overall well written without significant pervasive issues – the type of thing that would get fixed with some editing help. Scene transitions were also kinda hard to notice – I think the author uses two paragraphs for those. Some overall tidying up on this regard would go a long way. Finally, not all the musical references work, but there was nothing wrong enough to take me out of the story.
All in all, this is a promising story from a new author, who really should go get an editor. Everyone else should check him out so I can say that "I liked Soap Box before it was cool".
Why it should be read: This is hilarious and very well characterized.
Stand out moment: What Vinyl does to Octavia’s cello. Such a great payoff.
8/10
Blueshift – It Ain’t Easy Being Pinkie – Surreal Comedy
Pinkie isn't what she appear to be...
This is like a version of “Meet Dave” from a world where the writers weren’t terrible hacks. It is a simple and surreal comedy, very straightforward in many ways, but so well executed that even its more predictable parts are enjoyable. It is one of those comedies where it is hard to talk about it without trying to just list good scenes, and is a bit too by the numbers and meta for my tastes, but it is great fun all around, and essentially what you would expect from a Blueshift fic.
By the way, I am stealing “Breezil” at the first opportunity I get.
Why it should be read: This is the type of comedy Blueshift is great at.
Stand out moment: I really liked the references to the "blueshiftverse", if there is such a thing.
8/10
Ponibius – Twilight Sparkle vs. The Haunted Mailbox – Absurdist Comedy
Twilight helps Pinkie deal with a haunted mailbox.
I love how the fic starts by not confirming the nature of the mailbox... but then spends the rest showing just how correct Pinkie was. It does a lot to make the whole situation even more ridiculous. Also great is how that mailbox is shown to be part of ponyvillian folklore. It is one of those consistently high-energy stories, propelled by great characterizations and precise comedic timing.
However, it is ultimately a pointless story, in which nothing important happens or is learned. That, combined with some draggy bits, makes this fic highly entertaining, but also fairly forgettable. Even then, it is a very solid read, and the payoff is good enough for me to largely ignore those concerns.
Why it should be read: For a solid comedy that uses the show setting well, and doesn't overstay its welcome.
Stand out moment: The ending is amazing, a perfect punchline for everything Twilight went through.
8.5/10
Blueshift – The Terribly Taxing Tribulations of Twilight Sparkle – Comedy
Twilight faces the reality of tax evasion.
This story is hilarious, even if a little too predictable – It is the tried and true comedic formula of the straight man being horrified at someone doing something wrong, then finding the whole world does that. Only with tax loopholes. Still, all the excuses are creative, and the story is just as long as needed to make the jokes it can, and still end without overstaying its welcome. Too simple to do anything particularly smart with the concept, but it is all in good fun.
Also, Twilight obviously doesn't really have a tax problem because Spike is her dependent, despite being a slave her assistant.
Why it should be read: To laugh at tax season.
Stand out moment: Rainbow Dash adopting Scootaloo.
8/10
Softy8088 – ...And Borrowing Dulls The Edge Of Husbandry – Siutational Comedy
Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie disagree over principles.
This is a great story, the kind that not only fits perfectly with the show, but also do things which are very well suited to fanfiction. It is driven by very strong characterizations, not only in the sense of how a character acts and speaks, but also in their values and worldview. In fact, the whole conflict is build around that, and gets solved in a similar manner.
However, it has some general issues. The writing is way too circumspect, which negatively impacts pacing. A more direct approach would be appreciated, as well as some overall trimming down to make the story shorter. It is also a bit too expository at times. And, for all those issues, it isn't a story that I finished reading and felt a lot actually happened. Finally, I found the humor a bit too subdued, not laughable, but consistently pleasant. As such, this made the story a bit too flat, without significant high points. However, it is so consistent in everything else, that I came up with a positive impression.
Why it should be read: For the interesting and original conflict.
Stand out moment: This is one of the best characterizations of Pinkie I ever read.
8.5/10
Pascoite – Ragnarok – Comedy
Gummy speaks in dark riddles.
This was a riot, a single joke stretched just as far as needed. Gummy's speech is consistently hilarious, which was only made better by the eventual punchline. However, while everything surrounding Gummy was consistently good, the rest wasn't that interesting. In particular, Fluttershy felt too overactive, and Discord's role is too muted, and he feels more like a plot device than an integral part of the story. However, it is just too funny for me to care too much about that.
Also, it gets bonus points for “Horse Mythology”. I know it is used everywhere, but it is, objectively, the best MLP pun.
Why it should be read: For Gummy being Gummy in an unusual way.
Stand out moment: Pinkie's reinterpretation of Gummy's words on the end is a great punchline, works well as a twist, and is also funny in itself.
8/10
Really solid grouping of stories this time around. Next post should have an interesting and more diverse grouping.
Wow. That was a stellar review.
One of my best friends is a scriptwriter -- I am so going to rub this statement on his face.
Anyway, thanks for the kind words! And I'm glad you liked it. It took me seven months to write Crime and Funishment, and after finishing it I ended so mentally exhausted I had to put writing aside for a while, because wow. I absolutely loved the experience, though, and I know I'll try another M6/adventure/comedy during this summer. I poured everything I knew on that story, and right now I'm trying to learn new things to make another one that's better, somehow? But yeah, that right there is my Magnum Opus, right now. So you can't even start to imagine how happy I am to read that review!
(Also, holy crap, that was a long quote, over 600 words, man. Guess you liked that part?)
I suspect this one is slightly wrong:
You picked a great crop to read. :D I really need to get to Husbandry sooner than later.
3029719 I think that quote is the perfect example of what you did very well. It sets up something at the start (how pegasi act), then uses that at the end, so you are working on a longer punchline there. Meanwhile, there are smaller jokes through the whole thing, multiple things which are individually funny, and that are made funnier by context. And much of the humor comes from various sources: The unexpected ("I AM NOT A TERRORIST"), Dash's characterization, The irony in the statements. Finally, many aspects are enhanced by how they relate to the rest of the story: Dash is trying to be sneaky there, doing that eventually works in their favor, and everything there is actually being said by Twilight while tied to a chair.
So, it isn't necessarily the best scene, but is pretty representative of what the fic does right.
Happy to hear that you enjoyed the story. It was a lot of fun to write, and it's always good to hear that people found it funny. And yes, I agree that there is a lack of a message, well, other than to make fun of stupid haunted house movies that seem to be all over the place these days. Mostly I went into the story just wanting to write a light comedy story intended to get some laughs out of people, and brighten their day a little with some silly absurdity.
I might check out some of those other stories you've reviewed too.
Thanks for the review!
...Damn, everyone else said more than that? I'd best elaborate.
Thanks for the review. I thrive off of attention, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. More than that, though, thanks for pointing out exactly what you liked and what you didn't; all too often people (myself especially) respond to stuff with "I liked this" or "I don't like this". As I say, I like attention anyway, but it's great to hear what it is that went right, and what I need to improve on.
Wait, Octavia's putting her bow behind her ear? I mean, I know cello bows are shorter compared to, say, a violin's, but that's just pretty silly. Add in the dynamic movements of a pony's ear and you're just asking to have a broken bow. Also, it's very likely that the oils that form on the skin would affect the strings just as a human's hand would.
That aside, I really liked your review of Aragon's story - only one I've read - and I couldn't agree more with your judgment. Honestly, I wouldn't have picked the scene you chose as the example, but all the good ones are spoilers, aren't they? And certainly the jokes did get stagnant. I found myself just kinda happy that the story was ending by the time the climax was happening which was weird because I usually want more after a story. Maybe it's just because I spent 7 months hearing Aragon talk about it, ha.
3051252
I can't write unless I whine about what I'm writing to my friends. Your fault for existing.
3051252 More than spoilers, it is the most self-contained scene I could think of. Many of the better scenes rely a lot on running jokes.